Darwin Rocks!!

'An autopsy is being performed to determine the exact cause of death.'

Gee it couldn't have been a 15 story fall with a suddent stop against a very hard rather immovable object at the end, could it?

farking morons.

Why waste time when the cause is obvious?

Darwin was right.

Thank you, Blackvampyr. I was about to say the same thing. How incredibly stupid. I'd say the "exact cause of death" was probably his skull bursting open and his brain splattering on the patio or all of his internal organs massively rupturing on impact, but that's just a guess. Duh... Maybe the large quantity of alcohol he consumed overcame him completely as he fell, so he was dead before impact. Yeah...yeah...that's the ticket.

Blackvampyr: They want to make sure he didn't suffocate when he shiat his drawers. When your head's up your arse, the dung in your drawers seals up the airspace around your neck and sphincter.

pitty bubba wasnt there to save him

Alcohol makes sane people do crazy things, if they misjudge their tolerance. I don't think that this is technically an act of Darwin; I think people should re-evaluate their own attitudes towards intoxication. Sad. (sorry for being a downer)

Blackvampyr: Exactly.

"It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end"

"At this point, it may well be attributed to misadventure," said Detective Scott Driemel.

Translation: "At this point, I'd have to say this dickhead was so farking stupid he couldn't find his butt with his own cold hands. Hopefully, he never produced any offspring."

Shaggie: What brain?

Anyone ever been to a "drinking party"? Isn't that an oxy-moron?

flip, exactly. it goes back to what i said earlier, moments like these remind us that natural selection is making a comeback.

and visuallingo, it's not an oxymoron, it's one word too many

Damn Canadians.

Proof of natural selection if you ask me!

Visualingo, it isn't an oxymoron, it's a tautology.

Drew,
Keep a copy of this article in your wallet, just in case your next party turns into a "Let's see who can fly" challenge.
Don't want to be remembered as the weakest link!

Frksamor: Unfortunately, this person was 38 years old, meaning that he had ample opportunity to breed. (Maybe opportunity is too strong a word. After all, anyone dumb enough to dangle off a balcony like that is probably too dumb to breed. I should have said, "time." He had ample time to breed.) Darwinism only works if the trait causes elimination of the lineage.

Umlaut,
That's why people should drink more, not less. How are you going to know what your tolerance level is unless you practice, practice, practice.

Darwinism only works if the trait causes elimination of the lineage.

Fortunately, this is an exception, rather than the rule. Ordinarily stupidity of this magnitude manifests itself during the subjects' teenage years, eliminating them from the gene pool before they have had the opportunity to spawn. This particular idiot was obviously spared through some sort of incredible luck that allowed him to survive for 38 years before the law of averages caught up with him and caused him to, uh, "cease to be". We can only hope the dope didn't get any before he kicked it.

This guy is so stupid he probably was perpetually drunk and couldn't get it up to breed. We can only hope.

Lumpy,
It is a well known scientific fact that sperm move slower when under the influence of booze AND being this stupid creates a second strike for the sperm as well as the fact that any women with half a brain would have jumped forst had this loser approached.
At least, that is what I am hoping.

Well, at least he didn't blow up someone's kitchen....

WOW! I had no idea that there were completely stupid ass farks in Canada! Wow! I thought they were mainly from Alabama!

-he who stacks pork

Hey Bob, I'll give you the last brewski if you dangle out that window, eh?

No way...take off you hoser. Last brewski? Okay I'll do it, eh.

Alcohol + Heights = Scary

i hate to try and justify the autopsy, because it does seem pretty moronic. however, they may be doing it to confirm that the fall killed him and not something else. after all, he could have been murdered first, then thrown off the balcony.
i've heard of stranger things

'Could have been heart failure, ya know...

From the 15th floor, he could probably see his house...

As a kid, I used to run across the tops of railroad trestles--even as trains rumbled beneath. I jumped out of an airplane while I was in college. I've been on several hot-air balloon rides--two of which had very dangerous landings.

About two years ago I was taking a prescription drug to help quit smoking. I freaked out in a stadium-seating movie theater. I was unable to stand up to reach the railing to exit the theater. A lovely lady saw my distress and offered me her shoulder. The incident was awfully embarrassing.

I haven't had a smoke in two years (next Friday--which is a 13th), but I am also now terrified of heights. Not just major heights like observation towers and such, but also two-step ladders or a small flight of stairs can cause vertigo. (Luckily, I can still ride in airplanes without discomfort.)

Strange things can happen. Even after years of normalcy.

Hell, most guys can't drink booze and hit the toilet without pissing all over the wall, the floor and their shoes. What the hell were these dumb-ass hosers thinking about? Even if I were fortified after a bout of tippling, only a jackass would attempt a stunt like that. And only worthless crapheads--not friends--would encourage it.

Sometimes bad shiat happens to good people. I assume all farkers have never taken drugs or been shiatfaced drunk in their lives and this would never happen to them. Of course if you are a risk taker sometimes your lifestyle catches up with you. But then again all farkers are obviously staying in bed reading their bibles so nothing will happen to them.

Horsefly - you forgot your sarcasm tags :)

Ah, a new Darwin-style club, called "the Dead Kennedy Society", dedicated to high-risk and ultimately fatal shennigans!