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(London Times)   James Bond really is an idiot   (entertainment.timesonline.co.uk) divider line 175
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46390 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2007 at 9:43 AM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-07-26 02:26:07 PM
DaShredda: James Bond is a horrible spy.

I was watching a show on REAL spies.


This made me think of Garak commenting on Julian Bashir's holodeck program (which is essentially a Connery-era Bond setting).

Personaly, I like the goofiness of Bond films, and - while this is likely to be an unpopular opinion - think the latest one tries to be a bit too tough and serious.

I know the books are kind of different, I've only read one of them (The Man With The Golden Gun), and while I enjoyed it as a teenager I'm not sure I would today.

Maybe I'm just not enough of a fan - to me, Bond flicks have always been good entertainment, but nothing to get worked up over.
 
2007-07-26 02:44:18 PM
Vertigo688: Writer of TFA doesn't know shiat about shiat. I'd love to see any ordinary man try to capture or kill Auric Goldfinger.

kinda hard for an "ordinary man" to capture a fictional character

/just sayin'
 
2007-07-26 02:51:06 PM
SPOILER ALERT! JAMES BOND LIVES, HAS SEX, AND DRINKS!
 
2007-07-26 03:03:01 PM
So, for all the "James Bond is a horrible spy" people:

1. They're action movies. All the real espionagely bits from Fleming's (highly entertaining) novels are cut out for obvious reasons.

2. He's not a spy, he's a 007 agent. While this is still a (fictitious) secret service classification, it's more a paramilitary thing: extractions and assassinations, not undercover work. He's sent in precisely because an "international incident" that will require cover up is expected, and the service intends to be on the winning side at all costs.

3. He's neither trained nor suited for deep cover. Temporary identity that holds unless someone recognizes him, in, shoot relevant counterintelligence agent/political figure, out. The deep cover guys are the invisible hand that keeps him alive, and often one of them dying is what gets him called in in the first place.

4. Getting captured is a good way to get close enough to kill them, apparently. So is playing the double-agent. The theory behind why it works in each case is more fully explained in the books, obviously. Generally from the mouth of one of his superior officers, as Bond is one of those "smart, but not intelligent" guys that doesn't generally come up with his own plans.

5. It's fiction. People don't want to read about successful espionage operations, they want to read about the crazy things done to recover when those operations go horribly wrong. Thus, 007 and Bourne.


//Don't actually care this much.
//Just bored and too much of a fiction writer to pass that one up.
 
2007-07-26 03:04:39 PM
No Sam Fisher quotes? I'm very disappointed in FARK.

"Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!"
 
2007-07-26 03:06:48 PM
While I'm not 100% convinced that CASINO ROYALE was
the best Bond movie evar (FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE is
still tops in my estimation), I have to say that it
does have the best use of the famous "Bond. James
Bond." phrase evar.

Craig's delivery on it sealed the deal for me, and
now I am REALLY looking foward to RISICO (the supposed
title of the next one).
 
2007-07-26 03:08:35 PM
mildmildwest: Hey, buddy. Did you know the girl in "The Crying Game" is really a guy? And, in "The Sixth Sense", Bruce Willis is actually dead?

HA! More fool you... the girl in "The Crying Game" is really Bruce Willis.

/Wanna See My spoiler?
 
2007-07-26 03:32:07 PM
Idiot?

Obviously the poster is the idiot. James bond isn't real dude.
 
2007-07-26 03:34:30 PM
Spreggels: Casino Royale was pretty awesome, although I can't really get on board with the theme song being sung by a man. You're supposed to have a vamping female sing it, not the former frontman of Soundgarden.

first James Bond song nominated for an Academy Award? "Live and Let Die". if I'm not mistaken, sung by Paul McCartney.
 
2007-07-26 03:37:28 PM
From Russia With Love
Casino Royale
Goldfinger
You Only Live Twice
Goldeneye
Thunderball
Dr. No
For Your Eyes Only
Live and Let Die
The Spy Who Loved Me
The Man With the Golden Gun
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
The Living Daylights
Octopussy
Diamonds are Forever
The World is Not Enough
License to Kill
Moonraker
A View to a Kill
Die Another Day
 
2007-07-26 03:40:10 PM
I'm surprised the article didn't mention the really big flub in the film.

When Bond goes to the golf course to meet Goldfinger, his mission is to try to convince Goldfinger to smuggle a shipment of Nazi gold. As M says to him immediately before, "Perhaps you can get him to talk business. Goldfinger's type of business." (I.e., gold smuggling.)

That is the whole point MI6 is interested in Goldfinger; to figure out how he's smuggling the gold from place to place! (And in fact they do mention it, although it's not even in full-volume dialog; Goldfinger tells the CHinese agent that he smuggles it out by moving his solid-gold Rolls and then melting it down; the key plot point and you can go through the movie and miss it completely!)

So, instead of trying to lure Goldfinger into setting up a smuggling deal, Bond just ends up trying to cheat him out of 5,000 pounds and guarantee that he'll never get on the inside of the smuggling operation. Completely blows the mission he was sent on!

I don't blame Bond for Jill's sister's death. It was pretty plain she was going to end up dead of her own incompetence pretty soon anyway.
 
2007-07-26 03:53:36 PM
Am I the only one who actually liked moonraker?

/it's still real to me
//no seriously, I did like that movie
 
2007-07-26 03:59:57 PM
I think Jill was WAY hotter than Tilly.
 
2007-07-26 04:08:08 PM
drew_that: Am I the only one who actually liked moonraker?

Yes, please seek psychiatric help.
 
2007-07-26 04:20:14 PM
Glitchwerks: No Sam Fisher quotes? I'm very disappointed in FARK.

"Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!"


Michael Ironside was SOOO the perfect voice over for that character.
 
2007-07-26 04:37:18 PM
nopokerface: nfw: Saborlas 2007-07-26 10:28:43 AM
What kind of secret agent tells everyone his real name? Has Bond ever actually used a cover identity?

He called himself James Stock once

He used St. John Smyth once also.



Peter Franks.
 
2007-07-26 04:49:40 PM
drew_that: Am I the only one who actually liked moonraker?

I LIKED IT! Actually, it's one of my favorites.

1). Holly Goodhead is hot. I like her.
2). I love the scenes at Drax's mansion. I want it.
3). Good scenes from around the world. I like to travel.
4). Jaws
5). Space battle!

Yeah, sure, not the best movie by any means and not even the best Bond film, but enjoyable nonetheless.
 
2007-07-26 05:03:53 PM
stonelotus: Spreggels: Casino Royale was pretty awesome, although I can't really get on board with the theme song being sung by a man. You're supposed to have a vamping female sing it, not the former frontman of Soundgarden.

first James Bond song nominated for an Academy Award? "Live and Let Die". if I'm not mistaken, sung by Paul McCartney.


Tom Jones belting out Thunderball completely RULES the James Bond theme songs!
 
2007-07-26 05:06:26 PM
You know who saved James Bond? Jason Bourne. Without those movies Pierce Brosnan would be fighting Bionic Bigfoot by now.
 
2007-07-26 05:30:30 PM
Fun fact -- Holly Goodhead is now a drama prof at University of Houston.
 
2007-07-26 06:12:44 PM
so wait, Goldfinger is being released in theaters again?
 
2007-07-26 09:01:56 PM
Jacket_Off: I think Jill was WAY hotter than Tilly.

Seconded
 
2007-07-26 10:27:39 PM
drew_that 2007-07-26 03:53:36 PM
Am I the only one who actually liked moonraker?

/it's still real to me
//no seriously, I did like that movie"


That was the first Bond movie I saw in the theatre, so I've always kind of had a soft spot for it. At least up until the space battle, then things kind of went off the tracks.

I've said this before and got some people irked, but as good as Craig was as Bond, he was playing the beginnings of what Bond would become. Rough around the edges but with promise. And I think the finished product of Craig's Bond would be Bronson's Bond.

Ha! So there!
 
2007-07-27 03:58:02 PM
Moonraker is god-awful, but I am failing to understand how 'A View to a Kill' isn't unanimously taking the cake as the worst Bond movie ever made. The plot is terrible, Roger Moore is like 900 years old in it, the action sequences are boring as hell, Tanya Roberts is annoying as fark (and, for the record, how the fark was Zorin able to sneak up behind her in a goddamned zeppelin?!?), there is that retarded and shiatty opening sequence where they actually play the farking Beach Boys, and Grace Jones is scary.

Just thinking about it now is pissing me off.
 
2007-07-27 04:12:06 PM
Doctor Funkenstein: TearsInTheRain: Moonraker...I forget how it ended, did they live up happily ever after or not...



Ahhh Jaws, is there nothing you can't bite through...

Kind of up in the air. Jaws helps Bond escape after he realizes that Drax would kill anyone who didn't meet his idea of what a perfect human should be/look like in his space eutopia - it could have been him or his girl. Jaws' fate, and that of his girl goes a bit unanswered, I think. He helps Bond fly a ship away by unlocking something inside the space station and he and his chick toast a glass of champagne, as the space station they're on plummets toward Earth. His only speaking line: "Here's to us." Bond makes a quip to his whore-of-the-day, "Not to worry, it's only about 100 miles to Earth." I think they leave it to the viewer to decide if Jaw and his lady live or not.

God damn, I need to get out more.


Not to be an UBER Bond geek but I remember some comment from someone talking to Bond later to the effect "We picked up a large man with metal teeth and a small woman in the ocean" so they pretty much impled they did make it back alive
 
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