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(MSNBC)   10 biggest sex mistakes men and women make. Forgetting to take the condom off before returning home to your wife surprisingly absent from list   (today.msnbc.msn.com) divider line 381
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68720 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2007 at 4:20 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-09-24 05:11:55 PM
Supercheeks: Gobbling down a feast of hot wings before performing oral sex. Sure, it's hot, but not in a good way.

No burning desire for you, eh?

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
 
2007-09-24 05:12:03 PM
kriegfusion: We should have a fark/cunnilinguist cook off, and see who gets the most votes for their technique.

Please invite me to this.

/oh please
 
2007-09-24 05:12:16 PM
1. Men assume that women have lower desire than men.

Or you find out sometime later (5 years later) your wife is actually a latent lesbian, and she finds you about as appealing as slice of 2 week old bologna.

~It's not a hot as it sounds. And I wish this wasn't from experience.
 
2007-09-24 05:12:56 PM
IdBeCrazyIf: I believed anything this person is claiming on teh interweb.

/This is a fill in the blank contest, right?

//Mainly just yanking your chain, but kissing and telling, especially the way you are with the penis size bragging, is just asking for it, isn't it?
 
2007-09-24 05:13:06 PM
SmitetheRighteous-/http://Friction..OW/

ky...yay!!
 
2007-09-24 05:13:34 PM
kriegfusion: /Please your woman, and she'll please you act like pleasure is her birthright, and to hell with what her partner likes.

/My experience, anyway
//hates being treated like a magic-wand-with-a-pulse
///and that damn gag reflex didn't used to be there
 
2007-09-24 05:13:36 PM
thedarkshadow: Or you find out sometime later (5 years later) your wife is actually a latent lesbian, and she finds you about as appealing as slice of 2 week old bologna.

~It's not a hot as it sounds. And I wish this wasn't from experience.


ha ha, I lol'd

\schadenfruede (sp?)
 
2007-09-24 05:14:32 PM
APO_Buddha-Marry me?

I just asked someone else the same thing. I'll let you know if he turns me down. :)
 
2007-09-24 05:14:36 PM
IdBeCrazyIf: Eh Im no slouch but I know there are plenty better than me. I will however sign up for the pole contest.


Sounds like a plan. After reading my post, hope I didn't come across as a know-it-all at 26; far from it.

i129.photobucket.com

/..."Cuz A Nagger like me'll love ya and leave ya; I got mine, ho, see ya!"
//lol jk ladies
 
2007-09-24 05:15:01 PM
The Stealth Hippopotamus: in other news Iran is gay

fixed that for ya.
 
2007-09-24 05:15:13 PM
phaseolus: Please your woman, and she'll act like pleasure is her birthright, and to hell with what her partner likes.


That's the truth. Selfish womens...and after all that work I did.
 
2007-09-24 05:16:04 PM
Am I the only chick that doesn't prefer oral (receiving, not performing)? It's nice and all as a precursor to better things, but, I don't know...just doesn't get me there.

And yeah, cuddling is WAY over-rated right after word. I hate being all hot and touchy.
 
2007-09-24 05:16:11 PM
kriegfusion: IdBeCrazyIf: kriegfusion: Oral sex all the way. Gents, theres always a bigger dick, so stop bragging. And if you've got the Guiness Book of World Records Meat pole, theres always a horse.

Ask any girl who has had an honest to god big one. I'm talking about the kinda of horse cock that makes em run away if you pound to hard, or gets the comments "It feels like its coming out my throat"

Ask any single one of them and they will tell you... yes... size matters.

So if you got a inky dinky, you'll need to step up your game with that tounge.

I didn't mean that as an attack on guys who can 'dick a girl down', but in any event, I think the pounding is overrated. If that works for that particular girl, drill that mine till you strike gold. I, however, feel the tongue takes more finesse, is more agile, and would make more women happier. I have got Tongue game, and I'm not afraid to bring it.

We should have a fark/cunnilinguist cook off, and see who gets the most votes for their technique.

Any takers? lol


Takers? Yes. Yes indeed. We'll need the lights off to ensure impartial judging (and just in case you're ugly), but I can see this working.
 
2007-09-24 05:18:26 PM
Kaiser Chieftess: Am I the only chick that doesn't prefer oral (receiving, not performing)? It's nice and all as a precursor to better things, but, I don't know...just doesn't get me there.

And yeah, cuddling is WAY over-rated right after word. I hate being all hot and touchy.


except for the "enjoying giving" part, you sound just like my wife. So, no you are not alone.

\has a very boring sex life
 
2007-09-24 05:19:27 PM
IdBeCrazyIf: Daffydil: Women don't understand why men don't like to cuddle.

Why does everyone assume women want to cuddle after sex? Just give me a cigarette, let me finish my beer and let me go to sleep. ;)

Thats how my wife is, once we're done or she's done she'll just get off and go rest. Sit on the couch in our bedroom and just watch sometimes.

antidisestablishmentarianism: If you can keep your tounge twirling for 20mins to 1/2 hour without stopping, then you are truely an Iron man. Some girls are just hard to get off adn some are wayy to easy.

20 minutes is nothing, Ive been able to go for an hour at times if Im really into it. There is this girl we play with and I swear to you, she tastes and smells like strawberries. Both of us could literally eat her for hours on end.


....more plz and pics
 
2007-09-24 05:20:42 PM
Regarding big vs. small cocks. My ex had a really deep vagina but I usually hit her cervix with my penis she said it hurt. Same with my girlfriend before. Doggystyle was out of the question as it just made it worse.

My point is, I have an enormous penis.
 
2007-09-24 05:21:09 PM
IdBeCrazyIf: Eh Im no slouch but I know there are plenty better than me. I will however sign up for the pole contest.

Have we reached the part of the thread where everyone whips out their cocks yet?

/keep me posted
//waiting patiently
 
2007-09-24 05:21:18 PM
antidisestablishmentarianism: not to brag but...

I got my hat-trick last week!


Dude! Looking at your profile, you're about 14. If you don't get a "hat-trick", in the parlance of our times, just from bumping in your sister on the way to the breakfast table, see a freaking doc!

/maybe not the family doc though.
 
2007-09-24 05:21:25 PM
Kaiser Chieftess: Am I the only chick that doesn't prefer oral (receiving, not performing)?

According to my exit polling (poling?), yes, you're the only one.
 
2007-09-24 05:22:57 PM
Stanfan114: Regarding big vs. small cocks. My ex had a really deep vagina but I usually hit her cervix with my penis she said it hurt. Same with my girlfriend before. Doggystyle was out of the question as it just made it worse.

I never thought I had "teh bigg meats", but I have been told not to batter the cervix with my trusty pork-pole of justice on many occasions. They claim it hurts.
 
2007-09-24 05:23:34 PM
I am too self absorbed to be a decent lover.

/That and I have a tiny wang.
 
2007-09-24 05:24:17 PM
I think a lot of the time a man suggests sex, what they're really after is the physical closeness a cuddle would provide

Yes. The physical closeness of my penis being cuddled.
 
2007-09-24 05:24:34 PM
Am I the only chick that doesn't prefer oral (receiving, not performing)? It's nice and all as a precursor to better things, but, I don't know...just doesn't get me there.

you aren't the only one :) i almost feel bad. like they try so hard but it just isn't enough for me.
 
2007-09-24 05:25:19 PM
poot_rootbeer: Yes. The physical closeness of my penis being cuddled.

cuddled by her starfish of shame, that is!
 
2007-09-24 05:25:39 PM
GuyMontag: trusty pork-pole of justice

teh bigg meats


This thread is a veritable cornucopia of penis euphemisms.
 
2007-09-24 05:26:43 PM
chairmenmeow47: you aren't the only one :) i almost feel bad. like they try so hard but it just isn't enough for me.

mebbe you aint had it done right yet.

\no innuendo here, just saying..
 
2007-09-24 05:27:11 PM
So what I'm hearing is that I shouldn't expect any hot lesbian videos of Kaiser Chieftess and chairmenmeow47 anytime soon. Damnit, we ask for so little!
 
2007-09-24 05:27:13 PM
I HAVE A HUGE PENIS


Like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, biatches
 
2007-09-24 05:27:27 PM
chairmenmeow47: Am I the only chick that doesn't prefer oral (receiving, not performing)? It's nice and all as a precursor to better things, but, I don't know...just doesn't get me there.

you aren't the only one :) i almost feel bad. like they try so hard but it just isn't enough for me.


Exactly--It's not unenjoyable, it's just not enough. I do love everything else though....

/wait, maybe the use of "everything" was careless in that sentence.
 
2007-09-24 05:27:48 PM
well_now: Takers? Yes. Yes indeed. We'll need the lights off to ensure impartial judging (and just in case you're ugly), but I can see this working.

It's worth noting that I clicked your profile *fully* expecting you to be male.

/sometimes it's good to be wrong
//that said, how *you* doin?
 
2007-09-24 05:28:16 PM
"1. Women don't understand why men don't like to cuddle.
Ian: After sex, men return to the pre-aroused state, women return to a semi-aroused state. For guys it's a total system shutdown. We just want to crash, whereas women want to connect, cuddle, converse, even have more sex. Women shouldn't assume that a guy is insensitive if he's more inclined to snore than snuggle. He's probably just shattered. Think of it as a compliment to the sex you just had.

Tracey: I disagree with this. I think men do like to cuddle! They're just worried their partner might see it as weak and them as vulnerable. I think a lot of the time a man suggests sex, what they're really after is the physical closeness a cuddle would provide"

Someone(tracy) just got off the short bus. This is patently absurd...

1. I love to cuddle w/a woman. In fact, I measure her by her ability to cuddle and be intimate after sex. Does she scratch my back, my head, massage me....?

2. Look, I'm fukking tired. I just spent the better part of a night making you(the woman I'm with at that moment) cum...multiple times if I have my shiate together....so show me some love. Those that don't know how to pet don't last long in my world...9/10 they end up being self-involved, neurotic lame-asses.

I could care less if she thinks i'm weak b/c I like to cuddle. It shows maternal instinct and sensitivity. If she's that shallow she's shown the door and I'm on to the next.
 
2007-09-24 05:28:49 PM
blackminded: This thread is a veritable cornucopia of penis euphemisms.

I call him "the Harbinger" or "the Mangler". Or Baby Huey.
 
2007-09-24 05:29:19 PM
Kar98: antidisestablishmentarianism: not to brag but...

I got my hat-trick last week!

Dude! Looking at your profile, you're about 14. If you don't get a "hat-trick", in the parlance of our times, just from bumping in your sister on the way to the breakfast table, see a freaking doc!

/maybe not the family doc though.


i129.photobucket.com

I see what you did there. Dude.
 
2007-09-24 05:29:41 PM
Damnit. I was trying to avoid doing this, but I have to now that someone brought up genital euphemisms.

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo


Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the biatch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto
 
2007-09-24 05:29:49 PM
Ian: After sex, men return to the pre-aroused state, women return to a semi-aroused state. For guys it's a total system shutdown. We just want to crash

Tracey: I disagree with this. I think men do like to cuddle!

This is how Ian should have responded to that:

is1.okcupid.com
 
2007-09-24 05:30:32 PM
Ignore this post. It's only a bookmark.
 
2007-09-24 05:31:37 PM
chairmenmeow47: you aren't the only one :) i almost feel bad. like they try so hard but it just isn't enough for me.

Are you saying you don't enjoy it, or "That's great, but... give me the cawk!" I hope you at least try to lead him in the right direction.

My last was of the "That's great, but..." persuasion, and assumed I was a mind-reader. Bad combo.

/boring sex life, lately
 
2007-09-24 05:31:53 PM
impaler: This is how Ian should have responded to that:

I feel so bad every time I laugh at that pic. His look of satisfaction gets me every time.

Notice the smile wrinkles by his eyes? He is really enjoying himself.
 
2007-09-24 05:31:56 PM
billyboyxoxox: Submitter counts ten mistakes and I only counted eight.

Submitter probably exaggerates other measurements by 25% as well.
 
2007-09-24 05:32:26 PM
Yeah.. well, sex mistake #11 (from this weekend): If you've got a huge member, be sensable enough to not pound my cervix. Sheesh. It hurts.
 
2007-09-24 05:32:39 PM
useless without "do not blow in her face"
 
2007-09-24 05:33:18 PM
Reminding her to put her teeth back in.

Stroking her track marks
 
2007-09-24 05:34:53 PM
alicewonder: Yeah.. well, sex mistake #11 (from this weekend): If you've got a huge member, be sensable enough to not pound my cervix. Sheesh. It hurts.

he wasn't hung like a horse either, was he? I think this is a pretty common issue.
 
2007-09-24 05:36:13 PM
alicewonder: huge member

"member" always makes me laugh. Like my penis should have some sort of ID card.
 
2007-09-24 05:36:38 PM
quietwalker: After about 5-6 minutes, your tongue will become sore. Press on through and after about 2-3 minutes it'll stop. You'll have worked out a rhythm that will be able to last you another 30 without hurting - though you may feel like you've got lockjaw in the morning. Eventually you won't get sore at all.

Also note, shifting patterns is usually bad unless it's done slowly. It turns it from stimulating to tickling. Find a maintainable pace, and slow down somewhat when you change patterns, pressure, etc, or you'll be working from square one.

Also important: No need to brutalize 100% of the time, your tongue can make many shapes, shave beforehand - your stubble scratches and that's only good for the first 5 minutes - then it hurts.


unless a girl is putting the same effort into fellatio she can go fark herself. I been with several girls and if it takes that long you are probably doing something wrong. work her clitoris with your tongue, her g-spot with you index and middle finger and if it takes more than ten minutes i'd say she's either got some kind of mental block, or she needs to see a doc( mind you you should have had foreplay beforehand, so that she's wet before you start, but thats part of the fun). if its just to make her climax repeatedly then by all means keep going until she can't take any more orgasms, but otherwise....is she really worth the effort?

/plenty of fish in the sea
 
2007-09-24 05:36:47 PM
Dear Subby
Is your headline a reference to a certain incident in a John Irving novel (or short story) ??
Damn it! I forget the title of it...!!
 
2007-09-24 05:40:10 PM
GuyMontag: impaler: This is how Ian should have responded to that:

I feel so bad every time I laugh at that pic. His look of satisfaction gets me every time.

Notice the smile wrinkles by his eyes? He is really enjoying himself.


lol, you can't act that shiat.
 
2007-09-24 05:40:16 PM
starsandgarters.blogs.com
 
2007-09-24 05:40:35 PM
GuyMontag

her starfish of shame

FTW!
 
2007-09-24 05:41:45 PM
Are you saying you don't enjoy it, or "That's great, but... give me the cawk!" I hope you at least try to lead him in the right direction.

i don't really give direction unless it's absolutely awful. like, i hate guys who seem to just be putting their typical "move" on you, and i'll try to direct those guys. i would rather do something based on their reactions than my playbook, and i expect the same from men.

luckily most guys seem to know what they're doing though. i've had good oral, but like it just isn't enough for me. like a few other people have said, it's fun and i definitely enjoy it, it's just that not all girls can get off that way. so what i generally do is pull them up when i find myself not very excited anymore, with a smile of course.
 
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