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(Chicago Sun-Times)   For those of you keeping track of such things, it turns out a screwdriver in the rectum is worth $4 million   (suntimes.com) divider line 112
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15683 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Oct 2007 at 1:07 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-10-17 09:17:03 AM
UFIA = a bad night. USIA = 4 million dollars. Life just isn't fair.
 
2007-10-17 09:22:45 AM
Damn near killed 'em
 
2007-10-17 09:28:04 AM
DammitIForgotMyLogin: Damn near killed 'em

I would imagine that's true. Tools and your ass rarely mix.
 
2007-10-17 09:32:16 AM
I wouldn't pay more than $100 to have... (RTFA) Oh. Never mind
 
2007-10-17 09:35:57 AM
Trivia Jockey: Tools and your ass rarely mix.

That's not what you said last night.
 
2007-10-17 09:44:03 AM
ozone: Trivia Jockey: Tools and your ass rarely mix.

That's not what you said last night.



Not fair - You had me hopped up out of my mind on coke and thorazine.
 
Ra_
2007-10-17 10:01:20 AM
When I used to work in the fish house, 2 guys got stabbed in one week.
One guy got stabbed in the chest with a screwdriver.
I called him Phil, after that.
 
2007-10-17 10:02:18 AM
It needs to be tiered.

Phillips head: $1.5 million
Flathead: $4 million
Torx: $12 million
 
2007-10-17 10:03:11 AM
Million-to-one shot, Million-to-one!

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2007-10-17 10:07:58 AM
i20.tinypic.com
 
2007-10-17 10:18:05 AM
You mean that wasn't the Lost & Found box???

\There is no Lost & Found box.
 
2007-10-17 10:19:22 AM
Trivia Jockey: DammitIForgotMyLogin: Damn near killed 'em

I would imagine that's true. Tools and your ass rarely mix.


What about a colonoscope?
 
2007-10-17 10:26:23 AM
I_C_Weener: Trivia Jockey: Tools and your ass rarely mix.

What about a colonoscope?



I will clarify...anything you buy at Home Depot and your ass rarely mix.
 
2007-10-17 10:30:11 AM
Trivia Jockey: I_C_Weener: Trivia Jockey: Tools and your ass rarely mix.

What about a colonoscope?


I will clarify...anything you buy at Home Depot and your ass rarely mix.


Unless they have plumber's helpers on sale. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.
 
2007-10-17 10:31:23 AM
Trivia Jockey: Not fair - You had me hopped up out of my mind on coke and thorazine.

yea sorry 'bout that. Thank goodness for duct tape, eh?
 
Ra_
2007-10-17 10:39:25 AM
Trivia Jockey: Trivia Jockey: Tools and your ass rarely mix.
I will clarify...anything you buy at Home Depot and your ass rarely mix.



I hope this doesn't rule out buttsecks with Home Depot cashiers?
 
2007-10-17 12:16:41 PM
OK. I'll take 2 please.
 
2007-10-17 12:27:50 PM
Trivia Jockey: I will clarify...anything you buy at Home Depot and your ass rarely mix.

Uh, perhaps I should make a trip to the emergency room then.
 
2007-10-17 12:39:56 PM
Trivia Jockey: I will clarify...anything you buy at Home Depot and your ass rarely mix.

Hmmm... then what did that girl mean when she said she wanted a screw in her ass?
 
2007-10-17 01:09:59 PM
www.popbuzzuk.com

not impressed
 
2007-10-17 01:10:40 PM
Well, that's what I charge.
 
2007-10-17 01:11:59 PM
wait. which end of the screwdriver?
 
2007-10-17 01:12:03 PM
Sure beats a sharp stick in the eye.
 
2007-10-17 01:12:54 PM
seattlepi.nwsource.com
"It's Coprez Coffie sir, as in the drink, only spelled differently"
 
2007-10-17 01:13:07 PM
Oh, that's where I left it...
 
2007-10-17 01:14:46 PM
Aflac?
 
2007-10-17 01:15:04 PM
FTA:
"Police Reopen Probe"


Awesome.
 
2007-10-17 01:16:39 PM
FTA:

Man wins $4 mil. in case vs. cops
POLICE REOPEN PROBE


hahahahaha
 
2007-10-17 01:17:24 PM
FTFA:
"Police Reopen Probe"

Dumbshiats... that's what got 'em into trouble the first time.
 
2007-10-17 01:18:46 PM
And the city (and county) constantly biatches that they are out of money and need more taxes. How about not anally raping people with screwdrivers and avoid some of these multi-million dollar lawsuits??!
 
2007-10-17 01:19:08 PM
TFH: For those of you keeping track of such things, it turns out a screwdriver in the rectum is worth $4 million

but it's only worth $4 million once. the second time everyone just laughs at you.
 
2007-10-17 01:19:40 PM
I love it when she asks me to nail her ass.

/hammer time
 
2007-10-17 01:20:02 PM
There is a ball peen hammer sitting on my desk right now so I am getting a kick.......
 
2007-10-17 01:20:17 PM
Someone in a cop uniform shoving a screwdriver in my ass? That sounds like a good night out if you ask me...
 
2007-10-17 01:21:08 PM
FTFACoffie, a bagger at Jewel Food Stores, said he would have good use for the money: "I'm going to take care of my son and my family. I'm going back to school."

Actually, he said "I'm going to get 'Back to School'" meaning the 1980's Rodney Dangerfield movie.
It's a pretty bad movie, but to each their own, I guess.
 
2007-10-17 01:21:19 PM
A55 RGY always beings a smile to my face.

And yeah, 4 million for being rapped by a screwdriver is about right. That'd how much I'd charge.
 
2007-10-17 01:22:48 PM
Holy crap. For 4 million dollars I'll take the whole toolbox.
 
2007-10-17 01:23:03 PM
More rouge cops abusing their power?

I've NEVER heard of such a thing.
 
2007-10-17 01:23:37 PM
members.aol.com

/not impressed.
 
2007-10-17 01:24:02 PM
I spilled coffee on my keyboard when I read the part about "POLICE REOPEN PROBE"!!
Once was OK but they did not have to reopen his bunghole!!
 
2007-10-17 01:25:30 PM
"...they had no idea where that screwdriver in their squad car's glove compartment came from."

Uh, his butt?
 
2007-10-17 01:26:30 PM
I was going to say that I'd split the difference, in that I would graciously accept the sum of $2,000,000.00 for Teh UFIA. However, since I am naming a price, it is no longer unsolicited.

My offer is withdrawn. Step away from Teh Pooper.

/One officer named "Korhonen". I think that's Finnish for something appropriate to the story.
 
2007-10-17 01:28:53 PM
us.movies1.yimg.com
Yes sir, boss. Like the drink, only not spelled the same.
 
2007-10-17 01:29:02 PM
"I was 34 the year I watched Jon Coffie ride the green handle..."
 
2007-10-17 01:29:42 PM
What is it about cops and anal penetration?!
 
2007-10-17 01:29:50 PM
Okay, sounds like a fair deal.
 
2007-10-17 01:30:55 PM
Loevy and attorneys for the city agreed that if jurors ruled for the officers, Coffie would get nothing. If they ruled for Coffie, he would get $4 million and his attorneys $675,000


Wait, who actually pays? Sounds like the city does. So, the officers do something wrong and the tax payers pay for it. Total BS. They should have shoved a hammer up those guys.
 
2007-10-17 01:31:14 PM
gshepnyc: Holy crap. For 4 million dollars I'll take the whole toolbox.

Proof that people do not place the same value on money.


img166.imageshack.us


I guess every man has his price.


/ewww
 
2007-10-17 01:31:29 PM
...and they kept their jobs - so it's win-win!
 
2007-10-17 01:33:02 PM
Hell, for $4 million I'd take one in the behind!

Any other takers?
 
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