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(Some Guy)   Not news: Thieves steal garden gnome. Fark: Gnome weighs 120 pounds and was cemented in place   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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4555 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Sep 2007 at 1:04 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

44 Comments     (+0 »)
2007-09-06 01:19:25 PM  
Sorry must have hit a wrong button, comments are open now
2007-09-06 01:20:11 PM  
Was this broken for anyone else for a quick minute?
2007-09-06 01:20:53 PM  
That takes some dedication there, son

2007-09-06 01:21:09 PM  
Of course, paper copies of the Gnome of an entire garden's DNA must be heavy.
2007-09-06 01:21:27 PM  
Drew: Sorry must have hit a wrong button, comments are open now

You're such a newbie.
2007-09-06 01:21:28 PM  
1.) Steal Garden Gnome
2.) ?????
3.) Profit!!
2007-09-06 01:21:45 PM  
The actual headline looks like something you'd see as a Fark headline.

Gnobody gnows where the gnome goes
2007-09-06 01:22:29 PM  
Reminds me of when a 100-pound dumbbell went missing at a health club that I used to go to. My rationale is this: Anyone that can walk out of a health club with a 100-pound dumbbell and NOT be noticed, leave that muthafokker alone!

2007-09-06 01:23:25 PM  

/that's teh ticket
2007-09-06 01:23:55 PM  
I think the actual headline was better personally.
2007-09-06 01:24:31 PM  
And now, if the theives are interested in stealing the "twin" they no longer need to get it off its cemeted column, they only need to break in the door to the shed behind the house. Useful information.
2007-09-06 01:25:29 PM

//Hope it isn't obscure
2007-09-06 01:27:55 PM  
Shot in the Fark
How can Amelie EVER be obscure? You're not even trying.
2007-09-06 01:28:18 PM  
Must be one of those new fangled lead lined Gnomes from China.
2007-09-06 01:29:27 PM  
Neritai, tongue in cheek ;)
2007-09-06 01:31:38 PM  
My friend once thought I was a gnome, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

/seriously...we were playing "sardines" one night and I was crouched down beside my neighbor's fence
2007-09-06 01:36:11 PM  
Nothing I find funnier than trespassing and thievery. Thiefs suck.
2007-09-06 01:40:47 PM  
Isn't a giant gnome kind of an oxymoron?
2007-09-06 01:55:37 PM  
Shot in the Fark: /Approves.
//Hope it isn't obscure

How the hell would that be obscure?
2007-09-06 01:59:58 PM  
Friend who was in a frat did something like this. They stole a very large stone dragon, one of two, from the front of a Chinese restaurant. They put it in their back yard of the frat house as a "center piece". The restaurant got a new dragon, a better dragon than the one they first stole. So to achieve symmetry they put the old one back and took the newer better dragon...
2007-09-06 02:03:57 PM  
When I was young (under 18 so I can say this now) some friends and I wanted to steal a Ronald McDonald. We got a jeep and a tail car and went to the local Mickey Ds at 2am.

We hopped over the playground's 8 foot iron fence and went to work...unbolting Ronnie from the bench he was perched on like a pedo. After the bolts were loose we tried to move him and found out he was SOLID CONCRETE. We, stoopidly, thought that he was so shiny and cheap looking he musta been fiberglass.

Well, like good lil criminals we didnt give up. We unbolted the fence, pried it open and 4 of us dragged that thing to the car and grunted its way into the back of the jeep (arm hanging out one side, leg the other).

We got it back the house, took random pictures with some girls sitting on Ronnies lap, cupping his asexual 'special place'.... the night before school was back in session we buried it up to its chest on the 50 yard line of our highschools field.

Good times...
2007-09-06 02:23:56 PM  
I think I need to go to the library and find that article about a lawn gnome some friends and me "borrowed" at the end of high school. we returned it, with a pile of photos after taking it across the country.
2007-09-06 02:35:19 PM  
Oh yes, great safekeeping... "Now the little guy resides in storage shed along with two other lawn gnomes put there for safekeeping. "

Gee..the thieves probably remember what house they got it from, and now they can take 3 more gnomes since they know they are in the storage shed!
2007-09-06 02:39:51 PM  
Hey, in my town we don't just kidnap 'em, we biatch-slap our captives.

Galveston Ball High School mascot stolen and beaten
2007-09-06 02:45:06 PM  
Emnitikcits: Shot in the Fark: /Approves.
//Hope it isn't obscure

How the hell would that be obscure?


/Sorry, didn't catch that.
//Your reference. I didn't catch it.
2007-09-06 02:46:08 PM  
GGLF strikes again...
2007-09-06 02:53:18 PM  
Dare them to steal THIS garden jockey:

In the dez near Landers, CA, cemented at the top of a 75+ foot rock pile.

Bonus: his name is Pee-wee!

/no, not my kid
//and no, I didn't put it there!

I used to know the guy who put it there - he related the story of hauling a sack of concrete and two Sparkletts water bottles up there for cementing it there. Yikes!
2007-09-06 02:56:57 PM  
Last year at the annual camp of my student association, some people thought it funny to go out in the dead of night and steal a garden gnome, returning with it to our sleeping location.

For some reason I was entirely blind to the fact that there suddenly was a garden gnome there the next morning.
2007-09-06 02:58:20 PM  
Okay, you brought it up.

Speaking of the Roaming Gnome....gonna do it with nephews favorite ball cap while he does 15 months in Iraq. (no war commentary please) We want pics of the cap all over the country and especailly on famous people. Ya'll know anyone famous/cool who'd participate? E-mail in profile. Any assistance would be super farkin' cool.

2007-09-06 03:12:03 PM  
Four of my old high school friends went out one night to aquire some new lawn ornaments. Three guys went to collect, while the third stayed in the car. Two guys come running back with an armful of junk each, saying that they think someone heard them. The porch light flicks on, and reveals the silhouette of the forth guy carrying what looks like a little kid in his arms. The other three freak out. Of course, it was one of those statues of a guy fishing, but the pole was broken off. He jumps in the backseat of the car with the statue and off they go. They set the statue between the two guys in the back, put a coat and baseball hat on it and drive around the rest of the night. The best part is that at about 12:00am, they get pulled over for some trivial traffic violation. The cop asks "what's wrong with your friend?". "Just sick, we're taking him home", they say. And that was it. Gotta love backwoods cops.
2007-09-06 03:26:44 PM  
wow. the news:not news: fark headlines have achieved such a degree of suck that people think cutting out the news part of them will somehow make them better?

don't you people know that funny comes in THREES, not TWOS?

the headline police are watching.
2007-09-06 03:36:42 PM  
In related news: republicans love gnome penis
2007-09-06 03:37:31 PM  
OK I got a story, but first, I gotta educate the peeps.

Garden Gnomes were invented to be stolen. End of story. If thats your idea of a nice decoration for your yard, you are a creepy mofo and deserve to have shiat stolen from you anyway. Its a fake target to keep the thieves outta your garage.


And now my story. Its like the others but I just cant stop typing.
Me and some friends, high on gold paint and industrial stength inhalants, went out to steal a tiger statue. 2 in the car and me and my brothafromanothamotha hop out to make the snatch. The statue was about 300 lbs more than we thought. He tips it and gets the head, I grab the base. Then he runs me into the car with it and I drop the base on my foot. I smashed one toe so totally that it is still deformed to this day. that was 2 years ago. Got the fuggin tiger though. He kept it and gave it to a girl. What a tard. I hope she still has it. Missy Flyingsaucer? care to let us know if you still have it?

/mostly clean and sober now.
//OK, I lied. But i quit gold paint.
2007-09-06 03:42:33 PM
I know what this is, its a cross country gnoming spree!

Damn hippies
2007-09-06 04:41:47 PM  
If you build it...
2007-09-06 05:15:18 PM  
Was it Drew's?
2007-09-06 05:18:49 PM

2007-09-06 05:30:09 PM  
Maybe they should use concrete instead of "cement" (glue?)
2007-09-06 06:13:09 PM  
A neighbor of mine had a summer home which was frequently burglarized. So, when he closed up at the end of the season, he got an old broken TV (the big kind that look like furniture), took the guts out of it, then filled it with concrete. From the outside it looked fine.

When he visited the place again, the TV was gone.
2007-09-06 06:26:52 PM  
Free the Gnomes!

Stop Oppressive Gardening!
2007-09-06 06:29:11 PM  
Drew: Sorry must have hit a wrong button, comments are open now

Drew was mad, thought someone was talking about his still missing gnome.

Drew it has been a few years, a bunch of us have offered to replace it, time to move on!
2007-09-06 08:29:08 PM  
Cement is an ingredient of CONCRETE. Please for the love of all that is holy don't call CONCRETE "cement"

thank you

That is all
2007-09-06 09:11:06 PM  
Cement + Aggregate (rocks or gravel) + Water + A few other chemicals sometimes = Concrete.
2007-09-07 07:53:51 PM  
I dunno, if these guys are anything like me and my friends, the fact that it was 120lbs and cemented in place was _why_ they stole it. There'd be no challenge involved if all that was involved was picking it up and throwing it in the car.

eg) One guy decided to have a 'fun' night and place traffic cones on a bunch of friends' cars, so of course we needed some sort of retribution.

We got a blanket, a long coil of rope and a couple of bungie cords and went out driving until we found a huge wooden road block (about 6' tall, 8' long) and proceeded to carry it a bit of a ways away into a more deserted road, where we put the blanket on one of the cars, put the road block on top and tied it down with the rope. We drove about 3km like this, sticking to back roads so no one would see us. We finally got to this guy's house, stopped just around the corner and had the thing unroped and off in about 30 seconds. We then ran it around the corner and placed it in front of the guy's garage so he'd see it as soon as he opened his garage door to leave in the morning.

The challenge here was trying to move something the size of a car using only my friend's incredibly small car. If we had had a truck, we wouldn't have done it... no challenge.

If we had come across this gnome from the story, we likely would have removed it and placed it on the neighbour's lawn across the street. Or maybe on the person's porch outside their door. We're not thieves, we just enjoy a challenge.
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