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(bible.ca)   Baptist cartoon about Mormon beliefs, includes lecherous God   (bible.ca) divider line 58
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3478 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jul 2001 at 12:25 PM (13 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Rei
2001-07-09 12:41:25 PM
Laf, the only thing I know about Mormon beliefs is that the men have to wear special underwear, depending on whether they're married or not, or if they're a priest. Oh, and there's a secret handshake to get into certain levels of heaven ;)

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-09 12:42:13 PM
You know that's what I love about being a Christian. All of the fights between denominations and the finger pointing. Better than watching a hockey fight most of the time.
 
2001-07-09 12:46:44 PM
I liked the little thing about love surrounded by hearts and yet all over the page their spinning skulls and crossbones.. Kind of freaky. Religious kooks.
 
2001-07-09 12:49:06 PM
MrScience-Are you saying there's no strife within christianity?
 
2001-07-09 12:55:57 PM
Yes, those spinning skull-and-crossbones were excellent!
 
2001-07-09 12:58:15 PM
The main thing that struck me about the video (watch the video, it's a hoot) was the tone was exactly the tone that atheiests use to talk about Christians.
It's like, they were saying "They actually belive God came from another planet!" Haw haw and that sounds just like athiests that say "They actually believe that when you DIE your SPIRIT goes to Heaven or Hell" haw haw.

I'm not a Mormon. But why is it any more ridiculous than anything else?
 
2001-07-09 01:00:28 PM
Again, REAL media shall never see the light of day on my PC.
 
2001-07-09 01:02:37 PM
Charlie-Exactly. But what are your feelings on scientology, which involves alien lords in volcanoes and spirits in our heads?
 
2001-07-09 01:03:55 PM
Joseph Smith said that there are men living on the moon who dress like Quakers and live to be nearly 1000 years old. Since he was wrong about the moon, is it safe to trust him regarding the way to Heaven? (The Young Woman's Journal, Vol. 3, pages 263-264. See repreint in Mormonism --Shadow or Reality? by Jerald and Sandra Tanner, page 4.)

ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
HEY NEIL ARMSTRONG, WANT SOME OATMEAL?
 
2001-07-09 01:06:17 PM
I'll stick with the Empirical Method, thank you very much.
 
2001-07-09 01:08:03 PM
Toaster--Whatever floats your boat, man. Who's to say we DON'T have spirits in our heads? How would you even know if there were alien lords in volcanoes? Don't knock what you don't know I say.

It's like there was this really strict Christian baptist type guy that came to our campus to "preach" (this mainly invovled standing on a the grass outside the Student Union and yelling and sometimes singing a song called the "Happy Homo") and told us that evolution was faked by the devil. My Anthro prof dismissed the idea. But I was like: The two explanations are equally possible. Either we evolved, or it was planted by the Devil. How do we know?
 
2001-07-09 01:10:39 PM
Anyone find any mormon cartoons about how baptists are bunk?
 
2001-07-09 01:11:22 PM
And the best quote in the whole cartoon: "endless celestial sex"
 
2001-07-09 01:12:53 PM
I enjoyed the little cartoon. Mostly for the killing. Why were Native Americans fighting Roman soldiers again? I think I missed that part.
 
2001-07-09 01:13:26 PM
And, lo, Jesus spake "I will now travel to the Americas and have adventures and hijinks with the native americans." And Jesus used his instant transmission technique which he had learned in a battle with Son Gokou and traveled to the land where eventually a bunch of white people who killed the native american people Jesus had partied with would live.
 
2001-07-09 01:15:26 PM
<META NAME="Generator" CONTENT="Microsoft Word 97">

That is all I have to say.
 
Rei
2001-07-09 01:17:22 PM
There is the realm of "reasonable doubt". This is where atheists live. All of humanity reasons using this principle in their daily life, but have trouble applying it to religion. Do we all not fly on airplanes because they crash occasionally? Of course not. The probability of it happening is just way to low to mold our life around not doing it. All sorts of events in daily life function like this. Yes, there could be a God who wants people to believe that he created everything instantly, that he made the sun stop revolving around the earth at one point, that bats are birds, that pi is 3, that you can change genetics by holding sticks in front of sheep... and that the devil, to counfound god, made the world have a simple explanation that following the scientific method - the very scientific method that gives us the technology to make cars, toothbrushes, Starbucks drinks, etc - leads us to a false conclusion about the most basic principles of our reality, while letting us know everything else completely accurately. But, this clearly enters the realm of "reasonable doubt". There's a much, much, much more reasonable explanation - that things are what they are. Clinging on to a "less likely" explanation because you want it to be true is no way to live.

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-09 01:19:16 PM
*heh* when will the Baptists give up? If it ain't them, they'd rather kill it than even look at it. Any of them bright enough to realize that what they believe is based on what the Catholics believe? And that means that their definition of Christianity is based on a religion that went out and slaughtered "heathens" for not believing in their God. Get real... some people just need the stick in their ass to be shoved even deeper.
 
2001-07-09 01:19:23 PM
"And this is exactly what Bruce McConkie, (top LSD theologian, and one of the Mormon 12 Apostles, died in 1985) said:"
Wow dewd, what colors... I see little tracers when you talk.. wooo
 
2001-07-09 01:21:39 PM
Kirk: Yes, well, my friend, I think he had a little too much LDS back at Berkeley...
 
2001-07-09 01:24:38 PM
I *KNOW* there's a Jack Chick tract that deals with this somewhere...
 
2001-07-09 01:27:13 PM
ToasterThief: Yup, there sure is.
 
2001-07-09 01:32:17 PM
Max-Happen to know the URL?
 
2001-07-09 01:39:29 PM
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0061/0061%5F01.asp

Carefull it's very powerfull reading.
 
2001-07-09 01:43:55 PM
Endless celestial sex? Woohoo, I'm gonna grab the next white-shirted dude on a bicycle I see and tell him I'm in! "Yup, yup, I'm a Moron... sorry, Mormon... y'know, Marie had some nice boobies... reckon when I get to be a god I can make the frigid biatch cum? Ah, well, I thought so..."
 
2001-07-09 01:45:32 PM
check the url.. it's bible.CA . Yes, my friends, not only are these freaky fundies.. they're -CANADIAN- freaky fundies.. this is 9 types of farked.. I mean, (I lived for a year up there and even the jehova's farking witnesses up there are sickeningly polite.

Even worse, I used to -be- a baptist.. Southern Baptist actually. perhaps the most virulent strain of fundie. And I remember a time when a pagan who set up a new age shop in our town got hit by a semi while walking down the road with his 14 year old daughter.. Daughter died, he was brain damaged to the point of being a bed-veggie for life. The next day, our church was all 'thank you jesus for removing this evil satan worshipper from our town.' I lost it then, as the guy and his daughter were friends of mine.

These arethe same people who try to use science (albeit very convolutedly) to try and prove the world being only 8000-someodd years old

--Rreal
 
2001-07-09 01:47:01 PM
And oddly enough, I've heard people talk and say they wonder why someone would want to not be involved in religion. Also heard people wonder why anyone would not want to be in the church, not to mention why would anyone not believe in my personal denomination. This kinda stuff makes me sad.
 
2001-07-09 01:52:48 PM
Yeah Canadian Fundies!!! I wish I had realized that when I submitted this! Drew, you should definately change it to mention that.
 
2001-07-09 01:54:15 PM
Rreal, Sethor, I understand completely. It scares me that there are people out there who willingly live in a condundrum like that. The hate they believe is love, etc.

The question I asked, which cleared up my religious questions was "Does someone who disagrees with your beleif system deserve to be tortured?"

The answer is not one they're willing to outright say...
 
2001-07-09 02:16:02 PM
I disagree with the mormon belief in not masturbating.
 
2001-07-09 02:39:12 PM
"HAW! HAW! HAW!"

(above quote attributed to Jack Chick, or John Lee Hooker)
 
2001-07-09 02:45:27 PM
They sure sound pretty pleased with themselves. "The book of mormon contradicts itself AND the bible."

No shiat, sherlock. The bible contradicts itself, too.
Gawd damn. Let me break out the tooters for this shiat.
 
2001-07-09 03:16:33 PM
I must be blind. Where's the cartoon?
 
2001-07-09 03:21:50 PM
Jesus god! This makes me want to farkin kill everyone!

Christians arguing about Mormons is SOOO farkin crazy! It's like crack heads with meth tweakers.

Religious people are weak, unable to accept that they will never again see those loved ones who have died, and unable to accept that when they die, they will cease to exist. They are also unable to accept that perhaps humans can simply not comprehend the vastness of the universe. So they make up stories to explain it all. Religious people can explain anything.

That's my opinion, of course.
 
2001-07-09 03:38:36 PM
Jclark666: Click on the movie projector about halfway through the page... Or I guess you could click here.
 
2001-07-09 03:43:17 PM
that was really disturbing..i have mormon friends and they are not crazy or believe in that alien crap..stupid baptists.
 
2001-07-09 03:58:05 PM
Now boys, enough of this lecherous God and pee-pee stick talk or I'll have you flown to Papua, New Guinea for a nude full-body immersion baptism in a very special river.

Now, hold out your hand while I fetch my ruler. OH!
 
2001-07-09 04:11:27 PM
anyone read the section where they describe why people fall for mormonism? They dismiss all spiritual experiences as "positive hypnosis".

As much as I appreciate their candor, haven't they just shot christianity in the foot?

ps: loved the cartoon, I think in the future scientology and mormonism will merge into one SUPRA-FARKED RELIGIOUS OLIGARCHY.
 
2001-07-09 04:26:59 PM
Ah, I didn't have the patience for more than 3 seconds of the fundies. I was looking for a Chick-style tract.
 
2001-07-09 04:32:51 PM
what the fark, thats exactly why i renounced my faith - hey quit while youre ahead

i so hate the church
 
Rei
2001-07-09 04:55:20 PM
A few religious quickies for you all :)

Betty Bowers is a Better Christian Than You
Landover Baptist Church

-= rei =-
 
Rei
2001-07-09 04:56:52 PM
Um... hmm, ignore the above links.
Lets try this again! :)

Betty Bowers is a Better Christian Than You
Landover Baptist Church
 
2001-07-09 05:07:06 PM
Kinda lost me until the "and they would become polygamists" part. Sign me up Donny Osmond.
 
2001-07-09 05:07:34 PM
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
 
2001-07-09 05:09:09 PM
I'll say this much, the Baptists sure could use a good animator. I haven't seen cartoons that bad since He-Man.
 
2001-07-09 05:39:38 PM
I agree with MacFrugal, maybe both the scientologists and Moromons could be talked into speeding up the process of attaining God-hood in a nifty massive "Heavens Gate" style departure. Just don't forget the Nike's. :-0
 
2001-07-09 07:03:08 PM
I've always gotten a big kick out of religious folk who are so willing to point the finger at how "silly" other religions are but for some reason they're rarely able to use this same gift of reason and skepticism when it comes to their own beliefs.

I'm a former Mormon. And one of the big things that got me out of Mormonism was the fact that I started using the same standard I used to judge other religions as "weird" on my own religion. I quickly realized that all religions are equally contradictory and odd.

I'm pretty well versed regarding world religions, and in my opinion they all fail the test of rationality and reason. (This is why they all require that you have "faith" to accept their dogmas.) And once you accept "faith" as a valid means of determining true and false you've committed yourself to an intellectual backwater where every opinion becomes equally valid. There's no way to say one person's "faith" is more valid than anothers.

Faith=intellectual suicide.
 
2001-07-09 08:03:29 PM
Oh you foolish non-believers - do you doubt the power of faith? Believe me this is the only reason Western society has become the most advanced in the world. The Judeo-Christian belief system has been the most powerful force of social evolution ever known!

Take a look at the more philosophical and accepting Eastern religions. What does such religious tolerance lead too? Complacency! The inability of Eastern religions to stir a fundamental zeal to fight all that's heretical, allowed a highly advanced civilization like China slowly slip into a stupor. Sure, just build a wall or two and take it easy for a few thousand years - what could happen?

Meanwhile our Christian, Jewish, and Muslim forefathers, were driven by their faith to relentlessly find newer and better ways to kill one another. No resting on your laurels when your busy cleansing the earth of the heathen unbelievers! Without this xenophobic hatred, constant factioning, and faith-assured guarantee of righteousness - how could we so successfully slaughter those who refuses to accept the one true God (whichever version that may be)?

We owe our manifest destiny to the sure and certain knowledge that we fight on the side of God and everyone else is misguided, or worse - an agent of the devil! Just ask any Southern Baptist!
 
2001-07-09 08:26:50 PM
Er, make that "those who refuse to accept the one true God".
 
2001-07-09 08:50:24 PM
Neko-Yasha: Are you familiar with this word?
 
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