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(Guardian)   Doctors finally work out why man dies everytime his alarm goes off   (guardian.co.uk) divider line 48
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22960 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Sep 2002 at 2:42 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-09-04 09:02:58 AM
I get tourette's syndrome every time the alarm goes off...
 
2002-09-04 09:03:52 AM
that guy is like a fainting goat.
Only he's not a goat.
Honest.
 
2002-09-04 09:06:23 AM
RINNNNNG *thump*
 
2002-09-04 09:07:38 AM
Nothing liked a stoped heart first thing in the morning.
 
2002-09-04 09:42:12 AM
Good excuse to be late to work, no?

_SyN
 
2002-09-04 10:57:19 AM
They treated me for epilepsy for 18 months and then said: we don't know what it is; you'll just have to live with it.

Which means: "we don't know what it is. It's going to kill you, probably real soon."
 
2002-09-04 01:55:47 PM
Guess this is the one person, that could claim that they were literally scared to death.

Sounds like his heart is a puss.
 
2002-09-04 02:15:47 PM
That's not a headline you see everyday.
 
43%
2002-09-04 03:10:18 PM
"No, really, I'm afraid to get up, that's why I am an hour and a half late every day."

Eh, they'll never buy it.
 
2002-09-04 03:11:01 PM
Bummer of a condition, eh?

I guess I'd rather have the one where you have an orgasm everytime you sneeze.

Ahhh...ahhhh...choo! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHH!
 
2002-09-04 03:12:45 PM
Freak.
 
2002-09-04 03:13:41 PM
The french euphamism for sexual climax is "le petit mort," the little death.

Think about it.
 
2002-09-04 03:15:23 PM
http://members.tripod.com/~sneeze1/formula.txt
 
2002-09-04 03:15:58 PM
Man: Sorry I'm late again, I died this morning.
Boss: Again!?
 
2002-09-04 03:16:04 PM
He should team up with Rob Schnieder as "Orgasm Guy".
 
2002-09-04 03:18:28 PM
I dunno, but is anybody else reminded of "Groundhog Day?"
 
2002-09-04 03:18:58 PM
Isn't that what a possum does? It freaks out so much that it passes out?

Alto_reed_on_a_tenor_sax: Hehe, I get the kitten joke, but is that really the euphemism, or you just making it up?
 
2002-09-04 03:18:58 PM
Strike that - it was orgasms during yawning, and it was a side effect from some anti-depressant.

Ah the lecture hall fantasies that news story inspired...

http://www.urbanlegends.com/medical/yawning_orgasm.html

"Fluoxetine was associated temporally with frequent short episodes of sexual excitement described by the patient as feeling like an orgasm."

[4] Zajecka J. Fawcett J. Schaff M. Jeffriess H. Guy C. The role of serotonin in sexual dysfunction: fluoxetine-associated orgasm dysfunction.
Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. 52(2):66-8, 1991

"The authors report 6 cases of orgasm dysfunction associated with the use of fluorxetine in 77 depressed outpatients."

[5] Cashman J. McAnulty G.
Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in perisurgical pain management. Mechanisms of action and rationale for optimum use. Drugs. 49(1):51-70, 1995
 
2002-09-04 03:20:17 PM
Does anybody else shiat the bed when the weather comes on?
 
2002-09-04 03:21:27 PM
"We don't know what it is you'll just have to live with it" Doctors are such farking assholes. Payment should be deferred till a person is cured. Too many doctors say they don't know what something is when they haven't exhausted all possibilities. I've been told the same thing before. They just don't want to take time. Much easier to send someone home. The walls of hell will be lined with doctors and attorneys.
 
2002-09-04 03:23:42 PM
and "The floor of hell is paved with the skulls of bishops" - St. John Chrysostom
 
2002-09-04 03:23:44 PM
Vader it really is. I never lie about French orgasms.
 
2002-09-04 03:26:46 PM
This guy should be able to tell us all about the light at the end of the tunnel. He should write a book.
 
2002-09-04 03:28:19 PM
Did anyone else read "emer gency pacemaker" like they wrote it?
 
2002-09-04 03:28:57 PM
EyeballKid: I was just about to make the same comment.

 
2002-09-04 03:29:50 PM

When I was little boy In Grammar school
Always went by the very best rule
But Evertime the bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling


My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling
My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling

 
2002-09-04 03:31:16 PM
"There's a cold front moving over the plains states...."


bbbppppplllllllttttttaaaa
 
2002-09-04 03:33:49 PM
no
 
2002-09-04 03:35:09 PM
After decades of narrowly cheating death, the bizarre condition - which may now be named after the 63-year-old from Scarborough, North Yorkshire...

They're going to name it Allan?
 
2002-09-04 03:38:36 PM
Hmmmmmm.....I'm afraid you've got a bad case of...oh I can't say it!

Please doctor! What is it?

Oh...my...I...think...I think...you've got...ALLAN!

"clunk" "clunk"
 
2002-09-04 03:39:56 PM
Maybe they'll call it Todding off...
 
2002-09-04 03:40:21 PM
Way back when, when Our Lord was creating this lucky guy, The Good Lord said, "Jesus, everyone is the same. That's farking boring. I get tired of watching them. Hmmm. How to liven the mood? I got it. I'll wire this one dude's nervous system all funny so his heart will actually stop when he is startled. This is gonna be sweet. Ha Ha Ha!! I am killing me!"


This is proof God exists and He has one wickedly cruel sense of humor.

please God. Don't let this start some ridiculous flamewar. Thanks.
 
2002-09-04 03:41:45 PM
Danho: I surrender. LMFAO
 
2002-09-04 03:44:38 PM
Also proof that God is (well if he/she/it exists) the biggest farking nerd/geek/etc. ever.
 
2002-09-04 03:51:31 PM
I have a similar problem. Every time my alarm goes off I wanna die.
 
2002-09-04 03:55:24 PM
They didn't really say what the problem is. I don't think that guy's "ticker" quote sheds too much light on it.
 
2002-09-04 04:00:56 PM
Think this guy cares why his alarm clock's snooze is 9 minutes?
 
2002-09-04 05:02:52 PM
I should have used this excuse this morning...
 
2002-09-04 05:04:12 PM
Mija said:
"We don't know what it is you'll just have to live with it" Doctors are such farking assholes. Payment should be deferred till a person is cured. Too many doctors say they don't know what something is when they haven't exhausted all possibilities. I've been told the same thing before. They just don't want to take time. Much easier to send someone home. The walls of hell will be lined with doctors and attorneys.

I couldn't agree more. I'm 27 and currently battling a bizarre case of extreme vertigo. The room will suddenly start spinning violently, for no apparent reason. The doctors cannot reproduce the effect when I'm around them and they're telling me it's something called Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo, but the truth is, they have no farking clue what it is. In fact, most wouldn't even acknowledge that it may be BPPV until I performed my own research and asked one of them if it was a possibility, after which I was sent from clinic to clinic with nothing to show for it.

Their answer as to what I could possibly do about it: "nothing" (translation: We don't know and you're not worth the effort. We have common colds to diagnose and outrageously priced medications to prescribe.)

Fark Doctors! The whole leeching assload of them.
 
2002-09-04 05:11:30 PM
hmmm, brain dead for up to four hours at a time? hmmmm...how do you recover from THAT?

Do you ever wonder if your doctor was at the top of the class, or cheated to get through medical school?
 
2002-09-04 05:35:53 PM
It always bothered me that when i went to see my doctor for my allergy problems, he always had a runny nose.
 
2002-09-04 06:14:28 PM
"I'm 27 and currently battling a bizarre case of extreme vertigo. The room will suddenly start spinning violently, for no apparent reason."

Dude, are you like... on drugs?
 
2002-09-04 07:09:15 PM
That's farked up.
 
2002-09-04 08:00:09 PM
"I'm 27 and currently battling a bizarre case of extreme vertigo. The room will suddenly start spinning violently, for no apparent reason."

i used to have similar problems, now they're really rare, and mild at best. my excuse is from having auditory nerve damage as a result of menengitis when i was a kid. the equilibrium in my left ear doesn't work at all (it's totally deaf too) and the one in my right ear works whenever it feels like it, and in that ear i have a hearing aid. i occasionally have problems walking in a straight line, which is actually quite common in a fair number of deaf people. sometimes walking together with a bunch of deafies is almost like slam-dancing. a few years ago i would feel an extreme spinning sensation, but now it's more of a 'high' feeling that doesn't last for more than a minute at most.
 
2002-09-04 08:20:25 PM
Um yeah, my recomendation for treatment is disconect your door bell, and set your alarm clock to radio alarm. That will be $100. You can pay the receptionist on your way out.

But doctor, what about the delivery vans and the window-cleaner?

Well we could always go with my second posible treatment which was perfected by Van Gogh.
 
2002-09-04 09:51:40 PM
Dylanspurgin:


can you say "emer gency pacemaker" ? I knew you could


*direct quote*
 
2002-09-04 10:51:40 PM
Mr Todd 'died' in his hotel after hooting traffic woke him up

Classic.
 
2002-09-04 11:10:32 PM
"My son asked 'is this going to land on the back of me, Dad?' and I'm very pleased to be able to tell him: 'no, don't worry, it won't'." [BOO! See? Wait, get up. Oh shiat.]
 
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