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(MSNBC)   Single military parents deployed abroad are losing custody of their children by default   (msnbc.msn.com) divider line 130
    More: Asinine  
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12536 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2007 at 10:26 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-05-05 06:55:22 PM
This is a state law issue. Any assigned military counsel could handle it in one hour of federal argument.

Basically, the states are ignoring federal law that prevents exactly this situation because it's for the children.

Gotta love those liberal judges.
 
2007-05-05 06:55:56 PM
This is absolute farking garbage.

If the courts truly have the best interest of the kids at heart, they'll leave the kid in temporary custody of one parent/relative while the kid's mother or father is deployed overseas and prohibit any change in custodial status while the parent is deployed.

Once the parent comes back, all litigation over custodial status may proceed.

The only thing that changes by awarding permanent custody to the parent who has temporary custody while the other parent is overseas is the legal status of the kid. The kid's life doesn't somehow instantly improve when this happens. The only change the kid will see in his life is when their parent returns from deployment and they realize that they no longer get to go back and live with that parent.

There is virtually no reason to change custodial status while the parent is deployed. There is virtually no reason not to wait until the parent returns from deployment.
 
2007-05-05 07:53:49 PM
No sympathy.
If you have a job that, as a single parent, makes child custody incompatible then you should not have custody.
The fact that the job is serving in the military shouldn't influence the decision.
If the other parent isn't abusive or a criminal then they should get custody if their lifestyle is more conducive to raising a child.
 
2007-05-05 07:56:50 PM
Why don't they just send the kids to Iraq with them? They will be heros and fight the terrorists there so we don't have to fight them here. I am sure those single parents would be helped by the $150k/year income their kids could get from Blackwater.
 
2007-05-05 08:32:43 PM
It's wrong for the military to deploy single parents to Iraq. If a soldier is a single parent and has a child to look after, he/she shouldn't be separated from the kid. They should be given assignments somewhere where the kid can also live, in the US or Guam or somewhere.
 
2007-05-05 08:43:03 PM
yomomma

It's wrong for the military to deploy single parents to Iraq. If a soldier is a single parent and has a child to look after, he/she shouldn't be separated from the kid. They should be given assignments somewhere where the kid can also live, in the US or Guam or somewhere.


You've got to be farking kidding me. By this logic I can join the military, receive all the benefits, and ensure I never have to put my life at risk just by having a kid? It's a 100% voluntary force. No one should be able to pass their obligation on to the childless like that. It's already bad enough how polcies encourage increasing one's family size--now you want to further penalize others?
 
2007-05-05 09:01:17 PM
dillenger69: No sympathy.
If you have a job that, as a single parent, makes child custody incompatible then you should not have custody.
The fact that the job is serving in the military shouldn't influence the decision.
If the other parent isn't abusive or a criminal then they should get custody if their lifestyle is more conducive to raising a child.


That's fine.

And, they can do that once the parent comes back from deployment, is able to put on an effective defense in court, and isn't being pulled in a million different directions.

There's no reason not to put a hold on the legal proceedings until the parent comes back from deployment.

The child's lifestyle will not change one bit by waiting for the parent to get back stateside.
 
2007-05-05 09:14:31 PM
SchlingFo: That's fine.

And, they can do that once the parent comes back from deployment, is able to put on an effective defense in court, and isn't being pulled in a million different directions.

There's no reason not to put a hold on the legal proceedings until the parent comes back from deployment.

The child's lifestyle will not change one bit by waiting for the parent to get back stateside.



Actually, from what I read in the article only one person lost custody while abroad. That was the dude with the 16 year old wife who claimed she didn't understand the document that she was signing. As far as I can tell, all the rest of article is talking about is people who are, after they return, being penalized for taking a job that required them not to be there for their kid for 18 months.

every other example seems to be about temporary custody- which makes sense, the court needs to have legal record of who has the child.

I'm not saying it right that they're losing custody once they come back, just pointing out that you seem to have misunderstood the article.
 
2007-05-05 10:22:43 PM
doyner: By this logic I can join the military, receive all the benefits, and ensure I never have to put my life at risk just by having a kid? It's a 100% voluntary force.

You have a point. But it's not fair to the child to send their caregiver away. Maybe single parents shouldn't be able to remain in the military. I don't know what the answer is, but it's messed up to send a single parent away from their child.
 
2007-05-05 10:31:59 PM
www.gatsugatsu.com
 
2007-05-05 10:33:06 PM
The flip side of that argument is, maybe single parents shouldn't be allowed to serve in a role where deployment is possible (likely).
 
2007-05-05 10:35:20 PM
dillenger69: No sympathy.

doyner manages to make a good argument without sounding like a total prick.

You? You just sound like a total farking prick.
 
2007-05-05 10:40:12 PM
You have a point. But it's not fair to the child to send their caregiver away. Maybe single parents shouldn't be able to remain in the military. I don't know what the answer is, but it's messed up to send a single parent away from their child.

"The answer" is simple. It's up to that single parent to decide what the right thing to do is. He's not being "sent away" anymore than the professional worker who gets a job transfer.
 
2007-05-05 10:41:08 PM
Ooooh, gray area arguments, I love these.


Technically, it is a job- one that you voluntarily applied for. Leaving for 18 months while the child lives with the other parent and then expecting the child back when you arrive home isn't necessarily good for the child. The child may have grown accustomed to a school, may have made friends, etc. I'm sure this can be a case-by-case problem, but, overall, sorry.
 
2007-05-05 10:44:00 PM
I think this issue will get much stickier once the issue of PTSD starts coming up. Is a soldier suffering from severe PTSD a fit parent? Should they retain custody?
 
2007-05-05 10:45:01 PM
I blame George Bush.
 
2007-05-05 10:45:45 PM

"The answer" is simple. It's up to that single parent to decide what the right thing to do is. He's not being "sent away" anymore than the professional worker who gets a job transfer.


Except for the fact that a soldier that doesn't go can be thrown in jail for desertion. A person that doesn't go for a transfer can quit and find a new job.
 
2007-05-05 10:46:28 PM
Every single parent in the military is supposed to have arrangements IN WRITING as to who cares for their child when they are deployed. If that person, or another person wants to take them to court for custody, that's on them.
 
2007-05-05 10:50:56 PM
Hmm.. let's see...

Single parent joins military voluntarily. Single parent knows he/she may be sent off to war. Single parent should be aware of state laws concerning custody of children.

Yeah... kinda hard to sympethize with the parent here. I would lose my kid if I wasn't around for them, either.
 
2007-05-05 10:51:47 PM
What gets me is when BOTH parents are military and they BOTH get deployed. I've heard of countless cases where there's no one to care for a child and one parent chooses to stay behind, and is then jailed for desertion. That's a no-win.
 
2007-05-05 10:52:14 PM
Hobodeluxe

George Bush doesn't care about young people.
 
2007-05-05 10:53:25 PM
The military's unofficial stance on this: If the government wanted you to have a family, you'd have been issued one at boot camp.
 
2007-05-05 10:54:16 PM
JeffMolby: It's up to that single parent to decide what the right thing to do is. He's not being "sent away" anymore than the professional worker who gets a job transfer.

Um, wrong, as deneb81 said.

You're an idiot.
 
2007-05-05 10:55:02 PM
I'm not suprised by this at all, we military members get screwed at absolutely EVERY turn. this is crap.
 
2007-05-05 10:57:01 PM
BigBaldRon is right. I was a mobilization officer for several years and stressed that to soldiers during their annual reviews. Then during actual deployments, we would find that the person assigned custody would be in jail or a nursing home. If the soldier can't find someone to take legal custody right then , the child(ren) are turned over to Family Services and the soldier gets on the bus and deploys. It's a tough deal but when you sign up, it is clearly understood.
 
2007-05-05 10:57:56 PM
I think this calls for mob justice. What these parents need to do is to get local media invovled. Put up flyers stating that this person took custody away while you were overseas every where they shop/work/whatever, ect...
 
2007-05-05 10:58:33 PM
Won't somebody please STOP thinking of the children? They are all growing up to being snotty nosed shiatheads because for their whole lives the world revolved around them.

Then, they turn into an adult and of course still think the world revolves around them, now you have a socially disfunctional obnoixious prat. Actually, you have a whole society full of em.

For the sake of the children, we need to STOP thinking only of the children.
 
2007-05-05 10:58:42 PM
evaned and deneb81

*Ding ding ding*

The exact reason why this is a gray area. While this is a voluntary job, it becomes, well, involuntary once you're in. This is what sets it apart from a normal job, it's connection to muy bad penalties if you choose not to show up for work.

Still, I have trouble offering greater than 50% sympathy to the adults in this situation. I'm stuck more at the 33% level.
 
2007-05-05 11:02:18 PM
"The answer" is simple. It's up to that single parent to decide what the right thing to do is. He's not being "sent away" anymore than the professional worker who gets a job transfer.

Yeah - 'just' a 'transfer'. You do realize these people are going to a fracking war zone, right?

Ok, here. Let's try it this way - you get orders for Iraq. You can't tell your kid (or your wife) where you'll be going (not exactly anyway). You can't tell the court where you'll be going (OPSEC trumps judge rulings in civil court procedings). You can't tell how long you'll be gone. There's a good chance you'll get hurt somewhere along the way. And someone tells you that gee sorry pal about your deployment orders and they support the troops and all but you're gonna have to say goodbye to your kid FOREVER. Oh yeah, and have fun in the desert!

Now - how do YOU feel about it?
 
2007-05-05 11:02:43 PM
You would be surprised how many times women do this or something similar when the man is deployed. It only became a news story when it happened to a woman.

yomomma

Every single parent or dual military couple is supposed to have a family care plan in place with powers of attorney, alottments and such in place. That includes a notatized agreement from the care giver ageeing to take the kid(s) Not having one can get a Soldier chaptered out. The problem is when the caregiver decides to violate the agreement. By federal law this isn't supposed to happen but it does.
 
2007-05-05 11:05:37 PM
Let's not blame this one on liberal judges. Let's blame this one the whiney women. Because the truth of the matter is that this has been going in every war America has fought from WW II on. Only then it was just the men getting slaped by the court and well who cares about that. I laughed at this article because I thought, "Equal Rights, gotta love it." Understand that this article would have zero appeal if it weren't for the fact the reporter could make the "emotional women being torn from her baby" story.

Don't get me wrong, America's family courts are really messed up. But it is good to see the women getting hosed for once.

/bitter because the courts gave me to my drunken mom and not my hard-working dad because the best interests of the child was always with the woman.
 
2007-05-05 11:06:27 PM
zzrhardy

Your understanding of children and inability to discern between the teaching of certain values and the mental health of a child is disturbing.

I've known at least one person who was the child of a military man. He moved, on average, once every 2 years. He was also visibly, well, not all there.

Don't continually interrupt a child when they are trying to make friends, I say. They need to learn how to form lasting relationships.

This has no connection with turning them into brats.
 
2007-05-05 11:08:53 PM
Good. This is what you get when you abandon your family.

This is what happens when killing brown people in the sandbox is more important than spending time with your children.

If you leave your child for years at a time to fight in a pointless, immoral, and unethical child, you're a farking bad parent. End of story.
 
2007-05-05 11:13:50 PM
I think a lot of people are also going into this with the impression that the people joining the military were single parents when they joined.

I would put money on the fact that a fair number of military single parents were either not parents, or not single when they joined the military. Some of these people are men and women who were single when they joined, got married and had kids, had a spouse leave them, leave the kids and then found orders to ship out on the door.

Not everyone over there is some stupid kid who got knocked up or knocked some girl up and then got stuck with the kid and didn't think before they signed on the dotted line.
 
2007-05-05 11:17:10 PM
they deserve it, since when is a better parent the one
who goes to war?
 
2007-05-05 11:18:25 PM
Currently, single parents can't join. But once you are in, and you then become a single parent (death/divorce/whatever), then it becomes tricky.

And often, that single parent status is not 'by choice', but by necessity.
 
2007-05-05 11:22:33 PM
TEAM AMERICA, fark YEAH!

How can you properly raise children when you are off fighting wars?

/If the military wanted you to have children, they would have issued them to you.
 
2007-05-05 11:22:47 PM
abnormalia - Your ability to isolate the needs of the child above all else disturbs me.

Children are a part of society, not seperate and above. They should grow up to be adults as a part of society as well. This is natural and is how things have been done for millenia.

What IS new is the whole cult of parenthood who say all society should revolve around children, and hence themselves by default as parents.

Being a parent or child is nothing special, humans have been doing it for countless generations.

Oh - and my father worked in commercial constuction and I went to 12 different schools in 10 years of schooling, and what you see as problem I see as a benefit. I am much more flexible and open minded than many of my peers and I make friends and adapt to new situations much more quickly.
 
2007-05-05 11:25:33 PM
Growing up, my kids went to many different schools in 4 different countries.

Asking them now (as 20+ year olds) they loved it. They still email friends in London from schools they went to 12 years ago.
 
2007-05-05 11:25:35 PM
FTFA:

Some family court judges say that determining what's best for a child in a custody case is simply not comparable to deciding civil property disputes and the like; they have ruled that family law trumps the federal law protecting servicemembers.

Yeah, state law trumping federal law. I'm sure that'll stand up in federal court.

Were these judges just asleep during law school? The federal law is damn clear: no litigation, period. If you wanna sue for permanent custody, do it when they get back.
 
2007-05-05 11:26:21 PM
OK, let me get a couple of things straight:

1) I think the Iraq situation is a travesty which should never have happened.

2) I have the utmost respect for anyone who joins the military, even on a reserve basis. I couldn't do it.

3) Anyone here (I can think of one in particular) who is calling these people bad parents is an close minded, uneducated, cold hearted person. Essentially your arguments conclude that anyone in the military -- reservist or regular -- shouldn't be a parent. And if you argue otherwise, let's say they refuse deployment. Guess what? You just 1) landed in jail for an extended period of time, and 2) just taught your kid it's OK to shirk responsibility. You sign up, you go where they tell you.
 
2007-05-05 11:28:00 PM
Hrm.... on the one hand this isn't fair, on the other my wife's friend did not have to go to Iraq twice because she was pregnant and still recieved the $25,000 sign up bonus.
 
2007-05-05 11:28:10 PM
Sorry America. You voted for this.
Actually. I'm not sorry. You are.
 
2007-05-05 11:31:48 PM
Wow, I've never been so disgusted and surprised by the responses of a fark thread. Blaming this on the parents themselves who have no control over how long they are overseas and "liberal judges." You make me sick. If any of that was meant to be sarcasm, just remember: sarcasm is difficult to have come across just as text. If you can't do it...then don't.

/hate the war
//hate that these parents are losing their kids because of it
 
2007-05-05 11:31:55 PM
Sammy Jenkins

You, sir, appear to have a mental disconnect between the concepts of intent and result, as well as desire and responsibility.

And it's awfully smart of you to know why all our soldiers are serving. I didn't, and now I do--it's to kill all 'dem A-rabs, duh!

/really hope you're trolling
//otherwise, go DIAF
 
2007-05-05 11:34:28 PM
Sammy Jenkins- bad troll- too obvious. No cookie for you!
Please practice before you try again!
 
2007-05-05 11:34:50 PM
Thanks Mugato :)
 
axd
2007-05-05 11:37:20 PM
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

You know, I started doing that to be annoying, but now that I've done it like 8 times in 5 months or so, it's just not funny. Seriously, I hate America, but this is supporting the troops?
Fark You. Seriously.
 
2007-05-05 11:38:21 PM
These OMFG THINK OF TEH CHILDREN stories make me want to vomit.
 
2007-05-05 11:40:48 PM
Hey, if you really love your country, giving up your kids is a small price to pay to show your patriotism.

USA!

USA!

USA!
 
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