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(tchirts.com)   Chuck Norris does not send cease and desist letters to websites: He stares them down until they give in to his demands   (tchirts.com ) divider line
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26125 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2007 at 5:33 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-08-07 06:52:23 PM  
Chuck Norris is just readying his run for governor/congressman in the next few years. He's a bit jealous, and figures if half-wits like Schwartzenegger or Ronald Reagan can be governor, sky's the limit for him.

Just wait and see.
 
2007-08-07 06:53:08 PM  
Sluggirl: Uh, ya'll do know that Bob Ross is dead...right? Since July 4, 1995.
Bob Ross didn't die, he's simply reached a state of complete relaxation, called The Ultranap. The Book Of Ross estimates he will wake up from his nap in about 2370, when he will be called upon to repopulate the dead Earth with happy trees and fields.

thKnavE: Chuck Norris is a little biatch. He has nothing on Candlejack. Now there's a figure to be fea--
Heh, Candlejack. I didn't think I'd ever hea
 
2007-08-07 06:54:48 PM  
Chuck Norris is impotent.
 
2007-08-07 06:55:06 PM  
physicsboy500: Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire... He was running from Bob Ross.

I LOL'D
 
2007-08-07 06:55:18 PM  
I'm Chuck Norris, so I'm really kicking the shiat out of some of these replies.

/sure it's been said before.
//hope it hasn't.
 
2007-08-07 06:58:16 PM  
Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father

Chuck Norris once donated blood at the blood bank, Some Asian guy named Bruce got it..... He died a few years later when the norris blood ran out.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T once kicked/punched each other at the same time... and the 1980s happened.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever provide enough cowbell for Christopher Walken.

Chuck Norris and Yoda once got in a fight, the little green fellow has needed a cane ever since.
 
2007-08-07 07:00:54 PM  
Lalalala: Chuck Norris is impotent.

Is that why he wears a suit?
 
2007-08-07 07:01:04 PM  
protectyourlimbs: Chuck Norris once went down on Janet Reno...with his eyes open


Chuck likes cack?
 
2007-08-07 07:01:05 PM  
Oldiron_79: Chuck Norris and Mr. T once kicked/punched each other at the same time... and the 1980s happened.

FINALLY! One I hadn't heard before.
 
2007-08-07 07:01:40 PM  
Abox: Is that why he wears a suit?

Winner. Thread over. Go Home.
 
2007-08-07 07:11:10 PM  
chuck norris doesnt climb mountains, mountains climb him.
 
2007-08-07 07:15:38 PM  
chuck norris created the universe in 6 days
 
2007-08-07 07:16:29 PM  
Highroller48: Abox: Is that why he wears a suit?

Winner. Thread over. Go Home.


agree!
 
2007-08-07 07:18:53 PM  
img.villagephotos.com
 
2007-08-07 07:19:10 PM  
M-G 2007-08-07 05:53:01 PM
BoySchwen: Chuck Norris is the stupidest internet fad ever to hit the tubes. Sorry guys, just wasn't funny.

I'd simply say "THIS," but that's pretty annoying too.too.


This.
 
2007-08-07 07:19:14 PM  
I've always been partial to the Jack Bauer ones:

When Jack Bauer found out he was played by actor Keifer Sutherland he killed Sutherland - No one plays Jack Bauer.

The city of L.A. Named a street after Bauer to honor him for the number of times he has saved the city. They had to immediately change the name after 6 pedestrians died the first day on it, no one crosses Jack Bauer.
 
2007-08-07 07:20:24 PM  
huk norri reated a more effiient alphabet with only 24 letter
 
2007-08-07 07:21:08 PM  
bubba2233: M-G 2007-08-07 05:53:01 PM
BoySchwen: Chuck Norris is the stupidest internet fad ever to hit the tubes. Sorry guys, just wasn't funny.

I'd simply say "THIS," but that's pretty annoying too.too.

This.


And that's why it can't be stopped.

/plus it came from Douglas Adams who taught Bob Ross how to paint
 
2007-08-07 07:21:58 PM  
gsundeadin2012: huk norri reated a more effiient alphabet with only 24 letter

Are you trying to say he is dyslexic borg and that our asses will be laminated? If that's what you're trying to say I'm outta here!
 
2007-08-07 07:22:56 PM  
Chuck Norris one got some free publicity, and made it PAY!

Seriously though, no permission to use a star's likeness in the happy land of "sue it if it moves".

Whadda think was gonna happen?

Am I the only one who learned this from grampa simpson a long time ago?
 
2007-08-07 07:26:15 PM  
 
2007-08-07 07:26:46 PM  
Suflig: Chuck Norris got his farking ass beat in Enter the Dragon.

That fight scene was awesome.
 
2007-08-07 07:27:25 PM  
Tom Cruise wears a Chuck Norris T-Shirt.
Chuck Norris wears a Bruce Campbell T-Shirt.
Bruce Campbell doesn't wear T-shirts. He wears a MANS shirt . . . you know . . . collared, button-down, caked with blood . . .
 
2007-08-07 07:29:57 PM  
Bull_Moose: I'm Chuck Norris, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

Shouldn't that be a roundhouse kick?
 
2007-08-07 07:35:40 PM  
Pocket_Rocket: Bob Ross doesn't trip off of LSD, it trips off of Bob Ross.

That's why making videos shouldn't be so easy. That video is the result of a retard with imovie.
 
2007-08-07 07:36:11 PM  
One glance from Chuck Norris made the RIAA share music with him. And like it.
 
2007-08-07 07:39:17 PM  
Alex Chilton: Chuck Norris made one of the worst shows in television history.

Full House?
 
2007-08-07 07:50:38 PM  
Azu: You've beaten us at our own game! Surely, you're clever breakdown of the breakdown of mass appeal shows that your opinion of certain humors is more educated than our own easily predictable opinions.

You should write for Something Awful.


Thanks! Also, I like the way you wrote what I said better.
 
2007-08-07 08:06:08 PM  
Holes in the ozone are created by Chuck Norris looking up
 
2007-08-07 08:08:51 PM  
Gravity is Gods way of keeping Chuck away...
 
2007-08-07 08:12:58 PM  
Chuck Norris's sperm come out as full adults...
 
2007-08-07 08:29:00 PM  
Chuck Norris is a fundie Xian? Yuck.

NOW the jokes aren't funny.
 
2007-08-07 08:29:03 PM  
Alex Chilton: Chuck Norris made one of the worst shows in television history.

but because it starred Chuck Norris®, the only one to realize it was the world's most popular, read TV critic. Well, he was popular before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him into non-existence through a time warp that wiped out any memory of him or the previous three generations of his family.

Everyone else knew the show was incredibly awesome.
 
2007-08-07 08:31:17 PM  
Chuck's wife is so tough, she doesn't have periods, she has exclamation points.
 
2007-08-07 08:40:54 PM  
LesserEvil: Chuck's wife is so tough, she doesn't have periods, she has exclamation points.

I wasn't expecting such quality this late in the thread, bravo!
 
2007-08-07 08:43:01 PM  
Heh - I've been looking for a reason to post this. I made it after coming home from the bar one night. Chuck Norris, wielding lightsaber nunchucks and brandishing the Predator's shoulder gun v. Bruce Lee, sporting Batman's utility belt and Darth Maul's two-sided light saber - matchup officiated by Boba Fett.

img463.imageshack.us
 
2007-08-07 08:50:51 PM  
When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion.
 
2007-08-07 08:54:17 PM  
Doctor Funkenstein: Heh - I've been looking for a reason to post this. I made it after coming home from the bar one night. Chuck Norris, wielding lightsaber nunchucks and brandishing the Predator's shoulder gun v. Bruce Lee, sporting Batman's utility belt and Darth Maul's two-sided light saber - matchup officiated by Boba
Fett.


Winnar
 
2007-08-07 08:57:01 PM  
Bob Ross could paint peace into Iraq, to bad he's dead.
 
2007-08-07 08:58:58 PM  
Sometimes Chuck Norris is the only redeeming thing about barrens chat.
 
2007-08-07 09:06:08 PM  
Chuck Norris likes anal.
 
2007-08-07 09:15:07 PM  
Chuck Norris' recipe for scrambled eggs:

3 Eggs
pain
 
2007-08-07 09:20:15 PM  
HAHA CHUCJ NORRIS'S PRICE WAS WROOOOOOOOOONG, biatch!!! LULZ
 
2007-08-07 09:24:33 PM  
Chuck Norris doesn't lag; he just teleports to you, shoots you in the head, and moves on his merry way, weaving a path of destruction.


Chuck Norris is responsible for the population boom in China. He roundhouse kicked and instantly 1000 virgins became pregnant.
 
2007-08-07 09:28:01 PM  
Don't make a movie of Chuck Norris as an ostrich. He will hunt you down, take a picture of you, then make a movie of him roundhouse kicking you over... and over... and over again.

/Whaddya mean I'm the only person here who watches Current TV? That sucks...
 
2007-08-07 09:28:52 PM  
Funkenstein that piece of work you did there I think fits more so greatly than that lame Star Wars rockband thing saying 'no matter how hard you try you'll never be this great' as that's a much greater image there.
 
2007-08-07 09:30:43 PM  
Only Chuck Norris can allow a Chuck Norris t-shirt to come into existence.

/not a joke
//sad fact of overlitigous society
 
2007-08-07 09:45:14 PM  
Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful son's, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my Red-Hot Smokin' Wife, Carley
 
2007-08-07 09:52:22 PM  
chucknorrisfark is even better than ultrafark.
 
2007-08-07 10:32:52 PM  
Steroids were actually invented from Chuck Norris's semen.
 
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