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(Some Weirded out Gal)   What's the weirdest thing ever said to you on a date? LGN, VE   ( divider line
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17160 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2007 at 12:25 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2007-01-14 02:43:40 PM  
I'm also not proud of dropping tags.
2007-01-14 02:51:09 PM  
First date: "Just so you know, you can do anything to me..!"

/ and I did...
2007-01-14 02:54:24 PM  
Oh man, I got one.

This was a girl I met off of one of the online personals site about 6 years ago in Vegas. The first mistake I made was not asking to exchange pictures at first. She turned out to be bigger than me and I'm not exactly light on my feet. I'm not so much against larger women but definitely not one that outweighs me!

Anyways I pick her up and we go to her favorite restuarant which is this Mexican food restaurant which I had heard good things about. When we get to the place, I park fairly close to the door, it couldn't have been more than 40 feet. She is so heavy that she is winded by the time we get to the door of the restuarant. The only step was the curb.

During dinner comes the real zinger. She tells me just as the food comes out that she normally doesn't eat this kind of food because it tends to make her sick (thinking she's allergic to it). Of course, afterwards she doesn't feel well and at that point I am more than happy to take her home.
2007-01-14 02:55:15 PM  
I was once midway through a date when I found out the girl was a Nazi. Not a hick white supremacist, not a skinhead neo-nazi, an actual honest-to-god German National Socialist; she said her whole family was, too. I'm definitely going to hell for it, too, since she was so friendly and so farking hot that for a minute I was thinking to myself "maybe I could deal with this..."
2007-01-14 03:12:01 PM  
Having had a long string of hilariously bad dates, one of my favorites was the guy who, halfway through dinner, tells me he is a recovering cocaine addict who had "backslide a little" for the past few months.

And since I'm here:

My best friend got married recently, and was in the hotel with her husband. She started to *ahem* orally perform and got at the worst possible time an uncontrolable giggling fit. He takes offense to this, which makes her laugh even more, to which she blurts out: "I'm challenging your American Gladiators."

He likes to tell this story a lot.
2007-01-14 03:28:21 PM  
A gynecologist told me about how he and his nurses joked about "baking bread." This was a little disgusting but I never dreamed I'd later see him in the news as being charged with rape and non-consentual abortions.
2007-01-14 03:32:17 PM  
2 stories here. One with a girl I had been dating for a while, and another happened to one of my buddies.

Her-"You know, if you were the only guy I ever slept with in my life, I would be happy."
Me-"You wanna dig those claws in me a little deeper?"

2: So this guy goes out with a couple of his friends, and they end up picking up this cougar at the bar. Driving back, they were in a small car and she was sitting in the middle. She starts giving the guy to her right a dirty handjob. The guy on her left said, "Hey, don't leave me hanging." So she starts "skiing" (Giving both handjobs with hands at the same time.) They end up running a train on her, with only the sober driver opting out. He was the only one sober enough to realize that this was a bad idea. My buddy gets first crack. So fast-forward a week. The second guy finds out he got herpes and doesn't know where it came from. Buddy got tested, and it was negative, but he was freaking out for a week.

hey! blonde with 36Ds and 130 IQ here...

Not gonna lie, you piqued my interest. I clicked the profile and my first thought was, "Gee, thats a cool shirt. She even got her hair to match the pattern."

/Yeah, I've been drinking
//Da Bears
2007-01-14 03:38:29 PM  
Senior year. I was dating a guy with a biatchin' Camaro and he was driving us to visit his dad for the weekend. It was dark and late and we had two hours to kill in the car so I leaned over into his lap and... well, you know.
We arrived after midnight to find his dad's house completely lit and cars in the driveway. His entire family was there waiting to meet me. I mean everyone -- grandma, aunts, cousins, neighbors. I sat and talked for a while, all charm and smiles, before I excused myself to the restroom.
As I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and froze. My face was covered, I mean COVERED, in dried, white, crusty you-know-what. Evidently, those Taco Bell napkins were not as absorbent as I thought.
What else could I do? I washed my face, giggling because one day this would be a funny story.
2007-01-14 03:42:32 PM  
I went out with this girl and I later found out that she was carrying a parrot puppet in her pocket. She called it the date parrot. If things were going badly she would pull it out of her pocket and hold it to her ear, then say "What? There's a problem? I have to go right now? Ok."

She stopped bring the parrot after the first date. We were together for 5 years.
2007-01-14 04:11:18 PM  
"When I take out my teeth my tongue comes down to here..."
2007-01-14 04:18:59 PM  
"Can I chew on your arm?"

Said at a restaurant bar where the chick and her boyfriend and I were waiting for a table. I let her chew on my arm. She kept hitting on me with no protest from her boyfriend, and then she left to go to the restroom. I asked her boyfriend if they had an open relationship. He said no and seemed pissed off, which confused me even further, because I couldn't figure out if he was okay with the situation or not. She never came back from the restroom, so I went looking for her and found her in the parking lot, where we made out until her boyfriend found us and took her home. I guess the boyfriend was as messed up as she was, because he clearly had given up trying to stop her and wasn't going to dump her for it, either.

I have a real weakness for messed-up women, so she eventually got what she was angling for, but it shortly turned out to be more trouble than it was worth. Everything had to be completely farked up with her; she wouldn't have it any other way. Now I know how to handle messed-up chicks. In, out, gone. As long as you're the agent of trouble, farking up her life and causing trouble with her friends, she'll treat you right. As soon as her life starts to settle into a new order, she has to stir up new shiat to fark things up again. Leave while you're still trouble, and she'll love you forever.

So next time I hear, "Can I chew on your arm?" I'm just going to fark her in the bathroom and leave her with the bar tab.
2007-01-14 04:22:46 PM  
Her: "Hit me."
Me: "Wha..?"
Her: "Hit me you farking pussy!"
Her: "You hit like a girl! Hit me harder!"
Her: "I'm cummmmmmiiinnnngggg....."

/married her for some unknown reason....
2007-01-14 04:26:12 PM  
I had been dating this guy for about three weeks, when I got laid off from my job. The guy called me that night (after hearing the news), and I asked my roommate to tell him that I wasn't feeling well and couldn't come to the phone. I was in a lousy mood and all I really wanted to do was be alone and play video games.

Next thing I know, he's standing beneath my balcony, screaming my name.

I met him outside, so the neighbors wouldn't have to hear more. I then told him I was feeling crappy from losing my job and wanted to have some alone time.

He said to me (I kid you not), "you can't just run off when times are tough. What happens if we have a baby and the baby dies? What will you do then?"


Yeah, that didn't last long.
2007-01-14 04:30:02 PM  
Making out in the parking lot of a motel after picking a girl up in a club there:

Do we need to get a room, or should we go find a darker place to park?

She decided against the room, but made parking in the darker place worthwhile.
2007-01-14 04:45:07 PM  
As a female who has alot of guy friends, I thought I'd heard everything. I have never been more wrong, nor more naive. Thanks fark. No longer am I naive. :) I have stories...

So, I go on a date with a guy who I KNOW isn't my type, but I thought maybe I should just give him a chance. A dinner date is usually no harm, no foul. We have salads and appetizers. Chatting is a little uncomfortable, but not painfully so. We get through dinner. I have what is called a "happy" plate. He looks me right in the eye and goes, "I hope you're not going to get dessert." I go, "Why?" He, "Because you'll have to worry about your image if you're with me." Me, "Dessert please!" Hahahaha.

I'm 5'2, and 105 lbs. I'm what you call very petite, and I happen to love food. I should've known better. He was one of those damn preppy, cocky, a-holes you see wearing their striped button up shirts to the dance clubs. Only date that lasted a mere 45 minutes. Not sorry.
2007-01-14 04:47:14 PM  
Points to her arms:

"See these scars? Sometimes I get depressed"
2007-01-14 04:52:46 PM  
The only thing I got was finding out she was going to be deported in about 3 months time...
2007-01-14 04:58:48 PM  
During the first month of my Junior year of college I went on a date with one of my cousins.

Thank God we got into a conversation about our relatives. And thank god nothing happened.

He was a third cousin, which is legal and all, but it still grosses me out.
2007-01-14 05:02:54 PM  
My best first date story has to be one that happened to a girl I knew in college. She went out to a bar, and hooked up with a slightly older but nice guy. She decided to take him home with her, but when they get there, he spends an awfully long time in her bathroom.

She asks if he's okay, and he finally comes out, wearing one of her pink panties. Apparently ignoring the shocked look on her face, he asks:

'You're probably going to say no, but would you like to piss in my mouth?'

She did say no, told him that he could keep the panties, and kicked him out...
2007-01-14 05:03:35 PM  
Snickony: He was a third cousin, which is legal and all, but it still grosses me out.

Just think of it as streamlining the family tree ;)
2007-01-14 05:10:36 PM  
Not a first date, I had known this girl for a month. She was a born-again christian after a freshman year of college full of drunken debauchery. She gave me the whole saving herself for marriage talk and I was completely cool with it, kind of.

I was feeling good about the way things were going because she would come into my room at night to hang out and fall asleep on my bed. She also had the most flirtatious personality I've ever witnessed, and we made out a lot.

Later on I learn from good a friend of mine across the hall (dorms) that when she wasn't in my room on my bed, she was in his room on his bed. She had been doing the exact same thing with him, quasi-fooling around with both of us at the same time. We weren't dating, so there's no cheating to speak of, just some crazy deception.

The friend and I both ran. We now know that she has this crazy need for affection from everyone she meets. She's with some guy and we don't speak, and I'm happily with some girl. I still keep her on my batshiat crazy list.
2007-01-14 05:13:54 PM  
FanFarkingTastic: 'm 5'2, and 105 lbs. I'm what you call very petite

2007-01-14 05:17:46 PM  
I've got a friend (no, not me!!) who due to all sorts of psychological problems was a virgin at 30. So he decided to get laid no matter what.

He met a woman on the internet... she flew out and he booked a hotel room.

Eventually, she busted out a wolf costume and made him wear it. The whole time she was saying "I'm not afraid of the Big Bad Wolf!" Now, he's telling me this like he was all surprised by the events.

A year later he sends me a link to his website where he posts his art. It was all furry art. I don't think he was turned by her onto that kind of thing. I'm thinking that he knew exactly what he was getting into, and it was what he wanted.

/nothing wrong with furries.. they just different than us folk
2007-01-14 05:24:00 PM  

"Want me to hold your bag?"
"No, I'm an independent woman."

Sounds good to me. I don't like girls who are compulsively helpless and dependent when they're out on a date. They want to hand over their money, driver's license, credit cards, car key, house key.... WTF? You can carry your cell phone but you can't carry your house key without my help? I know, why don't I walk you around on a leash and decide when you get to eat?
2007-01-14 05:26:37 PM  
first date with a dude -- he showed up an hour late, told me he didn't like my hair, wanted me to guess how much money he makes (i guessed right and was not impressed which i think bothered him), proceeded to get ripped sh*tfaced at the bar, eyeballed the waitresses at the bar and when i got home, he called and told me how lonely his life was. there was no second date.

/dudes, don't be like that.
2007-01-14 05:43:34 PM  
"I see a therapist every week because my ex husband killed our baby."
2007-01-14 05:46:16 PM  
Her:"Lotsa guys tell me I remind them of their mothers."
Me:"Here's 20 bucks - let's call it even."
2007-01-14 05:52:01 PM  
I'd been dating this guy for a month. One night out of the blue I get an email from him saying that he misses his ex and he's tried to kill himself. He was unsuccessful, he didn't even have to go to the hospital. So he moves to Miami to live with his parents until he goes to grad school in Michigan. 5 months later I get a call from him. He says he's going to spend a few days in G'ville before he leaves the state and was just wondering if I was still a virgin. If so, he'd like to remedy that. I should also mention that he was fapping during the call. I'd like to see him again. I'd like to kick him in the balls.

/accidently left a sweatshirt at his place.
//after he dumped me he turned it into a blanket for his dog.
///I really miss that sweatshirt, even to this day, 5 yrs later.
2007-01-14 05:52:57 PM  
Riding in her car to the beach at night:

Her: [talking about some dude she knew in high school] ...and I really miss him because he's gone on a mission.
Me: What, like in Afghanistan?
Her: No silly! With the church!
Me: Oh.

/mormon chick
//TONS of issues
///second date, but no third
2007-01-14 05:56:45 PM  
"I don't need any new friends. I'm ready for the baby experience."
2007-01-14 05:57:30 PM  
"Don't tell your Father."
2007-01-14 06:07:11 PM  
"I won't eat anything that comes out of a box, everything I eat has to be made from scratch. And I can't cook."

/Not even close to hot enough for me to want to spend 3 hours a day cooking for her...
2007-01-14 06:09:52 PM  
I've only been in one long-term relationship (still going strong after 4 years and 8 months), but there were some early moments that made me hesitate.

[we were walking past a construction crane]
Her: Hey, look! It's Biggie!
Me: What?
Her: The crane! See!
[I look, and the brand name is BIGGE, not Biggie]

Another incident:
Me: I've been forgetting things lately.
Her: I think you have CDS.
Me: CDS?
Her: Sleep Deprivation Syndrome.

\Wouldn't trade her for anything
2007-01-14 06:10:47 PM  
I was on a first date with a lovely lady who's been separated from her husband for almost a year, and things were going splendidly on the date. At the end of the date, we kiss. After the first kiss, she then gives me a real long kiss and I'm thinking, "Sweet!"

On our second date, she's acting a bit distant which confused me as everything went very well on our first date. At the end of this second date, there's no make out action.

When we speak again on the phone after the second date, I asked her why she was a bit distant. She said that when she kissed me the first time, it felt similar to kissing her brother. She said she kissed me a long time the second time to see if that feeling was still there. It was according to her. She continued to say that she checked with her friend, who is a medium, after our first date, who said that we had a past life together in which we were brother and sister.

I told her I never got that sibling kissing feeling from her and said let's go out again to which she agreed. I also asked her to put that brotherly feeling thing out of her mind.

Well, on our third date, things are going great again and we have sex. I see her several more times after that, and each time we feel ourselves becoming closer to each other. Things are going so well that after two months she asks me if I would have a problem moving in her with and her 4 kids. Plus, would I object to getting a vasectomy at some time in the future as she doesn't want any more children.

I told her I have no problem at all with both of those things. Well, a few dates after that, she takes me out for my birthday. Dinner rocked as we went to a nice restaurant and I had an excellent filet mignon. We head back to my place after dinner and I'm thinking I'll be getting some quality birthday sex.

Nope...she says that although she cares deeply for me, she decided to get back together with her husband and not follow through with the divorce. I asked her why didn't you tell me this before dinner? She wasn't able to answer that, and I guessed she hoped that me having a full stomach would soften the blow.

Interestingly enough, her friend the medium said that her getting back together with her husband would be dumb as her husband isn't going to change his ways.

I miss her, but it was for the best as I don't think I was ready to be a stepfather to 4 kids.
2007-01-14 06:14:45 PM  
"So I stabbed my LAST boyfriend..."
/Check Please?
2007-01-14 06:34:25 PM  
"Is all that going into ME?" First time for both of us...the rest of the story is better, but outside the scope of this thread
2007-01-14 06:38:42 PM  
Don't remember any really bad dates, but got a few interesting stories:

#1) Was dating the ex of my manager, and he worked for the same company, so we had to keep it quiet. Hooked up on Canada Day one year and ended up at his place. Fireworks went off at the exact same time he came. We laughed for a while at that one.

#2) Guy picked me up in his low rider STATION WAGON (and it was a weird teal colour). Proceeded to brag about how good at pool he was. I beat him handily. Then, drove to watch a drive-in movie. "How cute" I thought. He parked just outside the gate and tuned to a certain radio frequency where he could pick up the sound of the movie. I feigned tiredness and never saw him again.

#3) Guy took me to the go-kart course. It was the late 90's and he had one of those old StarTak (sp?) phones that he wore on his belt (to show how "important" he was I suppose). While we were racing, the phone fell off his belt and he ran over it TWICE!

/haven't been on a date in 5+ years.
//gonna have to start trying again I suppose
///hope the next ones are better than previous ones! :)
2007-01-14 06:48:26 PM  
FFTastic: Interesting, if you lived on the East coast I would have thought you dated my friend.

Set him up on a date (seems that being blonde, 6 foot, good looking, educated, good job, wasn't enough) with a pretty hot girl. We're all hanging out on another friend's boat (party of 6 so there's no pressure on the blind date thing; see my previous post) and he says in the smuggest voice I have ever heard: "So, how does it feel to be kissing a 24 year old college grad?"

Being a guy is tough, but I don't know that I could deal with some of the shiat that girls live through.

/Keep smiling
2007-01-14 07:02:17 PM  
Me: "Oh no, is that your dad?"
Her: "No, that's my brother."
Me: "But I thought you said your dad was coming home soon?"
Her: "No, I said my boyfriend."
Me: "You have a boyfriend?"
Her: "He's my daddy, my boyfriend AND my brother!!"

/been married several years
//love the pitter patter of little aunts and uncles feet
2007-01-14 07:34:19 PM  
This was about 10 years ago, so the exact words are a little fuzzy....

I was hanging with this chick for about 2 weeks, just as friends. A couple months before, there was a large fire a couple blocks from where she worked, and some dude died in it.

She told me that herself and a couple workers could hear the guy screaming, while burning to death, and were having a good laugh about it. Yikes. I never called her again.

/sucks cause at one point she did offer it up
//i was a virgin at the time and too afraid to tap that
/// glad I didn't because I saw her 5 years later, she was working in a pawn shop, had 3 kids, and was on her second husband.....who she was leaving...
2007-01-14 07:35:26 PM  
I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: "Apparently, there are places called "coffee shops" where young persons can meet for a first date."

You dated Ric Romero?
2007-01-14 07:37:01 PM  
2007-01-14 02:15:25 AM Shadow Blasko

It would take several minutes to explain the backstory on this one, so I will just give you the essentials.

1) Stormchasing, old farm driveway... on a hilltop.
2) Georgia Florida state line... close to Alabama.
3) Two visible tornados on the horizon... and we are going at it on the trunk of the car. Outside, naked. And the NOAA van pulls up about 20 yards from us.
4) Her- "Whats that" ..
me- NOAA van, you wanna stop?
If the fact there are two tornados coming this way (generally speaking) hasn't stopped me.. what makes you think they will?
me .. laughing and not stopping. "Okay, but we stop if we get hit by debris, or hail bigger than your nipples"

/No idea if the NOAA team had cameras.

That made me laugh out loud in my office.

Could be the best sex story ever.
2007-01-14 07:40:34 PM  
Ok, I know this belongs in the 'weirdest thing said during sex' thread, but I missed that one...the scene is this: I (age 14) and my male cousin (also 14) have spent most of the evening working hard to seduce this 23 yr old who was living in my cousin's house...why was she living there? She was his Aunt (his Mom's sister). Not directly a blood relative to me though (Whew!).

Spent most of the evening with a lot of flirting and slap and tickle with this chick and my cuz and I are having the time of our young lives. We're working hard towards the "First Time" for both of us.

Well we wind up in the bedroom, obstensibly to listen to "Hotel California" on the Victrola. We're all kicked back in the bed smoking and cuz and me are putting on the heat and she's melting fast.

Cuz is not really happy cause she starts paying more attention to me (she's his Aunt after all).

Eventually all our hard work paid off and she opened the pearly gates and gives me the green light to go (YES!). She's totally giving it up to me and I'm going at it and having a blast. Cuz is grumbling some shiat on the other side of the bed, and asks her if he's gonna get some of that. She says no way, you're my nephew...cuz then gets up and leaves the room for something...

She whispers in my ear "I'd still let you do it even if you WERE my nephew"

I think I said "(ungh)Thanks!"...and then I said "(grunt)I wish you'd let him too cause he earned it just as much as I did, I don't want him pissed at me"

/True story
//could not make that up.
///Well technically I could I guess, but I didn't.
2007-01-14 07:40:40 PM  
About ten years ago I started farking my boss, I was nineteen, she was thirty. She was ridiculous. She was kinky. She was hot.

Funny Story: We're mid-coitus when she makes one of those "not so usual" sounds. So I stop for a second, sweating and breathing hard, look at her and between gasps ask, "Are you okay?". She immediately pushes me off of her, throws her robe on and starts bawling. So I'm standing there buck naked in bed with a rock hard...well, you get the idea and I say, "What the fark, what's wrong?" She replies, "What did you just say?"
"I asked if you were okay."
"Yeah, why? What's up with the tears?"
"I thought you said 'I think I'm gay'."

She also didn't like to be eaten out, but she loved giving head.

It didn't last long as I just wanted a fark buddy and she wanted more. Found out later that she was a pill-popper and, while I was her main fark, she farked a lot of my co-workers, male and female.

/wish I had known about the lesbian tendencies before I kicked her to the curb
2007-01-14 07:47:25 PM  
The conversation turned to man juice. (Don't ask how). She told me that there were certain things a man could add to his diet to make it taste sweet. I told her I might be interested in such a dietary change. (With a wink and a nudge, of course.)

She seemed intrigued. I thought the evening might go well after all. Then, continuing on the subject, she asked, "So, have you ever tasted it?"

I said, "What, my own stuff?". She nodded eagerly. I thought, what the hell, be honest. "Well, one time on a dare from my first girlfriend, but it was like a tiny little bit." Her:"What did it taste like?"

Without giving it more than a nanosecond's thought, I spat out a mindless but honest answer.

"Kinda like snot!"

Her face turned pale, and she vomited on herself. In the middle of the Chinese restaurant. Never saw each other again. Found out later that she was pregnant at the time of the incident. Not sure if that had anything to do with it.

\Next time, keeping observations to myself
2007-01-14 07:48:26 PM  
"oh shiat you where atr the last family reuin"

Not a lie, not made up, I hate being the last min sub in for a double date.
2007-01-14 07:55:46 PM  
You probably didn't know this... but I've been stalking you.

/Run away! Run away!
2007-01-14 08:36:26 PM  
I went out with a girl once who explained to me that she'd slept with over a hundred guys.
2007-01-14 08:41:03 PM  
OneNightStand: Hahahahaha. He must've already gone through all of his other mutual friends' friends, then turned to yours for the hook-up. I should get my Ph.D. in Douchebagology...track the mating rituals of the modern douche bag. Never again will I doubt my gut instinct.

I once was told that I'm the "perfect ex-girlfriend." I bristled at this, because the break-up was fairly new. Then I realized that I'm friends with almost all of my exes. The way things are sounding, I'm going to either have to turn crazier than a shart-house rat, turn biotchy, or lower my IQ by a good 100. :)
2007-01-14 09:00:16 PM  
I waffled on this one for months because she was the older sister of a coworker, and was in fact quite a bit older than me. She was cute, smart, had a twisted sense of humor, and was in veterinary school, so you know she was going places.

And then there was this one day when I got to chatting with her when she came in and she bragged about neutering her own dog. That pretty much made up my mind in a hurry that maybe I shouldn't make a play for this one. No first date to begin with.

Similar stories include the waitress who pointed out when I asked her name that she gave me her real name, and the Hooters girl who for some reason confided in me that she thought a customer was stalking her. Same outcome.
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