I'd like to add:

1) leaving food in the refrigerator until it is approaching near-sentience.

2) burning popcorn.

3) attempting to make conversation on the elevator.

4) asking "Hey! Are you going to lunch?" as you're exiting the building at lunch time.

5) calling any meeting that does not have a clear, unambiguous, achievable and measurable goal.

6) using the words "synergy," "team building exercise," or any variation of "let's run this up the flag pole."

7) wearing a tie with a short-sleeved shirt.

8) talking loudly outside someone else's office.

9) filling your coffee mug and leaving only a tiny skim at the bottom of the pot.

10) wearing too much cologne or perfume. Actually, wearing any at all.

All firing offenses, as far as I'm concerned.

Pocket Ninja: All firing offenses, as far as I'm concerned.

Dude, you need a vacation. You sound like a biatch.

Sapient: Dude, you need a vacation. You sound like a biatch.

Just got back from one. I'm actually quite mellow right now.

We had a nice clean bathroom until Sales hired this one guy. Then there was piss all over all of then toilet seats. We confronted him and he tried to shove one of the guys that works for me. Sadly for the salesman, the guy that works for me is a Gracie jiu-jitsu instructor in his free time. HR told the guy that they would appreciate him not returning. He was still within his 90 day probation period, so buh-bye.

The Mail Demon: I farking HATE that. What really gets me as well is when I'm called on speaker phone. I can tell I'm on speaker, I don't like it, I can't understand the other person because they rarely talk in the direction of the phone, and I get tired of repeating myself because they cannot understand me.

I'm constantly on conference calls, because I'm always traveling and work from home quite a bit. What I hate most is when people actually in the room where the call is being hosted engage in a sidebar conversation, so you're just sitting there holding the phone and waiting for the damn meeting to become relevant again.

Whew, flatulence is not on the list.

The elevator - Ladies, wait for the people on it to get out before smashing your way inside. Standing in front of the door, blocking it off, does not help you or the people inside. And, it's not a phone booth - turn your farking cell off. Unless one of them was mine, I don't want to hear your conversation about how many knobs your friend, Jenny, polished the night before.

Microwaving fish or fish byproducts.

We had someone bring in his wife and 3 kids once per week for a "family lunch". They let these monsters run all over the warehouse, obstructing heavy machinery being moved by forklift, and jump out at unsuspecting people from around corners shouting "Boo!". The parents changed their diapers on the lunchroom table and let them throw food and trash everywhere. The noise level alone was deafening.

They were stunned to learn that not everyone appreciated this "break from workday stress".

noYOUare: Making little clicky noises with your mouth while searching for a file on your computer.

One of the admin. assistants in the cubicle farm down the hall sings softly to herself while she types. "Dooo-do-dooo, Dooo-do-dooo." I hear her whenever I'm passing by. I'm fairly confident that everyone in her immediate vicinity wants her dead, and I'm almost certain that, were I one of them, she'd already be that.

Grrrr there is this asshole at work who is, by far, the nastiest man ever. Everytime I go to the bathroom he comes in and starts snorting big giant loogies out. God farking forbid if he has to take a shiat, it sounds like he had to run in there and just lets go the worst sounding shiat ever. I was in the damn Army and I've never heard anything close to this guy. I wonder if he is married, I don't know who could live with that. To top it off he's a giant prick too and ugly, don't forget that to. Stupid ugly people.