Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Weirded out Gal)   What's the weirdest thing ever said to you on a date? LGN, VE   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

17160 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2007 at 12:25 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

598 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | » | Newest | Show all

2007-01-14 09:08:25 PM  
FanFarking Tastic:

Biotchy doesn't do it, and don't, DON'T, lower your IQ. By all means stay crazy. My SO (and the mother of my children) is bull goose crazy, one of the smartest people I have ever met (but not too bright since she associates with me) and still friends with every swinging dick she ever slept with.
You sound as if you are the Mid-West analog, go with it; you will prevail.

/Same friend told a woman he was living with that she should just: shut up and listen to him because "anything a man says is more important, because we're men and men are supposed to be the rulers."
//She made twice what he made in salary
///he came from old Nazi stock (no kidding)
2007-01-14 09:35:47 PM  
OneNightStand: Holy Nazi Idiot, Batman!! I hope she put a cattle prod to his taint with due expedience. Or, he could get his wish and move to rural Alabama with the rest of his ilk. Either justice would appease me. Garsh, I can't stand people like that....

In all seriousness, I'm not sure I could pull off psycho or biotchy, so it's full speed ahead with life. :)
2007-01-14 09:39:49 PM  
Before we went out she asked for my birth date. When we were on the first date she tells me "I don't ever do it on the first date but we can. My Astrologer told me we were lovers in a past life so it is OK."

Different woman, first time we are making it. I am donkey deep and she blurts out, "I wanted to look so pretty for you and now I look f**ked.
2007-01-14 09:44:12 PM  
FarFarking Tastic: You have a great future as a Medium. He did move to Alabama, Montgomery to be exact. Maybe you did date him. Does the name Glen ring a bell?
2007-01-14 09:57:44 PM  
OneNightStand: Hahahahaha! Nope. I just totally pulled that outta my arse! I'm really laughing right now. Maybe the awesome snowstorm has given me the powers of clairvoyance. Either that, or they're all THAT predictable.
2007-01-14 09:58:04 PM  
"let me see the rubber" after sex

she wanted to make sure that i really came

2007-01-14 10:12:31 PM  
think_balance: No, they cannot, because Sqrt(2) is irrational.

2A^2 = B^2

B^2/A^2 = 2

B/A = Sqrt(2)

Since Sqrt(2) is irrational, B and A cannot be rational numbers.

2007-01-14 10:12:51 PM  
After getting back to my apartment, post-date, she asks if she can take a shower. Whaaa???....well, okaaaaaayyy.

She does.

She also puked and wiped her face on the toilet paper roll and instead of flushing it she just rolls it back alittle. Made for an intresting surprise during the daily grump later that day.

married her two years later.

been married for four since.
2007-01-14 10:20:29 PM  
Now that I got that math out of my system (in retrospect, a 1:1:Sqrt(2) triangle would have been a better example, since you're just using Pythagorean Theorem), some of my moments.

1. Study date, both go home. Next morning, she comes up to me and says "Good morning," as I'm drinking coffee. Comes right out of my nose, we never really talk again.

2. "Here, let me buy some condoms. I'll get my favorites"
"...which are?"

/I felt inadequate, didn't have sex.

3. Her: "If you stay here, I might rape you."

/I left

4. Something about if she got pregnant, if I would marry her.
2007-01-14 10:56:14 PM  
she tells me to insert a finger
then two
then four
then my hand
yep - the whole fist
then she says put the other hand in
I comply
she says CLAP
I can't
she says
"Pretty tight eh?"
2007-01-14 11:00:58 PM  
Crackhead Ben: Beyond the table thing being absolutely hysterical? The fact that you defended large breasted women as not being stupid.

//36C, pre-med.
2007-01-14 11:39:31 PM  
TehFuzz: "Here, let me buy some condoms. I'll get my favorites"
"...which are?"

Shake it off. Just tell her you'll need to pick up some rubber bands, too.
2007-01-14 11:43:46 PM  
BTW, what does it mean when a girl tells you, more or less unsolicited, that she used to be a University of Miami football groupie? Is she trying to scare you away or entice you by presenting herself as the easiest thing on two legs?
2007-01-14 11:44:24 PM  
While making out with the woman who I later married. "You have a nice skull" (I had hoped to freak her out because I like to do that.) Her response: "I've been told that before."
2007-01-14 11:47:39 PM  
I also had a "hook up buddy" tell me I had "Nice Junk" durring a BJ. It was a great compliment after she explained that she ment I had a good sized penis.
2007-01-14 11:48:20 PM  
Pretty damn tame compared to others here. But I'm on a first date with this guy - pretty basic, really, we just had lunch between classes. So we're walking along the street and we walk past a Bell store (telephone service, cellphones, that sort of thing). And he suddenly starts talking about this Bell commercial featuring a sickeningly sweet dad & son, and how it makes him angry because he has a really bad relationship with his dad . . .

It wasn't that it was psycho-weird to say, just strange to bust out with on a first date. Ehhh, no chemistry anyway, so there wouldn't have been a second date, but it really put the cap on. I don't need to know all your deep family neuroses.
2007-01-14 11:54:20 PM  
My boyfriend says the weirdest thing said to him was "I wonder if this will fit in my mouth".

/We are still together five months later.
/yes it fit.
2007-01-14 11:55:03 PM  
New gal at work amazingly hot chick resembling Tyra Banks, ask her out smart, funny, looks like a model.

Her after her 4th drink: I like the fact that you let me drink.

Me: What?

Her:You let me DRINK! (Suddenly slurring her speech)

Me: Is that a problem...?

Her:My boyfreind doesn't let me drink cuz I'm an alcoholic, and I am diabetic. I'm going to fark you cuz you let me DRINK! I never did a white guy before.

She got progressively louder to the point where I realize she is having some type of psychotic/diabetic reaction to the alchohol.

I drive her back to her place and tell her I will follow her in after I park the car. She see's me driving off and runs out into the road screaming I will fark you white boy! 100, messages on my machine by the time I get home with her degenerating into this bizzare babble and comments on how she is going to rape me! She drove into work and attacked the boss to get my private home/contact info so she could come over and rape me.

The boss happened to be a freind of her mothers and they had her commited.

I had one hell of a repuation at work after that, rumor was I farked her crazy.
2007-01-15 01:02:51 AM  
First girlfriend ever.

"What if I were a fox?"
"A neko fox?"
"No, just a real fox."
"I dunno."

My only dog now is a stray foxhound. I should be safe.
2007-01-15 02:29:58 AM  
What's with all these women who want to get married on the first date?

That seems pretty farked to me.
2007-01-15 02:48:51 AM  
This girl is telling me about a hard time in her life, or something like that, and out comes, "so, I'm no longer hearing voices." What are you supposed to say to that?
2007-01-15 04:11:10 AM  
Weirdest thing ever said to me on a date was this, on a second date:

"I'm so glad I met you, because I don't cut myself anymore."
2007-01-15 05:48:08 AM  

My girlfriend of 3 years likes to ask a lot of "what if?" questions.

yeah, i suffer from that as well.


I was a jr in high school, dating a freshman.. and I brought her home a little late. I asked her the next day if she got in any trouble.. and she told me it was OK because she told her dad she was too busy giving me a blowjob. And he approved.

It got stranger from there.
2007-01-15 06:57:07 AM  

(said confidently)"We were meant for each other, weren't we...?"

We had sex about 15 minutes later.

At the time, I was like "Wow....boobies!"

In hindsight, it should've set my first "psycho afoot" alarm off.

The sex was awesome -- the ensuing 3 years of marriage, not so much. More potentially fatal than anything.

You live and learn, I guess.

2007-01-15 07:20:08 AM  

Not really a date. A friend of mine threw me head-on into a conversation with a girl at the bar in the club we were in. She was drinking very "dirty" vodka martinis. She was a bit overweight. She had a very low cut blouse on, and a sort of lushy look on her face. At first I was indifferent....tuning the very thought out of my head. I mean, for godsakes, I was really enjoying the band that was playing, and had only come to support ANOTHER band that was the friend of a friend.

Anyway, I felt guilty about being so rude. We chatted. She claimed to have a hosting gig on a FOX sports show, and I found out later she was a bit actor in a second rate film I doubt anyone saw. She even handed me her business card, as she claimed to be an actress.

We ended up fooling around a bit (she was totally drunk, and I figured, no harm done). She was really moaning loudly, feeling me up, and said stuff like "You have a big dick!" and crap like that. She had claimed to be an "oral sex queen" and other BS. We went back to her place. She drove and I followed. As it turns out, the more I made out the less desire I had. She made no real moves to undress me in any way, or make any moves other than to ask if I smoked, then blowing smoke in my mouth. She also mentioned she was 22.

I ended up fingerbanging her to orgasm and leaving. All the while, I was friendly and all; but, when I was done, I washed my hands, and as she had nothing handy in her bathroom, did so in her kitchen sink, using Palmolive and everything....I mean, I had to go to ork the next day, and couldn't carry that particular smell to work with me the next morning.

I think I got 4 hours of sleep that night, and then back to work I went.

I "lost" the card. She knew I would. She even said "You're not gonna call me, are you?"

"Sure I am!" I said, grinning....the smell of Palmolive tingling my nose....

2007-01-15 09:27:25 AM  

I took a girl to see H20 when it came out. She said she had seen all the other Halloween movies.

When Michael Myers appears for the first time, she leans over to me and says "Is that the bad guy or something?" I was stunned and unsure how to respond. After remembering that this is the same girl who was unaware motorized vehicles required oil changes, I just said "yeah".

She certainly had"talents", but couldn't handle the inanity of conversation.

2007-01-15 09:46:23 AM  
Picking her up at her parent's house
Her father: Have fun on your date honey!
Her: Dad, its not a date!

Driving home, after going out
Her: So, um, was this a date?

...We're engaged now :-)
2007-01-15 09:56:41 AM  

i see the potential for a really funny limerick there...
2007-01-15 10:10:28 AM  

"Is it totally wrong that I wanna fark that Esurance girl's animated brains out?"

Oh thank FSM that I'm not the only one.
2007-01-15 10:43:48 AM  
Her: I once tried to kill myself by getting completely naked, tying a rope around the rafters in the living room. I wanted my in-laws to find me that way.
Me: Ummm that is a bit melodramatic...

Farked the heck out of her anyways, but boy was she a headcase.
2007-01-15 10:54:40 AM  
So my roommate in college was a stripper, and her husband was my psycho best friend. He and I share the same first name, which made receiving phone calls fun. I still said "Which one?" for about a year after I moved away from the crazy factory.

Anyways, she was bi and had a habit of bringing in stray strippers to stay with us for a while. I was about as slick as a bag of broken glass back then, and managed to scare most away when I eventually got my shot at all these homeless strippers.

So one girl had been with us for like a week and we were all getting sick of her act. My roomies told me she was a freak and I just HAD to get in there... So I stayed up late with her one night, and we drank/smoked while everyone else dropped off and went to bed. With every ounce of Cool I could drum up, I said:

"My back really hurts. Think you could give me a backrub???"

Nice. She declined, I asked again even nicer and put myself in prime backrub-receiving position. She declined even more vehemently. I got the point after that and went to bed alone.

That night, she slept on our couch for the last time. She also managed to urinate enough to soak 1 of the 3 cushions on our couch. We thought the dog did it, but our dog wasn't physcially capable of leaking the amount of fluid that this skank dribbled onto our furniture. It was her. I don't know if they kicked her out when I was at class, but we never saw her again after that night.

Mental Note for future attempts at drunken monkey sex - OFFER the backrub, don't ask for one.
2007-01-15 10:59:26 AM  
Took a girl out with me to my dart league, she only plays once every few months if her friends are playing at a bar some night. After league is over she wants to play me, winner gets oral...

/ended up driving a few minutes to my office and farking in back of car
2007-01-15 11:13:00 AM  
I had a full-out date to a wedding with a girl I knew for a long time at work. She was wearing a very low cut dress and her large breasts were almost falling out. The date was going well and she seemed to be having a great time.

At one point, a said her dress was really nice and she had great cleavage. She actually slapped me accross the face and was visibly upset.

To this day, I can't figure that one out. Maybe my comment was a little poorly chosen but a slap accross the face. I think she was a little loopy.
2007-01-15 11:22:21 AM  
Guy took me out to dinner and we're waiting for our appetizers when he starts telling me that he has an artificial heart, an artificial chin, an artificial hip and a plate in his head, all resulting from the first Gulf War and then Afganistan. He then says (after knowing me for one day) that he wants to settle down with me forever. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. I got a bit scared once he said that he needed his nitroglycerin pills.

/didn't finish dinner
//I transferred to Bahrain two days later
///dating is just as bad here
////Go Navy! Meh
2007-01-15 11:43:20 AM  
Her: "Don't freak out because it looks like I have 2 buttholes."

Me: I freaked out.

I hope you mean "hit all 3 holes" kinda "freaked out". Cuz I would have freaked out like that too...
2007-01-15 12:38:54 PM  
Mrshowrules: She actually slapped me accross the face and was visibly upset.

My guess: she didn't know what the word meant and thought that you were referring to another body part.

True story (if a bit of a threadjack): knew a girl named Betty who was educated at a major liberal arts college and had worked for several newspapers. No dummy but a tad unworldly.

Roommate dated a girl we nicknamed "Kathy Skanko". Betty introduces her at a fashionable party one night by that name, never having heard the term before and believing it was her real last name.
2007-01-15 01:02:01 PM  
My first sexual relationship was short and generally farked-up. One night we're lying in bed and she says out of the blue, "I wanna have a baby when I'm 20" (she was 19).

I froze and after an awkward pause said, "Well, I want no part of it." She starts blabbing about how she doesn't want me to be the father, but rather some gay friend of her mom's and how a baby will change her for the better and all sorts of other Montel Williams-worthy BS.

By the time horny bludgeoned smart to death and I called her again, she was back with her large, sporty ex-girlfriend.

/I think lesbians like my man boobs.
//That was in 2003 and I've never bedded another woman.

2007-01-15 01:03:41 PM  
"... this is my sister Terri, and my other sister Terri" and they were.
2007-01-15 01:12:58 PM  
All the guys I've dated can't get past the fact that I've got no right hand. It's like, "You have no hand, therefore you have no brain."

At any rate, there was a first date where I get:

"Do you think that'll go up my ass?"

/pushed him out of car while it was still moving in parking lot
//what is wrong with men under 30 these days?
2007-01-15 02:01:17 PM  
Oh, wow, this is still going on. OK wasn't gonna do this b/c it's not my story but my brother always swore it was true.

At an apartment party in the thriving metropolis of Midland, TX (thrown by the above mentioned brother) a guy and a girl (who had never brother knew them from two different restaurants he worked at) both arrived extra drunk and within minutes made their way to the bedroom. Fast forward a few minutes and the girl comes out of the room yelling and looking even more dishevelled than you would expect. Piecing together her rantings and the condition of the guy passed out on the bed, it turned out they had gone pretty much immediately to having sex the way snoop dog approves, whereupon he barfs on her back. She cleans off in the shower, comes back to the room to get her clothes and finds him passed out on the bed. She, naturally, shiatS ON HIM (this is the point in the story where someone always stopped my brother to ask if he was lying and was he sure), puts on her clothes, and performs the aforementioned angry yelling party exit.

Having joined the pantheon of true drunk story champions, these two move on with their lives without ever really knowing who the other person was. Except many months later when the guy brings his new girl to the restaurant and introduces her to my brother and, of course, they had met elsewhere (Midland is not a huge place) and begun dating with no idea they had previously traded puke for poop. They continued dating anyway and were still together when my brother moved out of town.

I love to think they stayed together and had kids. "Dad, Mom, what was your first date like?". Giggle.
2007-01-15 03:19:06 PM  
Haruko_Haruhara: All the guys I've dated can't get past the fact that I've got no right hand. It's like, "You have no hand, therefore you have no brain."

At any rate, there was a first date where I get:

"Do you think that'll go up my ass?"

2007-01-15 05:32:09 PM  
After making out on the side of the bar after our first date, she says "If you try to tell anyone at work about this, I'll kill you".

That was almost three years ago. I think I'm going to marry her.
2007-01-15 05:54:02 PM  
I just remembered this date I was on with someone I worked with, and we're just sitting there making idle chit-chat...

Me: "So what's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you?"

Her: "Hmm... Oh, I know! When I was about 10 years old, my dad was driving my sister and I to Florida to see Disney World. During the drive, I asked my dad how much longer it was going to take because I was hot. Well, he gets PISSED! He pulls over and DUMPS HIS BEER ON MY HEAD!!! I'm soaked in beer during the rest of the trip!"

She starts laughing uncontrollably while I sit in shocked silence. I think she's in the military now...
2007-01-15 05:59:48 PM  
P.S. Read everyone of these and it took me all day. (reading in between working)
2007-01-15 08:21:04 PM  
Here's one of my favorite, worst first dates...

It was the late '80s and I was in my late teens. My date showed up an hour early and expected me to be ready. We were headed out for a movie and then dinner. On the way to the theatre we were at a red light and there was a man in a manual wheel chair crossing in front of us. The light turned green before the man could get across the intersection and my date honks, sticks his head out the car window and yells, "Hurry up already!" I was in shock. We get to the theatre, he parks his Chevy POS in between a BMW and a Mercedes. As we are walking in to the theatre he looks at the people in the lot and lobby and states, "I hope these damn blacks don't steal my radio."

He didn't get dinner or the kiss he told me he expected or another date.
2007-01-16 04:40:51 AM  
Weirdest thing said to me on a date (translated from the Korean): "Say hello."

The story: I was meeting a girl I'd been talking with online for a long time. It was the first time and I wasn't really sure what she looked like. She was late arriving at the train station. While I was there, a woman who was about five years older than I was expecting walked up, pulling along a toddler. She said that line, and then walked away, leaving me shivering. Luckily the right woman arrived ten minutes later looking much younger and having no kids.
2007-01-16 08:01:51 PM  
"Who's your favorite Fox News anchor?"

I don't think this woman watched anything but Fox News, I watch everything but. Sparks didn't fly.
2007-01-22 12:52:05 AM  
Just wanted to come back and mention that this thread was teh roxxorz.
Displayed 48 of 598 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.