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(Some Drunkard)   Tell YOUR amusing drunken story. Voting enabled.   (guinness.com) divider line 267
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4412 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2002 at 1:15 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-08-26 02:18:05 AM
WOOT! Number 3!!!!
 
2002-08-26 02:21:58 AM
I was at the beach one weekend with some friends and my two older brothers.

We were drinking on the beach with lots of other people (all of us except my oldest brother, who was at our unit, which was very close by) - it was around New Year's and at that time of year there's plenty of young folks at that particular place trying to make mischief.

I started trying to chat up a pretty girl I've met when my middle brother spots me and decides to pick her up over his shoulder and carry her away. It didn't quite work like that due to him being pretty drunk, and he ended up crash tackling her into the sand. Needless to say her boyfriend, who had just arrived with a few friends, wasn't too happy about this and proceeded to get into a fistfight with middle brother.

Being the brave fella that I am, I run the short distance up the main street of town, get into our unit and yell for oldest brother to come help. He's in the middle of getting changed but, hey, family comes first - so he comes storming down the main street in only his jocks.

All the time his girlfriend is behind him screaming "put some farking pants on!" - he's yelling back "NO TIME FOR PANTS!".

Anyway, eventually that all blew over and we ended up back at the unit some time later to watch an important football game. The team we were going for won in the final seconds and my best friend got so excited that he decided to run naked around the block. He whipped his gear off and ran through the sliding glass door - mind you, the door was closed, but he still ran through it. We quickly took him to the hospital and left him there to get stitched up while we continued to drink up. It all gets a little blurry from there and next next thing I knew I woke up on the roof wearing my jeans on my head the following morning. Don't ask me how it happened because I don't know and nobody else is telling me.

Ahh, to be young again.
 
2002-08-26 02:22:04 AM
Drank a lot, woke up next to your sister. Nuff said.
 
2002-08-26 02:24:22 AM
ya'll can stop voting for Pepperjack at any given time.



please?
 
2002-08-26 02:24:26 AM
"NO TIME FOR PANTS!".
Best...line...ever?!?!
 
2002-08-26 02:25:13 AM
I got all you guys beat. Bunch of pussies.
 
2002-08-26 02:25:45 AM
I win.
 
2002-08-26 02:26:33 AM
have you checked your mail lately Sweater Girl? ;)
 
2002-08-26 02:27:03 AM
Another story.

My friends and I decided to take a road trip to St. Louis. We were able to obtain a school van for the trip (free wheels, free gas, awesome). Anyway, one night we were gonna go clubbin' and everyone is absolutely tanked but me (I was driving). We are all dressed and ready to meet the womenly folk, and along the way the dude two rows behind me says "Hey Mike (name changed to protect the innocent), I gotta hurl", but over the music I can't hear it.

All of a sudden, we hear a *mwahh* as he barfs into his hands. It was loud enough to make me turn around. Unfortunately, he has allergies, and they strike at the right moment. He sneezes very hard, projecting the vomit in his hands all over the FRONT WINDSHIELD, the back of my head and neck, and my side window. From the second row behind me! Oh, it was so gross, we about beat his arss when we pulled over.
 
2002-08-26 02:28:08 AM
No funny stories....just a wonderful thing to write about.

Best time drinking (don't do it often) was the Saturday night before finals last semester at NAU. My friends and I were BLITZED, walking from bar to bar (5-6 bars downtown, all real close) hanging with EVERYONE we knew at school. You go to one bar, see some friends from some classes, go to the next bar, all over again. Music. Loud, pulsating music. Friends - all fellow posters at fark.com (so you know it was farking splendid)

Best. Farking. Night. Ever. Didn't get laid, and didn't sleep with your sister, but was memorable nonetheless.
 
2002-08-26 02:29:14 AM
Hearing all this sgiat makes me want to go out, get drunk, and make some memories...ahh welll..too bad i'm a pussy.
 
2002-08-26 02:29:32 AM
Sweater Girl I doubt the woting will stop any time soon since it involves the two things FARK stands for:
Boobies and Beer :)
 
2002-08-26 02:30:32 AM
Nothing special, but last night somehow I ended up in Phoenix with my mother, my brother's girlfriend's parents and their friend drinking at a gay karoke bar. I didn't know it was a gay bar at first, just noticed a lot of outwardly gay people. My mom wanted me to sing It's Raining Men.
 
2002-08-26 02:32:25 AM
Never got drunk in my life, then one night the Misses (now the Ex) and I decided to get smashed in a hotel in Prague.

We woke up and 9 months later:



He is my best friend and sometimes I believe he is the only person whom I can have an intelligent conversation with.

Even if it only consist of the correct way to pronounce Spongebob Squarepants.
 
2002-08-26 02:32:37 AM
NUMBER 2!!! C'mon, Farkers!!!!
 
2002-08-26 02:33:01 AM
w00t! Andy Kaufman is on Comedy Central.
 
2002-08-26 02:34:26 AM
Alright, I'll play.

After I got my Bachelor's degree in 2000, I
took a tour of Europe with a buddy of mine. We took one of those pre-planned Contiki tours, which involves traveling on a bus with a bunch of Australians and a few token Americans and Canadians (yeah, a little lame, I
know - but at least you'll always have a hotel at the end of the day).

Anyway, one night in Venice I had quite a bit of wine with dinner, and afterwards the whole group headed to some sort of a disco - I think it was called Laser Disco or something. We walked a few blocks from the hotel. A group of people behind me crossed the street, and just missed
getting hit by a guy in an Alfa Romeo. I heard someone yelling, so I figured the driver was at fault. He had slowed almost to a stop when he got to where I was, so I decided I would avenge my fellow travelers by punching
his car. So I did. Next thing I know the guy exits his car and comes after me. So I ran. I only ran a short distance before it occurred to me the guy was tiny and he didn't pose a big physical threat to me. Not that I'm huge or anything, but, as I mentioned, he was quite tiny and
non-intimidating. So I turned around and casually walked towards him, and back to the other people on the tour. Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off and started yelling at me in Italian. At this point I forgot - thanks to the copious amount of wine I had previously consumed - that I was in Italy, and thought I was still in France (the previous stop on the trip). So, my response to the guy was "Get lost, Frenchie". And I proceeded into the
club. Now if the story ended here it would have pretty much cast me as the role of the hero, I guess. But, unfortunately, there is more.

After a few minutes in the disco, a bouncer - seemingly quite agitated - came towards me. There was this Karaoke thing where a wireless mic was passed among people on the dance floor. When I got it, I started singing along, and then making up my own lyrics that involved a few profanities. I thought I was being bounced from the club for this reason.
Anyway, I followed the bouncer, and he brought me to a group of people. It turns out the little guy with Alfa Romeo had followed me to the club and had informed the owner of my digression. The Contiki tour leader was also there. They informed me that I had actually put a ding in the guy's car. The reason for this was an iron ring that I wear on my right hand. The club owner told me that if I paid the equivalent of about $150 American to repair the car, he would take care of the rest. The whole thing happened on a road a block from the disco, so I'm not sure why the owner was so eager to get involved. Anyways, I started trying to negotiate the price. I told him I would pay $100. This really pissed him off, since in his mind he was doing me a big favor. The tour manager, who was no help at all, just told me to agree to pay the amount. Eventually I did. When I finally did, some guy made a wise-ass comment (which I really can't remember). I then proceeded to shove him. Now, I am generally a very non-violent person, so I am still surprised I did this. I am also not sure who the guy was, but somebody said he was a cop (D'oh!). As a result of my attack, the bouncers dragged me to a small room in the basement of the club. They were telling me that they would contact my embassy and have me expelled from the country. They demanded to see some ID. Fortunately, I had none on me, just a few Lira. I think that's the thing that saved me, because they then told me to just fark off and leave and never come back. Needless to say, I was more than happy to do so. I got back upstairs and the tour guide told me to go back to the hotel. Of course I got lost, and I had no idea what the name of it was. I remembered that my mother had a copy of the trip itinerary, so I tried to call her back in Canada, collect. Unfortunately, you can't make collect calls on the backwards-ass Italian phone system. I ran into a cop who spoke some English, and explained my situation. He told me the only thing I could do was buy a calling card at the local train station, which didn't open till 6 am. The Disco thing happened at around midnight, so I ended up spending most of the night on the street. Anyway, after calling shortly after 6, I managed to get back to the hotel and get a whole 1 hour of sleep before having to get up the next morning. The tour lady warned me to not do any crap like that again or she'd kick me off the tour. I guess she had a point.
 
2002-08-26 02:35:29 AM
#1 now PepperJack....You're welcome.
 
2002-08-26 02:35:33 AM
This one night, I didn't get drunk, and nothing happend!!
 
2002-08-26 02:35:46 AM
YES!! YES!! NUMBER FARKIN' ONE!!!

*cue We Are The Champions*

Thank you.. Thank you so much.. I was just happy to *sniff*
be nominated..
 
2002-08-26 02:37:13 AM
hands down, best story BigHonky. Too cool.

strange choice of login names btw...
 
2002-08-26 02:38:12 AM
Suitep I wrote you a long email a few days ago, but I guess it wasn't sent:( I'll do it again tomorrow.

In other news, Pepperjack has a big mouth and sucks.

I mean, what's so wrong with flashing?

Stupid clothes.
 
2002-08-26 02:38:50 AM
The only thing that sucks is that I'm now going to get my ass kicked... By a GIRL!
 
2002-08-26 02:40:52 AM
Nah

I don't know you.
My family doesn't know you.
You no longer exist.
Bigmouth.
 
2002-08-26 02:41:23 AM
About nine years ago I got totally plastered at a bbq, was escorted home by some kids who walked me home, I blacked out and when i came to i was in the bathroom with my then 3yr old daughter laying beside me needless to say I don't get that drunk anymore :-(
 
2002-08-26 02:43:15 AM

Ahh... here's one I just remembered...

About 4 years ago when I was living in New York (brooklyn) my friend's band was opening for the Supersuckers. After the show I took everyone to Coyote Ugly since they wanted to go to a seedy place, and this was well before that horrible movie came out.

So we start really pounding them down, and the guys from Supersuckers were at war with each other and the bartender gal to really drink, and before we knew it, the bartender passed out and we started serving ourselves.

When the owner showed up at 4am to close the place, we got the boot and I started walking up to the Subway at 1st & 14th. Unfortunately the train going to Brooklyn was shut down and I had to go to the opposite street side and take the train from there.

After practally passing out, someone taps me on the shoulder on the shoulder and tells me to wake up, that the train was back running correctly on the opposite track and was about to arrive in the station.

I jumped up and in a drunken dream-like stupor, raced up the stairs and into the street to get to the opposite station. Many other people were hustling to get to the train also, and I was in the lead.

As I turned the corner and started down the flights of stairs, I took my first step, and while looking at my boots was wondering why they seemed so close to my face. Then I realized that my head was dropping to the level of my feet. In essence, I was beginning to do a somersault down the concrete steps. I saw lights flash by, then felt the stairs come up and hit me on my back between my shoulders. I remember seeing the banister and reached for it, only to see it swing by as I started another rotation.

I counted the banister 3 times as I spun down the stairs, finally coming to rest on my back at the bottom of the stairs. All the people behind me gave a collected *gasp*, but me being as drunk as I was, just sprung up and kept running towards the train, which was now in the station.

The ride over to Brooklyn (only 2 stops, fortunately), I noticed people giving me the strangest looks, as if I were a ghost or something. I just hung onto the strap and swayed my way in the train heading home.

When I got home, my roommate was getting ready to go to work. He saw me come in and freaked out. I didn't know what was wrong until I looked in the mirror. My entire forehead and the bridge of my nose was completely raw and bloody, when I took off my shirt, the same mess was across my shoulders and spine, and finishing off the undressing exposed similar wounds all over my legs.

How I didn't break any bones is a freakin miracle. It can be said that I "fell drunk" and thus didn't stiffen up and crack bones, but then again if I was sober, I probably wouldn't have fallen at all.

The end
 
2002-08-26 02:44:08 AM
But.. But..

You said if I enabled voting I could tell the story..

C'mon.. We got lots of votes!!!

</whine>
 
2002-08-26 02:44:20 AM
just got home from lake tahoe, drunken story is we're all out $850 from gambling because our drunk asses weren't making the best gambling decisions, oh well
 
2002-08-26 02:46:42 AM
Hmm

Another classic drunk story ( not mine!) Was a guy who arrived to a concert here in town more than half in the bag. He had paid over 100 dollars for his ticket. Arrived at a preconcert party, downed 5 (5!) Long Island Iced Teas.
Passed out about an hour before the show.
 
2002-08-26 02:48:55 AM
well how about, me; crushed right shoulder/arm, 85 percent newly recounstructed skull(18 titanium plates) broken upper jaw and 2 percent brian damage: passenger;crushed pelvis/ruptured stomach
mine alone is in ecxess of 9k, yes, ninehoundred THOUSAND dollars, it gets better,
i was charged with felony dui serious bodily injury, two counts(one for my passenger, one for me too) and am looking at 15 FARKIN YEARS in prison, and here is th clutch of all, my BAC(blood alcohol content) was 0.04 ,south carolina, usa WHERE offense ocurred) law states that 0.07 is the threshold for dui, you do the math
 
2002-08-26 02:49:34 AM
I don't know if this counts...

I was born in 1984.... and my mom drank some wine spritzers while she was pregnant with me.

Now I have ADD and I am kinda messed up in other ways...but other than that I am ok I guess...
 
2002-08-26 02:50:38 AM
It's so strange that the legal drinking age is 21 in america

good old 18 here. You learn from ur mistakes early on (from 13 onwards) with regard to drinking to u don't make a fool of urself when it might matter
 
2002-08-26 02:51:05 AM
Just one more -

I lived in Dublin, Ireland for a year doing the working holiday thing. About two weeks before I was due to head home, a few old freinds flew in to visit. We went out on the town with the intention of getting disgustingly drunk.

I ran into a few people from my work who were out with their friends. As the night wore on people - including my friends from home - started calling it a night. Having been evicted from my house the day before I really didn't have a place to stay, so I ended up going back to this girl from work's friend's apartment. We weren't going to fark or anything, she was just taking pity on poor old homeless me.

Anyway, we go into her apartment and I take off my jacket (which contains my mobile phone and wallet) and start looking for the toilet. My quest not only takes me outside her apartment but outside her apartment building. After taking a leak in an alleyway somewhere, I come back to the building and try to get in, which, of course, I can't. There's a lock. I consider using the buzzer thing but of course it isn't working (not that it mattered much, I couldn't remember what apartment number she was). So I sit down at wait. In the Dublin winter. With only a t-shirt on.

At about 3:00am some kind soul lets me into the building, but I still can't remember which door I need to use, so I decide to start on the top floor and knock on every door until I find the right one. Not everyone answered my knocking, and those that did weren't to happy about it, so I decided to curl up and go to sleep at the foot of the stairs. The next thing I know it is daytime and there's people stepping over me as they leave the building on their way to work - and they don't even bat an eyelid. Eventually some kind lady lends me her mobile and I call mine. The girl answers and lets me know what unit she's in. She just thought I'd gone home (even though I'd told her I didn't have one). I spent the day sleeping there and not bothering to go to work. They were pretty understanding when I told them why.
 
2002-08-26 02:52:23 AM
Gee, I'm really sorry Kayinetik, that's really sad. I feel sorry for any kid who had parents who were high or drunk at the moment of conception or had a mother who drank or was high at all during the pregnancy. That's not cool, and you are the one paying for your parents' mistakes.
 
2002-08-26 02:56:34 AM
Man, it's been a long time since I got drunk. I still drink a couple of beers or margaritas or Colorado Bulldogs, but mostly I don't drink at all. I didn't quit on purpose, I just got sick of hangovers and spending the money, ya know?

Anyway, back in the magic time between high school and college, I got totally smashed. When I got home, I got a huge iced tea glass, filled it up with ice and water and stuck it on the headboard of my waterbed. When I woke up I managed to knock the glass off of the headboard, smash myself in the forehead with the glass and spill what seemed like a gallon of ice cold water all over the myself and the bed. Being a waterbed, it just sort of pooled around me. I was so hung over that I just lay there shivering - and probably soaking up the water. Next time I woke up, the sheets were dry and I had a goose egg on my forehead. It was a long long time before I got drunk again.

There was the night I don't remember driving back from Houston to Austin after an Astros game. I remember playing washers (like horse shoes, only with big washers and burried coke cans) in the rain when we got back to Austin. I remember my dad calling Leo's at 3am and Leo answering the phone yelling WHAT! I remember watching the sun rise over the buildings on 6th Street at Leo's apt (too drunk to sleep) and wondering how the hell I was going to get home. Heh. Yeah, that was stupid. The drive back from Houston, I mean. The rest of it was fun.

And one time I twisted my ankle and tore a hole in my knee. It was about the size of a half dollar and took all the skin off. I kept drinking. Made my anthropology final the next morning hung over. The pain in my knee was all that kept me from puking all over the guy sitting in front of me.

And then there was the time I went to Magnum Opus Con in Greenville, SC. They had free beer. I was drunk for something like three days. I remember some new friends dragging me away from a police officer I was talking to - I had just managed to trade away a Tennessee State Trooper patch for a Greenville SC patch, too. They were afraid he was going to arrest me, I guess. Man, that was a bad trade.
 
2002-08-26 02:57:36 AM
Drunk? I never even drank a beer! Let's talk about sex and stuff with asians
 
2002-08-26 03:03:14 AM
Here's my most embarrassing drunk story:

New Year's eve 1998. As every new year's eve, we had made absolutely no plans. After driving around for an hour, we find out all the (good) clubs are sold out. We give one of our friends a call and he says that they're gonna chill at his buddy's house and that we could drop by if we wanted to.. we decide to go to the guy's house. Before going, of course, we must make the obligatory stop at the liquor store.I grab a 26 of vodka and a mickey of Southern Comfort. This should have set off warning bells right away since I never drink hard. I usually drink beer and chill out. We get to the guys house, and it's packed! lots of people I don't know, but I know a few of them.. people are sitting around having their drinks, chatting, waiting for the clock to hit 12, blablabla... I should mention that the parents of the guy who was hosting the party were out at their own little new years celebration, and were due back at around 1. I start work on my drinks, and not being a pro-mixer, I screw up the ratio every time. I killed both my bottles, and I'm actually doing OK, but have a pretty good buzz going on. It's around 11:30 and this guy that we know shows up with a 60 of Crown Royal, and he's hootin' and hollerin' and being a jackass.. so me, being a happy drunk idiot, grab his bottle and proceed to chug the freaking thing.. After my friends set me straight and snatched the bottle out of my hands, I sit back against the wall and start to drift out. Next thing I remember, I wake up in my bed, my shirt still on, but reeking of puke, pants and shoes still on. I get up to go to the washroom and I find i'm having trouble walking on my leg, my hip hurts like hell. I call my buddy up and asked him wtf happenned. He says, holy shiat man.. 10 minutes after you drifted out, out of nowhere, and without warning, you start barfing, full force, waterfalls, gushing out barfing.. all over the place, you puked on a whole bunch of people's shoes, the guy's carpet was soaked with puke, a big plaster of it laying in a corner.. and we had to clean that shiat up. You wanted to puke again, and we tried to carry you to the washroom, but you didn't make it, and puked down the hallway on the way there. And in the middle of all the mayhem, the guys parents show up, and they are not too happy about the situation. They manage to get me out of the house and I sit in the guy's lawn chair, which I promptly proceed to break, and while doing that, I break the guy's plant ceramic pot. On the way to the car, I fell down on my ass (it had been snowing.. like that was the real cause). Needless to say, everyone was pretty pissed off, but it made for a pretty freaking memorable new years day (for them, not me).
 
2002-08-26 03:03:36 AM
that's YOUR story, SweaterGirl, you just didn't get the chance to tell it. haha
 
2002-08-26 03:07:59 AM
well how about, me; crushed right shoulder/arm, 85 percent newly recounstructed skull(18 titanium plates) broken upper jaw and 2 percent brian damage: passenger;crushed pelvis/ruptured stomach
mine alone is in ecxess of 9k, yes, ninehoundred THOUSAND dollars, it gets better,
i was charged with felony dui serious bodily injury, two counts(one for my passenger, one for me too) and am looking at 15 FARKIN YEARS in prison, and here is th clutch of all, my BAC(blood alcohol content) was 0.04 ,south carolina, usa WHERE offense ocurred) law states that 0.07 is the threshold for dui, you do the math
 
2002-08-26 03:11:26 AM
Suitep
amen sister.

It was quite liberating, until the dog fetched my bra from the lawn
:(

*cough* I mean, if it were true. Which it IS NOT.*cough*
 
2002-08-26 03:14:01 AM
Well.. We're still number one.

Kisses..

:*
 
2002-08-26 03:14:26 AM
btw, i forgot, NO sense of smell WHATSOEVER, and it wont becoming back: may the fark be with yous
 
2002-08-26 03:15:43 AM
Okay, this is true..

My dad injured his achillies tendon at a night club one night while trying to dance. For the next six weeks he was going to have to wear a full leg cast, afterwards he would be fitted with a half leg cast for six months.

My dad couln't take off work, so he still went to work every day. He worked in tool and die manufacturing, and his job was quite stressful for him, especially since he was partially handicapped.

When he would come home at night, he would immediatly drink himself into a drunken stupor and pass out. One night, my dad, who's had a history of sleep walking, awoke in a confused state and started yelling at my mother, demanding she get him his 'trodes', presumably he mean't 'electrodes', but my mom didn't know. My mother attempted to pacify him by handing him the remote control. He fumbled with it, and went back to sleep.

The next night there was a similar episode. My dad woke up and demanded he got his blueprints. My mom, quite confused, got up and headed for the door. My dad persisted to yell, and was quite angry with his ability to go after my mother and get his blueprints. My dad grabbed his crutches and started to get up, but then had a better idea. "Get back here damnit!!", he yelled as he threw his crutch at my mom like a javelin-- striking her right in the back.

My mom fled downstairs, quite upset. The figured she would just stay downstair until my dad cooled off. She was quite mistaken, for at the next moment my dad was crawling down the stair commando style, shouting and cursing "where's my damn blueprints!?" He soon managed to stand, and hobbled his way to the kitchen, where my mom had gone.


Before my dad could catch his breath to resume shouting, my mom quickly grabbed a blue colored notepad and handed it to my father. He examined it, and began to turn away when he paused for a moment. "These aren't the right XYZ coordinates!", he exclaimed, just as the frying pan connected with his forehead.

Luckily for him, he has no memory of the event.
 
2002-08-26 03:16:15 AM
my amusing story began in sd. i was like 15. i'd met a cool guy during the summer who was like 20 and told me and a few of my friends he knew of a rave that was gonna be happening in a barn outside of town, and did we want to come. well of course we farking did, so he came by at like 10, i'd camped out that night in my backyard so i wouldn't have to sneak past my parents. he picked us up and took us to this farking awesome barn. it'd been totally done up on the inside. awesome music good cheapass bar and hundreds of ppl. not to mention a shiatload of girls mine own age. anyway i started drinking and was pretty decently buzzed when a guy offered me a hit of X. i'd never done any drugs b4 so i figured wtf. so i took the x but it didn't affect me for a long time so i kept drinking when it did hit me. DAMN DID IT HIT ME. i was farking insane. everything felt awesome. stubbed my toe really bad, i mean like no skin on the end of my toe stubbed it. but it felt so intensly good i thought i was gonna die. anyway somehow, i don't remember all that night, i ended up in a car w/ these 3 chicks, all my age. we're driving along, and one of them asks if i'm a virgin. i'm like, uh...yeah. they're like oh good then we won't have to use condoms. that's the last thing i remember, i woke up the next day spread eagled in my backyard w/ no shoes and a kickass techno cd in my pocket. to this day i've no idea how i got there or where i got the cd.
 
2002-08-26 03:19:29 AM
Beeznutz: Sorry to say this, but you sound like a farking idiot. This is amusing drunk stories. Not "I can't hold my liquor, so feel sorry for me because I now drive a van with my tongue" stories.
 
2002-08-26 03:23:01 AM
Sounds like Sweater Girl has some nice "Boobiess"..or whatever part of the female anatomy that euphemism is for.
 
2002-08-26 03:30:14 AM
I've got way too many of these stories. OK here it goes.

Just a regular night, drinking a shot of Jager with every beer. Mostly a blackout later, I find myself confronted with the fact that I've locked myself out of my apartment. Rather than wake my roommate up, I decide to kick in the front door. Not too shabby, I got it on the third kick, except that didn't avoid waking my roommate up. He see's me in the living room and says "What the fark?" My response = "I uh...I can't explain that." I wake up the next morning, upside down in a chair, feet where my torso should be and vice-versa, wondering why it's so cold. See, it's winter in Vermont at the time and the door I kicked in is still wide open. I scan the rooom looking for clues. Door parts and wood are everywhere but it's friggin upside down! Takes awhile to sink in but I finally remember what happened and know at least that it's all my fault. That weekend I learned a lot about wooodcraft and such and had the door almost finished when my mostly absentee landlord dropped by leaving a note that said something about lead paint and "What happened to the front door?" Nothing else was said since I did a pretty good job putting it back together.
Fast forward about a month or so and I'm at my boss' apartment doing "Screaming Nazi's" = Jager and Rumplemintz(sp?) for several hours. Driving home (not far but still) I stop at a store for smokes when I'm pulled into a bar to do some more drinking. Here's where it gets stupid. I left my keys in the ignition of the car when I went to the store but at the bar I freak out and think I lost them. After a few rum and cokes I get back into my car and drive home(about 4 houses away) and then figure out how to get in....even though I just got home USING MY KEYS THAT i JUST PUT IN MY POCKET. So locked into lost key mode, I use a snow shovel to break a window. Now this time my roommate was out of town so I decide to break his window, figuring I can get it fixed before he gets back. But instead of just breaking the window I needed, I break both storm windows and both regular windows...must've been fun or something. Keep in mind the whole time this is happenning, I have the keys I need in my pocket. Next morning I walk by his rooom wondering why his door is open, see tons of broken glass, and then it hits me. I cleaned up as much as I could without disturbing his stuff, It cost over $100, but he was only home for a few minutes before he asked "Why are there broken bits of glass in my room?"
In my case, if Jagermeister is involved, so is property damage.

Not even my best story...They don't call me Barfly for nothin'.
 
2002-08-26 03:31:15 AM
I never vote for myself. My vote goes to BeanosFourthChin!
Thank you. I'm pouring my booze down the sink now.
 
2002-08-26 03:38:44 AM
Cherylann: Who the HELL let you have a kid?
 
2002-08-26 03:49:59 AM
One nite when I was hanging out with these two girls I had slept with without the other knowing we wound up after a night of drinking at an IHOP, and I was telling an offcolor story the on-duty cop tells me to shut it. Not to outdone by some pig cop I wander outside as we leave and spit on his car "accidently". He heard me hawking up a loogey, but didnt actually move his fatass fast enough to see me do it "accidently" so he kinda yelled a bit as my friends stuffed my in the car to leave and called me carzy and stupid, but I still got some drunken loving from the sluttier one.
 
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