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(MSNBC)   Bartenders' best pickup advice   (msn.match.com) divider line 215
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41848 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2007 at 2:24 AM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2007-03-11 07:25:30 PM
Or you could just whip your junk out and say, "Who wants to feed Monster?"
 
2007-03-11 08:05:15 PM
mrmagnet: Or you could just whip your junk out and say, "Who wants to feed Monster?"

That doesn't work as often as you'd think.

Er, so I've heard.
 
2007-03-11 08:30:01 PM
"Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!"

"Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package."

"Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them."

"You must be an adverb, because you sure do modify me!"

"I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade."

"My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to"

"Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."

"Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?"

"If you were a booger I'd pick you first."

"Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!"
 
2007-03-11 08:46:59 PM
Seriously...the "line" I used on the woman whom I eventually fell madly in love with and married 4 1/2 years ago?

It went something like: "Excuse me, you seem like an interesting and intelligent person. I'm curious and I want to get to know you. Would you like to go over to the bookstore for some coffee?"

It was at the Unitarian-Universalist fellowship after one of their weekend get-togethers. She had been coming for about a year, always alone. After the activities when everybody else mingled she always sat alone with her nose stuck in a book.

It probably helped that she had to have known I had been going there a long time and I had a bunch of friends at the group-- at least that would rule me out as some kind of twisted sociopath.

I've hooked up with a few women I've met in bars, but those always led to utter disaster.
 
2007-03-11 10:16:25 PM
"Splurge on a nice glass of champagne (think Cristal) and send it over to the woman you're interested in. This works better than anything I've ever seen. It shows a guy's not cheap and that he's interested enough in the girl to spend some money on her."

Worst advice ever.
 
2007-03-11 10:25:26 PM
My dad's a bartender. He can point out the women with loose morals. I'm sure if someone slid him a few bucks he would name names. The way I figure it, not many people are looking for "the one" in a bar, just "you'll do for tonight."
 
2007-03-11 10:36:48 PM
I can lick the numbers off a VISA gold card.
Imagine what I can do to you.

\not too many UU's on Fark, Riche
\\at least not too many of us that will admit it
 
2007-03-11 10:54:49 PM
I like the 'this one is on me' idea, but I don't think any of the others would really work at the pubs I go to.
 
2007-03-12 12:26:11 AM
Getting women at the bars is like shooting fish in a barrel. Dress nice, don't be a jerk, make them laugh a little and let the alcohol do its magic.
 
2007-03-12 02:00:19 AM
ok...after RTFA, i've gathered that, as a man, you need to:

1) be a big enough spender to buy Cristal or Moet
2) buy lots of girls drinks until one decides to talk to you, or
3) look for the drunk ones getting ready to make out with each other

sounds like a plan...
 
2007-03-12 02:22:42 AM
I don't buy expensive drinks for chicks I don't know.

First of all, it's still a crapshoot. 9 out of 10 might shoot you down, and I'm not investing $200 in booze for various strangers in a bar with nothing to show for it.

Secondly, if the thing that impresses her about me is how much money I've spent on her drink, she's not the type I want to be with anyway.
 
2007-03-12 02:28:33 AM
Thousands of TF'ers heard frantically scribbling.
 
2007-03-12 02:28:50 AM
The 3 minute rule is good although it probably takes less time, the best rule is don't be a jerk
 
2007-03-12 02:29:34 AM
"Wanna go halves on a bastard?"
 
2007-03-12 02:29:50 AM
"Do you like chicken?"
*Pulls out dick*
"My last girlfriend said it tasted fowl."
 
2007-03-12 02:30:08 AM
Epsilon

Amen!
 
2007-03-12 02:30:47 AM
Let's play house. You be the screen door, and I'll slam you all night long.
 
2007-03-12 02:31:21 AM
Heeeeeeeeeey, remember meeeee? That's right. It's drink man!!
 
2007-03-12 02:32:31 AM
That was the worst advice I've ever read. Wow. Just wow.
 
2007-03-12 02:32:48 AM
What happened to being a decent bloke and chatting to girls like they were actual human beings?

Oh, and floss.
 
2007-03-12 02:34:02 AM
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?" - Never fails.
 
2007-03-12 02:35:56 AM
Riche: "Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!"

---SNIP---

"Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!"

It looks like you're the douchenozzle that just left that they're always complaining about when I talk to 'em. I was wondering who that was.
 
2007-03-12 02:36:18 AM
The bar scene sucks.
 
2007-03-12 02:36:43 AM
"
It looks like you're the douchenozzle that just left that they're always complaining about when I talk to 'em. I was wondering who that was. "

Shhhhh, hes making the rest of us look good.
 
2007-03-12 02:36:55 AM
If you want to pick her up, make sure you do the lifting with your legs and not your back. Back spasms hurt really bad. And, here in America, on average you'd better be pretty strong to pick them up at all.
 
2007-03-12 02:37:03 AM
What a surprise most of the advice is to buy drinks. They forgot to add "Tip the bartender generously"
 
2007-03-12 02:37:58 AM

Epsilon:Secondly, if the thing that impresses her about me is how much money I've spent on her drink, she's not the type I want to be with anyway.

Seconded. Drinks are like cars, they have a negative relationship between [y] value and [x] penis size.

/would make a graph, but I have no Excel-fu.

//lazy, too.

 
2007-03-12 02:39:23 AM
I actually don't have a big problem getting decent chicks. I'm charming, and know some slick moves. If you like a cashier in a gas station, buy a lottery ticket. When she asks what kind, say "Pick your favorite one." She goes to hand you the ticket you tell her "Keep it. Maybe you'll get lucky." Then leave. Talk right, and you can get that chick.

/obscure
 
2007-03-12 02:40:01 AM
Car_Ramrod, did you just make that up or is that something you heard?

Halves on a bastard. That's funny. That would get my attention.
 
2007-03-12 02:40:25 AM
Signiture drink: Brandy sweet old fashion

The problem is that no one knows how to make one outside of Wisconsin.
 
2007-03-12 02:43:00 AM
"Nice shoes. Wanna fark?"


Elegant in its simplicity.
 
2007-03-12 02:44:29 AM
Submitter should retitle TFA as:
"How to Make the Bartender Rich and Happy"..
 
2007-03-12 02:44:43 AM
Ask the woman if she's ever had a "cement mixer." If she says no, offer to buy her one. Get a shot of Kahlua & Kreme and a couple of slices of lemon. Tell her to put the whole shot in her mouth and then squeeze lemon into her mouth at the same time. Tell her, "Mmmm, mmmm, it's SO good!"

Then watch the results. Fun times...
 
2007-03-12 02:44:43 AM
Find a girl bartender, doesn't have to be the most gorgeous one ever. Younger is better, though.

Get her talking about the history of the bar, neighborhood, etc. She has to talk to you; she pays rent with your tips.

Be polite, charming, funny, and generous. (If you're not feeling it, try another bar, or another night.) A charmed and tipped bartender will shortly be treating you as the catch of the day.

She has friends there, who are looking for the catch of the day, and who have their drinks bought by the bartender...

And what the hell, they all might be real human beings.
 
2007-03-12 02:45:37 AM
Try talking about your troubles
"There was one guy who got a call on his cell phone about his dog being injured by a car-it felt like every woman in the bar was trying to help him and comfort him. Now, I'm not recommending guys lie and say their pet was hurt, but the lesson here is don't be afraid to tell a girl about a dilemma or problem you're struggling with. Women like to help."
-Chris Lower, Gator's, Minnesota


Gators is one of the trashiest shiat stains of a bar in the state. They advertise to the underage crowd on local popcrap stations owned by Clear Channel. No surprise this dumbarse answer came from no other than a 'Gators' bartendouche.

http://www.alleygators.com/
 
2007-03-12 02:45:38 AM
Some of the advice seems sketchy to me, but then I'm in no position to judge anyway. That said, doesn't a lot of this advice hinge on what kind of bar you're in? There might be something to the "three-minute rule," but I doubt it's the same in a biker bar as a jazz club. So why should their advice be applicable to me just because they're bartenders? That's like saying "Here's 10 dating tips" and having five be from your grandmother, three from a fraternity guy, and two from Hugh Hefner. Even if they're good, how should I know?
 
2007-03-12 02:46:37 AM
lajaunie: http://www.alleygators.com/

Sorry guys that is NOT the web address...my bad. Blame city search.
 
2007-03-12 02:48:55 AM
Baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.

i159.photobucket.com
 
2007-03-12 02:49:30 AM
What the fark?

Essentially the advice is
1. do the rounds and buy an expensive drink for a chick every 3 minutes until you find someone to talk to you for longer than that.

or

2. Find the bunch of single chicks getting hammered at the bar.

I think option 2 is by far the best advice here.
 
2007-03-12 02:49:42 AM
When as a much younger lad I worked in an office and I'd overhear the women talking about their nights out at bars. One thing I overheard was how having guys buy them drinks was not anything that made points. If they weren't interested, a million drinks wouldn't make any difference. They pretty much laughed at the dorks that thought buying drinks meant they were getting anywhere.
 
2007-03-12 02:50:42 AM
Man, that was some kind of lame. I think the bartentender's advice is to let them plug their bars, and they'll say crap for the intarwebs.

"That one's on me." Every girl will at least say thank you and if she's interested, she'll stick around and start a conversation."
Have money, use alcohol.

"So guys should go in for the pickup, but if three minutes go by and she's not warming up, they should cut their losses and move on."
Yeah, don't actually develop an interest in her as a person. If she's not going to put out, she's no good to you. That's a good way to think of women.

Now, I'm not recommending guys lie and say their pet was hurt, but the lesson here is don't be afraid to tell a girl about a dilemma or problem you're struggling with. Women like to help."
Say what now? A woman at a bar wants to hear your emotional baggage? As if she wouldn't see through that.

It shows a guy's not cheap and that he's interested enough in the girl to spend some money on her. It's smooth, impressive-and works almost every time!"
Have money, use alcohol.

Thanks for the advice, guys.
 
2007-03-12 02:50:45 AM
Throwing money at women... of course! How could I have been so blind...


//Article was written from mom's basement
 
2007-03-12 02:51:36 AM
I don't want to come between ya...OR DO I?
 
2007-03-12 02:52:27 AM
magic_patch: What happened to being a decent bloke and chatting to girls like they were actual human beings?

Oh, and floss.


Where have you been all my life?
 
2007-03-12 02:53:09 AM
Glad to see "be a big spender" still works. sigh.



The one that worked for me (permanently) was "do you want to play darts?"
/let her win
//actually she kicked my ass
 
2007-03-12 02:54:18 AM
Buying a drink for a girl is just a socially acceptable way of stating your intentions without having to actually speak to her.

If she's interested, she'll take the hint, but you're not going to 'win her over' by doing that.
 
2007-03-12 02:55:04 AM
Women who are sipping a bourbon definitely have a lot more mystique than one with a standard pink drink

There isn't any mystery there, sorry to tell you this.

They've been there, done that, and they don't tolerate pretentious crap.

Pink Drinks whine about being victims. Bourbon girls know what they are getting into and welcome it with open...
 
2007-03-12 02:55:14 AM
Roofies?
 
2007-03-12 02:55:20 AM
"that dress looks great on you, but it would look better on my floor tomorrow morning"
 
2007-03-12 02:57:10 AM
well, i always work with richard feynman's approach: never buy a drink for a girl unless she agrees beforehand to sleep with you.
/well it worked the one time anyhow

probably the drink-buying is an excuse to go talk to a stranger; if you can strike up the conversation without buying the drink, might as well.
 
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