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		Pirate myths busted. Somewhere, ninjas are smiling (slate.com)		167
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37913 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jun 2007 at 5:13 PM | Favorite | share:

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PurplePimpSaber		2007-06-05 01:52:18 PM

Ninjas don't smile. We flip out and kill you.

sailorman_glh		2007-06-05 02:10:17 PM

Do what you want, 'cause a pirate is free

/you are a pirate

eddyatwork		2007-06-05 02:17:00 PM

Look, there's a reason the game Sid Meier's Pirates exists. Because ninjas suck. Oh look at me, I'm wearing my pajamas and sneaking around at night!

platts42		2007-06-05 02:23:50 PM

"In the myth-confirming side, pirates were known to dress in loose clothing, guzzle rum and smash the empty bottles, and chase busty wenches through Caribbean ports."

Good enough for me.

SchlingFo		2007-06-05 03:04:28 PM

Which pirate commanded the largest fleet of pirates in history?

A Chinese prostitute named Cheng.

She seized control over her husbands fleet after he died. At her peak, she commanded 400 ships and 70,000 pirates.

5000_gallons_of_toothpaste		2007-06-05 03:08:23 PM

If a ninja is smiling, Chuck Norris has already killed you.

revskippy		2007-06-05 03:09:08 PM

platts42: "In the myth-confirming side, pirates were known to dress in loose clothing, guzzle rum and smash the empty bottles, and chase busty wenches through Caribbean ports."

Good enough for me.

This... Seconded.

And yes SchlingFo the asians were mighty good at it. But so were the moors, who were also pre-european "privateer" style pirates.

nobozo		2007-06-05 03:18:17 PM

The next "talk like a pirate day" is gonna suck now.

Skeuomorph		2007-06-05 03:27:08 PM

On the myth-confirming side, pirates were known to dress in loose clothing, guzzle rum and smash the empty bottles, and chase busty wenches through Caribbean ports*.

Sooo.... pirates are Farkers?

// mostly port 80, but still

mooseyfate		2007-06-05 03:37:03 PM

Who cares about the "arrr"? Ninja's are deaf-mute bastards, but people still think they're badass!

/Pirate Ninjas FTW

BunkoSquad		2007-06-05 03:37:52 PM

So do they, or do they not, walk into bars with steering wheels down their pants?

moohawk		2007-06-05 03:52:00 PM

sailorman_glh
Do what you want, 'cause a pirate is free
/you are a pirate

I had just gotten that out of my head, damn you sailorman, damn you!

moohawk		2007-06-05 03:55:44 PM

mooseyfate
/Pirate Ninjas FTW

You reminded me of this...

Oh Noes!!

sailorman_glh		2007-06-05 04:18:33 PM

moohawk: I had just gotten that out of my head, damn you sailorman, damn you!

No. You must suffer with me in my private Hell. I made the mistake yesterday of showing my wife that link...and I work with her. So, needless to say, I've heard it for a solid 14 hours, from the time she heard it, to bed, then this morning and all day at work.

/am I going to die?
//please make it an emphatic "Yes"

LesserEvil		2007-06-05 04:44:07 PM

platts42: "In the myth-confirming side, pirates were known to dress in loose clothing, guzzle rum and smash the empty bottles, and chase busty wenches through Caribbean ports."

Good enough for me.

Actually, that last part probably wasn't true(p). I've heard buccaneers were more likely to dump women and keep the little boys on ships they plundered as potential sex partners. Besides their own personal tastes, boys would grow up to be crew members and had more to contribute on a ship.

As for when they reached port, well, little boys are cheaper than dock-walking hookers.

Yes, pirates were a gay lot.

/Not that there's anything wrong with that (well, except for the part about buggering little boys)
//Ninjas are probably also gay
///Chuck Norris could high kick all their asses into the next century

Kid Mojo		2007-06-05 05:16:03 PM

Unimpressed

mooseyfate		2007-06-05 05:17:07 PM

LesserEvil

Pirate ships were never known for being bastions of morality and decency.

Freezebyte		2007-06-05 05:17:19 PM

Prepare to be butthole hauled!!!!

WarningMayContainPeanuts		2007-06-05 05:17:30 PM

The sooner I get a picture of Kari Byron the sooner I can leave this thread

countziero		2007-06-05 05:17:53 PM

OOPs wrong kind of pirate.....

Uncle Karl		2007-06-05 05:18:13 PM

Pirates are a form of ninja. Go to askaninja.com and educate yourselves.

talkertopc		2007-06-05 05:19:04 PM

nobozo: The next "talk like a pirate day" is gonna suck now.

Can we have "chase busty wenches like a pirate" day instead?

LesserEvil		2007-06-05 05:19:25 PM

Kid Mojo: Unimpressed

That, too....

Only one "Myth" and I'm not really sure it counts. I mean, does anybody expect the original pirates really went around saying "Arrrrrrr"?

TeddyRooseveltsMustache		2007-06-05 05:20:16 PM

Myth: Pirates are better than ninjas.

Verdict: Confirmed.

Heroic Poser		2007-06-05 05:21:08 PM

Q: How do you give a girl "The Pirate" after sex?

A: Money shot her in the eye and kick her in shin, so she hops around with one eye going "ARRR!"

JoeCowboy		2007-06-05 05:21:12 PM

pfft, eskimoes would club them both like a baby seal.

JC

moops		2007-06-05 05:21:19 PM

No but we expect they swabbed the poop deck.

Irontoast		2007-06-05 05:21:32 PM

countziero		2007-06-05 05:22:10 PM

nobozo: The next "talk like a pirate day" is gonna suck now.

Naaaaahhhh. People still celebrate Christmas whether they believe or not.......

Uncle Karl		2007-06-05 05:22:35 PM

LesserEvil
Review of said book.

Ahoy me fine salty sailors. If ye be lookin for gripping adventure on the high seas, this be the book for ye. It hoisted me mizzen mast and shivered me timbers, Yar! If you've ever wondered exactly what to do with a drunken sailor, this is the book for you. The author, Barry Richard Burg is a great expert on seamen and it really shows through. I was dissapointed to find that the nautical phrase "a three days blow" didn't mean what I thought it did, but the author's loving descriptions of how these pirates would oil each other up with whale blubber and lash each other with the cat o' nine tails more than made up for it. I'm tempted to go summon my cockswain, rent "The Pirate Movie", then kick back and mourn the passing of the days when burly pirates would start their day by opening the seacock and pumping furiously. Customers who bought titles by Barry Richard Burg also bought titles by J. K. Rowling -- coincidence? I think not.

Kid Mojo		2007-06-05 05:22:35 PM

st4t3x		2007-06-05 05:22:44 PM

amiker77		2007-06-05 05:22:45 PM

But did the pirates actually say "Yo ho ho"?

/Maybe that's how they got the attention of the busty wenches

Son of God		2007-06-05 05:23:38 PM

Pirate Trifecta!!!

Can't_Think_Of_A_Name		2007-06-05 05:24:12 PM

eddyatwork: Look, there's a reason the game Sid Meier's Pirates exists. Because ninjas suck. Oh look at me, I'm wearing my pajamas and sneaking around at night!

You just can't find the ninja games.

steveurkel		2007-06-05 05:24:25 PM

jingks		2007-06-05 05:24:45 PM

that's because it's "yarr", not "arr".

Freezebyte		2007-06-05 05:25:45 PM

Playboy really needs to get Kari Byron naked. Like now.

I Should Be Working		2007-06-05 05:26:12 PM

Won't someone think of the buttpirates...

Keels		2007-06-05 05:26:26 PM

A pirate I was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!

Uncle Karl		2007-06-05 05:26:37 PM

st4t3x
Yarr, I would shiver her timbers with the fury of 10,000 canons.

mtylerjr		2007-06-05 05:26:51 PM

kb7rky		2007-06-05 05:28:30 PM

Dammit, st4t3x and Kid Mojo...I came in here to post those!

Yellowbeard		2007-06-05 05:28:58 PM

Need I even really say anything, here?

heavymetal		2007-06-05 05:31:37 PM

theorellior		2007-06-05 05:33:07 PM

I was hoping the article would be a little more in-depth. I mean, what about the eyepatches? The parrots? Did the dogs really have scurvy? Why were sixteen guys sitting on some corpse's abdomen? Things like that.

azazyel		2007-06-05 05:35:05 PM

I think I'm going to believe it anyway contrary to what the 'facts' may say. If Christians can do it so can I.

phlegmmo		2007-06-05 05:36:02 PM

I read the arrrrticle.

LurkB4ULeap		2007-06-05 05:36:13 PM

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good,
God would permit us to be pirates.
- Mark Twain

Dumle		2007-06-05 05:36:55 PM

Can't_Think_Of_A_Name: You just can't find the ninja games.

Last Ninja (1987)
Last Ninja II: Back with a vengeance (1988)
Last Ninja Remix (1990)
Last Ninja III: Real hatred is timeless (1991)

ahh..the memories.

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