FARK.com: (2893226) Jessica Alba's checklist for potential suitors surprisingly reasonable, but you still don't have a chance

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		Jessica Alba's checklist for potential suitors surprisingly reasonable, but you still don't have a chance (thesun.co.uk)		136
		More: Obvious

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37717 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jun 2007 at 5:49 PM | Favorite | share:

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KushanMadman		2007-06-26 02:18:27 PM

"He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
That puts it not unto the touch
To win or lose it all"

Zarkin Frood		2007-06-26 03:03:05 PM

I never had a chance. ::sniffs::

dahmers love zombie		2007-06-26 04:53:37 PM

Phil: What are you looking for? Who is your perfect guy?

Rita: First of all, he's too humble to know he's perfect.

Phil: That's me.

Rita: He's intelligent, supportive, funny.

Phil: Me, me, me.

Rita: He's romantic and courageous.

Phil: Me also.

Rita: He's got a good body, but doesn't look in the mirror every two minutes.

Phil: I have a great body, and sometimes I go months without looking.

Rita: He's kind, sensitive and gentle. He's not afraid to cry in front of me.

Phil: This is a man, right?

Rita: He likes animals and children, and he'll change poopy diapers.

Phil: Does he have to use the word "poopy"?

Rita: And he plays an instrument, and he loves his mother.

Phil: I am really close on this one.

Ripped Cat Toy		2007-06-26 05:53:23 PM

Groundhog day?

nostaw101		2007-06-26 05:54:27 PM

dahmers love zombie [TotalFark]

all i was going to post was the last line.

jrodnewb		2007-06-26 05:54:32 PM

i got here too early...i was looking for hot alba pics...the coppertone ass pic or bend over white bikini pic? no? not here? i'll come back in 5mins...

rcantley		2007-06-26 05:54:34 PM

Groundhog day?

/Get it?

boonfarker		2007-06-26 05:54:45 PM

Cash Warren? Sounds made up ... was Rock Strongo taken??

Treble		2007-06-26 05:55:24 PM

"More like one in a million"
"So you're sayin' there's a chance!"

/Dumb and Dumber

mike4		2007-06-26 05:55:41 PM

Gimme Jessica B over Jessica A any day of the week

TommyDeuce		2007-06-26 05:55:43 PM

Groundhog Day?

/I got you babe . . .

Tallow'nbits		2007-06-26 05:55:57 PM

dahmers love zombie

THANKS! That was way better than what I expected from this thread!

yojayy		2007-06-26 05:56:33 PM

Meet daddy...

imagecache2.allposters.com

hockeyfarker		2007-06-26 05:56:35 PM

The comment on the bottom of the page is great:

I wont even kiss you every day if i was your BoyFriend what you think that you are the best in the world ? Tera Patrick is far more better than you and lets not talk for hottie JORDAN (H) KATIE.

Take that, Jessica Alba! You're not as better as Tera Patrick! I don't even know who Tera Patrick is.

/okay, I do

kirbeep		2007-06-26 05:56:37 PM

Does she want somebody who drools uncontrollably whenever he sees her? This could be my lucky day.

T.Durden		2007-06-26 05:56:55 PM

Did someone say pics?

www.hollywood-celebrity-pictures.com

Nuno311		2007-06-26 05:57:00 PM

Mike4
Jessica B over Jessica A

Now THATS a movie that would save the entire industry!

/would fap it like PeeWee in the local 'plex

Very_Powerful_Man		2007-06-26 05:57:12 PM

I know a couple of chicks that are hotter than her. I don't have a chance with them either.

James Brown		2007-06-26 05:57:51 PM

"He has to give her space, make her laugh and be in touch with his feelings, amongst other things."

*cough*bullshiat*cough*

Why do women perpetuate this crap? It isn't true, no matter how many times they say it.

Eville		2007-06-26 05:58:04 PM

"Gimme Jessica B over Jessica A any day of the week"

This.

RockIsDead		2007-06-26 05:58:08 PM

Most women's ARE.

But if you BELIEVE them you're a naive idiot.

Vic Sage		2007-06-26 05:58:28 PM

So she wants a Metro. I'll call the wife and tell her the divorce is off.

Jument		2007-06-26 05:58:32 PM

I do so have a chance!

/to fap, that is
//fap fap fap

James Brown		2007-06-26 05:58:42 PM

T.Durden: Did someone say pics?

Thanks for that. That's the best view one could ever hope to see.

iTom		2007-06-26 05:58:46 PM

Who the fark cares? This has to be the stupidest article ever greenlit... what is happening to Fark?

give me doughnuts		2007-06-26 06:00:15 PM

No matter what they say, it always translates to: He has to do whatever I say, and have gobs of money.

pjc51		2007-06-26 06:00:17 PM

Yeah, but look at those sharp knees...

GasBandit		2007-06-26 06:00:46 PM

AbortionsForAll		2007-06-26 06:01:07 PM

Jessica Alba should drink my nut.

nostaw101		2007-06-26 06:02:17 PM

they made me stand in the corner for a picture that showed less than that

Alphax		2007-06-26 06:02:20 PM

"She said: "Firstly, anyone in a relationship with me has to learn that I'm just not going to be around all the time.
"I love funny guys and I like a guy to be romantic and to be in touch with his feelings.""

That's not too bad.

"He's also got to be able to watch sport and hang out with my dad."

Oh well. Too bad. I don't have the patience for watching sports.

ChEv3lle		2007-06-26 06:02:28 PM

Yeah, thats what all hot girls say... then I show up and suddenly their list gets a few addendums.

Nuno311		2007-06-26 06:04:07 PM

The list for any woman grows and shrinks daily. Item #153 that worked yesterday may not work today.

FirstTimeFarkerLongTimeFapper		2007-06-26 06:04:13 PM

I could take her to the Arby's. We could drink tall cans smoke some skunk and pass out in a heap.

/Romance

grizzlyjohnson		2007-06-26 06:04:19 PM

Well, there's two problems there. First, women don't know what they want in a man, and second, there's the two ever present but unspoken requirements that are on every woman's list: he has to be within a point of me on the one to ten hotness scale and he has to have as much or more money than me.

teabag bandit		2007-06-26 06:04:25 PM

I'd put my whacker in her flippity flapper.

/Teh previous comment was as useful as the article.

fanbladesaresharp		2007-06-26 06:05:33 PM

Eville "Gimme Jessica B over Jessica A any day of the week"

This.

But what of Jessica S ?? She seems pretty hard up for suitors these days, let alone have a preflight checklist.

gorgor		2007-06-26 06:06:13 PM

Who?

Ragaxus		2007-06-26 06:06:31 PM

Not to look terribly ignorant, but what are "sharp knees"?

the-meter-man		2007-06-26 06:07:36 PM

How about 2 out of 3, Jess?

grizzlyjohnson		2007-06-26 06:09:05 PM

Did someone say pics?

www.hollywood-celebrity-pictures.com

+++TARGET ACQUIRED+++

Fox 2!

teabag bandit		2007-06-26 06:10:20 PM

fanbladesaresharp

But what of Jessica S ?? She seems pretty hard up for suitors these days, let alone have a preflight checklist.

That's because she has a chin that Kirk Douglas would be proud of.

/like the fist of an angry god.

Dahnch		2007-06-26 06:12:39 PM

Ragaxus:

Everyone's ignorant about something.

http://www.fark.com/farq/farkisms.shtml#Sharp_knees

SynthLord		2007-06-26 06:14:03 PM

"He's also got to be able to watch sport and hang out with my dad."

Nevermind then.

RadioactiveApe		2007-06-26 06:18:20 PM

NukeTheGayWhales		2007-06-26 06:19:30 PM

fanbladesaresharp:

"But what of Jessica S ?? She seems pretty hard up for suitors these days, let alone have a preflight checklist."

Yeah, but what about Jessica T??!!
i74.photobucket.com

Nevermind. She's 6 feet under, pushing up daisies.

Dr. Vagin-O-Mite!		2007-06-26 06:22:14 PM

She talks too much after sex.

Needs to trim the bajingo as well.

/still... fap
//fap fap fappity fapfap

ScottMpls		2007-06-26 06:22:38 PM

Yeah, but her dad's a retard who makes farting sounds in Hooters ...

/nothin'

CheezeAnvil		2007-06-26 06:22:40 PM

boonfarker
Cash Warren? Sounds made up ... was Rock Strongo taken??

Yes, so were Slab Bulkhead, Fridge Largemeat, Punt Speedchunk, Butch Deadlift, and Bold Bigflank.

/Roll Fizzlebeef!