Because nothing fails like prayer.

FTA:"The doctors told me to pray because only a miracle could save her," Daniela's mother Jacyra said recently. "My sister sneaked into the intensive care unit and forced my daughter to swallow Friar Galvao's pills."

A few days later, a cured Daniela was discharged from the hospital.

But doubters remain.

"That was no miracle," said Roberto Focaccia, an infectious disease expert at the hospital where Daniela was treated. "Statistics show that an average of 50 percent of these patients die and the other 50 percent recover completely. She was lucky to be among the 50 percent who survive.

It is a miracle. You just have to understand God. He loves some kids if they take a magic pill and believe in a supernatural historical event, and lets others die a slow painful death.

God is all loving and all powerful*

*to some of the people, some of the time

I thought the patron saint of placebos was some fly Spanish dude (think about it)... was it Saint Cialis? I get a lot of e-mail from that guy.

/and paper....I'm scared of paper

Double-blind studies are the work of satan.

That's a lot of monks.

"My daddy, a canon! Well I'll be a son of a gun!" - Benny Hill

Pope Classic approves!

/kinda fun, from a comedy standpoint, that the new guy looks like he works for the devil. Maybe he does, hmmmmm.

Atillathepun How many is a brazilian?

HOW STUPID CAN THEY GET? Especially the Catholics. Especially Catholic Young Earthers. Especially Catholic Young Earth literalists.

/On blind faith they place their reliance\
/What we need more of is science

It's amazing isn't it... all these "miracles" occurring all over the place and no record of prayer ever healing an amputee...

Why does god hate amputees?

San Placebo. Gotta ring to it.

Bishop#1: We need just one more miracle so that we can make this popular person a saint and keep the locals feeling good about Catholicism for another year or so.

Bishop#2: I spoke to someone who saw him turn toilet water into Tidy Bowl. Cleared out some nasty stains including a skid longer than my...

Bishop#1: BOOM! There it is.

Pope to canonize Brazilian Monk after hundreds claim miracle cures after taking his paper pills inscribed with prayers. No word on whether he'll also be named the patron saint of placebos

The catholic church takes these claims very seriously. They even employ members of the clergy to investigate these claims. Most of them are debunked. Occasionally however a case is verified as legitimate (they use a rather rigourous scientific and statistical method) and the individual is canonized by the church.

There is precedent over thousands of years of sufis, yogis, and other saints writing sacred mantras on pieces of paper and asking their 'patients' to swallow them. Doing so can have miraculous healing effects.

Most readers here are too jaded to believe this kind of stuff, but every 1/1000 of these cases is the real deal.

It's unlikely this guy can cure everything for everybody...usually these experiences are designed to spark faith in god in the person being healed. Typically it only works once...leaving a very strong impression on the individual of having been touched by the holy spirit...a life-changing experiece.

These saints are not interested in healing, but they use these powers to try to spread the word of god (a god not exclusive to christianity or any other religion). Jesus performed miracles like these for the exact same purpose.

Brainwash
The catholic church takes these claims very seriously. They even employ members of the clergy to investigate these claims. Most of them are debunked. Occasionally however a case is verified as legitimate (they use a rather rigourous scientific and statistical method) and the individual is canonized by the church.

More like BrainwashED!

HA!

this is the good side of religion (a very small part i might add) IMO

it's when they start killing people who don't think the same way, that's when i have the problem.

let them swallow paper. Let the placebo affect make them feel better.

/doesn't think paper pills answer the cure
//but sure does believe in the healing power the brain

Brainwash
OK, I know you just made up the 1/1000, but the infectious disease expert did not make up his statistics.

And I speak as a man of the cloth.

Fr._Peter_Fitznuggly [TotalFark]

And I speak as a man of the cloth.

//Intimidating

realDurandal: this is the good side of religion (a very small part i might add) IMO

let them swallow paper. Let the placebo affect make them feel better.

Actually this is very, very harmful. Many people go to sites like this (Fatima) and stop actual medical treatment. Not people with the common cold, people who die while praying for a miracle cure from serious but treatable illness.

I'm a Catholic, and I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.

No, seriously. I am.

Once again, I would like to point out the fact that the Catholic Church has supported science and scientists for almost a couple millenia now, and that we are not bible-thumping fundies.

The Catholic Church supports the theory of evolution, for farks sake. The only caveat is that God gave humans a soul at one point, which, I'd say, is an easy concession to make.

Nightfalke......I don't think you centuries ^^;;

Yeah for my english! Lets try that again...

Nightfalke...I think you mean centuries

Nightfalke: Once again, I would like to point out the fact that the Catholic Church has supported science and scientists for almost a couple millenia now

Except for the time the Catholic Church imprisoned an old blind man for finding evidence that the earth is not the center of the universe.

Although the church did admit they went a little hard on him; 20 years after we landed on the moon.

/one of many incidents, some ending with the ol' burning at the stake

How many monks again?

I offer my prayers to thee, St. 'Lude ...

/former Catholic

but isn't religion just a great big placebo to begin with?

Brainwash

The catholic church takes these claims very seriously. They even employ members of the clergy to investigate these claims. Most of them are debunked. Occasionally however a case is verified as legitimate (they use a rather rigourous scientific and statistical method) and the individual is canonized by the church.

this story would be very well backed up by some statistics right about now. I'd like to see some.

These stories always remind me of this...

http://www.whydoesgodhateamputees.com/

Benny Hinn.
no, it's L. ELL. not n.

ok, say it with me...

Prateep, Mercutio74:

Oh, good. I see the 'whywontgodwipemybutt.com' touts are here. What's the matter boys? Things a little dead on your forum? No wonder. Anyway there's already a paid fark classified for that joke of a site. Why don't you run along over there. Looks like Marshall could use a little support. Hahaha!

/approves

Cheeseburger: Oh, good. I see the 'whywontgodwipemybutt.com' touts are here.

Ah, so your god can heal amputees. We all just missed the news.

I read the headline three times as 'Pope to cannibalize Brazilian Monk...'

The thread was disappointing each time.

Prateep It's amazing isn't it... all these "miracles" occurring all over the place and no record of prayer ever healing an amputee...

For that, you need to use preventative Scientology touch-assists. And if that fails, they have this "Bring Back to Life" assist...

Crowd: We need a cure! We need a cure!
Hibbert: Ho ho ho. Why, the only cure is bedrest.
Anything I give you would be a placebo.
Woman: [frantic] Where can we get these placebos?

Cosmic Crab: For that, you need to use preventative Scientology touch-assists.

Does Kristen Bell do the touching?

0Icky0

Ah, so your god can heal amputees. We all just missed the news.

Yes. Yes he can. But some people believe the age of miracles died out with the Apostles, you know? Tell me, if a limb regenerated, what would you attribute it to? An answered prayer? Didn't think so.

Brainwash: It's unlikely this guy can cure everything for everybody...usually these experiences are designed to spark faith in god in the person being healed. Typically it only works once...leaving a very strong impression on the individual of having been touched by the holy spirit...a life-changing experiece.

You know, for a service provided by an all-powerful god, this not being able to cure everything for everybody sounds like a REALLY shiatty health care plan.

\God, The Almighty Quack

Cheeseburger (God said don't mix meat and dairy)
Tell me, if a limb regenerated, what would you attribute it to? An answered prayer? Didn't think so.

I love these types of questions; Asking a hypothetical that has never happened and then criticizing the person for not being willing to accept the reason that it did happen.

Show me your regeneration and then we'll talk.

But I can almost assure you that such things will be commonplace within 50 years. And it will be because of science, not shamans.

Brainwash is right.

In ever 1 out of 1000 cases, there's just no chance, or maybe 1 in 1000 of it being anything but a miracle.

/Large numbers.
//Of slashies.

I don't give my kids everything they want- heck, I don't give them everything they ask for, because often I know that what they ask for is not what they want, nor what they need.

I tend to give them what they need, plus a few nice random things.

I suppose that makes me a bad father.

0Icky0:

I love these types of questions; Asking a hypothetical that has never happened and then criticizing the person for not being willing to accept the reason that it did happen.

You're a bright guy. You understand my question. It's possible to answer a hypothetical with a hypothetical.

But I can almost assure you that such things will be commonplace within 50 years. And it will be because of science, not shamans.

I've been waiting for my flying car since I was a kid, but I sincerely hope you are correct. The prediction that it will be due to science and not shamans is a bit bold. Are you sure you want to go out on a limb like that?

I have to leave, but I'll be back in about half an hour.

Cheeseburger (God said don't mix meat and dairy)
The prediction that it will be due to science and not shamans is a bit bold. Are you sure you want to go out on a limb like that?

Yeah. Because looking at the history of the past 500 years, it's a pretty broad farkin limb, don't you think?

As for your hypothetical, send your legless patient into a priest, and have him walk out on his new legs a minute later. Surely God doesn't need more than a minute, right?
And after a DNA test is done to prove that it is the same guy, I will shout my praise to the high heavens.

Of course, he'll still have much to answer for.

Pro Zack: I suppose that makes me a bad father.

If your legless child asked for legs, and you had the power to give them...and you didn't. Why yes, you would be a bad father. You would be a suck-ass father. You would be a steaming pile of shiat father.

I read it as carbonize. It makes more sense that way.