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(Google)   Go to your profile and find the first thing you ever posted. Copy and paste it here. Bonus: Do not explain what you were talking about. LGN   ( divider line
    More: Silly  
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5702 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Apr 2007 at 4:12 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

1563 Comments     (+0 »)

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2007-04-13 04:22:31 PM  
When I tried to cancel my AOL account they held my wife at gunpoint. "What do you use your wife for!?" the customer service representative demanded. It was then I realized she wasn't good for anything. All she does is buy shoes and commemorative plates. "Cancel the service, farker!" I screamed it over and over again until he shot the biatch, smiled brilliantly, and then left the house. I love killing two birds with one stone.

// Now I spend all my money on porn and commemorative plates.
// Boobies on Fark
// The slashes are just there so I can fit in.
2007-04-13 04:22:31 PM  
Zapruder film, anyone?
2007-04-13 04:22:32 PM  
That was a funny story, but what did anyone's race have to do with anything?
2007-04-13 04:22:34 PM  
another grandparent story...
Myself, my brother and gramps are out for a little fishing in a 14 ft john boat when all of a sudden, gramps lets one off for a full 5 seconds that rattles the boat to the point that the ripples in the water had whitecaps. We both looked at gramps in amazment! Who, as he adjust his pants, looks at us and says "Remind me to teach you how to do that some day!"

/Never did learn
2007-04-13 04:22:37 PM  
I'm not impressed. Frankly, it's not until they remake such classics as The Omen III that I'll get interested. And why limit it to this franchise? I'm dying to see the remake of Friday the 13th, starring Paris Hilton and Nick Lachey. Oh, yeah. Maybe even remake Better Off Dead with Leo DiCrapio or Fast Times at Ridgemont High with 50 Cent playing Spiccoli. Baby!
2007-04-13 04:22:38 PM  
I'll buy that for a dollar. Some good entries for this one, if it makes me spit diet coke out of my nose, it gets vote.
2007-04-13 04:22:45 PM  
I for one am a fan of the "hilarity, jailarity" line. Then again, no one cares what I think.
2007-04-13 04:22:45 PM  
Who the hell cares?
2007-04-13 04:22:46 PM  
I am safe from this utter nonsense for I have been embraced by His Noodly Appendage!
2007-04-13 04:22:46 PM  
my day will not come, based solely on the headline, and my corroborating knowledge of cartoons. if you will excuse me, i have to get back to the frank zappa based movie, 200 motels
2007-04-13 04:22:54 PM  
Minnesota - At least it's not Iowa
2007-04-13 04:22:55 PM

Mine was a Photoshop sub...

Something along the line of what's making weird al's eyes bulge...
2007-04-13 04:22:58 PM  
As a conservative God-loving Republican, I think people really should find something better to be upset over, like children born addicted to crack. It's a toy!

The Bible is not anti-sex and never has been. It says that sex is a wonderful thing between a husband and wife. In Genesis it says the whole point of living is to find someone, marry them, and raise a family together. Part of that is having kids. Wasn't Marry, mother of Jesus, pregnant with a child that wasn't Joseph's? Where is all the indignation coming from? When we had our second child we had to explain that there was a child in my wife's womb. To most children it's a very vague concept.

The asshats who can't deal with Midge and Baby need to get a grip. There are much more offensive things in the world. And if you can't deal with being offended, then you need to grow up.

Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...

/2002-12-19 05:41:15 PM
//I are long winded
2007-04-13 04:23:00 PM  
Who says you can't make any "bread" as an artist?
2007-04-13 04:23:00 PM  
Happened at Queens Park, a few feet from the tractors.
2007-04-13 04:23:00 PM
2007-04-13 04:23:02 PM  
If you look at the moon mosaic, Iapetus looks just like the Mozilla Firefox icon.
2007-04-13 04:23:02 PM  
I bet Woody is fired up to smoke another Spike Lee joint.

/It's gotta be the shoes
2007-04-13 04:23:06 PM  
2006-04-12 07:08:26 PM FloydBlather
Prove it, mom.

THIS is why i registered here...
nowhere else but fark can you find people who are asking 'mom' for sexy pictures without being flamed

//uses exponentially increasing slashies
////but has no idea why
//realizes this is just stupid and stops
2007-04-13 04:23:07 PM  
I wonder if he has an `understanding' with the local groccer?
2007-04-13 04:23:17 PM  
Ohh! I love this game! Been playing it for weeks. Played it before called Dropout, but this one has bombs and changing squares. I've let three people play it on my computer and they all loved it. My mouse will never be the same again!
2007-04-13 04:23:17 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2007-04-13 04:23:18 PM  
2003-07-04 02:47:44 PM IXI Jim IXI [TotalFark]

Europeans must have better history teachers than we do here. I only had one teacher in my entire stretch in high school and college that made history interesting. He was a vietnam vet who we all think was a bit shellshocked. Come to think of it, he spent an awful lot of time on medeval torture devices...

Nice to see things haven't changed much...
2007-04-13 04:23:22 PM  
Let's go back to the rock and see it at 440.
2007-04-13 04:23:41 PM  
The Answer is usually C
2007-04-13 04:23:44 PM  
Mmmmmm, peppermint spray!
2007-04-13 04:23:48 PM  
Those who died on 9/11 will finally have justice.
2007-04-13 04:23:54 PM  


Walken for President.

\Yeah I have no clue either.
\\Was voting in a PS contest.
2007-04-13 04:24:02 PM  
2004-02-05 03:21:17 PM

I'm with 'Apparent Nuisance' in amazement that he felt the need to share all of these facts with the authorities.

I mean it is utterly heinous that he did it in the first place, and probably deserved the dog biting off some areas of his body that apparently weren't harmed, but it makes even less sense that he'd spill his guts to the police, who probably had a hard time not laughing, crying, or shooting the sick little pervert while writing their reports.
2007-04-13 04:24:11 PM  
I'll be drinking when I fly later this month. I want to be happily drunk when the plane crashes. Not screaming like the other passengers.
2007-04-13 04:24:20 PM  
2006-01-30 06:47:53 PM Ghostalker

I think it'd kick ass if there was a tab for the most recent... 20-50 photoshop contests. Those things make this community shine. With only 1-2 per day... its hard to put them side by side.
2007-04-13 04:24:23 PM  
Can't photoshop, but you should read this:

It explains everything...
2007-04-13 04:24:25 PM  
Thursdays are my days off, so i was sleeping in, no doubt. Then I farked around for a bit before attending to my house renovation project. There was likely an evening of beer and bourbon at the local watering hole.

/house is almost done...
2007-04-13 04:24:27 PM  
Mixed Martial Arts, (whom the ignorant call Ultimate Fighting) is a lot better regulated than boxing is.

/Very boring.
2007-04-13 04:24:28 PM  
Yeah, those guys from the NOAA are working feaverishly around the clock and flying planes into the storm to provide predictions that no one else can, and yet shame on them for not hosting a sensationalist website? Wow.
2007-04-13 04:24:29 PM  
I recommend "The Earth, Paris Hilton's Butt and Other Flat Things".
2007-04-13 04:24:34 PM  
If you want to kill time (and save the lives of thousands of kittens) check out Frogtown while in the Twin Cities...​t.html
2007-04-13 04:24:34 PM  
Upon finding his bed soiled, the second roommate reportedly threw a chair at the first roommate, hitting him on his right leg.

Just a quick thought: How spacious is this dorm room? Hell, in my dorm room, I'd have hit myself in the leg first on the backswing with the chair. A room big enough to throw a chair in would have been nice!
2007-04-13 04:24:37 PM  
Yeah, where was the not safe for work stuff? I looked through nine galleries for that?
2007-04-13 04:24:41 PM  
Remind me not to hit refresh again :) And just in case anyone wondered the leg is a subtle erection going on
2007-04-13 04:24:43 PM  
I'm ready to help! Screw the water pumps. I have a garden hose and great siphoning skills, which i've picked up stealing gas from my neighbors' cars.

/just doing my part
//first fark post
2007-04-13 04:24:46 PM  
So 86 degrees F is hot now?

I mean it's a touch on the warm side but it's not "sleep-on-the-roof, then-fall-off-and-die" hot.
2007-04-13 04:24:46 PM  
In a strange turn of events, the giant shark has invented what he calls "sushi!!!"
2007-04-13 04:24:47 PM  
Hmph.. they're all ignoring the real miracle. FSM appeared in my ceiling today.

[image from too old to be available]

/Touched by his noodly appendage.
2007-04-13 04:24:49 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2007-04-13 04:24:50 PM  
i dont even know why this is news in the first place. "college student gone for four days" is news? in other news, college students drink a mysterious liquid known on the street as 'beer'. if i had a nickel for every time i left campus for a weekend bender, i'd have, like, 40 cents.
2007-04-13 04:25:01 PM  
Thank God I have today off...
2007-04-13 04:25:03 PM  
Pedophilia isn't a disease. Stupidity is. Seems like he's down on both counts.
/Points and laughs at the idiot
2007-04-13 04:25:07 PM  
Yes, because without those impeachment hearings a few years ago, the country never could've healed itself from the wounds of that horrible attrocity. It's a good thing all those self-righteous farknuts were there to tell us how evil our then-President was.
Yes, without that failed impeachment, this country would've been in terribly shape.
2007-04-13 04:25:08 PM  
Man I knew there was had to be a reason why these two are exceptionally creepy.
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