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(Yahoo)   Nearly half of all stay-at-home moms now say that not working at all outside the home is the ideal situation for them.   ( ) divider line
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6031 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Aug 2007 at 1:45 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2007-08-09 11:42:02 PM  
(why did that get cut off?) Anyhoo, sex gets to be a big deal when all you do all day is work out, play house, and cook dinner.
2007-08-09 11:50:15 PM  
I'm currently pregnant so this is close to my heart at the moment and I think I'm going to try and go for the stay at home for the first year and then get a local part time job maybe 2 to 3 evenings a week after that.

The reason for this is my observations from my parents, especially my mum who worked full time as long as I can remember. Although my sister and I turned out reasonably fine there was some problems caused by her working full time.

She was always, always tired being that she worked full time and still did all the traditional maternal jobs i.e two full time jobs for 20+ years.

Her health also suffered I think this aged her quicker then it should.

I also think both a man a woman working full time puts a stress on the relationship. That is both doing 2 jobs, but neither being fully responsible for one or the other and both interfering in how each does the job. I hope to be able to take care of the house, cooking and child. I don't want my man to come home after a days work and have to do the house work. But I think it should be 80/20 in that I do most of the traditional woman's role but he might do a bit on the weekend to give me an afternoon off to do my own thing without having to have the child or housework and I do a bit of paid work so I can help with super and also treat him occasionally.

But if he takes the 80% slog of paid work then his job takes precedence i.e if my job interferes then it goes.

If I take the 80% slog of maternal work then how I discipline and how I have rules and routines go, he does not in his 20% time change them or break the routine he sticks with it.

Hope that all makes sense.
2007-08-10 01:23:04 AM  
cyclebiff: gay homosexual,

There are gay homosexuals now??
2007-08-10 05:27:16 AM  
My husband and I both work full-time, but we work 12-hour shifts on opposite sides of the week. Someone is always home with our three-month-old daughter.

So, I guess that makes me a part-time SAHM.

Anyway, the only reason I have time to reply to this thread is because I'm at work. When I'm home, I'm feeding the baby and playing with her and doing laundry and cleaning. There are days when I don't get a chance to check my email. There are days when I don't get a shower.

My work days are like a vacation...I get to goof off on the internet all night, hang out with grownups, do things that are intellectually challenging (to a 25-year-old--I do things that are intellectully challenging to a 3-month-old all day on my 'home days').

My husband wants to be a stay at home dad. I can't wait! We're just waiting for me to get some more experience at work so I can get a better-paying position.
2007-08-10 11:20:58 AM  
PetuniaPumpkin, thank you for putting into words what was in my head. Ok, so not everybody can work full-time and raise decent children. I have known enough parents unfortunately who are proof of that. But it can be done. You just have to be willing to work your ass off. It's not a life for the unmotivated or the lazy. My wife and I strive to be equal partners, and although we each have our strengths, for the most part either of us are fully capable of doing any task that needs done. I can cook or clean or dress my daughter for school, and she can work outside or fix stuff around the house or discipline our daughter. We both pick up and drop off at school, take her to birthday parties, to the park, whatever is required. And we are generally able to coordinate all this without any major screw ups. Sure it's tiring sometimes, but we're a team, a family that works together, and I think we're demonstrating to our daughter how important it is to be able to work together.

Oh and for those people who think daycare is the devil, I call bullshiate. Our daughter has been in daycare since she was 4 months old and she is one of the sweetest, most socially adept and intelligent kids you will ever meet. It's not the daycare folks, it's the parents. You get out of it what you put into it. If you just drop them off and pick them up at a glorified babysitter, then yes, your child will probably not get much out of it. But if you find a good daycare with an actual curriculum (do your homework) and get involved and get to know the teachers, it can be a great experience for everyone. My daughter, who is now 6, loves every one of her former teachers and most of them are still working there. Raising intelligent, well-behaved, caring children is a deliberate act, it doesn't just happen.

Also having a mother and a father who are both well-educated and can help with homework is a plus too. I personally believe not working outside the home deprives a parent of valuable intellectual stimulation and experience in working and communicating with people, and may ultimately may negatively impact their interaction with their children.

And let's be honest, when you have 2 working parents, having the money doesn't suck either.
2007-08-10 12:22:15 PM  
Nmissi: I was a stay at home mom; that was the deal upfront when I married.

The only downside is the financial insecurity. The husband had a midlife crisis and ran off with some woman he met playing Everquest, taking our savings and his income. I had to start all over, ten years older, with the jobskills and experience I'd possessed at nineteen.

And yet when I point out to women that this sort of thing became more common after the advent of no-fault divorce, I get a blank stare and some sort of response like "but we can't go back to the fifties" or "but that would prevent women from getting out of a bad marriages".

/Just sayin'
//Because I'm perplexed...
2007-08-10 01:26:22 PM  
Nearly half of all stay-at-home moms now say that not working at all outside the home is the ideal situation for them.

Sounds like half of all stay-at-home moms need to get a job. What exactly is the point of staying home if you're not happy?
2007-08-10 02:25:16 PM  
My wife has a degree in biology and worked in the chemical industry for years. She is studying to be a massage therapist while I slave away in the call center, but her main ambition is to be a housewife. She says that's what she was born to do. It's about time that choice got more respect.
2007-08-10 11:12:05 PM  
We're talking a few years, folks. I hold an MBA and had a very fulfilling, very well paid career. However, once I had children, with the agreement of my husband I did decide to stay at home and raise them until they are in school full-time. Call me old-fashioned, but I think it's far better than sending them off to a day-care, where there's 20 cribs lined up against a wall. Nothing wrong with a home-cooked meal, clean house, and a mother that has time for you.
2007-08-10 11:33:22 PM  
Actually, it makes very good sense to have one parent be the primary worker and the other parent take care of the house and children. Men are more aggressive and able to take on more hours in dangerous, stressful, and/or disgusting jobs that pay better, while women are a lot better at handling the daily routine without going nuts.

A stay-at-home mom is not a slave of her husband, she's the reason why he can concentrate fully on work and not have to worry about anything at home, resulting in more promotions and better pay. It's called teamwork. Look at any important man in history, there will be a woman taking care of the estate while he's off on business.
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