Damn there has to be a gratuitous 'pussy' joke in there somewhere but the beer is stifling my limited creative thoughts...

/anyone want to cum to the rescue and save the thread?

Mikailus:
...cum to the rescue and save the thread

No need. This one was over with the first (damn you Fark filter) post.

This is the best thread ever.

This is Ben.

How can you have a cat thread and a picture of the TPB's and not a picture of Steve French?

Back to jail for that asshole.

HellFace - I spewed.

1) Kill cat
2) ????????
3) TRUE LOVE!

With Valentine's Day coming up I was lost on the whole gift idea but now i got some food for thought. This thread actually limited me on the gift thing.

/ well she can't say that i got her the same thing last year again.
// wonder if a really cute puppy head applies or even the dead baby heads i have that take up so much room in the freezer.

How about the severed head of a puppy? Would that impress her?

jackc126

What the *hell* is that?!

gradatim: How about the severed head of a puppy?


That is sick dude.... What is wrong with you?

Phil Herup has a broken sarcasm meter. Everyone point and laugh.

Then again, maybe Phil's sarcasm-fu is deeper and darker than anyone can fathom?

Ok - I have a broken sarcasm meter. Everyone point and laugh.

Farkers have done it again. I go from being totally disgusted to rotfl and disgusted in 60.4 seconds.

Cut his head off and send it to his mother, the punishment should fit the crime.

/hates humanity just a little more

According to the article, she volunteered at an animal shelter. Looks like he wanted to do something that would really hurt and horrify her.

from TFA....'We have been unable to determine where the kitten came from. It definitely did not belong to the victim. '

Am I the only one thinking that the 'Victim' was the cat? So you got a dodgy parcel, quit whining.

It's ok. He ate the kitten.

Kill A Kitten Lyrics

Artist: Stephen Lynch
Album: A Little Bit Special


When the game of life makes you feel like quittin',
It helps a lot if you kill a kitten
Mark my words, cause from where I'm sittin,
You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten.

There's no crime that you'll be commitin'
I know the law, you can kill a kitten.
If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin'
Youll get plenty when you kill a kitten

Feed it turpentine, or break its spine,
Crush it with your shoe, as long as you...
Kill a kitten

If the one you love isn't quite as smitten,
She'll like you better when you kill a kitten
To quote the bible, cause that's where it's written
If yee loveth Jesus, yee must kill a kitten

Flush it down the can, hit it with your van,
Drown it in a lake, bake a kitty cake
Throw it at a train, make it snort cocaine
Stick some TNT up its cat booty
Do what you must do, as long as you...
Kill a kitten

Killing kittens isn't easy,
And if the thought makes you feel queasy,
Grab a pitchfork from the shed,
And kill a puppydog instead!
Kill a kitten, kill a kitten, for a mitten
Kill a kitten (4x)

For gradatim

Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun
They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun

My puppy died late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall
Dead puppies aren't much fun
Mom says puppy's days are through
She's gonna throw him in the stew
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun

/Dr. Demento, Dead Puppies

Reminds me of the time I gave a puppy to a girl for her b'day. You see, I put the puppy in a plastic bag and then tied the bad up. I unfortunetly forgot to poke any air holes in the bag. You know the rest of the story...

"Hi Hilary, here's your present!"
"Oh thanks Rob! What is it?!!"
"Open the bag and find out!!!"
...ripppp......THUMP!!!

It's not stalking if it's true love!

One more time for Roman Hruska.

The black kitten was 3 to 4 months old.

Why's it always gotta' be black?

As sick as this story is, I feel a Dumbass tag would have fit it just as well.

The man should be executed.

People in this world make me sick.

I'm going to go hug my little black kitten now... :'(

clearly the man could not afford a fleshlight

DaCricket: I really hate people.

I say it every day....

Damn, I better change my tactics.

ComicBookGuy: I wonder if he's one of those losers who dresses all black and listens to loud, repetitive music.

Johnny Cash?

/bum chugga chicka bum, bum chugga chicka bum

Daddy Kabadi: So you got a dodgy parcel, quit whining.

*sigh*
RTFA...she got a kitty parcel.
The doggy bag is in the fridge...

Anybody other cat lovers want to go out to Pennsylvania with me and bail him out?

I have some excellent "homemade" cat food recipes that he may be able to contribute to.

I have an excellent industrial food processor and a basement full of tools and tarps.

We could make a day of it.

Someone please explain the "my name is William" thing to a stupid liter. Kthxbye.

Who among us hasn't killed kittens for the one we love. We usually let got do the killing though.

rczeien: We usually let got do the killing though.

Should read, we usually let God do the killing.

Githerax

I don't think that's its supposed to be some sort of pop culture reference. It's just Nerdlinger taking a silly headline, seriously silly.

Headline: Want to impress a girl? Don't send her the severed head of a kitten with a note reading "I love you. Ben."

Response: Why would I do that? My name is William.

See, Nerdlinger's name isn't Ben, it's William.

Awww, fugeddaboutit. If you have to explain it, it ain't funny anymore.

Githerax: Someone please explain the "my name is William" thing to a stupid liter. Kthxbye.

are you kidding?