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(Deadspin)   Hey, Mr. James Filiaggi, any last words before the state of Ohio puts you to death for killing your wife? "When the Browns are in the Super Bowl in the next five years, you'll know I'm up there doing my magic."   (deadspin.com) divider line 56
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9839 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2007 at 6:18 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-04-25 03:41:19 PM
He must be an Ohio State fan as well.
 
2007-04-25 06:24:57 PM
lmao

/go steelers!
 
2007-04-25 06:25:00 PM
"Up there" huh. Yeah, right.
 
2007-04-25 06:27:43 PM
What does he mean, "up"?
 
2007-04-25 06:29:00 PM
well, i was gonna have the browns win that year. but thanks to this guy, i've decided not to.

love,
jesus
 
2007-04-25 06:29:27 PM
betcha he's surprised now
 
2007-04-25 06:32:55 PM
Actually, if the Browns win it'd be the work of the devil.

/Oh boy, this layout is going to take some getting used to....
 
2007-04-25 06:34:39 PM
He must have figured out a way to freeze where he's going over.
 
2007-04-25 06:43:00 PM
i mean, i appreciate his sentiment, but since when did people in heaven, or wherever the hell dead people go, get magical powers?

i'm not saying the Browns won't do it, just saying that even the most heavenly dead people don't have magical powers.
 
2007-04-25 06:43:51 PM
Unclear on the concept
 
2007-04-25 06:47:41 PM
Actually surprised he wasn't rooting for the Bengals

/Since they have the whole "processed through the justice system" in common and all
 
2007-04-25 06:48:45 PM
PMITA Hell right now!
 
2007-04-25 06:52:10 PM
Two guys from Cleveland die and go to Hell.
Devil says, "Hot enough for you?"
The Browns fans say, "Actually, no. We lived in Cleveland with all that cold off the lake and lake effect snow."
So the devil turns the heat up.
"Now is it hot enough for you?"
"Actually, it's just fine. We're going to have a barbecue."
So the devil turns the thermostat down, and it starts snowing. The two guys from Cleveland start yelling and cheering.
"What the hell's your problem," the devil asked.
"It's snowing in hell! That means the Browns have won the Super Bowl!"
 
2007-04-25 06:53:25 PM
I wish someone would compose a final message for some condemned guy to read as his own, right before they executed him.

One filled to the brim with all sorts of incantations, voodoo and Latin curses for particular people, and a promise to come back and go on an unstoppable killing spree if some teenager wants him to return from the dead and looks into a mirror while reciting his name over and over again. That kind of shiat.

Cheesy horror movie fodder. Maybe throw in something about others "dedicating" their own homicides to him.

Get some twisted individuals to post it to the Internet after they fry them. Maybe throw in some mumbo-jumbo about doing it on a full moon after having sex with a virgin, then putting her blood on a black candle.

Basically, the whole shooting match of bad horror movies. Hollywood would remember that killer for a hundred years.
 
2007-04-25 06:56:03 PM
Yeah, right.



*puts call in to bookie, just in case*
 
2007-04-25 06:57:13 PM
I thought states had laws against executing the mentally retarded.
 
2007-04-25 06:59:19 PM
wow...that's true dedication. too bad he couldn't be that dedicated to his wife.
 
2007-04-25 07:02:28 PM
To be fair, I'd rather here crap like that then the last plea of "I'm innocent!!!" or even worse, the "you'll all pay!!!" blablabla


... Glad to see someone who's just accepted it and is moving on.



/literally
//meh... say what you want.
///been one of those days.
 
2007-04-25 07:05:16 PM
godiluvbeer
wow...that's true dedication. too bad he couldn't be that dedicated to his wife.

How good he be more dedicated.

/He stuck around "'til death do [us] part."
 
2007-04-25 07:12:18 PM
good = could

/Owned by skipping "preview"
 
2007-04-25 07:20:08 PM
I think if the Browns did win, that alone would be grounds for elevation to sainthood.

/yeah right
 
2007-04-25 07:20:09 PM
The (or a) Mayan calendar ends at 2012. If the Browns win, Earth is doomed.

/Not a basketball fan.
//Browns aren't a basketball team, you say?
///Follows (some) context clues to make snarky comments on topics she knows nothing about.
////Ends sentences with prepositions sometimes.
 
2007-04-25 07:24:51 PM
Pan_paniscus :"/Not a basketball fan.
//Browns aren't a basketball team, you say?
///Follows (some) context clues to make snarky comments on topics she knows nothing about.
////Ends sentences with prepositions sometimes."


inappropriate and excessive use of slashies: -2
 
2007-04-25 07:39:06 PM
One time I was at this weird little outdoor concert in South Dakota, it was like the last of the "non-conformist" hippie kids got together and had a bunch of bands that no one has ever heard of play for a couple of nights. The camp site was next to this little crick, and it was all a real tranquil scene. My friends got stoned and fell asleep, and I was walkin around with this dude who was the only other person there who stuck to alcohol. We walked from the camp site to the main stage area and there was this couple fighting. The guy was skinny, little, and carney-lookin; the girl, was the fatest Indian (native american) girl you could ever imagin. She looked like a bull dog chewing on a bumble bee. We couldn't make out what they were saying but they were definitely yelling at one another. All of a sudden the guy just punches the girl in the face. Me and the guy look at each other and just turn around without saying a word to each other. Later I went back that way and saw the girl there sitting by the crick with some other girl. I decided she was calm enough to check on her. So's I asks her, "hey you okay?" And she says, "my husband just hit me in the face!" still sobbing, she was holding a tooth in her hand. So's I ask her, "do you need me to call an ambulance, or the cops?" And she just glares at me with the evilest look you ever saw, and screeches, "MY HUSBAND JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE!!!" So, I'm like, "ya I saw are you okay?" And she--still sitting mind you--opens her hand holds out the tooth with blood coming out of her nose and mouth screams at me, "MY HUSBAND JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE!!!" I swear the ground shook, and I could see that she couldn't hear what I was saying, so in my drunken logic I moved on to the next question which went: "well did you deserve it?" Man that crazy chick chased me for a solid five minutes around the whole camp ground, I can't remember a time before or since that I'd been so scared. So what's the point you ask, you never know, chick could've had it commin.
 
2007-04-25 07:47:04 PM
RugbyJeeves:To be fair, I'd rather here crap like that then the last plea of "I'm innocent!!!" or even worse, the "you'll all pay!!!" blablabla

I dunno, I've always found "you'll all pay!" to be very endearing.
 
2007-04-25 08:06:23 PM
Class all the way. With a capital K.
 
2007-04-25 08:23:27 PM
The moral of my post and laterface's post, boys and girls:

Firewater bad.
 
2007-04-25 08:47:55 PM
laterface
Ok, thx, Okie.

/crick?
 
2007-04-25 08:56:42 PM
fark
21 to 10
Seattle will win superbowl the year before the browns.
21 to 10
That means NEVER!!!
21 to 10
Watch it over again..
 
2007-04-25 09:08:58 PM
Class, thy name is Filiaggi.
 
2007-04-25 09:51:15 PM
I take the Browns to the Super Bowl every day.
 
2007-04-25 10:22:31 PM
fenian-: /crick?

As a former Midwesterner, "crick" is how you pronounce "creek." Why he spelled it phonetically like that is beyond me. Also from the Midwestern pronunciation guide: route=rowt, roof=ruff, aunt=ant, soda=soda? What's that? We drink pop 'round here, boy.
 
2007-04-25 10:25:42 PM
I just texted my friend with that quote, because he's a big Browns fan and I figured he would think it was funny. He called to tell me an interesting story...

He said that one night back in 93 or 94 he had to spend the night in jail, and Filliagi was his cellmate. After talking about the Browns he asked him if he was married, and he said he was but not for long, and launched into a story about how he was going to kill his wife!

I'm going to see if I can find any old articles from 94, because he said he was interviewed in the paper when they found out he was his cellmate.
 
2007-04-25 10:50:24 PM
hiymenator
Pop?

Faggit. It's Coke, all Coke.
 
2007-04-25 10:56:22 PM
He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered. And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Ray Stantz f.t.w.!
 
2007-04-25 11:20:23 PM
ClemsonChili

its pop numbnuts
 
2007-04-25 11:55:57 PM
Kusinich wins the Democratic nomination before the Browns even sniff the Super Bowl.

ClemsonChili and TheBigBagCrystallineEntity

Coke, Pop, or Soda?

My wife almost kicked another girl's ass over this. I was at a wedding, and my wife asked if I wanted a coke. I said yes. When my wife pulled a Sprite out of the cooler, one of the bridesmaids said, "He said he wanted a Coke." My wife said that she knew I wanted a Sprite. From there, things are a little hazy, but from what I could tell, there was significant argument and the mother of the groom broke things up just before things got out of hand and became a Fark headline.
 
2007-04-26 12:01:05 AM
Hey the browns ARE going to the superbowl this year.


They've already bought their tickets and the seats are quite good.
 
2007-04-26 12:03:03 AM
That was farkin' funny. I'd say he's more of a smartass than a dumbass.

/The local hicks call themselves "crickers" around here.
//And they drink sodas
 
2007-04-26 01:36:08 AM
I would auction off my last words on ebay. I'd say whatever the highest bidder wants.. money would go to my kids.
 
2007-04-26 01:40:41 AM
LOL! One of the commenter's names is Len Bias Cocaine Surplus. He managed to win a thread he wasn't even in.
 
2007-04-26 03:33:16 AM
EyeHaveRisen: As a former Midwesterner, "crick" is how you pronounce "creek." Why he spelled it phonetically like that is beyond me. Also from the Midwestern pronunciation guide: route=rowt, roof=ruff, aunt=ant, soda=soda? What's that? We drink pop 'round here, boy.

Also a former midwesterner I must say I've never heard anyone pronounce creek as "crick." The others are spot on though, and if you don't pronounce aunt like "ant" you're a pretentious asshole.
 
2007-04-26 03:38:17 AM
actaeon 2007-04-26 01:36:08 AM

I would auction off my last words on ebay. I'd say whatever the highest bidder wants.. money would go to my kids.

You can't profit from a crime.
 
2007-04-26 08:19:43 AM
Taking a bucket of snow with him, is he?
 
2007-04-26 09:10:47 AM
Hiymenator
You forgot liberry for library, woof for wolf, chimly for chimney, holler for hollow, pillar for pillow, etc.
 
2007-04-26 09:12:34 AM
oh, I forgot calvary for cavalry and cavalry for calvary
 
2007-04-26 10:38:52 AM
Some of my favorite comments from this thread in the link...

SlickBomb says:

Jimmy the Fig, enjoy your time in hell. Which is probably a lot like Cleveland, actually.

horseycraze says:

It would be appropriate if this guy were heaven for say, 50 years, and then suddenly in the middle of the night, Satan moved him to hell for an eternity.

horseycraze says:

@Diddly:

Too soon?

Word is that the she was actually a Cleaveland Brown--nice uniform, ugly helmet.

/makes me a little homesick. =P
 
2007-04-26 11:15:29 AM
Also a former midwesterner I must say I've never heard anyone pronounce creek as "crick." The others are spot on though, and if you don't pronounce aunt like "ant" you're a pretentious asshole.

I know some older folks who say "crick" but most younger folks say "creek" -- I also heard my father say "Plaster Crick" but "Buck Creek" .... totally agreed about "ant" though.

And the long a in "theater" at least as long as you're like "I'm going to the movie theater to watch Blades of Glory" ... anything else sounds like you're talking about High Dramatic Art.
 
2007-04-26 11:16:35 AM
HA five years...he will still be sitting in jail...Unless they ship him to texas...i heard they put in an "express lane" to the chair!
 
2007-04-26 11:33:25 AM
Ya crick=creek. I spelled like that so that anyone who knew what it was might gain a little more insight into the type of people that were there, without having to go into nuance
 
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