That's gonna hurt

"He tried to get away and I bent him over the rail on our deck. I proceeded to grab him by the belt and he kept fighting as I pulled his T-shirt over his head. I had my hands down his pants and grabbed his testicles and penis. He squirmed even harder," Boniface said

What a 'mo.

funny

He wouldn't have had to do all the wrestling and risk a heart attack if he just shot the guy.

Boniface said police took him to where the suspect was sitting in a squad car to be identified. "He was sitting completely in the nude with his hands behind his back," Boniface said. "I said, 'Yep, it's no big thing, but I'd recognize him anywhere.'

Zing!

Did he wash his hands afterwards?

This article made me laugh.

+1 to the homeowner. But, if he was wrestling the guy for 5 minutes that's enough time for his wife to get the gun and shoot the guy.

/any stranger in my house is deserving of insta-death

How the hell did an old man beat up a 20 year old kid?!

The intruder screwed up when he started tapping his foot.

rebelyell2006: Did he wash his hands afterwards?

wouldn't that be funny if he immediately went to work and prepared your lunch?

/funny to me, I mean

+1 for Wayne. Rock on for defending your wife.

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: What a 'mo.

nice

Now that the little turd has proved how tough he is with the older generation, he can prove how tough he is with the lifers.

It's prison time. No front teeth and a funny walk for the rest of his life.

TFA: "I had my hands down his pants and grabbed his testicles and penis. He squirmed even harder,"

Hero tag, palun.

"I had my hands down his pants and grabbed his testicles and penis gave him a rough handjob. He squirmed even harder"

FTFA.

/lets all play gaynotgay

You know, I GUARANTEE that comment will stay with him for the rest of his life.

Old man fights dirty. Good on 'im.

Kathie Boniface asked the burglar who he was. "I'm with the FBI and you are blowing my cover,'' the burglar said.

Jesus Christ, people. Have a farkin' better answer than that.
Of course, who wants to bet the perp will be able to sue on some sort of sexual harassment charge?

/I'm not kidding
//How the hell do you live something like this up?

that ol' codger thinks like mcguyver...
...giving the intruder a reach-a-round in the middle of a brawl.

/brilliant
//time for some Purel

At any point when he had the naked burglar bent over the railing did he say "you're gonna get raped!"???

Purel?

I'm thinking: bleach + scrub brush, rinse, repeat until the first few layers of skin are gone.

That old fella's got balls!

SprungagE 2007-09-08 05:18:38 PM
How the hell did an old man beat up a 20 year old kid?!

The saying's been around for a long time, here it is demonstrated. Age and treachery beats youth and speed.

Kiddo wasn't expecting the old man to bust out the wang-chun. Or the face-lock immediately preceding it, according to the article.

Ishidan:
The saying's been around for a long time, here it is demonstrated. Age and treachery beats youth and speed.

Kiddo wasn't expecting the old man to bust out the wang-chun. Or the face-lock immediately preceding it, according to the article.

Touche

That's a kick in the balls right there.

Queue up the ninja image of the monkey grabbing the peach attack I think it's called. :D

"I'm from the FBI, and you're blowing my cover"

ThreeReasons:Of course, who wants to bet the perp will be able to sue on some sort of sexual harassment charge?

Given the statements of the old guy, he probably will be able to sue. He said he gave
up, he was no longer a danger, and the guy kept beating him. For various very good
reasons, the law was no longer on the old guy's side after that point.

And for more to the story: The police were later called back to the scene to investigate gunshots. Turns out, Wayne shot the lazy farkin dog that just sat around and did nothing while the representative from the "Homeboy Shopping Network" was doing some perusing through the merchandise.

I want to be a machine: ThreeReasons:Of course, who wants to bet the perp will be able to sue on some sort of sexual harassment charge?

Given the statements of the old guy, he probably will be able to sue. He said he gave
up, he was no longer a danger, and the guy kept beating him. For various very good
reasons, the law was no longer on the old guy's side after that point.

Boy that's going to have to be a fun testimony.

Bucky Katt, that image made me cringe so hard I almost fell off my chair, especially after I read the last few lines of page two.

Ahahaha oh the image. An angry crowd chasing a naked man through the streets of Duluth...just add some Benny Hill music

Need to post that screen-cap of Sonny Chiba ripping a guys nads off.

+ lots for the old dude, though. I'd cut and rake his lawn befor I got off it.

I especially like the part in the excerpt from the manual above about
"...with a crushing grip, jerk the hand back to the near hip, effectively ripping away the genitals. Massive blood loss causes death."

Dispector: This article made me laugh.

+1 to the homeowner. But, if he was wrestling the guy for 5 minutes that's enough time for his wife to get the gun and shoot the guy.

/any stranger in my house is deserving of insta-death

In most cases I would probably agree with you, but the perfect synthesis of defeat, failure and humiliation this moran suffered will literally haunt him until the end of his days. It just doesn't get any better than this.
And I don't think this will result in a lawsuit. I mean, the guy would have to go to court and stand up in front of other people and give testimony about the events in question. Would you?

Sounds like he was trying to fark the guy.

"He tried to get away and I bent him over the rail on our deck. I proceeded to grab him by the belt and he kept fighting as I pulled his T-shirt over his head. I had my hands down his pants and grabbed his testicles and penis. He squirmed even harder," Boniface said and

This almost sounds like a rape attempt.

So he bent him over the railing, grabbed his junk and pulled down his pants.

Makes sense to me.

That's not all that weird.

/Yes, I'm with the weird police
//Trying to start something

He said: "I give."

You're robbing a house, not playing tag, you dumb fark.

I want to be a machine: ThreeReasons:Of course, who wants to bet the perp will be able to sue on some sort of sexual harassment charge?

Given the statements of the old guy, he probably will be able to sue. He said he gave
up, he was no longer a danger, and the guy kept beating him. For various very good
reasons, the law was no longer on the old guy's side after that point.

Are you mother f'ing kidding me? The guys is in his 60's, dude says he gave up, yea my a$$, I'm not letting him up, or giving him a chance to jedi mind fark me into giving him a second change. The old guy was at a disadvantage to begin with.

/+1 to old guy
/the minute you enter a man's house, all bets are off

Good thing the homeowner wasn't in Minneapolis, down there you get busted for tapping your foot in the bathroom. Imagine what the charges would be for pulling down someones,pants, bending him over and then grabbing his family jewels,

I want to be a machine: ThreeReasons:Of course, who wants to bet the perp will be able to sue on some sort of sexual harassment charge?

Given the statements of the old guy, he probably will be able to sue. He said he gave
up, he was no longer a danger, and the guy kept beating him. For various very good
reasons, the law was no longer on the old guy's side after that point.

Indeed. When an attacker says "I give up!", it is physically impossible for them to do you harm.

The old dude totally rocks, and no jury in the US would rule against him!


/bravo age and treachery!!