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(Local10 WPLG)   10 drinks men should never order   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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71606 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2007 at 9:11 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2007-08-03 12:04:25 PM  
Is Zima still cool?

No, because Zima tastes like Zhit.
2007-08-03 12:04:42 PM  
I take issue with a lot of these. As a woman and a former employee of a great bar, I wholeheartedly disagree with a few of them, particularly with the one about martinis.

Who's going to judge someone for not liking vermouth?? When did the "every martini must be dry, you pussy!" rule take effect? You know who talks shiat about the guy with the extra dirty martini? No one. And while we're at it, if the place has a great margarita, there's no shame in getting a blended drink. Where I live, margaritas know no gender. Also, how the hell does a person know how much their drink is going to be garnished until they order it?

And yes, gentlemen, if you're out and manage to get some ladies to join you at your table, you may order fruity shots. It's nice when you take one with us. And if it has whipped cream and a cherry on top, they will watch you eat it and think of you eating them. I've seen it happen a hundred times before.

/real men aren't afraid of lapping whipped cream out of a paper ramekin
2007-08-03 12:04:53 PM  
akumukun: All you need is:

Plantation Rum, Barbados 1995


Glenlivet Scotch

...and maybe some brandy in the winter.

I just tried the 21 yr Glenlivet about a month ago. Best $18 I ever spent. Gotta try to find me a bottle of that for at home.
2007-08-03 12:05:15 PM  
I always tell people I'm drinking a gin & tonic to prevent malaria. You don't want me to die, do you?

2007-08-03 12:05:51 PM  
One number 151
2007-08-03 12:06:03 PM  
Carib -> Stag

next bar if they're out/don't have
2007-08-03 12:06:42 PM  
I rarely drink these as they are a hassle to make and they're very sweet, but they're a kick at parties...

Brain Hemorrhage
In a shot glass, fill 3/4 with peach schnapps
Dribble in some Bailey's Irish Cream. Do it right and it will not mix, but will coagulate into the "brain tissue". I usually pour over the back of a spoon, but it'll work without it.
Finally, add a few drops of Grenadine syrup. This will be the "blood" and it will go over and through the Bailey's.

It is absolutely one of the grossest/coolest looking drinks you'll see, and they go down like silk panties on a cool evening.
2007-08-03 12:06:42 PM  
brap: You wanna be a man. Look to the sage advice of a magazine hack typing studisms in a corner cubicle behind a tower of Nivea skin softening nutsack conditioner and AXE Humpmaster Musk samples.

If I want something fruity and blended you better give it to me BEFORE I RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND SHIATE DOWN YOUR WINDPIPE.


/Usually I drink a dark porter or stout for beer. Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout is my favorite of the mass produced types.
//Jager, Taquila or Rum. I used to like irish whiskey, but a couple bad nights and I can't seem to drink it w/o gagging anymore.
2007-08-03 12:06:50 PM  
Stroh's Rum anyone?

Two shots mixed in anything and your brain will tell you to stop immediately.

/Hydrazine masquerading as rum
2007-08-03 12:08:12 PM  
Thank you, The_Original_Roxtar. You are so correct, btw, that this thread never should've gone on as long as it did without someone mentioning the drink best described as like having your brain smashed out by a gold brick wrapped in a slice of lemon.
2007-08-03 12:08:16 PM  
I haven't had a Schlitz beer since the 7th grade...

Robert Earl Keen

/too obscure?
2007-08-03 12:08:41 PM  
If I must drink in a bar, I'll usually have a girlie drink.

Of course the only decent bar in town is gay, so that's kinda expected.

/Would rather sit in the dark drinking Night Train, but that's just me.
2007-08-03 12:08:48 PM  
Heelzfan: Ok, for the Guiness drinkers out there - Do you prefer Guiness Draft or Guiness Extra Stout?

/I like the Extra Stout better, personally.

Draft for me plz.
2007-08-03 12:11:24 PM  
I like ordering Jack & Coke, and then telling the bartender I'm allergic to Coke. Whenever they laugh, the drink comes nice and strong, as hoped. More often than I'd like, however, they just kinda look at me with this blank "if you're allergic to it, why are you ordering it?" kinda stare. The thing is though, like I said, when it works, it works, so I keep trying. ;)
2007-08-03 12:11:27 PM  
When I turn 21 I'm drinking screaming Nazis until I lapse into liver failure
2007-08-03 12:12:07 PM  
I like drinking. I do. A lot.

I can remember when I wanted my first drink.

Let me hop in my "Way Back Machine;" back to a time when things were simple. Life was easy going. I was 7 and I remember wanting to drink up so I'd have an empty instrument and be able to play along with these guys:

[image from too old to be available]
2007-08-03 12:12:50 PM  
And for the record - most of those mixed, fruity, tasty, girl-drinks are 2-4x as strong as your crappy beer.
2007-08-03 12:13:09 PM  
A real man drinks MD2020. Or, in an emergency, Nyquil or vanilla extract. And Sterno or gold Rustoleum is always good, but they will sure fark you up.

/But I wouldn't turn down a beer or a Colt 45, or hell a fruity drink with an umbrella or really anything on the list if I didn't have to pay for it myself.
//One day at a time.
2007-08-03 12:13:55 PM  
If you are such a pussy that you let a drink define how masculine you are, then you probably aren't too masculine.
2007-08-03 12:14:14 PM  

#10, WTF??

There's nothing wrong with ordering bourbon "neat"

Except that it's bourbon, and scotch is better. Other than that, I'd agree with you, though.
2007-08-03 12:14:38 PM  
I'll have a single plum, floating in purfume, served in a man's hat.

/shouldn't be obscure?
2007-08-03 12:14:42 PM  
ReisFlynn: Meanwhile, those of us secure in our manhood will drink whatever the fark we want.

Enjoy your "manhood" that is so delicate that drinking the wrong drink will shatter it, boys.


Or, how I'd put it:

Yeah, because it's not like there are any other drinks out there besides big tough manly gin, scotch, and beer that taste good or exist because they are to be enjoyed and not just used as status symbols.

I love Cosmopolitans and I love a double Maker's Mark on the rocks. I am happy pounding brews, and a good mixed drink is wonderful too. I like shots of the fruity/jello variety and I have been known to shoot everclear. What I drink says just exactly that about me: that's what I like to drink. Nothing more, nothing less, and if people are going to judge me based on my drinks then I don't want to have anything to do with them anyway.
2007-08-03 12:14:56 PM  
And what does it matter what kind of drink your drinking anyways, its just going to lead to the same thing. People acting like baboons and throwing themselves at any person of the opposite sex with a pulse
2007-08-03 12:15:09 PM  
I could go for a bottle of Ripple with lunch.

Anybody know where I can get the good stuff?
2007-08-03 12:16:59 PM  
FTA: Jello shots or any variety of neon shots with about as much alcohol as a juice box

he obviously doesn't know how to make good jello shots. my long island or hurricane jello shots have plenty of good alcohol in them. put you on your behind.

/plus extra gelatin so they set up firm and don't need a cup
//jello jiggler shots are fun
2007-08-03 12:17:38 PM  
Mkay, so why shouldn't men order these drinks again? Oh, the whole 'don't want to appear gay' thing? Pfft.

I'm a man and I stick to fruity drinks because if I'm going to drink, I at least want something that tastes decent and not like dog piss.

Jello Shots contain as much alcohol as a juice box? I guess your bartender sucks then, huh? (;

Granted, I am gay but I don't see why that matters.
2007-08-03 12:18:30 PM  
I hate macho BS.
2007-08-03 12:19:30 PM  
tonesskin: If you are such a pussy that you let a drink define how masculine you are, then you probably aren't too masculine.

It's about time someone said this.

Isn't it?
2007-08-03 12:19:59 PM  
Of course, I also want to buy a really expensive car, pull up to a red light, and blast out "Mandy" by Barry Manilow next to some punk blaring his 50 Cent

You've just given me a new goal in life, and for that, sir, I thank you.

/if you get to do it first, you must bring a video camera
//i promise to do the same
2007-08-03 12:20:35 PM  
Vodak rocks with a lemon.

Single barrel rum or small batch bourbon muddled with mint, peeled peaches and club soda(kinda sissy, but dangerous). Can't get it in a bar.
2007-08-03 12:24:16 PM  
Pabst Blu Ribbon and cold fried chicken or Louis XIII and filet mignon...I really don't give a shiat.
2007-08-03 12:26:34 PM  
The only thing American men should drink is American beer, and in some cases of hardship mixed drinks.

Bud, Natural, Miller, Coors, Keystone. Quit being a girl and man up.

This is about the stupidest thing I've read on this generally stupid thread. And it makes no sense at all given the context of the argument. There are plenty of imports with higher alcohol content and a stronger 'beer' taste than American beers, I don't see how they're manlier at all. Is your basic argument, American farmers are the manliest men in all the manly regions of the world?!

farking hilarious.
2007-08-03 12:27:41 PM  
Pressing issues for our times!
2007-08-03 12:28:43 PM  
There's a place here in Portland that serves a PBR-tini. Pabst Blue Ribbon and well whiskey in a martini-type glass. Not very girly.
2007-08-03 12:29:41 PM  
There is no acceptable substitute for beer.
2007-08-03 12:29:42 PM  
Beer, Tequilla, and Whiskey. I am white.
2007-08-03 12:29:46 PM  

I agree with everything except the 'stupid thread' bit. I've learned alot.

/Like worrying about your drink making you appear less of a man meaning that you aren't much of a man to begin with.
//I just wish someone would've posted it sooner.
2007-08-03 12:30:19 PM  
Anyone who doesn't know how to make a Screaming Viking is not a real man. Greatest drink ever. I prefer the cucumber to be thoroughly mashed.

/Oh, and MD 20/20!
//Meisterbrau FTW!
///Okay, maybe Schlitz Light
////Give me a Fark Slashie, bartender...
2007-08-03 12:31:35 PM  
Ok, where are the pictures of your Liquor Cabinets, Home Bars, and Hutches?

Thought at least a few chest-puffers would be throwing out pictures of their collections
2007-08-03 12:31:59 PM  
Give me a Fark Slashie, bartender...

We must create a recipe to go with this fabulous drink name.

2007-08-03 12:32:23 PM  
AnotherOldFart: Uurrrrpff! I approve.

I'm a--uuurf--an airline pilot...

Link (poppies)

//the funniest skit ever
///watching Dean Martin crack up is equally funny
/RIP Foster Brooks
2007-08-03 12:33:31 PM  
ShredVicious: Franklin Delanor Bluth: I appreciate the advice and the link. A bitter actually sounds good. I've had too many beers on the sweet malty side lately. Though I'd eventually like to take a stab at a dubbel or tripel.

Not to butt in on your conversation, but if you decide to start brewing your own make sure you have a stockpile of quick-aging beers because a tripel takes about three months to condition properly (I've heard of homebrewers letting it sit for 9-12 months, but I don't have that kind of patience).

I've always preferred the tripel from, but I'll also add bitter orange peel, corriander and a bit of ginger root to the recipe.
2007-08-03 12:33:45 PM  
James72: Girl Drink Drunk

Thank you, other James. Thank you for posting that unmitigated classic.
2007-08-03 12:33:54 PM  
G&T is not girlie. Churchill drank em, so that's good enough for me.

TFA is right, the manhattan is coming back fast. I've seen quite a few ordered by 30-ish people just this week. Also, if you look like a man and come into my bar and order a cosmo, im gonna assume youre kidding and laugh. then if you dont say anything for a few seconds, ill be like "....really?"

2007-08-03 12:35:46 PM  
Give me a Fark Slashie, bartender...

We must create a recipe to go with this fabulous drink name.

Well, we'll have to think of the right ingredients but it should have a liberal amount of one ingredient, a conservative amount af another, and it must be able to spontaneously combust into flames.
2007-08-03 12:36:22 PM  
evenpar123: The only thing American men should drink is American beer, and in some cases of hardship mixed drinks.

If you specifically order some obscure German or European beer, and this certainly includes Guinness, you're a ninny. Everyone on the internet lauds those manly-manly beers because they don't actually drink, or never did until college, and want to look like they know and are accomplished drinkers. Please. Go into a bar in rural Nebraska, and see how many farmers are drinking your yuppie beers.

Bud, Natural, Miller, Coors, Keystone. Quit being a girl and man up.

O'RLY? You mean the pale piss you call beer? Yeah, try a lager or ale some time instead of that watered down piss-in-a-can.
2007-08-03 12:37:18 PM  
jamesgsu: James72: Girl Drink Drunk

Thank you, other James. Thank you for posting that unmitigated classic.

Ditto that. I could watch those old skits all day long.

I love the one where Dave Foley has a big chunk of food in his mustache during an interview, and the interviewer can't get past it. Stupid as hell, and simple, but classic.
2007-08-03 12:40:02 PM  
Real men make their Gin using Korean war era recycled medical surplus items.
2007-08-03 12:40:39 PM  
heelslide.netView Full Size
2007-08-03 12:40:56 PM  
Bschott007: Ok, where are the pictures of your Liquor Cabinets, Home Bars, and Hutches?

Thought at least a few chest-puffers would be throwing out pictures of their collections

Ask and you shall receive...

tomscan.comView Full Size

tomscan.comView Full Size

tomscan.comView Full Size

tomscan.comView Full Size
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