Prone to collapse at any moment.

(see: liver, heart)

I keep a parachute in my car.

yotta

Luckily, my piece of shiat car's A/C doesn't work so I would already have a leg up on everybody else.

How well do electric windows work if you are submerged in salt water?

/for all you folks in the Florida Keys

I guess Ted Kennedy was ahead of his time.

Fluff Girl: Control_this:

Just keep a snub .38 under the seat.

Shoot the windows out? (Rubs chin thoughtfully).

lol

Chiggity Chza: what do you call 30 Minnesotans in the bottom of the ocean?
/Damn good start
//Too soon?

A: Bridge - tainment!

/Not soon enough!

haha I'm going to be crossing the 12km confederation bridge (to PEI) on Sunday. If I'm halfway through the bridge and it collapses and somehow manage to get out of the car, I'd have to swim back 6km. I'm farked. Excuse me while I go out and buy one of them inflatable water scooters.

More bridges keeping it real

FTFA:

Chances of surviving for those still submerged in the river now almost 24 hours later are remote, experts say.

Holy crap... so shiat Sherlock....

I'd say more than 10 minutes is it's game over for anyone...

Changes are remote? REMOTE?

/slaps forehead... this is just too stupid.

Gwendolyn: I waited too long to post and a couple of people already pointed out the seat belt cutter in the hammer. I really don't understand why being prepared is a bad thing.

I also keep two cases of bottled water and 10 gallons of treated tap water during hurricane season. ooooo scaredy girl.

Seeing as how Pepco loses power for me at the drop of a hat, and also seeing as how my water gets pumped out of a drilled hole in the ground, I should REALLY be doing the same.

/lost power for 36 hours this winter.
//Taking a shower out of a jug of Poland Spring FTL.

imfallen_angel

Wow not trying to troll but that post looks like you forgot to preview or your little brother took over your account. You know that shiat doesn't fly here on fark.com

Walker:

Their working as we speak on making magnetic seats. The problem they're having is getting the kids to put the sheet metal in their pants. They tried metal pants, but they were rusting in the more humid areas.

Bus drivers control the magnet switches, and they approve since it keeps the kids in their seats.

/The more you know

I have extra-large air bags installed so my car will be one big flotation device.

mekkab
Why even shower? I just find the closest pile of dog shiat or dead animal and try to rub my neck and ears in it, with hopes of attracting a mate.

imfallen_angel: FTFA:
Changes are remote? REMOTE?


Maybe somebody was knocked unconscious but they have gills.

Or maybe they managed to yank out their brake line, clear it and use it as a snorkel and they're sitting there right now, underwater, patiently waiting for rescue, and worried there's only 5 Sudokus left in the book they're working on.

their = they're

There there, grammar nazis.

Control_this: imfallen_angel: FTFA:
Changes are remote? REMOTE?


Maybe somebody was knocked unconscious but they have gills.

Or maybe they managed to yank out their brake line, clear it and use it as a snorkel and they're sitting there right now, underwater, patiently waiting for rescue, and worried there's only 5 Sudokus left in the book they're working on.

Jesus! That's brilliant. And to think that I was going to suggest that they pulled out the tire pump so that they could breathe.

Chiggity Chza: imfallen_angel

Wow not trying to troll but that post looks like you forgot to preview or your little brother took over your account. You know that shiat doesn't fly here on fark.com

What doesn't fly? What is wrong with his post? Maybe it is your post that is farked!

"EVERBODY FREEZE!"



/Arnold drops an air-conditioner on Chiggity Chza's head
//Arnold then says, "Cool off for a while"

Was the bridge made out of these?

"The UK has 17,000 road bridges on motorways and A roads. [...] But unlike in the US, here there are bridges that are hundreds of years old."

(new window)

SERIOUSLY......
ATTENTION NON FORD OWNERS!!!

Many makes of cars have door locks which WILL NOT OPEN when power is lost.Leaving you TRAPPED INSIDE.
The only make I know for sure which will work is FORD.

You can pull the inside door handle on any Ford/ Lincoln/ Mercury product and it will unlock/ open the door (unless the child safety latch is active on rear doors).

Yes, the electrical system might work if under water for a short time, but not if they are computer controlled like many new cars are.

But if the car lands hard or has any hard impact which damages the battery you are out of luck.

I have heard of several instances of cars stalling (and dead battery) on RR crossings and the occupants were killed because they could not get out.

If I am not mistaken there is a FEDERAL LAW requiring all cars to have this feature, yet ford is the only one I personally know of and always has.

If you know of other makes please post them.

/Something to think about when you buy your next vehicle.

.

usedcorn: 7-11 Should start selling window-punches -- right next to the lottery tickets, cos they are they only fools that will buy them.

That is a farking brilliant idea.

ssstonebraker

If I must

Holy crap... so shiat Sherlock....

I'd say more than 10 minutes is it's game over for anyone...

Changes are remote? REMOTE?

/slaps forehead... this is just too stup...

ssstonebraker: i'm not sure what to do if my car is submerged and my dog is in the car with me.... any ideas?

Doggie scuba gear?


Let the dog die if you can't grab it with haste and ease. It's a dog, not your damn kid.

Idiot.

Now we get to hear about all the "heroes" that died while trying to cross a "bridge too far"......

bamitch
ssstonebraker: i'm not sure what to do if my car is submerged and my dog is in the car with me.... any ideas?

Doggie scuba gear?


Let the dog die if you can't grab it with haste and ease. It's a dog, not your damn kid.

Idiot.

Seconded

As a widow hammer/seatbelt cutter, I'm not getting a kick out of these replies!

my car has a really neat safety precaution where if the car sinks into a watery death the windows automatically roll down. :D just hope there aren't any sharks around.

fyrewede: We really can't just assume things based on our narrow experience of "reality."

Well, I would just like to meet these experts.

It's Friday and I understand a bad writing moment, but this is just... too... much...

24 hours... I guess these scientists would be the type to bring home a corpse as a dead date, and claim, "she's still good, she hasn't even started to smell yet!"

or (fades to scene)

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hi kids!"

"Daddy, you smell funny, and why are your eyes all white?"

"Daddy was under water for 24 hours, and he's not feeling all that great, but I'll be okay, EXPERTS told me so!"
(as he gives a bit "thumbs up" to the camera)

.... wife walks in:


"Oh honey, I'm so glad that you're okay, and ...oh my, are you THAT happy to see me?" (as her eyes light up)

"Sorry honey, I've been a bit stiff since the accident, and me under water for 24 HOURS, but it should be going away soon, and don't worry, it's no rigor mortis, EXPERTS told me so!"
(as he gives a bit "thumbs up" to the camera)


/head asplodes

bamitch: ssstonebraker: i'm not sure what to do if my car is submerged and my dog is in the car with me.... any ideas?

Doggie scuba gear?


Let the dog die if you can't grab it with haste and ease. It's a dog, not your damn kid.

Idiot.

What if the dog is holding a condom full of $25 worth of dimonds in his stomach?

mrbmp: ATTENTION NON FORD OWNERS!!!

Somebody saved my life tonight, sugarbear...

/Runs off to buy a Ford

cubsfan07

And what happens to all the people knocked unconscious from the crash?

Those people normally die unless someone rescues them. Sleeping underwater is not good for you.

Down here in south Florida, you can't turn on the news or pick up a paper without hearing about the latest dumbass to somehow drive way off the road, bust through the barrier, and go upside down into a canal. People down here might as well be wearing scuba gear while they drive.

They sell the shiat out of those metal window-breaking gizmos down here. They say "just leave it in your glove box". Oh yeah? Well what happens when an accident causes me to crash my car into a body of water and my glove box flies open and all my shiat goes everywhere? Should I just keep it clenched between my teeth every time I'm driving parallel to one of those shiatty canals that are everywhere?

I agree that those window breakers are probably about as useful as those mugger-shockers in a real emergency.

But...IF you drove in an area where you really thought you could go into the drink, say along docks or canals, you could possibly use one of those tools. Don't keep it in the glove box. Instead, find a place to secure it near the driver, where you can find it with your eyes closed (on the steering column?). Fasten it in such a way that it isn't going to get knocked loose in a crash, but where you can get it out easily.

Think and experiment until you find good location.

/I keep a great big can of OC spray in my car "for close encounters". It's wire-tied alongside the seat, at an angle that fits the natural resting position of my hand. The idea is that I can get my left arm down out of sight should some dickwad decide he needs to speak with me, and I can get it into action unnoticed.

The plan is to get the spray up into his face and give him a good shot, then flee to the passenger side of the car. On the way, I pick up my "club" steering wheel lock (still legal carry in CA), go around outside the car, and use the heavy lock section of the club to seperate the man's skull from his neck vertebrae with a few well-placed blows. Then call for assistance if anyone is around. If not witnesses, simply leave.

Step 1. Do not faint or get knocked out while bridge concrete falls on your car.

Chiggity Chza: If I must

well, excuse me... Friday... tired and also somewhat busy (just pecking really quickly in here).

it's a terrible mix that gives me a form of dyslexia, I guess/figure.

imfallen_angel

much better

ssstonebraker


What if the dog is holding a condom full of $25 worth of dimonds in his stomach?

Ok, thirded now. Then they are not real dimonds you asshat. Jesus did someone drop an A/C on your head when you younger?

I'll take one of these,Two if i'm not fighting wif the wife that daywidth=640"height="480">

Lafcadio: THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!

Seriously-- how am I going to get the little buggers out when it takes me 5 minutes to unfasten those confounded car seats on dry land on a good day?

And should I save the 3 year old first, who can kind of swim and stands half a chance, or should I unfasten his fat little 11-month old sister because the sight of water makes her scream?

Media! Help me!

Simple, the three year old can probably already unbuckle his/herself so help the baby and get the hell out already!!!

studebaker hoch: Those people normally die unless someone rescues them. Sleeping underwater is not good for you.

Posh you say!

As a child, we'd sleep in the lake every night, only to get up at 5am so we'd have time to wash the lake before 5:30am so we could go to our real job of licking the roads clean. We'd work 25 hours a day, and finally, after the roads would shine, were we allowed to go back to our lake.

Then our father would stab us so we'd sink to the bottom, only to start it all over again the next day.

fyrewede: I had no choice

Don't be ashamed. Go there.

imfallen_angel

Why does that remind me of anti smoking ad?

buzzvert: Problem solved.

you realize you couldn't run this ad anymore without some huge disclaimer because some idiot would think that means his vw bug can float and would die after driving it into a lake.

bleh.

there was a commercial from a large used car dealer in ohio a while back... he stood next to this big lever next to this animated piece of machinery and every time he pulled the lever, the machine would move and a used car would come out. they were advertising it as the "used car factory". i thought it was just another stupid ad until i saw a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen:

"not a real factory"

/glad i live in cincy now, too far south to be subjected to fred ricart and his "musical" advertisements. or any of his advertisements, for that matter.

Chiggity Chza: What if the dog is holding a condom full of $25 worth of dimonds in his stomach?

Ok, thirded now. Then they are not real dimonds you asshat. Jesus did someone drop an A/C on your head when you younger?

I was thinking more in the terms of:

If you have a dog that is freaking out and jumping all over the place as the car is sinking, probably jumping on you, chances are, the dog will contribute to your death...ppprrtt.

One should kill the dog to moment they hit the water, just in case.