Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CBS News)   Airport security scores another "F" according to CBS ... don't think "F" means "Fantastic" either   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

3976 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Sep 2002 at 5:08 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

42 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-09-03 10:37:49 PM  
In other news the incompetents are all federal employees now and can't be fired.
2002-09-03 10:42:51 PM  
That's what I always told my mom...
2002-09-04 05:15:53 AM  
Fanshmabulous, maybe?
2002-09-04 05:20:08 AM  
Grade: F

fark it, we don't give a fark.
After working in LAX for a year this seems highly probable.

2002-09-04 05:20:52 AM  
Ummm, there it is!
2002-09-04 05:32:37 AM  
An F for FARK?
2002-09-04 05:44:06 AM  
Could have fooled me.
Last time I went flying (not too long back, was grounded out of town when Vanguard went tits up) just getting on on the farking plane was an ordeal.
I guess I must look like a hijacker or something- went through my bags, my laptop, run through a metal detector so many times I was sure they were hoping they'd miss something so the national guards could pick me off.
I was absolutely terrified by the though of a strip search and a gloved hand probing my velvet bottom, but they didn't go that far. Thank goodness.

Flying? fark you. i'm driving from now on.
2002-09-04 05:45:14 AM  
I hate walking through those metal detectors. I always get nervous and think it's going to go off and they'll find planted drugs on me or something. Still, on my way back to Belfast from Cardiff a few years ago I was asked "What is your reason for coming to Belfast sir? Business or pleasure". "I live here." "Business or pleasure sir?". "I live here." "Move along sir". Idiot.
2002-09-04 05:49:03 AM  
"Business or pleasure sir?"

I'd be pleased if you minded your own farking business.
2002-09-04 05:56:36 AM  
So is it business or pleasure? You can at least tell us. I'm dying to know.
2002-09-04 05:58:28 AM  
Asking whether you're travelling for business or pleasure is just one more ridiculous and unnecessary question designed to p*ss you off and accomplish sweet FA. What the heck difference does it make?

Does it confuse terrorists so much that they answer "Er, I dunno, I'd enjoy blowing up buildings so maybe it would be pleasure, but then I get paid to do it, so maybe it's business. What do you think Mr Dumbass Security Guard?".
2002-09-04 05:59:17 AM  
Right, Jay-Tea... plaaaanted...
2002-09-04 06:02:54 AM  
*terrorist walks up to airport security guard*

Business or pleasure?
Business or pleasure?

*terrorist sweats*

Um, gee . . . Thing is . . .

*Airport security guard knows he's getting somewhere*

Does the question confuse you?

*terrorist's pulse is rising. Looks around anxiously. Room is spinning. Drops briefcase with bomb and runs screaming while cops hunt his ass down*

And that's how we fight terrorism people.
2002-09-04 06:28:33 AM  
Airport security STILL sucks. Last time I checked, Granny is NOT a terrorist. I've been stopped before, mostly because I am tall (6'7"). Does a 20 year old white guy look anything like a camel jockey ??? Airport security still blows and always will.
2002-09-04 06:41:39 AM  
To me, 70% falure rate is still a very good deterant. All that money spent and passenger delays and security is still basically at the same level that what it was 2 years ago.

A terrorist is not going to train and plan for two or more years and then take the 30% chance of getting caught by security. They might be crazy, but thay're not stupid.

I would be more worried about 10 judo masters hijacking a plane by taking the gun from an air marshall.
2002-09-04 06:48:35 AM  
I love the way the media is helping fight the "war on terrorism" by showing which airports have poor security.

Next week it'll be what's the best border crossing to take a nuke through.

The week after that it's see which nuclear plants you can plant a truck bomb the closest.
2002-09-04 07:20:36 AM  
"Security" is ridiculous, and it doesn't matter on an individual level. I have a flight scheduled from Auckland to Los Angeles on the eleventh and I don't care. In fact, I cross the time zone and have the eleventh again.

How many people fear japanese or germqan attacks on anniversary dates? Get over it and move on.
2002-09-04 07:47:53 AM  
They love to nit pick at this airport crap. shiat, how may people have access to a lead lined suitcase?Please. This is ridiculous. Sure, it's scary when they don't find the lady with a loaded gun, but when it comes down to it, all the security in the world will not stop a determined assailant,
2002-09-04 07:49:29 AM  
Did anyone really think that the 11th would cause a permanent shift and place the value of life ahead that of convenience? Please.
2002-09-04 07:49:41 AM  
The_HR_Issue: In other news the incompetents are all federal employees now and can't be fired.

If you'd read the article you'd have seen that all but one were private contractors except Baltimore (which was the only place to check every bag properly).

Try again.........
2002-09-04 07:51:47 AM  
"Did you pack your bags yourself?" - No I had carrot top pack mine.
"Did you leave your bags unattended?" - Yes, I usually leave my bags on the corner of the street the night before I fly, just for good luck.
"Did you receive any packages from an unknown person?" - Hmmm, now what exactly is an unknown person? Everybody is known to someone. Last night for instance, Ali and Achmed seemed to know each other pretty well. They kept joking about which of my bags was heaviest.

freely stolen from George Carlin :)
Absolutely loved his show!
2002-09-04 07:56:19 AM  
Me ol Mom always said D's & F's stand for Doing Fine
2002-09-04 08:38:43 AM  
worst headline joke ever.
2002-09-04 08:58:18 AM  
What, nobody else got the reference to the article a little while ago about the Florida school system?

2002-09-04 08:58:55 AM  
The new federal airport security guys are mostly dumbasses. I work with TSA and this Homeland Security thingy (just doing administrative crap) and most of these trainees can't pass a simple x-ray test that they need for certification.

Last week, one of the security guys "missed" a dagger in someone's bag and two planes had to be called back to the airport. They searched the planes and everyone for the weapon, but it never was found.

Just because the security people went federal doesn't mean they're any smarter.
2002-09-04 09:05:18 AM  
"You can't professionalize unless you federalize,"

Tom Dashel
2002-09-04 09:12:55 AM  
those Airport sceenings are a joke.
did you know that after that idiot tried to blow up his sneakers on a plane after 9/11 you can still bring matches and lighters on an ariplane.
After 9/11 They banned anything with a sharp edge but not lighters or matches then someone tries to light a shoe-bomb with matches, do they ban anything that can start a fire?
NO they don't!
Why can we still start fires on airplanes but can file our fingernails?
check out more details here:​part01.p hp
2002-09-04 09:14:55 AM  
CBS News gets an F too, and it isn't for "Facts."
2002-09-04 09:35:36 AM  
Listen, whatever you do, don't try to shampoo a shampooer.

Sorry, that's really all I've got right now.
2002-09-04 09:55:21 AM  
All the airports federalized by Nov 19? That's a joke. It'll take well into next year to get all 400-something airports done. They call it "federalized" when only one concourse in the airport is fully stocked with federal employed screeners so they don't have to do the whole airport.

You know how they let the non-federalized people know when the TSA/government is taking over? The feds walk in and say "Hay, everyone here is fired. Go home."

BTW, if you want to be a screener go here. Full benefits, but you're working for Bush.

Sad that if not for 9/11, I would still be unemployed.
2002-09-04 10:06:19 AM  
Maybe their score is in hex. F/A isn't a bad score at all!
2002-09-04 10:42:54 AM  
Asking whether you're travelling for business or pleasure is just one more ridiculous and unnecessary question designed to p*ss you off and accomplish sweet FA. What the heck difference does it make?
The difference would be that in most country, you cannot come for business without a valid working visa. If last time I came in the USA with a tourist visa I had said I came for business, the immigration agents would have escorted me back to a plane home. This is not a security issue, this is an immigration issue.
2002-09-04 11:14:26 AM  
We're no more safe than we were a year ago. We're just more frightened and have less rights.

Congrats OBL.
2002-09-04 11:17:14 AM  
A coworker of mine was flying withsome of our products (smallish electronic boards about 3x3 inches or so) in his carry-on. When it went through the x-ray the technican looked up at him and he said, "They're little computers" and she said, "OK" and let him through without having them hand searched... WTF?
2002-09-04 11:33:09 AM  
I was in the airport last weekend and I shiat you not, they were searching a 70 year old woman (that's how old she looked), that was in a wheel chair.

God I felt safe.
2002-09-04 12:25:31 PM  
So freaking CBf'nS is now the lead standard for airport security around the world? Give me a break.
2002-09-04 01:37:48 PM  
when you're waiting to board your plane, look out to the people getting your plane ready for departure, filling it with fuel, cleaning the garbage out, cleaning the toilet, stocking it with food and booze. Last I heard the place those people enter is almost completely unregulated. Yes, with a fake ID and a wink, a terrorist can put some C4 among your in-flight meals. Somebody please tell me this has changed.
2002-09-04 08:46:56 PM  
> Subject: Airport Security

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator Alan Pinkerton - for protection. That was the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now comes the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."

Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs: "FATASS".

I feel safer already. . . .

Don't you?

2002-09-04 09:21:49 PM  
Miggi had it right. The only airport on the list that is federalized is also the only one that passed with flying colors. And Lomaran, if they can't pass the test, they don't get hired. That's the point. As for not reaching their Nov 19 deadline, check the following:

It's a snowball effect, they are well on track to full federalization.

Additionally, you guys do know that the TSA has done away with the stupid baggage questions at check-in, right?
2002-09-04 09:45:26 PM  
Read the article, asshats. The screeners in Atlanta and Washington aren't federal screeners. Why? Because Atlanta and Washington have yet to be federalized. The November date was long ago thrown out. The airports here in Charleston, SC just got federal screeners last week. Atlanta will have them soon. What CBS needs to do if they really want to stir the pot is actually try to tackle an airport that already has federal screeners in place. Sure, they mention that they went through Baltimore, but how did the screeners there do?
2002-09-04 09:49:43 PM  
Whoops, they did write about Baltimore, and SURPRISE, that airport has improved since becoming federalized. As for that incident in Atlanta with the gun, well, that supervisor deserved to be fired....
2002-09-05 12:14:09 AM  
Airport security is a stupid idea, it's a waste of money, and it's there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe! That's all it's for. To provide a feeling, an illusion, of safety in order to placate the middle class. Because the authorities know they can't make airplanes safe; too many people have access. You'll notice the drug smugglers don't seem to have a lot of trouble getting their little packages on board, do they?......

More George for the masses...
Displayed 42 of 42 comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.