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(CBS13.com - CBS Sacramento)   'Beaver-Wetter', 'Aikin-Johnson' 'Wacker-Dailey' and more in this cutting-edge expose on when NOT to hyphenate your name (pics)   (cbs13.com ) divider line
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23779 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2007 at 2:25 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-08-01 04:12:57 PM  
I love my husband, but he has a really goofy last name. Even if he didn't, I doubt I would've changed mine. It would've been a pain in the ass in my profession to change my name (new federal and state licenses, notifications to professional societies, all of which could take months to go into effect), and I saw no need to do so, in any case. I would think that my wedding ring and my huge, pregnant belly are signs enough that my husband and I are involved in something bigger than either one of us.
 
2007-08-01 04:13:13 PM  
WhiteLarryBird: At least I got to laugh today at someone else's expense.

Also gotta say that MetaRinka hit the nail on the head with his reasoning for the changing of surnames. UNITY!

Those who say they keep their maiden names because of their professional life are just plain lazy. Order some new business cards, call your IT Dept to get your email changed, and let everyone know you have a new name. With email you can take care of the bulk of the problem in 10 minutes. People will adjust. It's fairly easy. For people with kids involved it's a bit harder but if you didn't re-marry a complete douche who beats your kid worse than your last husband, your kid will come around and want to be a part of his/her new daddy's family.

Names with hyphens should go away. If you believe in the tradition of marriage take the tradition of a unified family with it.


Then take her name. It's still unity, right?

/didn't think so
 
2007-08-01 04:16:56 PM  
I kept my last name when I got married for the second time and I would not consider myself pretentious at all.

When I divorced the first time, I made more money than my ex, and since I wanted him to have joint custody and knew he couldn't afford a decent place on his own, I let him keep our house. I also did not ask for any alimony or child support, since I knew he would be a good dad and I wanted him to spend the money on the kid, not me. We didn't even go to court (which was a stipulation of mine when he asked for the divorce).

I supported myself for three years, and when I finally found someone good enough to marry, I felt like I didn't need to change anything about myself, including my last name. I'm stubborn, yes, but also fair, and would not have married someone who insisted I change my name.
 
2007-08-01 04:19:41 PM  
I kid thee not, there was a teacher in my home town named, "Harold Richard Ball". I wonder if he ever married...
 
2007-08-01 04:20:17 PM  
Precioustaters: Sure, and she should also wear a burka and walk ten paces behind men at all times because that is also tradition. God forbid she work or speak to other men at all!

I'm speechless.

aniktwo: I am also an educated, intelligent, independent, professional formerly-married woman, and I chose to keep my own name. It's not that difficult to say "I'm married".

/people using the term "feminazi" obviously don't know much about what real feminism is about


In my experience, it is those who take offense to the term 'feminazi' who are clueless as to what 'real feminism' is all about.

Equal does not mean same, sweeties. You should smile more.
 
2007-08-01 04:20:35 PM  
They swiped this from a forwarded e-mail; I saw these a few weeks ago. Some "journalist" is just using Ctrl-C & Ctrl-V.
 
2007-08-01 04:22:33 PM  
ROWAN13: Wow, there's some rather ridiculously indoctrinated feminazi chicks in this thread.

Taking your husband's name does not equal losing your independence or identity. It clarifies you are part of a larger entity, which is what marriage is supposed to be, isn't it?

I'm an educated, intelligent, independent, professional married woman, and it was OUR preference to change my last name to his. If you seriously believe changing the last name causes major problems for a high-profile working woman, you really need to get your head out of your ass. It's not that difficult to say, "I got married."

/sheesh


..and my head is up my ass? I don't know what you do for a living, but there are certain jobs where it is just not a good idea. I've had teachers, dental hygenists, stylists all change their last name. That's fine. They work with a smaller, more local clientele. They can explain that they got married, end of story.

Read ImpatientlyUnsympathetic's post below. The aunt I mention is in publishing with a multi-national company. While the people in her office would have understood that she was the same person, she would be ignored as a new kid when she attended the larger events in Korea, or Finland, or whereever they're doing them this year. They've all seen Patty Smith's work, but would have no idea who Patty Jones was.

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: precia: When career women get married, name changes can be damaging. My aunt married young, took her husband's name, and then became prolific in her field. After the divorce, she kept his name because reverting would only cause confusion.

THIS. Same thing with a client I work with, but she got married when she was 40y/o after spending 18 years in her field making her name as Hanson now she is Louis, and everyone assumes she is a different person. Then she wants into a meeting and everyone goes "OHH Cheryl Hanson, we didnt know you were on this project!" Nevermind that Cheryl Louis had been communicating with them for ages. If you have a field that is all face-to-face, then fine, change your name, but you have to be careful when its more digital or reputation based rather than face-to-face.
 
2007-08-01 04:23:21 PM  
If you believe in the tradition of marriage take the tradition of a unified family with it.

Which has fark-all to do with last names, especially if you choose not to have kids. My husband wouldn't have dreamt of asking me to go through the hassle (and yes, with new DL, new SS card, new passport, new company ID, etc, it would have been a hassle) of changing my name just for the sake of showing the world how "unified" we are. How ridiculous.
 
2007-08-01 04:24:26 PM  
ROWAN13: Precioustaters: Sure, and she should also wear a burka and walk ten paces behind men at all times because that is also tradition. God forbid she work or speak to other men at all!

I'm speechless.


And stay that way, men are talking.
 
2007-08-01 04:25:29 PM  
When I got married, I semi-forced my wife to keep her surname. Basically, I threatened that if she changed hers to mine, I was changing mine to hers - as I am just enough of a bastard to do this and my name would have been the same as her father's, she gave in. Basically, I'm lazy: I got used to thinking of her as "X Y" and saw no reason I should have to relearn her as "X Z" just because we were married. Amazingly, her reasonably liberal family consistently refer to her as "X Z" in correspondence, but my rather conservative family very happily call her "X Y". It also provides mild amusement when our students don't realize we are married - one even declared the whole thing "unfair" since she didn't realize we were married. Never had any problems with any government or other institution, either, despite living in sme rather conservative parts of the South.
 
2007-08-01 04:26:21 PM  
MissMalice: i just cant stand to put my kids in daycare every day of thier early years just so we can have a nice tv and a big SUV.

What if it's so you can continue your professional career, so the kids can have a college savings, and you can both fund your retirement? There are many reasons for both spouses to work beyond simply accumulating material goods. And some daycare is actually pretty good...my kids learned sign language, Spanish, all sorts of groovy stuff before preschool due to their daycare. Also got to spend lots of time around a diverse group of kids, much more so than our neighborhood offers. No regrets at all on my end, and my wife got to continue in her career, which she finds rewarding as well. It's not just about the money-- if that was the goal, I could have taken another job myself or simply gone into the trades rather than getting a Ph.D.. Plumber often make more than college faculty these days, as it turns out.
 
2007-08-01 04:27:33 PM  
Mrs. Thyomorb (nee Whatsits) and I discussed hyphenation. The conclusion we came to:

What if Baby Whatsits-Thyomorb, a female, married Jed Bobson? Would she become Baby Whatsits-Thyomorb-Bobson? Then if a daughter is born of that union, does she hyphenate? Where does it end. Our heads hurt so we just went the old, traditional route.
 
2007-08-01 04:28:15 PM  
Crewmannumber6: cheesemagnate: IMHO, the whole concept of marriage is outdated & needs to be replaced, considering that more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

IMHO, that's because you don't have the balls that it takes to be married. It's hard, but worth it.


No, mainly because I went through my parents divorce as a child, & have watched it happen to most of my siblings & extended family as they got older, got married, then divorced with or without children.
 
2007-08-01 04:28:32 PM  
Farmers Market: Just keep in mind that guys who change their last name to the woman's after getting married = biggest pussies alive.

With men, it's a stigma. With women, it isn't.

Sorry, but it's true.


Not necessarily. I know a guy who did that because he no longer wanted to carry the last name of his absentee father and a side of the family with whom he had little or no relationship.
 
2007-08-01 04:28:41 PM  
I'm really getting a kick out of these replys.
 
2007-08-01 04:29:05 PM  
Again, I'm baffled by the fact that a lot of women in this thread are under the delusion that we care what they have to say...
 
2007-08-01 04:32:18 PM  
Only on Fark could marriage anouncements, which list the current last names of the two people who are to marry, turn into a name hyphenation thing.
 
2007-08-01 04:33:39 PM  
MissMalice, you and my wife would get along great.

My wife insisted on taking my name, and she is an intelligent and funny woman. She loves shocking the PC people with her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making pie true story.

She wanted kids early, we have two (and only two /snip).
We also share all the duties of keeping house. When I have the kids on the weekend days she is helping her step-dad with drywall and painting jobs, I am always amazed that she has the energy she does after dealing with two boys all day while I am at my 8-5 desk job.


I love my life, although I could have done without the pretentious ladies that started treating my wife like she had the plague because she was pregnant and *GASP* married to boot, as she continued to attend class Winter AND Summer semesters until she was put on bed rest for over doing it.

She was actually told, "Oh honey, you're not pregnant, that's a beer belly."


/to stay on topic, Hardy-Harr was lame.
 
2007-08-01 04:34:12 PM  
Kazuya: Not hyphenated but this dude was on an Irish TV show a while back.

Willie Stroker? Annd-Howe
 
2007-08-01 04:34:26 PM  
farkII: MissMalice: i just cant stand to put my kids in daycare every day of thier early years just so we can have a nice tv and a big SUV.

What if it's so you can continue your professional career, so the kids can have a college savings, and you can both fund your retirement? There are many reasons for both spouses to work beyond simply accumulating material goods. And some daycare is actually pretty good...my kids learned sign language, Spanish, all sorts of groovy stuff before preschool due to their daycare. Also got to spend lots of time around a diverse group of kids, much more so than our neighborhood offers. No regrets at all on my end, and my wife got to continue in her career, which she finds rewarding as well. It's not just about the money-- if that was the goal, I could have taken another job myself or simply gone into the trades rather than getting a Ph.D.. Plumber often make more than college faculty these days, as it turns out.


QFT. My kid has always been in a terrific daycare. I don't drive an SUV or have a huge house. But I do have a job that requires my attendance in exchange for a paycheck which in turn gets exchanged for things like electricity, food, and sometimes movie tickets. It's a crazy, crazy world. (Especially when I pick him up early and he starts crying because they're about to play a game or go outside or whatever. You would think the little twerp would be happy to see me.)
 
2007-08-01 04:34:28 PM  
Not necessarily. I know a guy who did that because he no longer wanted to carry the last name of his absentee father and a side of the family with whom he had little or no relationship.

Oh sure, there are exceptions to everything, but that doesn't mean that the stigma isn't there.
 
2007-08-01 04:35:11 PM  
Who the hell WOULDN'T want the last name Best-Lay?

Otherwise, why in the flippin hell don't people with names like Weener and Butts CHANGE THEM???
 
2007-08-01 04:35:34 PM  
Precioustaters Then take her name. It's still unity, right?
Perhaps you missed the part where I agreed with MetaRinka. If you read his post it states: I view the name dropping/changing thing like this. It's a symbolic gesture to signify that the two people are now one married couple. I don't care if the husband takes the wife's last name, the other way around or you both go out and pick your own last name. but it does show unity. Having seperate last names make it sound like you aren't even married.

It doesn't matter to me what name a couple decides to use. It doesn't seem like you are really interested in the principles of marraige if you want to be viewed as seperate people.
 
2007-08-01 04:35:46 PM  
kc987654: But you're dead, so why should we listen to you?

Oh, now you've got something against the dead, huh? The dead have no rights?


/+1 for thinking of that, KC
 
2007-08-01 04:37:25 PM  
precia: ...and my head is up my ass? I don't know what you do for a living, but there are certain jobs where it is just not a good idea. I've had teachers, dental hygenists, stylists all change their last name. That's fine. They work with a smaller, more local clientele. They can explain that they got married, end of story.

Read ImpatientlyUnsympathetic's post below. The aunt I mention is in publishing with a multi-national company. While the people in her office would have understood that she was the same person, she would be ignored as a new kid when she attended the larger events in Korea, or Finland, or whereever they're doing them this year. They've all seen Patty Smith's work, but would have no idea who Patty Jones was.

ImpatientlyUnsympathetic: precia: When career women get married, name changes can be damaging. My aunt married young, took her husband's name, and then became prolific in her field. After the divorce, she kept his name because reverting would only cause confusion.

THIS. Same thing with a client I work with, but she got married when she was 40y/o after spending 18 years in her field making her name as Hanson now she is Louis, and everyone assumes she is a different person. Then she wants into a meeting and everyone goes "OHH Cheryl Hanson, we didnt know you were on this project!" Nevermind that Cheryl Louis had been communicating with them for ages. If you have a field that is all face-to-face, then fine, change your name, but you have to be careful when its more digital or reputation based rather than face-to-face.


Since you asked, international publishing and marketing, which is very digital- and reputation-based. I had no problems. It was actually a great topic of conversation, and our business didn't suffer one iota.

The arguments being presented so far as to difficulties in recognition are ludicrous. I can see where it is necessary for some, and a poster above mentioned a great solution with a public versus private persona.

I'm not saying a woman should be forced to take her husband's last name. What I AM saying is taking your husband's last name does not mean you are a helpless victim of patriarchal rule.
 
2007-08-01 04:38:55 PM  
ROWAN13

I'm not saying a woman should be forced to take her husband's last name. What I AM saying is taking your husband's last name does not mean you are a helpless victim of patriarchal rule.

Good luck...
 
2007-08-01 04:39:09 PM  
Cox-Clapp
 
2007-08-01 04:39:27 PM  
Farmers Market: Just keep in mind that guys who change their last name to the woman's after getting married = biggest pussies alive.

With men, it's a stigma. With women, it isn't.

Sorry, but it's true.


Oh, so making a choice to buck the status quo and expose oneself to potential stigma rather than simply conforming makes one a pussy? Your "logic" is perplexing.
 
2007-08-01 04:40:59 PM  
meat0918

I love my life, too. And I could pretty much do without the smug stay-at-home ladies who tell me I'm going to fark up my kid by allowing him to be raised by someone unrelated to him. Or that I work because I want to have a plasma TV or an SUV rather than watching my kid grow, so my priorities are obviously screwed up. How about you guys do what's good for you, my family and I will do what's good for us, and everyone else can just shut up about it already.
 
2007-08-01 04:42:09 PM  
If I had hyphenated, I would be Bright-Wright. I didn't. Also, our dads are both named David.
 
2007-08-01 04:42:31 PM  
cheesemagnate: No, mainly because I went through my parents divorce as a child, & have watched it happen to most of my siblings & extended family as they got older, got married, then divorced with or without children.

Then I would consider them selfish pricks or adult children. My parents stayed together. When I was a kid alot of times I wished they wouldn't. But I was a kid. Now I understand. Their happiness lay in my future.

Sure there are marriages that one or both people should get out of for their own good/safety, but I think these are more rare than people think. Most people are just selfish.
 
2007-08-01 04:44:03 PM  
CheezeAnvil: Sure, okay. I feel that I can represent men in saying we'll get right on that as soon as the word "alimony" is eliminated from the English language in all of its shapes and forms (including inflated child support based on yearly income rather than actual child rearing costs, see: Matt Leinart).

Gotta love that "two wrongs make a right" logic.
 
2007-08-01 04:45:26 PM  
Dr.Knockboots: Any female with a hyphenated last name is a pretentious coont.



Not necessarily. When I married my husband, I already had a seven year old daughter. It was important to me, and my daughter, that I still have the same last name as her. My husband gets it, and I told my daughter that when she turns eighteen, I'm dropping that portion of my name.

Keep in mind it's a ridiculously long name. Doesn't even fit on my driver's license. But I hated the thought of my daughter being the odd one out in the family.
 
2007-08-01 04:49:13 PM  
So what happens when a person who has a hyphenated name gets married? Does it become Ginger-Johnson-Goober? How bout when two people have hyphenated names? or when their kids get married?

Where does it end? When you need a fork lift to read the phone book? Hi my name is Billy Aikin-Johnson-Wacker-Dailey-Gomer-Pile-Lee-Wong-Main-Bush!

I agree that most women who choose the hyphenated route are anal and biatchy.
 
2007-08-01 04:50:31 PM  
Wow... this thread is... wow.

I'm getting married next year and I am choosing to change my name. It was a hard decision because I have already been published under my maiden name, so I was considering hyphenating for professional reasons. I would be maereth X to friends and family, but future publications would be under maereth X-Y.

I don't know if many men appreciate this... but changing your name is a shiatload of work. Social security, passport services, bank information, credit cards, drivers license, car insurance, 401k, everything. Back when my mom changed her last name, she didn't have all of these things to worry about.
 
2007-08-01 04:50:34 PM  
Dreamless
Oh, so making a choice to buck the status quo and expose oneself to potential stigma rather than simply conforming makes one a pussy? Your "logic" is perplexing.

Hah, are you a guy or a girl?
 
2007-08-01 04:50:57 PM  
ROWAN13:

I'm not saying a woman should be forced to take her husband's last name. What I AM saying is taking your husband's last name does not mean you are a helpless victim of patriarchal rule.

I was going to reply angrily to your response to me earlier, but then I read this and I realized that we are on the same side of the argument. One of the real tenets of feminism is a woman having the choice to make her own decisions, including whether or not to take another name. I have no moral or ethical opposition to someone changing their name at any time, but I resent the implication that a woman not changing her name has anything to do with commitment or the ability to successfully create a family unit.

/that is all
//I smile all the time, biatch
///Just kidding about the "biatch"
 
2007-08-01 04:52:54 PM  
Farmers Market: Hah, are you a guy or a girl?

Explain the relevance to my argument of said fact.
 
2007-08-01 04:58:17 PM  
MetaRinka: I view the name dropping/changing thing like this. It's a symbolic gesture to signify that the two people are now one married couple. I don't care if the husband takes the wife's last name, the other way around or you both go out and pick your own last name. but it does show unity. Having seperate last names make it sound like you aren't even married. My boss was an established artist when she got married and obviously didn't want to change her name, she legally changed it and her kids carry the husband's name, but for the Art world she keeps her maiden name. much like many celebrities do.

\I would change my last name if my wifey had a really nice one, but I dunno Ifill is pretty shweet


And really, going the route of actors etc, with keeping a "professional name" and having their "married legal name" is the best compormise in my opinion.

As to the "why doesnt the man take the woman's name!?"

Some do, for various reasons. There was a story here on fark a few months back about a guy who did that because he hated his birth family/father. The state was giving him a hassle about the paperwork IIRC (the form didnt have a name change option for the husband..). I'll only take my wife's name if I somehow find out my dad was more of /dad's family are total arseholes (aka worse than now) and I decide that I want to let my family line die out (I'm the last male of the family name). OR My wife is the main breadwinner of the family, and in a divorce situation I will have the same rights/benefits/bias the courts now give to the "primary caregivers" of the children. Namely women. Some courts have been known to get a bit confuzzled when it happens to be the man as primary caregiver.

I think I'd probably be somewhat flexible for the right woman. I used to be far more open to non traditional ideas in this area but watching friends and family the past 10 years from my 20s to now 30...

Honestly, as long as I, the male/husband in the marriage am thus viewed by society as the default main person responsible for finanical support/protection etc. in a marriage (you know, where a wife can cheat on me yet still get full custody of the kids,the house, alimony, and a large child support check each month), then one of the benefits for all those responsibilities/consequences is that my wife takes my last name and carries on the patrilineal family line.
 
2007-08-01 05:00:43 PM  
Dreamless
Explain the relevance to my argument of said fact.

Because if you're a woman, I guess I could understand your inability to grasp the concept of stigmas that actually effect men and not women in this regard. But if you're a guy.. ugh.. you know what - you're right, you would HAVE to be a woman to have posted such a thing as:

"Oh, so making a choice to buck the status quo and expose oneself to potential stigma rather than simply conforming makes one a pussy?", as a response to my above statement. Thanks for playing!
 
2007-08-01 05:01:36 PM  
jeffest: My wife kept her last name and added mine. she did this because we have a step son with her maiden name and a son with my last name. By keeping her last name and adding mine, it allows her to have a link between both kids. For all of the guys who disagree with this practice, Go back to your moms basement and Fark off.

This.
 
2007-08-01 05:02:08 PM  
I've heard some weird names. One was Peter Gozinia (Peter goes in you)
 
2007-08-01 05:02:47 PM  
if i ever get married i'll demand my new wife keep her own last name. i don't believe in the traditional husband/wife dynamic thing. women are not possessions anymore.

but i have a silly last name. so maybe i just don't want her to have a silly last name too.

i remember some reporter asked johnny depp why he and vanessa paradis weren't married. he said that if they got married she would probably take his last name, and then her name would be vanessa depp. he said vanessa paradis just sounds better.
 
2007-08-01 05:04:31 PM  
PinkoLeftist: Honestly, as long as I, the male/husband in the marriage am thus viewed by society as the default main person responsible for finanical support/protection etc. in a marriage (you know, where a wife can cheat on me yet still get full custody of the kids,the house, alimony, and a large child support check each month), then one of the benefits for all those responsibilities/consequences is that my wife takes my last name and carries on the patrilineal family line.

You know, if you go into marriage with attitudes like this it's a pretty good bet you'll end up divorced.

/just sayin'
 
2007-08-01 05:04:39 PM  
enderthexenocide

if i ever get married i'll demand my new wife keep her own last name. i don't believe in the traditional husband/wife dynamic thing. women are not possessions anymore.

If that's the way you feel, why would you even bother getting married?
 
2007-08-01 05:05:14 PM  
ThurmanMerman

I love my life, too. And I could pretty much do without the smug stay-at-home ladies who tell me I'm going to fark up my kid by allowing him to be raised by someone unrelated to him. Or that I work because I want to have a plasma TV or an SUV rather than watching my kid grow, so my priorities are obviously screwed up. How about you guys do what's good for you, my family and I will do what's good for us, and everyone else can just shut up about it already.

I never said anything of the sort. You must be replying to other posters. My wife is anything but smug.

I didn't like the fact that my wife and I lost some of our so-called friends because we got married and started a family before we were college grads. Birth control fails sometimes. Plans go sour, you adapt or fail.

What I find appalling are not those working families that work so they can provide for their kids. Both my parents worked, I am now a mildly successful person because they worked and put me through college. It would not have happened without both of them working.

What I find appalling are those that dump their kids on others so they can go have fun all the time. Finding a babysitter so you can go out with your spouse is fine. But trying to avoid parenting is what pisses me off, and screws up kids.

/Has a friend (a stay at home mom too) that does this.
//Haven't been able to talk to her about it.
 
2007-08-01 05:06:39 PM  
Ah, your deconstructionist approach = FAIL.

Let's see, what takes more courage: making a choice that could lead to loss of face in general society by refusing to cling to outmoded traditions? or avoiding novel choices to avoid the aforementioned stigma? Hmm...

Although I really shouldn't lower myself to your level, I'll respond to your a/s/l query: I'm a dude.

/my balls are bigger than your brain
//which isn't really saying much
 
2007-08-01 05:08:22 PM  
More than half of all marriages end in divorce. Not according to the New York Times; their report indicates approximately a 41% and falling rate. Plus, and I don't have a citation for this one, people fare worse in their chances on subsequent marriages, which would skew the statistics in the cynics favor.

However, I do agree that many peoples' idea of marriage is total BS. If you aren't in love when you say "I do," you are probably already farked and your name is likely Heddin-Sand.
 
2007-08-01 05:09:25 PM  
BTW, I asked my wife if she wanted to keep her name or hyphenate or whatever. She choose to take my name. I didn't care either way.

She has the choice to go back to work if she wants to. It would definitely make my paying of BOTH of our college loans easier. That choice did not exist all those years ago.
 
2007-08-01 05:10:52 PM  
Dreamless

Ah, your deconstructionist approach = FAIL.

Let's see, what takes more courage: making a choice that could lead to loss of face in general society by refusing to cling to outmoded traditions? or avoiding novel choices to avoid the aforementioned stigma? Hmm...

Although I really shouldn't lower myself to your level, I'll respond to your a/s/l query: I'm a dude.

/my balls are bigger than your brain
//which isn't really saying much


Your assumption here is that Farmers Market believes that the traditions are outmoded but clings to them out of fear of ridicule. My guess is that this is not the case. In fact, he may be showing a great deal of integrity by following traditions that, in contrast to your beliefs, he feels are important, regardless of their apparently increasing unpopularity.
 
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