FARK.com: (2833482) Not News: Man stabbed while breaking up drunken brawl. News: Between his two nephews. Fark: Who were fighting over which was older. Difficulty: Pitchfork

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		Not News: Man stabbed while breaking up drunken brawl. News: Between his two nephews. Fark: Who were fighting over which was older. Difficulty: Pitchfork (mysanantonio.com)		58
		More: Stupid

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6857 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 May 2007 at 10:15 PM | Favorite | share:

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colatf		2007-05-29 07:54:59 PM

He was stabbed between the nephews? Sounds painful.

TexasIsBetter		2007-05-29 08:51:24 PM

Lets see there were cousins involved and someone got stabbed, I'm guessing its our meheecano residents.

That plus the old fark saying,

Shootings=Texans
Stabbing=Mexicans.

or in this case pitchforking.

colatf		2007-05-29 10:12:44 PM

Fainting = Dandies
Stings = BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!

Humean_Nature		2007-05-29 10:18:44 PM

All three men were drinking in their mobile home... and that's where I fell off my chair.

oregoncat		2007-05-29 10:19:06 PM

Wanted for questioning...

www.uwm.edu

MyNameIsMofuga		2007-05-29 10:20:13 PM

Shouldn't they have just looked at the farking calendar?

MyNameIsMofuga		2007-05-29 10:20:49 PM

Or just used simple math?

3kids1nerveleft		2007-05-29 10:20:56 PM

Texas tag anyone?

I'm from Texas and I'm deeply ashamed.

peacefulwarrior		2007-05-29 10:23:10 PM

TexasIsBetter

You oughta know that a pitchforking is technically not the same as a stabbing. That there is a whole different kind of thing.

Oh yeah, obligatory Texas joke: There are two good ways to see Texas. 1. Through a bomb sight 2. In your rear view mirror.

OtitisMEDIA		2007-05-29 10:23:45 PM

TexasIsBetter

I haven't heard that one. The white half of me is afraid to laugh for fear it might be deemed racist ... the Mexi-can (not Mexi-can't) half thinks it is hilarious, and he is shooting his pistola in the air.

/just not aiming it at people, he has a shiny knife for that.

skinink		2007-05-29 10:23:48 PM

There was some strife,
Pitchforked by a lowlife,
Green acres we are therrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!

StopArrestingMe		2007-05-29 10:23:53 PM

Difficulty: Pitchfork

Oh, are you sure they weren't fighting over which of their favorite bands was less mainstream?

3HeadedDog		2007-05-29 10:24:08 PM

Me, too, Humean_Nature.

Seems to be a San Antonio stupidity-realted thread here every now and again. Much TOO often. Why am I surprised, I live here and see it all the time. Yeesh.

Profhet		2007-05-29 10:25:40 PM

I am baleing on this headline, I don't get the point of it.

carver		2007-05-29 10:25:58 PM

"we'all approoves o'this message."

Humean_Nature		2007-05-29 10:26:40 PM

3HeadedDog I'm from San Antonio, so I am familiar with the, eh, "locals".

Bluto Blutarsky		2007-05-29 10:27:24 PM

How drunk do you have to be to actually argue about who is older? This is pretty simple math people.

One of the cousins grabbed a pitchfork, and when the uncle stepped between his nephews, he was stabbed in the arm.

Cousin: he stepped in front of me so I forked him.

/The Aristocrats!

precia		2007-05-29 10:28:42 PM

So... which one was older? Shouldn't an article about this kind of thing clear that up for us?

klatubaradanikto		2007-05-29 10:30:32 PM

grinningdeamon		2007-05-29 10:30:58 PM

The 26-year-old nephew who stabbed his uncle was arrested on charges of aggravated assault.

"I'm 26!!!"
"Oh yeah? Well I'm 24 and 24 is the biggest number!!!

/How could they have left the other age out of the article?

Random_McEric		2007-05-29 10:31:18 PM

I feel unsatisfied. The writer never settles the matter of who was older. He sets it up and everything by mentioning that the stabby one was 26, but never says how old the other one was. For shame. That's like first-week-of-journalism-school kind of stuff.

Vantango84		2007-05-29 10:31:31 PM

damn... this should be in a farkin' Dali painting....

Tanqueray		2007-05-29 10:33:15 PM

I don't typically enjoy this headline motif, but in this case I'll make an exception.
+1

Bird3149		2007-05-29 10:34:40 PM

The article left out one very important piece of information. The kids were arguing over who was older. One nephew was 26 years old. How old was the other nephew?

Regnad Kcin		2007-05-29 10:35:59 PM

"Uncle dad, which'un usn's borneyed first?"

umlaut/overo		2007-05-29 10:36:52 PM

So....how old was non-stabbee? Why can't the reporter ask one more question so we can put this to rest. Who was right?

digital_opium		2007-05-29 10:38:50 PM

Bird3149

I wondered the same thing. Probably, they don't know!

This story blows my mind. I can't fathom anyone not knowing his own exact birthdate.

napjerk		2007-05-29 10:42:49 PM

It would be hilarious if they were twins.

Gert B. Frobe		2007-05-29 10:44:09 PM

one of the cousins was born in CA while the other was born in NY at the same moment- by the same woman!

Ld.Edward		2007-05-29 10:48:28 PM

All I've got to say is,

THANK GOD IT WASN'T IN ALABAMA...

carry on.

xor_4200		2007-05-29 10:53:24 PM

TexasIsBetter		2007-05-29 10:55:30 PM

Humean_Nature: 3HeadedDog I'm from San Antonio, so I am familiar with the, eh, "locals"

/Is also from San Antonio, the stories out of here I always hear on fark before the news.

monkeymonkey		2007-05-29 10:57:44 PM

Im sorry subby, but i kinda think the order of that coulda been changed.

news:
Fark:
Bonus goodness:

/meh

3HeadedDog		2007-05-29 11:05:23 PM

TexasIsBetter:

Good point. I watch the local news when I come home from work and I never see this stuff. Only on FARK. Weird.

gr8fultom		2007-05-29 11:16:16 PM

Anybody remember that episode of Bonanza where Little Joe pitch forks his girlfriend?

/me neither

GeorgeCostanza		2007-05-29 11:18:28 PM

Pitchfork? Where they fighting over who's better, the Arctic Monkeys or Arcade Fire?

brap		2007-05-29 11:23:21 PM

Stick a fork in it...AIIIIEEEE! This argument is dun!

Your closing talkins' Clem?

Uh, er, next time (gasp) I wanna be on that thar metaphor literalist side?

- Transcripts from the Double-wide Debate Team

Ubik_79		2007-05-29 11:27:23 PM

superman0094		2007-05-29 11:31:18 PM

Let's cross the river and get a free edukashun and when we're too stupid to do math....free healthcare at the emergency room!!

/aipa aipa
//honde le honde le
///not mexican
////like you couldn't tell

Mr. Gunn		2007-05-29 11:36:28 PM

I just came in for the redneck pics. I was not diappointed.

TexasIsBetter		2007-05-29 11:41:21 PM

3HeadedDog: Good point. I watch the local news when I come home from work and I never see this stuff. Only on FARK. Weird.

I know, only in San Antonio is a pitchforking incident with alcohol and trailer parks not newsworthy.

vinzago		2007-05-29 11:51:17 PM

Texas tag anyone?

physsijim		2007-05-29 11:56:42 PM

Yeah, me and the wife had us a right good laugh when that done come on the news last night.

object42		2007-05-30 12:05:09 AM

What use does one have for a pitchfork in a trailer, besides cousin stabbing?

bmihura		2007-05-30 12:12:02 AM

What use does one have for a pitchfork in a trailer, besides cousin stabbing?

Good point, because having a pitchfork implies you actually do work rather than collecting welfare, in which case you won't be living in a trailer.

kb7rky		2007-05-30 12:19:56 AM

Never bring a knife to a pitchfork fight...

/got nuthin'

awooga		2007-05-30 12:32:28 AM

Fb is the father?

Rafe		2007-05-30 12:33:37 AM

What the hell was the pitchfork's original intent? Were they building another trailer out of hay?

chemical_angel		2007-05-30 01:46:53 AM

Rafe
Being an innanimate object, the pitchfork likely had no intentions.

Very_Powerful_Man		2007-05-30 03:12:52 AM

Not news: Submitter thinks he is funny. News: This particular Fark cliche is used all the time. Fark: Fark geeks are still trying to milk its "headline-arity."

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