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(CNN)   Helmsley's cemetery won't let the biatch be buried there   (cnn.com) divider line 99
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21016 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2007 at 1:25 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-09-05 01:52:28 PM
What CNN getting fark writers? That is punny


If they did, I might click their articles more than just when they appear on Fark

on an odd note. On Tuesday morning when i was heading home from the Con, CNN proved Drews points from Saturday, twice.

First report: A Chihuahua outran several greyhounds in a dog race. I'd like to see who owns it.

2nd report: woman calls police because two gators were in her house
 
2007-09-05 01:52:58 PM
packrabid04:She also donated the proceeds from her estates, estimated in the billions, to charity. I'd cut her a break on her little eccentricity here.

Why exactly was she worth billions?

/a fool and thier money were obviously parted
 
2007-09-05 01:54:21 PM
Her farking brother is farking 80. Why on Earth would he want to play host to a farking ill tempered, spoiled biatch at his age?

If Leona was so sharp, why didn't she check whether the dog could be buried with her before she died? What the will probably end up doing is cremating the farking dog and use the ashes to fertilize the plants at the mausoleum.
 
2007-09-05 01:56:54 PM
Her own brother didn't even like her. Gawd that woman is unattractive!
 
2007-09-05 01:56:57 PM
guesser: Great headline, but I'm surprised the biatch didn't know that dogs weren't allowed.

I'm sure she knew, she just assumed that her money could buy an exception.
 
2007-09-05 01:57:20 PM
sparkyumr98: ipsofacto:
Word.
//It's the old This.

RIMZ.
/It was This for about a half-hour this morning.
//Cross reference comments from the "Racism" article


I'm aware of this, but I submit that RIMZ is actually the new Whack.
 
2007-09-05 01:58:54 PM
-------------------
Sfara's son, Remus Pop, told The New York Times this week that his mother was asking lawyers to look at going after Trouble's inheritance.

"That is the next step," Pop told the Times. "That dog got money. That money is going to be taken away from that dog."
--------------------

Somewhere in the universe, Aunt Jemima and Uncle Tom are on a collision course while riding on the backs of giant fried chickens that are powered by cosmic watermelons.
 
2007-09-05 01:59:07 PM
Why can't animal remains be buried with human remains? It would save on space and could possibly be a tourist attraction.
 
2007-09-05 02:01:13 PM
FTA: The cemetery says state law forbids animal remains to be buried in human graveyards.

Snivelly: Why not, are they worried about infections or something? Or is there a threat of dog zombies I don't know about?


Because some of us want to rest peacefully in the afterlife. Listening to your dog's spirit bark for eternity is not something we look forward to.
 
2007-09-05 02:02:29 PM
Zamfira Sfara Vs. Leona sounds like a cat fight to me..........
 
2007-09-05 02:05:37 PM
Subby
ISWUDT

/Nice!
 
2007-09-05 02:06:25 PM
Caesar1313: $12 Million to a farking dog.... I would pay money to hit this women upside the head with a shovel on her last day.... Forget donating the money to the poor or some other worthy cause instead pamper my shiat-rat so my sick and twisted legacy will haunt the world of the living well beyond the expiry date of my flesh.

she set up a trust fund worth billions for asshats like you...........................
 
2007-09-05 02:07:17 PM
Diogenes: Zamfira, Master of the Law Suit

Hahahahahahahaha!
 
2007-09-05 02:11:57 PM
ipsofacto: sparkyumr98: ipsofacto:
Word.
//It's the old This.

RIMZ.
/It was This for about a half-hour this morning.
//Cross reference comments from the "Racism" article

I'm aware of this, but I submit that RIMZ is actually the new Whack.


Word.
 
2007-09-05 02:12:44 PM
AlwaysRightBoy: Caesar1313: she set up a trust fund worth billions for asshats like you...........................

And she gave $12 mil to a dog..........................................
 
2007-09-05 02:12:56 PM
Wait... what?
 
2007-09-05 02:15:04 PM
ipsofacto: AlwaysRightBoy: Caesar1313: she set up a trust fund worth billions for asshats like you...........................

And she gave $12 mil to a dog..........................................


here fido, here fido...............nice puppy...............................................aaaarrrrrrhhhhh
 
2007-09-05 02:15:24 PM
I'll take care of the dog.

"What's that pooch? You want to watch me nail a $3000/night hooker? Okay, guess I'll just have to dip into that 12 mil again..."
 
2007-09-05 02:18:37 PM
I have only one encounter with anything Helmsley, and that was delivering some A/V equipment to a Helmsley hotel once back in '84. The folks I dealt with, from the doorman, to the manager, were universal dickheads. Uptight, why-cant-you-just-understand-what-I'm-thinking, pushy, asshole, dickheads, across the board. I'm guessing it was some hiring thing from the top down.
 
2007-09-05 02:20:47 PM
sparkyumr98: Wait... what?

Word RIMZ.

//Mind bottling?
 
2007-09-05 02:24:44 PM
AlwaysRightBoy:

When you die, can I have your un-squandered ellipsis?
 
2007-09-05 02:25:11 PM
Chiggity Chza Actually, I'm so sick of hearing about Michael Vick I can't bear to tell you who he is.
 
2007-09-05 02:33:32 PM
ultraholland: Just wanted to say that I did not submit this with a funnier headline. In fact, I didn't submit a thing.

I'm really getting a kick out of these replies cuz I also didn't submit a thing.
 
2007-09-05 02:39:45 PM
Cerebral Ballsy

Yes, I was torn between a Vick reference and Asian reference and I too am tired of Vick so I went with my friends from the East, Far East.
 
2007-09-05 02:47:23 PM
cwolf20: What CNN getting fark writers? That is punny

If they did, I might click their articles more than just when they appear on Fark

on an odd note. On Tuesday morning when i was heading home from the Con, CNN proved Drews points from Saturday, twice.

First report: A Chihuahua outran several greyhounds in a dog race. I'd like to see who owns it.

2nd report: woman calls police because two gators were in her house


proved what points?

/saw Drew @ Con
//check out the profile pic
///@ work slashies!
 
2007-09-05 02:51:19 PM
You know who else didn't want people buried in their cemetary?

www.firstworldwar.com
 
2007-09-05 02:53:15 PM
RealAmericanHero

know who else doesn't bury people in cemeteries

a62.ac-images.myspacecdn.com


farkin guidos
 
2007-09-05 02:53:52 PM
I'm pulling for the dog in this one. Dog represented by counsel files a cross complaint against Zamfira, mistress of the homeless flute alleging animal cruelty thereby justifying the dogs attacks.

Trouble the dog wins damages for malicious prosecution, Zamfira learns what trouble can really be like when she has to has to sell her house and strap on the black mini to help meet the terms of her new payment plan covering the dogs legal expenses.

Greedhead Remus, who will rue the day his name was published in this saga has to borrow a friends saturday night special and puts a bullet through the roof of his mouth finally doing the right thing. For the first time in his life and somewhat ironically, the last thing he ever hears is the sound of his "Pop".

Two days later, the dog gets loose in the street where it is run over by a Bentley being driven by Leona's former butler who is wearing the most fiendish smile you've ever seen.

In the end, as the story often goes, it turns out that it was the butler who did it.

/got nuthin'
//better go now.
 
2007-09-05 03:00:55 PM
He could always be sold to a nice Chinese Restaurant...

www.fiddlerontherails.com
 
2007-09-05 03:08:26 PM
One of her former nurse-aids who was bitten by Trouble (and settled with the hotel or Leona, I'm not sure) is reportedly looking into bringing a lawsuit directly against the dog since the animal now has its own estate.
 
2007-09-05 03:11:09 PM
I wish my name was Remus Pop.
 
2007-09-05 03:11:21 PM
Does anybody actually work someplace that they are going to get in trouble for looking at a web page with the word "b*tch" on it? I'd assume you'd get in considerably more trouble for getting caught Farking on company time.

Down with the Fark profanity filter!
 
2007-09-05 03:12:42 PM
tramis: He could always be sold to a nice Chinese Restaurant...

That's horrible.
 
2007-09-05 03:13:50 PM
This whole article read like a Saturday Night Live skit.

Also it is pretty standard knowledge that almost all cemeteries do not allow anything other than humans to be buried on the premises.
 
2007-09-05 03:18:56 PM
AlwaysRightBoy: she set up a trust fund worth billions for asshats like you...........................

So 12 million was a nice low round number to give to a farking animal?
 
Ant
2007-09-05 03:21:28 PM
MadAsshatter: What a clusterfark of douchebaggery this is. Helmsley herself was a douche, her brother who was left $15 million won't even take care of her dog, and her money grubbing housekeeper is out for the dog's money. Nuke from orbit.

I don't blame the housekeeper for wanting a piece.

#1 Ms Housekeeper had to put up with that biatch as a boss
#2 THE STUPID coont LEFT $12 MILLION TO A farkING DOG!!
 
2007-09-05 03:23:31 PM
Emnitikcits: tramis: He could always be sold to a nice Chinese Restaurant...

That's horrible.



i4.photobucket.com

Morning delivery...
 
2007-09-05 03:50:48 PM
www.80stees.com
 
2007-09-05 04:51:22 PM
proved what points


that CNN couldn't find real news unless it's from Fark? *blinks then sighs* I have the notes written down somewhere... I averaged 2 hours of sleep a night until Monday night over at DragonCon. Add in that I drank alcohol at some points.

short of it is, i'm standing in the valet parking garage and I hear the words "chihuahua wins race" and look over to see a small streak run down a field ahead of greyhounds. With a CNN news ticker below it. Then the reptile in a house video clip came up.

after which I remembered Drew mentioning that articles like that tend to be more frequent in cities where CNN, etc, have headquarters. If you look out the top floor of the Hilton, the CNN letters are very prominent. Ta da. At least in my city, when I turn on cnn they have something that's slightly newsworthy before the human interest "aw what a widdle puppy" stories start
 
2007-09-05 05:03:44 PM
Rosenthal,that sure sounds like another thieving Beak.
 
2007-09-05 05:32:42 PM
I smell Trouble.
 
2007-09-05 05:41:59 PM
Tramis - WTF? Sooooooooooooooooooooo not cool.

On a lighter note, the Guido pictures are always funny. I think we need Guido Friday, like Caturday. Who's with me?!
 
2007-09-05 05:44:55 PM
submitter

Yes, but what about the dog?
 
2007-09-05 06:12:29 PM
All this needs is a pair of cute kids and some Phil Collins music and we'd have a ready-made Disney movie.
 
2007-09-05 08:20:10 PM
It was also Helmsley's wish that Trouble someday be interred with her at the Helmsley mausoleum at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery.

But that isn't to be either. The cemetery says state law forbids animal remains buried in human graveyards. Helmsley died last month at age 87.


i123.photobucket.com

Also,

Sfara's son, Remus Pop, told The New York Times this week that his mother was asking lawyers to look at going after Trouble's inheritance.

Something gives me the impression that this family's reunions are full of classy and well-cultured examples of behavior.
 
2007-09-05 09:40:24 PM
NineInchNader: I don't even want to think about being buried next to one of the yappy fukcers for the rest of eternity.

I understand that after death dogs are much better behaved, and most people are far more tolerant of the neighbors.
It's probably not going to be a problem.
 
2007-09-05 10:32:44 PM
offacue: Let me get this straight. The mansion is occupied by "staffers" who take care of the dog. Do they need help, I'd gladly look after the cute little puntable pup whilst living in a 28 room mansion.

Now I got the idea stuck in my head of a staffer punting that little sucker once a week, just for payback.
 
2007-09-05 11:28:09 PM
Oh, the irony of it all!

Suck it, Leona - your dog is dead meat.

Cue the cat photos chewing on a dog "You haz flavor!"
 
2007-09-06 01:04:09 AM
I say give the dog to Vick,and pocket the money.
 
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