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(11 Alive)   Columnist complains that many people online are spoiler-posting asshats. In other news, Rosebud is a sled, Snape kills Dumbledore, and Tony Soprano ends up getting   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
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6941 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jun 2007 at 1:14 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

1266 Comments     (+0 »)

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2007-06-22 10:23:45 PM  
Kilroy and his friends ate all the dinner.

/now THAT'S obscure
2007-06-22 10:34:52 PM  
Revolver Ocelot is original Boss' son

Sonic dies, but is brought back. Time is changed so he and the princess never meet and the game never happened.

Chiyo-chan graduates high school with the six girls.

The Red Space Ranger has to kill Zordon to erase the evil in the universe.

Earth is wiped from existence with Arthur, his daugther, Ford, and Tricia on it. The place of Arthur's destined death wasn't a planet, it was a night club on Earth.
2007-06-22 10:35:22 PM  
Nirvash is female.

Envy is Ed and Al's half-brother. Envy kills Ed; but Al uses the Philosopher's Stone to bring him back. Ed comes back with his arm and leg. He then sacrifices himself to save Al, ending up on the other side of the gate with Hoenheim.

In the movie: Hoenheim acknoledges Envy, and Envy kills him. Al stows away in an suit of armor to join Ed on the other side of the gate.

Abel's sister Seth is the Empress. Abel's twin brother Cain is the contramundi.

The tachikomas sacrifice themselves to save Batou. Motoko lives.

Kuze turns out to be the first boy Motoko ever loved. The tachikomas sacrifice themselves again.

Motoko is the puppeteer. But only sort of. It's complicated. The tachikomas live this time!

Kyoshiro defeats Kyo.

Takaya is still somewhat in doubt about being Kagetora, but knows he's failling for Naoe.

The men of Tarok and the women of Magere are all decendants of pioneers from Earth. Hibiki asks Dita to go with him. BC is a male spy.
2007-06-22 10:43:45 PM  
the warren survives and thrives. el-ahrairah takes hazel's spirit into bunny heaven.
2007-06-22 10:50:25 PM  
The drummer explodes.
2007-06-22 10:57:35 PM  
Vince Young goes for the corner in the last nine seconds; makes it.
2007-06-22 11:27:37 PM  
Turns out when you breath really quickly you're immune to the Andromeda strain
2007-06-22 11:30:15 PM  
Uh, what else...

Algernon dies.

His arm gets infected from shooting up, and it has to be amputated.

Odysseus makes it back to Penelope.

Both the brother and sister die from malnutrition.

Harry wins the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

Cloud kills Sephiroth. Again.
2007-06-22 11:40:57 PM
Shot with unknown at 1969-12-31
2007-06-22 11:42:44 PM  
The killer is Dexters brother.
2007-06-23 12:10:50 AM  
Joey:At the end the hotel blows up.
Rachel: Joe dies.

Can't believe those two weren't posted.
2007-06-23 12:17:35 AM  
Buster_McFunky 2007-06-22 10:23:45 PM
Kilroy and his friends ate all the dinner.

/now THAT'S obscure

Gah! I loved that book.


The golden rabbit was buried under the statue of Catherine of Aragon at Ampthill.

Destroying the clock in the wall kept the creepy old sorceror from coming back to life.

Achren kills Arawn, then dies. Taran and Eilonwy get hitched.

Deirdre falls out of a chariot and smashes her head.

The Speckled Band is a snake.
2007-06-23 12:33:50 AM  
Boobies!!! 2007-06-22 02:30:58 PM
"Help me find my keys and we can drive out of here."

Farking CLASSIC. I laughed until I cried.

/welcome to Fark
//you'll get along just fine
2007-06-23 12:38:14 AM  
Every day is Christmas in heaven, and there is dinner theater a chorus of topless angels in santa outfits.
2007-06-23 12:39:26 AM  
should be AND a chorus of topless angels in santa outfits

/it's christmas, it's christmas in heaven, hip hip hip hip hooray
2007-06-23 12:46:11 AM  
Andre picks up the check.

This is why I love Fark.
2007-06-23 12:49:24 AM  
He makes a dramatic look
2007-06-23 12:50:21 AM  
They put the Ark in a warehouse

She goes to Terebithia without him, falls into the creek, and drowns
2007-06-23 12:50:47 AM  
Joe Kavalier joins the navy and becomes a metaphor in Antarctica. Ten years later, the golem shows up at Rose and Sam's house.

Dresden reanimates the tyrannosaurus from the Field Museum and uses it to wreck the town.

It's not Will Hunting's fault.

Elijah Price is a terrorist.
2007-06-23 12:52:18 AM  
Better Nate than lever!
2007-06-23 01:13:52 AM  
Al gets his body back; Ed doesn't; they can never go home again.
2007-06-23 01:18:08 AM  
2007-06-23 01:18:28 AM  
She often relies on the kindness of strangers.

Clinger stays in Korea.

Midna breaks the mirror.

2007-06-23 01:40:22 AM  
He can fly. (pops)

That movie would have been better served by leaving it ambiguous, like this one:

Maybe he flew. (pops)

You still can't get better examples of movies about childhood tragedies than those two. At least they tried. The reason people hate them both so much is because there's no good way to do it.
2007-06-23 01:41:30 AM  
Hickey killed his wife.

/ha, no one did that one yet.
2007-06-23 01:46:44 AM  
Both the brother and sister die from malnutrition.

Is this the same depressing anime movie I'm thinking of?
2007-06-23 02:12:45 AM  
It turns out that it is in fact niether duck season nor rabbit season.
2007-06-23 02:22:01 AM  
Andrew Wiggin, Billy Ligue and company beat me to it.

/seriously, its people. watch out.
2007-06-23 03:10:59 AM  
If the chick had a dick wouldn't that make her...not a chick?
2007-06-23 03:21:54 AM  
Al was reunited with Beth, that they remain married, and Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home
2007-06-23 03:23:05 AM  
"Is this the same depressing anime movie I'm thinking of?"

Grave of the Fireflies?

That movie is one of the 4 that made me cry
2007-06-23 03:27:44 AM  
They almost make it off the island, but Gilligan farks it up for all of them.
2007-06-23 04:17:43 AM  
It was Leland Palmer

, but he was possessed by Bob.

Oh yeah, and that was the end of the series.
2007-06-23 06:00:58 AM  
- Harry Osborne dies in Spider-Man 3, impaled by his own Sky Stick by Venom.
- Eddie Brock Jr./Venom dies in Spider-Man 3, killed by a pumpkin bomb. Weak...
- Doctor Doom steals the power Cosmic in Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
- Johnny Storm goes "Super Skrull" in Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surver.
- "Rangoon!!!"
- Optimal Optimus is merely Optimus Primal's final Transmetal transformation after housing Optimal Prime's spark within his body.
- Megatron takes over Cybertron in the Beast Machines series following Beast Wars.
- Tankor is really Rhinox, his mind having been manipulated by Megatron sometime after the Beast Wars series ends.
- The Father does (not) kill The Son.
- Dr. Cox and Jordan Sullivan name their second child "J.D.", after Perry's 'favorite' former intern.
- Laverne dies in the sixth season of Scrubs. Damn...
- Connor remembers his former life, revealed in the series finale of Angel.
- Wesley Wyndam-Price is killed by Cyvus Vail, being the only member of Angel's team to die in the series finale.
- Worf doesn't get to bang Troi... the pansy.
- - Voyager makes it home through a Borg Transwarp Hub in the Delta Quadrant in the series finale.
- The Enterprise series finale has as much to do with the series as poop has to do with my own personal sexual experiences... meaning VERY DAMN LITTLE!!!
- Charles Xavier and Scott Summers die in X-Men: The Last Stand.
- Everclear and Poweraide make for one hell of a night... as long as you have absolutely no taste buds.
- Luke is born first out of the Skywalker twins in Revenge of the Sith.
- Boba Fett is a clone of his father, as shown in Attack of the Clones.
- You can kill the final boss of Resident Evil: Code Veronica using a pathetically small number of explosive arrows.
- Colonel Douglas Mortimer kills El Indio in a duel as revenge for his sister's rape and subsequent suicide in A Fistful of Dollars.
- Despite being referred to as "The Man With No Name", Clint Eastwood's character has been called "Joe", "Monco", and "Blondie" in the various films called the Dollars Trilogy.
- Riddick becomes the new Lord Marshall of the Necromongers at the end of The Chronicles of Riddick.
- Vin Diesel makes a cameo apperance in the last The Fast and the Furious" movie.
- I'm drunk as hell. Hell, yes.
2007-06-23 06:49:28 AM  
Beth dies.
2007-06-23 06:51:24 AM  
Samus is a chick.
2007-06-23 06:54:26 AM  
Francis is batshiat insane, not Dr. Caligari.
2007-06-23 08:10:58 AM  
Fry is his own grandfather.

Leela isn't an alien. She's a mutant from the sewers.
2007-06-23 08:15:48 AM  
/last post
2007-06-23 08:26:17 AM  
tehvodak does not post last
vodak is clear
2007-06-23 10:03:48 AM  
The Little Girl Who Lived Down The Lane

Yes it sucked

My contribution for obscure-movie-which-sucked-spoiler is
"It was a copy of "The Wizard of Oz" with the "Wi" part obscured"
2007-06-23 10:18:17 AM  
The only winning move is not to play.

The entire works of Samuel Beckett?
2007-06-23 11:08:22 AM  
Angela is the killer. And she has a dick.
2007-06-23 11:21:09 AM  
Paul Marsh/Robert Olmstead finds out that he was born in Iambocca/Innsmouth.

Conan kills Thulsa Doom.

Just when it looks like he's gonna win, Dracula gets hit by a lightning bolt.

Ogami Itto and Daigoro destroy the Yagyu clan. Retsudo escapes in the last movie.

The Silver Surfer turns on Galactus. The Watcher interferes. Reed Richards threatens Galactus with the Ultimate Nullifier.

Zatoichi(Vic Romano) kills all the bad guys and the villagers celebrate with a song and dance number.
2007-06-23 02:03:22 PM  
Legate Damar starts a revolution on Cardassia, which, combined with the Federation-Klingon-Romulan offensive, drives the Dominion back to Cardassia Prime. Section 31 engineered the disease that's killing all the Founders. Bashir and O'Brien recover the cure from Section 31, and cure Odo. Odo exchanges the cure for the surrender of the Dominion, and for the female changling to stand trial for war crimes. He goes back to the Great Link to cure the rest of the Founders. Kira Nerys is sad. Gul Dukat has surgery to make himself appear Bajoran and seduces Kai Winn into the Cult of the Pah Wraiths. Together they unleash the Pah Wraiths from the fire cave, but Dukat betrays Winn, so when Sisko shows up to defeat Dukat, Winn distracts Dukat long enough for Sisko to throw himself and Dukat over a precipice into the fire. The Prophets/Wormhole Aliens take Sisko into the Celestial Temple/Wormhole, leaving Cassidy Yates and Jake alone. Martok becomes chancellor of the Klingon High Council, Worf becomes Federation Ambassador to Klingon, Ezri Dax and Bashir fall in love, and O'Brien goes back to teach Engineering at Starfleet Academy. Quark misses Odo.
2007-06-23 02:45:34 PM  
"Cannibal: The Musical" FTW! Awesomely bad movie...
2007-06-23 05:47:47 PM  
The tanker truck is actually filled with sand.
2007-06-23 05:57:54 PM  
The spider dies but one of her thousands of babies stays behind with the pig.
2007-06-23 09:40:59 PM  
Sophie chooses for her daughter to die- but then her son dies anyway.
2007-06-23 10:12:48 PM  
Truepatriot: old boys lover is his daughter!

Best. Movie. Evar.
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