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(Chortler)   20 Geritol dealers busted outside Rolling Stones concert   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

2646 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2002 at 3:36 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

44 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-09-04 10:50:30 PM  
Oh cuz the Stones are old! I get it
2002-09-05 03:39:11 AM  
Wait i dont. Please explain it to me again.
2002-09-05 03:39:31 AM  
Shouldn't there be a 3-strike policy when it comes to running a satire site?

You know, first strike you get castrated, second strike they unthaw it and shove it in an orifice, and third strike they just out-right gas you so as to prevent further contamination of the gene pool.

My german side is really showing on Fark today, isn't it?
2002-09-05 03:40:28 AM  
2002-09-05 03:41:56 AM  
er, I mean "da", meine furher
2002-09-05 03:42:41 AM  
That is some really bad satire. I could prolly come up with something better right here, right now...Let's see...

"20 /n dealers busted outside /n /n" Bam, i'm a genius.
2002-09-05 03:43:14 AM  
Man. I just feel really empty inside after reading that. I mean nothing. Void of any feeling at all.
Wait... wait... OK, there's a tear.
2002-09-05 03:43:28 AM  
meh... kinda funny
2002-09-05 03:44:29 AM  
You can't tear-up, you lack the glands.
2002-09-05 03:44:32 AM  
wait, NOT AT ALL!
2002-09-05 03:46:33 AM  
my german side is pushing around my british side, what a dick.

i second the motion put forward by mister fifthelement.

p.s. is it boron?
2002-09-05 03:50:17 AM  
Column. FifthColumn.

And yeah, the fifth element is boron. Unless you watch the movie, then it's that redhead wearing ace bandages. Or such is my understanding.
2002-09-05 03:52:14 AM  
So, FifthColumn is actually Mila Jovovich?
2002-09-05 03:53:05 AM  
"Da" is Russian, "Ja" is German.

And if a German guy ever says "Essen Sie meine shieseen" don't say yes. You may think it was a joke, but him being german, it wasn't.
2002-09-05 03:55:10 AM  
If I was Milla Jovovich, do you think I would be on here at 4am talking about how my German side wants to dominate my other races in my blood in a eugenics-esqe way?

Hell no, I would be too busy playing Resident Evil.
2002-09-05 03:57:45 AM  
Yeah, I guess not. She is what? Ukranian or something?
2002-09-05 04:00:48 AM  
Someone say Milla Jovovich?
2002-09-05 04:01:34 AM  
And of course she's the real Milla, just check out the pic in my profile...You can't fake that!
2002-09-05 04:02:16 AM  
Probably. Isn't that over there in Russia and ethiopia... you know, the place outside the U.S.?
2002-09-05 04:02:31 AM  
oh fifth column, well, i guess that proves that i have either a serious dyslexia-type disorder or add or something. anyway, anyone else have trouble differentiating jews from italians?
2002-09-05 04:03:17 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Bling bling
2002-09-05 04:04:01 AM  
anyone else have trouble differentiating jews from italians?

I do... now....
2002-09-05 04:05:47 AM  
ImNotaBudweiser - What is this dyslexington that you speak of?
2002-09-05 04:07:12 AM  
As Drew has indicated in an interview or two some satire pieces are sort of done/expired when you finish the headline. To read the ensuing article is to bang yourself over the head repeatedly. "OKAY! WE GET IT! THEY'RE OLD." Slap an obvious tag on this piece. BUT NO... some dude has to beat a dead horse.

To satire site writers - if your concept can be put forth in just the headline, there's usually no point in writing the article. I usually don't click on the satire links on FARk. The fun is in the forums NOT at the actual link.

The best items on The Onion, back when it was good... were usually just the short headlines in the margins or the one or two paragraph briefs.

If you're going to write a full essay... tease with the headline and seek brevity in your writing. To do otherwise is to make like a cartoon character who windmills his arm repeatedly before he throws a punch... it's obviously going to be a punch and you know you're going to be hit. Where's the fun or surprise there?

Not that getting hit is fun... but you know what I mean.
2002-09-05 04:09:56 AM  
2002-09-05 04:12:06 AM  
Bah, not that pic. Good thing this article sucks and we have it all to ourselves or I would be embarassed of my white blackness.
2002-09-05 04:13:40 AM  
Any idea when Crazy Horse Malt Liquor is going to sponsor a Stones tour?
2002-09-05 04:18:52 AM  
i almost feel embarassed for the people that think there actually being funny with there cheap onion rip offs
2002-09-05 04:26:44 AM  
"No shiat? We're in Boston giving a live concert?" said Stones guitarist Keith Richards when told of the news.

Great punchline. Man that was funny. How old is the person writing this shiat? It reads like a primary school essay. And 3 strikes is far too much for this farking site. Unfunny comedy is one of the most pointless excercises there is.
2002-09-05 06:42:23 AM  
Chortle blows goats
2002-09-05 08:50:49 AM  
What of the Metamucil distributors??
2002-09-05 09:05:45 AM  
Very unfunny. Chortler gives good satire sites and writers a bad name. Not all satire is bad...the WNBA story from yesterday was funny...
2002-09-05 09:37:52 AM  
Herr FifthColumn, you have the right idea. Can I borrow it for work?
2002-09-05 10:28:31 AM  
Keith Richards LOVES to play Chicago.
Not because of the Blues based heritage that Chicago is famous for and what inspired The Stones to get into music anyways.
It is because Chicago is one of the few places in the World where you can buy 4 different types of heroin.

And Ron Wood is supposedly clean and sober this tour. He is doomed to failure with Keith Richards across the stage from him drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels everynight. That is like me trying to give up weed and hanging out with Woody Harrelson.
2002-09-05 11:14:43 AM  
Well, I must say that story sucked big time
2002-09-05 04:27:50 PM  
What's that I hear? Oh yeah, it's Smails from the peanut gallery.

2002-09-05 04:37:36 PM  
Hey, Chimp, sorry if I didn't think the article was funny, and thought another one was. How dare I!!! I've learned my lesson!!!
2002-09-05 04:51:51 PM  
Okay, let me re-phrase. This particular article from the Chortler sucketh, not everything ever written on the Chortler. Okay? Geez.
2002-09-05 05:41:05 PM  
so, is someone that posts here the writer for chortler?
2002-09-05 05:45:44 PM  
I don't care if you didn't like the article, but when you start saying stuff like "Chortler gives good satire sites a bad name" it makes you sound like you're talking out of your ass.

Either that or you're a jaded, still-in-the-closet satire webmaster who's pissed that other sites are getting the limelight.
2002-09-05 06:15:57 PM  
Okay, I should have said "this article gives good satire sites a bad name". Apology offered. That said, no satire site, or any site for that matter, is funny all of the time. Not the Onion, not SatireWire, not the Chortler, not the Toque, not The Blue Brick, not the Schmews. I love satire, and it is frustrating when satire articles that aren't that funny get posted here, because there are a lot of funny ones.
Chimp-I'm not a jaded in the closet webmaster, just a satire fan who appreciates the good stuff. I think we are on the same page there.

2002-09-05 06:36:50 PM  
My work is done. ;)

Have you ever considered writing your own news satire? There are many sites that would be willing to post articles that you submitted, so long as it was decent.
2002-09-05 08:22:26 PM  
Thought about it, but I'd rather leave it up to the guys who are really good at it. I'm good at tennis, so I'll stick to that. I admire the prolific satire writers, and don't pretend that I could write as well as they do. Like the guy who writes all of The Blue Brick, or the guy who wrote all of SatireWire. Those guys are amazing, in my opinion, to be able to write such volume and have most of it be very good. I raise my glass to them. Join me.
2002-09-05 10:38:41 PM  
Oh, I do raise my glass to them. :)

We have secret society meeting where we pine for the old school funny dudes.
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