I didn’t RTFA yet nor the thread but White Zinfandel, Sex on the Beach and Cosmopolitan are the first three that come to mind

Yeah, people always bring up that episode until I give them a blind taste test. It' still charcoal filtering. Not like mythbusters have never farked up before.


You apparently do not watch Myth Busters and believe things that you read on the internet.

Besides which, even if it did work, wouldn't it just be easier to... I don't know... buy some decent vodak?

AXESMI: What's wrong with Grape Knee Highs?

You dirty heathen.

It's "Nehi"

Nehi Soda (new window)

The finest grape soda ever made. Unfortunately, it is apparently only available south of the Mason-Dixon line, as I have been unable to find it since I lived in Georgia as a child.

No other grape soda comes close.

ScottMpls - Mojitos? Mojitos!?!

Man card revoked!

I mean, I guess if you are in a cuban / latin restaurant but, otherwise, you SUCK for ordering one. I wait in line for a farking beer and some clod orders three mojitos for him and his trendoid pals, and it's torture watching and waiting as a bartender gyrates through the machinations of grinding leaves and whatever the hell else is required to make one. It's like having the bartender do a one act play for you, the Mojito Man, the human rain delay for all others wanting simple drink orders.

Sure, maybe they taste great and boy are they trendy, but you, sir, SUCK for ordering one in a crowded bar.

You are a complete pu$$y if you let anyone tell you what you can drink. Go ahead, make fun of my cosmopolitan, make my day.

/likes the occasional black russian
//"what's happening, comrade"

Found this recipe through teh google, it's not exactly how my favorite bartender makes it, all i know is that she uses a splash of sprite instead of beer. farkin awesome.

Baltimore Zoo:

1 shot vodka
1 shot light rum
1 shot gin
1 shot triple sec
1 shot Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
1 shot amaretto almond liqueur
1 shot grenadine syrup
1 dash sweet and sour mix
1 splash beer

Add the liquors and grenadine to a highball glass with ice. Top off with sweet and sour mix, add a splash of beer, and stir.

Man card revoked!

You can keep the Man Card, ChicoEscuela

I don't need some card issued to me to feel secure in who I am. And yes, I'll continue to order a mai-tai, and describe it in detail to the bartender and watch him make it, as you stand there and do your stupid pee-pee dance waiting for your ass-tasting Coors Light Draft.

And I will drink it, and relish it, hopefully from some gawdawful tiki-mug rescued from an old Chinese restaurant, with a swizzle stick and four pieces of fruit on it, and three umbrellas, and TWO straws.

And I will laugh. Like this. TEE HEE!

/gimme those ribs
//you are a good egg
///chocolate rain?

Oh screw this guy.
Whiskey over, or Beer.
Wine from my own collection if it's a nice dinner.

/not fat or scruffy

Farking Slashie:

1 oz. Gin (for the English set)
1 oz. Vodak (for the New Englanders)
1 oz. Bourbon (for me and the rest of the 'necks)
2 oz. Apple Pucker (obvious)
Splash of bitters (more obvious)
2 oz. Cranbery (urinary tract)

Chill. Pour in glass. Float 151 and light.

Drink liberally, drive conservatively

robot_in_disguise: /real men aren't afraid of lapping whipped cream out of a paper ramekin

QFT

ChicoEscuela: Sure, maybe they taste great and boy are they trendy, but you, sir, SUCK for ordering one in a crowded bar.

Dude, a Mojito is friggin' easy to make. I don't know what bar you are going to, but it's just rum, mint leaves, club soda, and sugar. The only hard part is grinding up the mint, but if the bar has a blender, it only takes a second.

Pouring a good beer takes a LOT more time than making a Mojito.

NikkiPoooo: never,
oh never,
oh never again
if I live to a hundred
or a hundred and ten
for I fell to the ground
and I couldn't get up
after drinking a pint of
the Johnny Jump Up.

going to see them next week. plan to drink plenty of guiness then.

Bah... I like all kinds of drinks.

I like lots of different whiskies, I'll often drink bourbon or scotch.

He's right, I am bigger and sometimes a bit on the scruffy side.

If I want a fruity drink, I'll order one. I don't give a fark what anyone thinks about it.

If you are a "straight" guy out at a bar, and THAT is what you're paying attention to -what another guy drinks. You're probably secretly wanting some c0ck in your ass.

Eyes on the chicks, not Dudes you homos.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

moonshine that someone sells you out of the trunk of his car that is always the good stuff. use to be this guy who would come to Platos Diner (Near Univeristy of Maryland) and sell it

ChicoEscuela: Sure, maybe they taste great and boy are they trendy, but you, sir, SUCK for ordering one in a crowded bar.

Your bartender fails then. Should only take about 2 minutes to make one if your tender knows what they are doing.

Seriously, it's like one of the easiest farking drinks to make. You can make it even faster by using simple syrup, lime juice and mint oil and it will taste about the farking same.

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Sorry, but with the exception of the strange scotch entry, this list was pretty spot on.

People who use the term "spot on" to describe anything other than a stain on their pants are gay.

boot20: Dude, a Mojito is friggin' easy to make. I don't know what bar you are going to, but it's just rum, mint leaves, club soda, and sugar. The only hard part is grinding up the mint, but if the bar has a blender, it only takes a second.

Pouring a good beer takes a LOT more time than making a Mojito.

if your barkeep is blending the mint, he's doing it wrong.

IdBeCrazyIf: Your bartender fails then. Should only take about 2 minutes to make one if your tender knows what they are doing.

Seriously, it's like one of the easiest farking drinks to make. You can make it even faster by using simple syrup, lime juice and mint oil and it will taste about the farking same.

glass + ice + whiskey = 15 seconds max. if you're ordering a drink that takes more than a minute to make in a crowded bar, you'd better be ordering a lot of them for your table so the barkeep can make it in bulk.

housing: MrGumboPants: I've been accused of being girly for liking the G&T. Which seemed crazy to me.

I think you have to be a smoker to get the full effect. Sweet, salty, icy, smokey.

i'm with u brother.

my favorite g/t is tanqueray (3oz) w/ 6.5 oz of canada, fresh lime juice, medium amount of ice.

but never been called girly.

/not to many people call a 6'5" guy girly

girly for a g & t? preposterous.

my particulars are a hendricks & tonic, bitters, no lime. so manly, i grew another nutsack on my nutsack after the first sip.

Chiggity Chza: Real men drink this

Got damn right, ain't nothing wrong with the Boons

glass + ice + whiskey = 15 seconds max. if you're ordering a drink that takes more than a minute to make in a crowded bar, you'd better be ordering a lot of them for your table so the barkeep can make it in bulk.

Or, for the outrageous price I'm paying for a mixed drink made with liquor that is not close to top shelf, but priced like a rare Dom, they can hire enough bartenders to handle the crowds.

and I'll continue with my good drinks.

I liked the only mojito I ever had.

A single well-dressed buddy took me to a fancy bar at the Green Valley Ranch in Vegas. The bar tender was lovely and dressed quite sexy. When she got to us, my pal was telling me about how he had broken down and started usingf a dating service.

She asked what she could get us, and he said, "I brought my friend here to this resort for one purpose - he has to try one of your delicious mojitos."

The way she looked at me, you'd have thought I had semen all over my shirt.

The_Original_Roxtar: glass + ice + whiskey = 15 seconds max. if you're ordering a drink that takes more than a minute to make in a crowded bar, you'd better be ordering a lot of them for your table so the barkeep can make it in bulk.

The order in bulk I'll agree with, unless your tipping the bar tender nicely for their time.

wow, no one mentioned the ultimate manly drink, boilermakers.

rodeofrog: The way she looked at me, you'd have thought I had semen all over my shirt.

Is that good or bad?

Let me be the douche bag that tries to prematurely shut a thread down by declaring himself the winner.

Yeah, I'll be that guy.

I work mids and I've been drinking for the past 7 hours; so I have that authorization.


Here's how I'll do it:


Anybody that doesn't drink Ripple is a pussy--





/Just farking around
//Let the alcoholic thread continue
///Seriously, I am buzzed
////I have no authority what so ever
//5 slashies? Can I do 6?
//Oops, I told you I was drunk

If it has alcohol in it and i like the way it tastes, I'm drinking it - and no one is going to stop me, dig?

The people that post that anyone that thinks they can prove they are man by what the drink are pussies are just guys that just think that posting tough statements on the internet makes them manly making them way bigger pussies than someone that drinks the proper drink for their gender.

what_now: siiiigh.

Once more kids, vodka DOES NOT GO in a martini!!

Would you order a margarita with vodka? Or a Rum and Coke with Vodka? No, no you wouldn't.

If it has anything besides gin, vermouth and some olives (or a twist, if that's what your into) in it, it is NOT a martini. It's some random drink, maybe even a very tasty one, in a martini glass.

/my soapbox, let me show you it.

settle down. the martini was made with gin but now it is known and accepted that you can order a martini with vodka

Betenoreus: rodeofrog: The way she looked at me, you'd have thought I had semen all over my shirt.

Is that good or bad?

I suppose it's fine. At least when your mother borrows my shirt it's fine.

Damn, I see that there is a 4 slashie maximum. That last one was supposed to be 7 and I was supposed to be all creative and shiat. Oh, well. I'm drunk and a lot of you are still at work.

////plus 3 more-- Ah, fark it.

Hellahulla FTW!!



I was drinking something gloomy.
And the girl just looked straight through me.
So I had a pint of Hawk.
And now she's gonna screw me!


/Well, what about Babysham? One glass of that and I'm anybodys!
//Then it's a bit of a pity that absolutely nobody wants you then,
isn't it?!
///Go to bed, spotty.

sexist bullshiat.
The creator of this slideshow is an insecure dumb jock.

Who gives a fark what you drink? IF it tastes good, goes down smooth, and gets you feeling good then the drink has done it's purpose...

I tend to not do fruity mixtures myself BUT then again, I've always been a Jack girl. I adore Sailor Jerry (strong as hell). I like shots of Southern Comfort (chllled), Crown, and Jager..

Jager turns me into a whore though!

Not that my fiance minds. In fact, we drink Jager frequently...

Margaritas ain't too shabby either when you're in Mexico!

/Mexico
//good times, good times

There is a N'awlins-type restaurant that makes a drink called a Hurricane. That thing knocks me off my can in the middle of the first one. Holy cow, are they potent.

And I had three.

I dare any guy drink those and call them girly drinks.

rodeofrog I suppose it's fine. At least when your mother borrows my shirt it's fine.

So you still have that semen-stained shirt? Instead of giving it to my mother, why don't you send me the dry cleaning bill and I'll promise to aim more carefully next time.

/Keep yer chin up, too

Check out "Girl Drink Drunk" from Kids in the Hall.

Here Link

I prefer a nice whiskey sour myself, and for that matter so did Mark Twain.

nothin wrong with a neat bourbon.

an ice cube or two helps bring out some of the other flavors as it melts but its up to the mood, i guess

maybe i do drink too much, who knows.

Drink what you want. Jeez. If I was anywhere near this insecure about my manhood, I would have changed my login years ago.

/still might anyway
//but no one's gonna make me stop drinkin' the vodak & lemonade

I'll drink whatever the fark I want to. Stop trying to tell me what I like, you conformist sheep.

/DRTFA
//But I did read the two others just like it that have been on Fark...

imfallen_angel: wow, can't believe no one mentioned a "Holy bartender"

How do you make a holy bartender?

Real men drink what they want, and crush the skulls of anyone who mocks their choices. Me, I like a Negroni (equal parts gin, Camapri, and sweet vermouth) up.

But the best drink-related rules list I've ever seen is this one:

The 86 Rules of Boozing
from moderndrunkard.com

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing-urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.
37. Try one new drink each week.
38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
45. It's okay to drink alone.
46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".
47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.
48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.
57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
59. If you are broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
60. If you are broke and a friend is "making sport of you", you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.
61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.
63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
67. Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . ."
78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.
79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.
82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
--Frank Kelly Rich

I get funny looks when I put in orders for stuff with my friends during liquor runs. They'll buy cheap vodka and rum, and i'll order irish cream, scotch, imported vodka.

They called me an alcoholicoontil I made them start trying what I buy. They've all changed the drinks they buy when they have the money.

/hates Aristocrat
//and Natty
///loves White Russians and good vodka
////also loves slashies.

NikkiPoooo: Saw them last night (which is where the guy was drinking a Mike's, of all places!) in a totally seated venue and it was crap. Can't wait for Milwaukee Irish Fest!

House of Blues on St Patrick's Day. now that was good times. at least I think it was.

Fark Me Runnin: I can't believe how many people in this thread do not know the correct spelling of vodak.

Votka

(American Movie)

ugh i'm so sick of shiat like this. for the last time:
WHAT YOU DRINK DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

Someone should make up some list of drinks and next to each say "If you order this drink, you're trying to tell people that you like this drink." That's a list I could go along with.