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(Scotsman)   Dutch journalist asks a court to convict him for eating chocolate, saying by doing so he was benefiting from child slavery on cocoa farms in Ivory Coast   ( divider line 94
    More: Strange  
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1949 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Feb 2007 at 3:06 PM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2007-02-09 12:02:09 PM  
Hey, you got peanut butter on my chocolate conviction!
2007-02-09 12:34:50 PM  
He should get the death penalty.

Not for eating chocolate, but for being such a self-loathing and yet pompous ass.
2007-02-09 01:57:18 PM  
Aw crap, do I have to feel guilty about ANOTHER thing?
2007-02-09 03:11:17 PM  
Hey, you got your blood chocolate all over my blood diamonds!
2007-02-09 03:11:33 PM  
nothing but leftist attack on valentines day.
2007-02-09 03:12:46 PM  
Teun van de Keuken, 35, is seeking a jail sentence to raise consumer awareness and force the cocoa and chocolate industry to take tougher measures to stamp out child labour.

but that's why chocolate is so good, it is filled with the tastiest substance known to man, the shattered dreams of children.
2007-02-09 03:12:48 PM  
headline almost verbatim from the first sentence of the article?

Subby, get yer head in the game.
2007-02-09 03:12:49 PM  
Choco-tention whore?
2007-02-09 03:12:51 PM  
Those aren't child slaves, they're Oompa-Loompa slaves, which makes it okay.
2007-02-09 03:13:13 PM  
Child slavery is nothing new. When they graduate from the cocoa farms, they can become prostitutes. No harm, no foul.
2007-02-09 03:14:03 PM  
I'll kick him in the nuts if he wants
2007-02-09 03:14:15 PM  
MMMM...Chocolate. Slave-a-licious!

Wonder how many kids died for my hot cocoa? MMMMMM!

/Proud purchaser of "blood chocolate".
2007-02-09 03:15:10 PM  
What about all the other things made from people [not just kids] who don't earn a proper wage?

Coffee beans, clothing, textiles...
2007-02-09 03:17:05 PM  
Van de Keuken said he has now brought one of these former child slaves to testify in court against him.

In realted new Van de Keuken is teaching this child slave not to just pick the beans but to also pack the fudge.
2007-02-09 03:17:29 PM  
The judge should convict the guy and sentence him to a biatch slap for being such a wuss
2007-02-09 03:18:07 PM  
Wow, that could set a pretty dangerous precedent for ways to change laws while circumventing the legislative/executive branch. Eep.

Rev: Nah, I don't feel guilty about any of the crap that we're "supposed" to. I wasn't involved and my ancestors were starving in frickin fields and ditches and streets, so hard to blame them either. I once heard someone talking about how they were "reclaiming their cultural heritage" and that I needed to feel guilty about mine. I responded that if I was gonna have to feel guilty, I wanted an island of natives I could oppress. If I had to do the time, I oughta do the crime, right? It was a flip response, but he had the most astonished look on his face.

Boritom: I'd already figured this out, but you've further confirmed that we're aimed for the same place!

/Aisle seat, please.
2007-02-09 03:19:05 PM  
This guy just proves that:

"Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't".
2007-02-09 03:19:49 PM  
He's from Holland. Isn't that weird?
2007-02-09 03:19:52 PM  
Man talk about a guilty conscious.
2007-02-09 03:20:02 PM  
SSPinkerton, Mouse-Pin_Droppings: You're coming with us too!

/At least we will have good company.
//I hate cold weather anyway.
2007-02-09 03:20:06 PM  
Remember people, if the kids didn't need the money to live they wouldn't be working the job.

/just kidding
//they spend the money on bling, not food
2007-02-09 03:20:31 PM  
He's my hero.
2007-02-09 03:20:37 PM  
I think he should have to pay reparations for Golden Earing.
2007-02-09 03:21:13 PM  
Dutch journalist? Are you sure he's not an Ivy League professor?
Chocolate = good, regardless whether it comes from elves, oompa loompas', or child slaves

/sweetnut loves chocolate, mmmm
2007-02-09 03:21:32 PM
2007-02-09 03:24:28 PM  
Dutch Chocolate Rudder?
2007-02-09 03:26:01 PM

/prolly get put in time out for this one
2007-02-09 03:26:09 PM  
The chocolate must flow..
2007-02-09 03:26:26 PM  
enemigo_de_pepe: He's from Holland. Isn't that weird?

He feels guilty about that whole "the Dutch started the slave trade" thing.
2007-02-09 03:26:40 PM  
For the most part, you all seem to be horrible people.
2007-02-09 03:28:11 PM  
I'm never giving up my Godiva.

2007-02-09 03:28:15 PM  
aglassonion: For the most part, you all seem to be horrible people.

welcome to THE OTHERS!
2007-02-09 03:28:42 PM  
These child-slaves are just doing the jobs that no one else wants to do.
2007-02-09 03:29:37 PM  
aglassonion: For the most part, you all seem to be horrible people.

Well. I admit it: sometimes, I eat chocolate too.

..with peanut butter sometimes, even...

2007-02-09 03:30:27 PM  
Sum Dum Gai: Those aren't child slaves, they're Oompa-Loompa slaves, which makes it okay.

No no. They are Grunka-Lunkas. They think they have a good union, but they don't. Their basically slaves.
2007-02-09 03:31:56 PM  
What a freaking cry-baby. Yeah, getting arrested is gonna help anyone. Go down there and do something you farking pussy.
2007-02-09 03:32:02 PM  
But the Dutch have always been big supporters of the Chocolate Slave trade. They even brought Chocolate Slaves to America!
2007-02-09 03:32:21 PM  

I think he should have to pay reparations for Golden Earing.


"I've been picking all day/my blistered hands starting to peel/Got a slavery to drive....

/lost it
2007-02-09 03:33:29 PM  
I wonder if Chocolate Slaves built the Chocolate City that is ruled by the Chocolate Mayor (now with extra nutty goodness).
2007-02-09 03:35:43 PM  
I can just imagine him strolling into court and delivering his big, heartfelt confession to the judge and jury:

/Never thought I'd actually get to use THAT owl!
//thanks the crazy Dutchman
2007-02-09 03:35:50 PM  
aglassonion: Welcome to Fark!
2007-02-09 03:38:21 PM  
Maybe this would be a good tactic for the homeless. "Put me in jail...I swear I did something wrong...(please give me a free place to sleep and eat)"
2007-02-09 03:39:54 PM  
Wow, that could set a pretty dangerous precedent for ways to change laws while circumventing the legislative/executive branch. Eep.

It's actually quite creative, and deserving of a golf clap.

In reality, this idea was always available. In fact, it would work far better in the US than it would in a civil law nation like Holland. (The difference is, in the US, a guilty plea means you're guilty and that's it. In civil law nations, guilty pleas are an interesting fact, but don't necessarily indicate guilt.)
2007-02-09 03:41:28 PM
2007-02-09 03:42:16 PM  
phase 1: Try to become a martyr for a cause without actually suffering discomfort much less pain, loss or injury.

Phase 3: Profits!
2007-02-09 03:47:02 PM  
If a guy wants to get convicted for something ridiculous like this, I say go ahead and convict him.

I also say he should suggest his own sentence, and then get that. I also say you should call it off when he inevitably realizes he's a dumbass.
2007-02-09 03:48:43 PM  
GoodyearPimp: Meh, it's been done. Or they'll do something in front of a cop (pee in bushes, drink a bottle of screw-cap wine on the steps of the state supreme court building, or w/e) to get 3 squares and a bed for a bit.
2007-02-09 03:49:50 PM  
aglassonion: For the most part, you all seem to be horrible people.

A this website is called: THE ARISTOCRATS!
2007-02-09 03:51:49 PM

I swear, I had no idea.

(In a related note, in the original Willy Wonka book, the oumpa lumpa were african pigmys.)
2007-02-09 03:52:58 PM  

I think that is backwards anyway. That would be more accurate if god were a man. There really would be a hummer week every month.
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