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(Chick)   New Chick Tract   (chick.com) divider line 74
    More: Spiffy  
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3708 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2001 at 3:16 PM (13 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2001-07-02 03:27:07 PM
First post.
 
2001-07-02 03:27:32 PM
They should filter "First post", by the way. Someone suggested that earlier, I forget who.
 
2001-07-02 03:27:37 PM
Check out the "WANTED" posters in the second panel! HAW HAW! You crack my ass up, Chick!
 
2001-07-02 03:29:44 PM
was there a point to that tract? i think chick's losing it.
 
2001-07-02 03:32:24 PM
Damnit.. my posting for this was..



New Chick Tract! Another damn Bible story
 
2001-07-02 03:37:31 PM
umm... so let me get this straight: the preferred method for attaining wealth from God is to take advantage of my addle-minded siblings, decieve my dying father, take two wives, and then wrestle God Greco-Roman style in the desert?

interesting.
 
2001-07-02 03:38:04 PM
I don't know about my other fellow farkers, but every time I read one of those things I laugh, cry, and then vomit.
 
2001-07-02 03:39:30 PM
Wait, does this mean that the 12 tribes of Isreal were inbred? Leah and Rachel were Jacob's cousins...
Yuck.
 
2001-07-02 03:40:07 PM
Holy shiat, I waited for like, what? 4 months for this? And all I get is a BIBLE STORY. I want some muslims blowing up vans again! ARGJ
 
2001-07-02 03:40:08 PM
Cerebus-

and they wrestled 'all-night' which is kinda disturbing. I do think that all-night tells us that God wasn't pissed or else he would have come down as like Wrestling superstar Paul Wight (The Waterboy's Captain Insano) and beat Jacob to death.

The Old Testament is pretty interesting stuff. Better than the New One. Kosher rocks, Sirloin sucks!
 
2001-07-02 03:49:35 PM

If there's ever a film version of this tract, I want Tarantino to direct it -- the man can do one heck of a "con men bantering in diner" scene.

Jack Nicholson is a shoe-in for Ronnie (just look at panel #6!), and I'm thinking maybe Rip Torn or John Waters to play Bob Williams. And perhaps Helena Bonham-Carter as Janet.

 
2001-07-02 03:50:38 PM
Meat,

I agree with you......there didn't seem to be any logical conclusion from one to the other...I smell FAKE chick!
 
2001-07-02 03:50:39 PM
Since when did Xian salvation include becoming "a ruler of nations?" Sounds like Chick is buying some black helecoptors at a UN garage sale...
 
2001-07-02 03:58:42 PM
 
2001-07-02 03:58:47 PM
I agree with all of the above who were disappointed in this tract. I too was hoping for a classic Chick. Maybe even an angel tossing, but instead got a bible story. *yawn*
 
2001-07-02 04:01:43 PM
Drown yer babies. Blame it on God. Jesus wants it.
 
2001-07-02 04:01:43 PM
Groucho2: Frankenstein and Dracula. Ahahaha. I didn't notice at first. Thanks for pointing it out.
 
2001-07-02 04:01:57 PM
At least Chick wasn't spreading any hate or pointing fingers at other religious groups for a change.
He really is slipping.
 
2001-07-02 04:11:48 PM
If I read that right, the moral of the story is : Do whatever the hell you want - God will bless you anyway.
 
2001-07-02 04:14:36 PM
Note to self: Giving onesself to God includes salvation and a shave.
 
2001-07-02 04:22:00 PM
It occurs to me...there's a riddle "can god make a rock heavier than he can lift?"

The smart alecks answer "why would he want to?"

Now this tract touches upon an important detail..
why is god running around the desert as a man?
It's now clear he *can*. But why? Does this dispel the argument that God was never a man?
Why would he weaken himself so that he wrestles with another man, being bullied into giving a "good" blessing? Isn't that contradictory to God's nature? Why the hell would he let some pansy kick his ass?

And further, isn't he really just a man with Godlike powers? Cause if he were *truely* a man, he would not be able to just turn himself back into God when he was done seeing how us po' mortals live.

I was a little worried. Usually there's more of a turnabout for the bad guy, and it happens earlier on.
This guy was nasty almost till the end, and then it was like "flip!" he's enlightened. A little too quick and dry for me, Chick.
 
2001-07-02 04:28:13 PM
I'm thinkin Jack Chicks peanut butter is the extra nutty kind
 
2001-07-02 04:36:30 PM
 
2001-07-02 04:59:27 PM
Anyone notice that the Pious, Preaching Mustached Man who saves people turned up again in this Tract? Methinks Chick has used a model of himself as that character.
 
2001-07-02 05:00:53 PM
Spiffy? This Chick guy is a raving fundamentalist. I read through a couple of the other tracts, and his take on Bible versions. His theology is a narrow-minded condemnation of anyone who doesn't believe exactly as he does, and his beliefs are that, basically, God intends to fry us all unless we all become Chickian.
What a load of bullshiat.
 
2001-07-02 05:03:39 PM
Permafrost: where have you been, half of his tracts are like that! Just suddenly, from cynical killer and cheater to flipPraise Jeebus I am SAVED! HOSANNNAAAA!.

Anyway, I was always entertained by this story.

It's got all the elements for a great lesson in morals--cheat your father, cheat your brother, lie like a wet rug. But don't forget, you can be cheated too. But once you eventually manage to get what you want out of the person who cheated you--while keeping all that you cheated from others--put the WWF smackdown on God(because when he inexplicably turns into his human avatar, he's a real pushover) and walk away a rich man. Ya might want to try bribing the people who you cheated earlier so they don't kill you on sight, but don't worry. You'll still have plenty of their stuff left to keep for yourself.

Now, THAT's the way to live.
 
2001-07-02 05:07:04 PM
That shaggetz Jack Chick is one big meshug if you ask Bubbe. I read that petselah's comic book and almost plotzed already. Feh.
 
Rei
2001-07-02 05:13:05 PM
Laf, double_h ;)
I always like a good ZeroWing reference ;)

-= rei =-
 
2001-07-02 05:18:31 PM
"Let me go!"
"Not until you bless me!"

Sounds like a date gone wrong...
 
2001-07-02 05:24:45 PM
It sounds to me like Jacob got caught breaking the rules of Leviticus and had to make up some excuses.

"Uhhhh... this isn't a shephard... it's... ummmmm.. GOD! Yeah, that's the ticket! And we're... ummmm... wrestling for a..... BLESSING! Yeah, a blessing from God!"

The more I hear old testament stories, the more I'm convinced they are all just lame excuses for amoral behavior.
 
2001-07-02 05:26:17 PM
Why does Jack Chick use the same preacher guy in every tract?
 
2001-07-02 05:37:08 PM
Thirty Second Post!!!

Umm...I mean "I was a rotten useless heathen until I read a Chick tract. Now I have accepted Jesus as my lord and savior and I am cleansed! AND ALL OF YOU DIRTY FARKERS ARE GOING TO HELL!! JACK CHICK TOLD ME SO!! REPENT!!"
 
2001-07-02 05:39:05 PM
Wow, that is all it took to convince me to become a christian. I mean I use to believe in God about as much as I believed in the toothfairy and Santa Claus and I viewed Christianity as a cult of women oppressing, thought strangling, hypocrits, but now, wow, God is true and he does love me. I no longer have to be afraid, and now I too can impose my own beliefs onto others.

*Turns off Cynicism*
 
2001-07-02 06:14:44 PM
Them old Testament stories causin' ya confusion an makin' ya feel caught up by yor shorty hairs eh?

Call me for a free readin' now!
 
2001-07-02 06:32:10 PM
*waits for c-c to join in*
 
2001-07-02 06:32:36 PM
Proof that Christianity encourages murder, cousin-marrying, multiple wives, deceit and the WWF. Weird.
 
2001-07-02 06:33:03 PM
Bluefenderstrat, oh thats just a GREAT way to put it. I hope you were only poking fun at chick, and not christianity.
 
2001-07-02 06:34:23 PM
cyberpunk: Most of that had to be done back then. But yes, Christians do endorse the WWF.
 
2001-07-02 06:38:59 PM
taiketsu: could you, perhaps, explain how murder, cousin-marrying, polygamy, and deceit "had to be done back then"?
 
2001-07-02 06:55:10 PM
WWF: World Wresting Federation, or World Wildlife Fund? After all, without green pastures there'd be nowhere to wrestle with shepherds... :)
 
2001-07-02 07:03:25 PM
i think we all know that jesus is against the world wildlife fund. if god wanted them wildlifes protected, he'd a' given 'em guns!
 
2001-07-02 07:07:56 PM
meat: I don't agree with murder and deceit, but there were very few people back then and polygamy was probably used as the Mormans used it(exception of Tom Green) to spread their kind.
 
2001-07-02 07:08:59 PM
Where is C-C? I swear I'm getting scared here. Withought him and demo, it just isn't a good christian vs athiest/agnostics debate. YARG
 
2001-07-02 07:10:26 PM
Taiketsu: just Chick. I respect religious beliefs of all kinds, even if I lean towards agnosticism. But I find Chick's brand of scaremongering and declarations that all non-Christians are hellbound distasteful. And farkalicious!
 
2001-07-02 07:22:11 PM
bluefenderstrat: All of christianity holds that view...
 
2001-07-02 07:24:57 PM
Though I do think its funny how they all jump into christ RIGHT THEN withought even thinking about it. And then those that take even a day to think about it, WHAM your dead!

 
2001-07-02 07:25:42 PM
"...God sent Laban a dream and told him to back off... and he did."

I can see God saying, "Laban, just back off man... just back off!"
 
2001-07-02 07:31:00 PM
so, taiketsu, what you meant was one of those had to be done back then.

and, in fact, you really didn't show that it had to be done. you just suggested that people may have done it because it was an easier way to get what you want.
 
2001-07-02 07:34:53 PM
WWWWFD? (What would the WWF Do?)
 
2001-07-02 07:41:59 PM
Chick needs to die a horrible death. Drown him in a bathtub.
 
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