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(Iwon)   William McGonagall fans campaigning to put him in pantheon of literary greats as "World's Worst Poet." No comment from the Vogons   (apnews1.iwon.com) divider line 49
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3093 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jul 2007 at 1:24 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-07-30 01:07:15 PM
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
 
2007-07-30 01:28:18 PM
Is this the same McGonagall Prof. McGonagall was named after in HP? I know JKR named the character after a "horrible" poet.
 
2007-07-30 01:28:38 PM
not impressed

www.isd77.k12.mn.us
 
2007-07-30 01:28:52 PM
Thousands of emo kids could rightfully challenge that title...
 
2007-07-30 01:29:09 PM
I thought it was Paul Neil Milne Johnstone (new window)
 
2007-07-30 01:30:25 PM
I think that I shall never see
A poet quite as bad as me
 
2007-07-30 01:31:33 PM
Much as I love a HHG2G reference, I have to go more obscure:

Registration Day
On registration day at taxidermy school
I distinctly saw the eyes of the stuffed moose
Move.
 
2007-07-30 01:31:46 PM
Good luck to them: they're going to have a hell of a time wresting the crown from this loser. (pops)
 
2007-07-30 01:32:37 PM
www.united-shops.com

Unavailable for comment
 
2007-07-30 01:34:56 PM
Actually, the Vogons are only the Universe's second worst poets, so it might not be a problem.

/so long, and thanks for all the fark!
 
2007-07-30 01:36:01 PM
 
2007-07-30 01:37:11 PM
Props to anyone who uses the word buttresses in poetry. My aunt told me about how when people would read the tay bridge disaster everyone in the audience would shout BUTTRESSES! when it came time.

must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with BUTTRESSES!,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
 
2007-07-30 01:37:18 PM
He may be the world's worst published poet, but I am sure there is much worse that never gets into print, and never should.

McGonagall certainly had a chronic case of rhyme-itis, but at least he didn't add izzle to his wizzles so they don't have to rizzle. Fo shizzle!
 
2007-07-30 01:38:30 PM
My favorite poem!
Fleas:
Adam had'em
 
2007-07-30 01:40:56 PM
char_boy: Good luck to them: they're going to have a hell of a time wresting the crown from this loser. (pops)

That is some world class snark, right there, snapping it on a dead kid
/might I inquire about your newletter?
 
2007-07-30 01:41:59 PM
I'm a fan of The Great McGonagall, and I'm not just poking fun at a bad poet.

McGonagall Online

His determination to improve his lot was admirable.
 
2007-07-30 01:42:20 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket!

/ahh forget it
 
2007-07-30 01:46:40 PM
What about Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings?
 
2007-07-30 01:49:41 PM
McGarnagall?

users.bigpond.net.au
 
2007-07-30 01:53:29 PM
Nobody can top Uwen McDougal's 'Can you loan me 10 pounds til next Tuesday' and his classic 'What's 20 quid to the bloody Midland Bank'
 
2007-07-30 01:56:55 PM
tamsnod27: That is some world class snark, right there, snapping it on a dead kid
/might I inquire about your newletter?


Learn from the masters: Nation afraid to admit 9-year old disabled poet really bad.
 
2007-07-30 01:57:52 PM
Shake and shake the catsup bottle.
None will come and then a lot'll.

- Ogden Nash
 
2007-07-30 02:00:29 PM
Snake Plissken Quote 2007-07-30 01:53:29 PM
Nobody can top Uwen McDougal's 'Can you loan me 10 pounds til next Tuesday' and his classic 'What's 20 quid to the bloody Midland Bank'

"can I have 50 pounds to mend the shed?"
 
2007-07-30 02:01:08 PM
h3dge: Unavailable for comment


On the contrary:

My soul is wrapped in harsh repose
Midnight descends in raven-colored clothes
But soft... behold! A sunlight beam
Cutting a swath of glimmering gleam
My heart expands, 'tis grown a bulge in it
Inspired by your beauty... effulgent


/gag
 
2007-07-30 02:01:13 PM
Forty-Two, How scary is it that I thought of good ol' Gavin too?
 
2007-07-30 02:10:20 PM
www.platowa.com

Have they filled out the correct paperwork in triplicate yet?
 
2007-07-30 02:12:36 PM
pupdog: Forty-Two, How scary is it that I thought of good ol' Gavin too?

I was hoping that somewhere on Fark there would be someone else who's read Gordon Korman.

/You win the Vishnik Prize!
 
2007-07-30 02:18:19 PM
As a deaf person, I am happy for my natural immunity to Vogon poetry.

-FC
 
2007-07-30 02:18:35 PM
nice subby, mad eme smile
 
2007-07-30 02:25:02 PM
shlabotnik, quit stealing my hobby!
Forty_Two I agree with you.
Zero One, actually they're the 3rd worst (after the Azgoths of Kria).
Franklin Delanor Bluth, you are correct, sir (aka Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings).

*Ahem*
Putty. Putty. Putty.
Green Putty - Grutty Peen.
Grarmpitutty - Morning!
Pridsummer - Grorning Utty!
Discovery..... Oh.
Putty?..... Armpit?
Armpit..... Putty.
Not even a particularly
Nice shade of green.
 
2007-07-30 02:51:08 PM
Meh, untill the dudes small intestine reaches out and chokes him to death it just ain't that bad.
 
2007-07-30 02:53:45 PM
Franklin Delanor Bluth: I thought it was Paul Neil Milne Johnstone (new window)

+1 for going back to the original radio play.
 
2007-07-30 02:56:53 PM
Hoff's Ode To My Lover

Oh, to perloin your under-niblits
and your lady potato chestbits.
Giveth me your praise in lust
As I sucketh on your toe's crust.
As passion plays its little game
We eat a hamburger drunk and naked by the flame.
Of your eyes I look into with my eyes and see
your eyes looking back at me.
 
2007-07-30 03:02:39 PM
To Ma Own beloved Lassie.
A poem on her 17th Birthday.
Lend us a couple of bob till Thursday.
I'm absolutely skint.
But I'm expecting a postal order
and I can pay you back as soon as it comes.
Love Ewan
 
2007-07-30 03:14:18 PM
Before RTFA'ing, I thought that there was no way that he could be as bad as Julia Moore:

http://www.wmich.edu/english/txt/Moore/

I'm still not convinced that he's worse, but I think that it may be a tie.
 
2007-07-30 03:53:57 PM
Yeesh, her stuff is bad.
 
2007-07-30 04:14:08 PM
Of course, there is a school of thought that says that his famous poem, The Tay Bridge Disaster, is bad on purpose: the poem is as much of a train-wreck as the crash.
 
2007-07-30 04:33:06 PM
I still have to give this title to the Vogons. I'm reasonably sure McGonagall's poetry was never used as a torture device.

Nice one subby
 
2007-07-30 04:48:04 PM
Ickyelf:
What about Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings?
Zarkinfrood
Zero One, actually they're the 3rd worst (after the Azgoths of Kria).
Franklin Delanor Bluth, you are correct, sir (aka Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings).


But the Earth gets destroyed so Zero One is in fact correct, Vogon poetry is the second worst in the galaxy.
 
2007-07-30 05:00:04 PM
What's twenty quid to the bloody Midland Bank.

/McTeagle
 
2007-07-30 06:05:20 PM
I never saw a purple cow
And I hope I never see one
But I can tell you, anyhow
That I'd rather see than be one
 
2007-07-30 06:49:43 PM
Uzzah: tamsnod27: That is some world class snark, right there, snapping it on a dead kid
/might I inquire about your newletter?

Learn from the masters: Nation afraid to admit 9-year old disabled poet really bad.


IDS(imminent death syndrome)
 
2007-07-30 06:59:44 PM
^comment 42 ftw
 
2007-07-30 07:48:25 PM
I just popped in to say that Professor McGonagall is a very cool woman.
 
2007-07-30 08:02:37 PM
shlabotnik: There once was a man from Nantucket!

/ahh forget it


There once was a man from Nantucket
He had a kack so long he could "suck it, Trebek"
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
If my ear was a bajinjo i could fark it.

/That makes no damn sense!
//it doesn't even rhyme!!
 
2007-07-30 11:45:16 PM
John Lillison, England's greatest one-armed poet.

O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy-nointy.
 
2007-07-31 02:16:53 AM
Sorry, Emily Dickinson wins.
 
2007-07-31 04:37:10 AM
This guy is tons better than the aging rich ladies who come to poetry readings in the city to read their crap. It's so depressing, because some days you get 95% rich lady and 5% people with something to say.

The day I lost faith in poetry was the day someone brought a poem called "On Seeing My Ex-Husband and His New Wife in the Cheese Line in the Gourmet Grocery Store."

I swear to God I am not making this up.

/she's published, too
 
2007-07-31 04:21:54 PM
Patf: You forgot Lillison's "In Dillan's Grove"!

In Dillan's Grove my love did die,
and now in ground shall ever lie.
None could ever replace her visage,
until your face brought thoughts of kissage.


//complete works here -- http://www.zachd.com/writing/johnl.html
 
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