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(Some Weirded out Gal)		What's the weirdest thing ever said to you on a date? LGN, VE (google.ca)		599
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SustainedHavoc		2007-01-14 02:32:24 AM

fizzygillespie

What else?

Well, liver and let liver I always say.

Nobodyn0se		2007-01-14 02:34:00 AM

"I do have one about buttsecks in the buttsecks catagory, "

I do love the buttsecks category, and actually scored some IRL buttsecks through Fark. God bless you, Fark.com.

Shadow Blasko		2007-01-14 02:34:12 AM

micah67: "I'm a witch"
She proceeded to tell me all about her coven.
I avoided a 2nd date.

Your loss on that one...

All that pent up pentacle sex.. And they "always" have bi friends to introduce you to. If you can deal with the drama... its always worth the time.

/Just make sure she uses white sage not green sage. That stuff smells like ass

jajouka		2007-01-14 02:34:38 AM

"So, you're old enough to buy cigarettes, right?"

I was 25, she was... younger than I thought.

prjindigo		2007-01-14 02:34:58 AM

a tiny little hot girl asked me which other guy she should fark first to lose her virginity...

and then was hot for me for two years, but I don't take insults like that one well even though she was dead serious.

Sarcasticus		2007-01-14 02:36:19 AM

Her: I'm a volunteer at a suicide hotline.
Sarc: Oh yeah? (Unimpressed - this is going nowhere fun.)
Her: Yeah. It's alright - but there's a lot of wackos who call in.
Sarc: I bet. (Desperately thinking of another topic - why don't girls like football?)
Her: There's this one guy who keeps calling - it's like he's stalking me. I must have told him to kill himself like, 80 times but he just wont do it.

/Uhhhhhhh....

pragmatictwitch		2007-01-14 02:36:28 AM

"My friends used to harass me, saying I was too uptight, and that I should ease up. But now I think I'm too easy. Do you think I am?"

Isn't this one of those questions you should be asking yourself?

craigzy		2007-01-14 02:36:56 AM

'let me take you down, because im going to strawberry fields.'

halfmoth		2007-01-14 02:37:12 AM

[first date] Her: "Never say I didn't warn you."

We recently celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.

tsferg		2007-01-14 02:38:16 AM

Her "......". I dont have dates, I post on Fark

tag007		2007-01-14 02:38:26 AM

Her:"Does this look infected?"

Great Janitor		2007-01-14 02:39:41 AM

"I'm a witch"
She proceeded to tell me all about her coven.
I avoided a 2nd date.

I would have gone for the second date and beyond. Of course, I'm dating a witch, and I've dated witches before. I am also a witch, my step mom is a witch, my step sister is a witch and I associate with alot of witches (more of my friends are witches than christian).

Alex Chilton		2007-01-14 02:40:20 AM

"Have you ever seen a dick this big?"

ruta		2007-01-14 02:40:59 AM

On a first (and last) date:

"I have $70,000 in personal debt."

Sarcasticus		2007-01-14 02:41:00 AM

When I was dating my gf in high school - we were driving around looking for a place to have sex. We couldn't go to the Church parking lot, 'cause there was a van that was parked there (white van, no windows.) We tried driving to my old junior high - but as we pulled in, we scared the couple that were in the makeout spot. We then tried Kitchissippi lookout - but the cops were on high alert.
So finally, we drive down to a deserted baseball diamond. It's very spooky, no lights - except from the road above. So, before we start goin' at it, I say something like, "This is how every horror movie starts."
(Which, btw, is not conducive to gettin' biz-ay.) So, after she un-freaks herself, we climb into the backseat and have some satisfying car sex.
About 10 minutes into it she whispers, "I hear something."
And I'm all like, "Oh, ha ha baby. You're just trying to scare me."
But she's got this horrified look on her face and just shrieks in my ear, "SARC!!! THERE'S SOMEBODY AT THE WINDOW!!!"
And holy shiat - there was some dude at the window!

Anyhoo, he ran off when she screamed, and I drove around the city with my heart beating about 220 beats per minute and my pants down around my ankles.

firefly212		2007-01-14 02:41:52 AM

Sarcasticus

Her: I'm a volunteer at a suicide hotline.
Sarc: Oh yeah? (Unimpressed - this is going nowhere fun.)
Her: Yeah. It's alright - but there's a lot of wackos who call in.
Sarc: I bet. (Desperately thinking of another topic - why don't girls like football?)
Her: There's this one guy who keeps calling - it's like he's stalking me. I must have told him to kill himself like, 80 times but he just wont do it.

/Uhhhhhhh....

That's a freakin keeper in my book.

Sarcasticus		2007-01-14 02:43:12 AM

firefly212
That's a freakin' keeper in my book

Nah. She was, as they say in latin, "Very unattractive."

Spazholio		2007-01-14 02:43:54 AM

This one was actually before homecoming. She was still getting ready, and I was sitting talking to her parents, making chit-chat, when out of the blue, her dad looks right at me and says "So, I understand that you're the one who paid for my daughter's abortion..."

Cue the loss of blood from pretty much every part of my body. I fully expected that guy to go totally nuts on me and kick my ass. I had never even touched his daughter, but about a month before, she told me she got knocked up and couldn't keep it, but couldn't afford to pay for the procedure. So I loaned her the cash, and it was never really brought up again.

Next thing I know he and his wife are THANKING me for being there for their daughter when she didn't feel she could talk to them about something like that.

I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life. Afterwards, when we got in my car to drive away, she looks at me and says, "Yeah...sorry about that."

Nice.

StimpsonjCat		2007-01-14 02:44:47 AM

>Nah. She was, as they say in latin, "Very unattractive."

Piggus Unsnoggus?

chaoslovescompany		2007-01-14 02:47:24 AM

I had a date with a girl a few months ago that was, interesting. Actually, I didn't have a date with her, I had a date with her FRIEND. I didn't know this until after she picked me up to go on our date. I thought I was driving but it turned out that she wanted to pick me up, inform me on the way to her friends' house that she was kind of engaged and that she may be getting married the next month. I went through with the date, seeing as I was kind of a prisoner in her car and had no idea where I was. Her friend was nice, but had 3 kids at a very early age. Her friend ended up dropping me off and the girl I was supposed to go out with has gotten married.

Spazholio		2007-01-14 02:50:23 AM

Oh, and a follow-up to that...not so much what was said, but what was done...

Fast forward 3 years later, I run into the same chick at a party. Invite her back to my place where unbeknownst to me, there's already a party going on (I miss college).

So we're sitting there, waiting for everyone to leave, which they finally do. We start fooling around on the couch, when after a little bit, I go down on her. I get nothing. No movement, no nothing. Look at her, she looks at me. Nothing. I ask if there's something wrong. She says no, so I go back to it. No movement. I figure, to hell with this, and move on to the main event. Now, I'm no maestro in the sack, but dammit, I know how to work the equipment (to steal a phrase). I got nothing. Total dead duck fark. I still don't remember much past that. I think my brain just blocked it out.

To this day, I have no idea what the hell was up with that.

Shadow Blasko		2007-01-14 02:50:30 AM

Back to the "On a date"

3rd date. Me- "Whoah, when did you get a new car?"
"Last week, the ex boyfriend gave it to me for a make up present"
"Ummm... I am confused"
her- "You know the blonde asshole that was serving us drinks all night?, Thats my ex finacé. He works 20 hours a day, and buys me cars when I get pissed and break up with him"
"Our bartender was your ex? Does he know he is your ex?"
Her- "Yeah well, he'll figure it out eventually. He's married to his money, and I just want someone who will worship me in the bed, he knows that..and sucks at everything but making money.. thats where you come in"

me- "Right. So, nice car."

Saw each other on and off for a year after that. He was a good bartender though. I think he was gay. That would explain a lot.

texdent		2007-01-14 02:50:42 AM

Reading some of the stories on here makes me wary of even attempting to go out on a date.

mars22		2007-01-14 02:51:31 AM

this one time I was banging a chick from behind. So i figure I would break up some herbal medicine and load the bowl.

She was totaly into it.

//the sandwich made me think of it
\\\should have married that chick
\\showed me the ice cube trick too

FlashCore		2007-01-14 02:51:34 AM

I guess I never consider them dates unless we go to a nice dinner, and I have never had dates even approaching as weird as some of these, but my current girlfriend has a never ending list of cute quotables.

A couple I remember best are:

"Do you drink the pickle juice?"

"Do you pee in the shower?"

I fark with her about these kinds of things (not those quotes in particular) constantly. They're honestly about the cutest things ever, and said in a very innocent way. Hilarious. I love this girl.

It's weird, after about a year and a half, it is no holds barred. I don't hold in farts, neither does she, etc. Before this relationship, I wouldn't have thought it possible to be cool with that, but whaddya know.

polecat_bastard		2007-01-14 02:52:24 AM

"Link goes nowhere," she whispered as her hand took mine. "Voting enabled."

mars22		2007-01-14 02:52:36 AM

I broke up the green on her back BTW.

Table and all that.

Shiat talking Mushrooms		2007-01-14 02:55:57 AM

I totally know what you mean.

polecat_bastard		2007-01-14 02:56:09 AM

Shadow Blasko

yours is super-hilarious because your profile reveals how fat you are.

Confidential		2007-01-14 02:56:59 AM

texdent

Really? It gives me some hope because I know that I'd have to try really hard to be as creepy as some of the people in the stories.

Shadow Blasko		2007-01-14 02:57:20 AM

polecat_bastard: yours is super-hilarious because your profile reveals how fat you are.

Whats that got to do with anything?

/confused

polecat_bastard		2007-01-14 02:58:10 AM

Shadow Blasko

oh, nothing.

*snort*

Sarcasticus		2007-01-14 02:59:19 AM

I met this chick on an internet dating site and we met for coffee.
Right off the bat, I knew it wasn't going to work. Pretty much the first things out of her mouth were, "I'm missing Grey's Anatomy for this, so you'd better be worth it."

Muh huh.

Anyhoo - we start talking about nothing - and we're going along - and there's not too much to this chick, but some sparks are flying across the table. (No doubt due to my irrestible animal magnetism.)
And so I had just finished with some story and she squeals, "Oh! You're adorable, you're exactly like my brother!"

Gross.

/Welp, she made it back in time for Grey's Anatomy.

mars22		2007-01-14 03:02:10 AM

This one time in ...uh... a place called ...uh... highland,I nailed these two chicks.True story.

Fresh Princess of Groton		2007-01-14 03:02:43 AM

I was about 14, 'dating' this 17 year old boy from my church. My very first boyfriend. Our 'dates' were always at his parents' house, or my parents' house, with parents always present.
Anyway, on our second 'date', we were watching TV in his living room, and out of the blue he asks me to wear his class ring. I declined, saying I couldn't possibly accept such a gift, and he said "Yes, you can, and when we get married, you can keep it"
I thought that was pretty weird. 15 years later, that's still the weirdest thing ever said to me on a date.
/After nearly 6 years of dating (5 years living together), my fiancé never said anything of the "when we get married" sort until a week ago.
//hooray for engagement!
///HOORAY FOR NEVER HAVING TO DATE EVER AGAIN!
//less of a hooray for planning a wedding.

llewyrr		2007-01-14 03:03:11 AM

Awesome pre-bedtime reading.

I hope I don't have nightmares from some of this.

/scarred & scared!
//no bad first dates.
///crackhead ben is my hero.

DeltaPunch		2007-01-14 03:03:29 AM

mars22 I broke up the green on her back BTW.

Table and all that.

No way! Tell me she was wearing a beer holster for you, and you were playing video games while farking her from behind...

Crackhead Ben		2007-01-14 03:04:52 AM

llewyrr: crackhead ben is my hero.

For which story?

Shadow Blasko		2007-01-14 03:05:28 AM

polecat_bastard: oh, nothing.

Well thats pretty weak.

Okay though. Glad my profile could add some insight to the image in your head.

Crackhead Ben		2007-01-14 03:06:37 AM

Shadow Blasko: Well thats pretty weak.

Oh, don't listen to him, he's a liter...

Aulus		2007-01-14 03:09:05 AM

OK, the gal I dated the summer before my senior year in college and half way thru that senior year.

I was over at her parent's house one summer night while her parents were out. She had just given me a very satisfying BJ when her parents arrived home.

As they walk in the front door, we are the picture of innocence, watching TV and just holding hands.

Her mom goes off to bed and her dad, a local PI, decides he wants to talk. He proceeds to tell me about how he used to work for the CIA, how he is now watched by the local cops, how they are out to get him and how he has taught his daughter to escape any entrapments the local cops might spring.

If I had not been such a damn horney kid, I should have dropped her right then and there.

As it was, six months later, she went just batshiat crazy in college and we broke up. The last I heard of her in grad school was that she married some psychology major.

Jump ahead 25 years. She was in the same high school class as my brother. He goes to his 25th class reunion and there she is. With her new husband. Husband #8. My brother gets to talking with her and learns that her first husband ended up comitted to the state prison for the criminally insane. Seems he killed two Hari Krishnas. Knifed 'em to death. she went back to school to get and Ed. degree so she could teach in the prison and be near him. Along the line, that didn't work out too well and husbands 2-8 came along.

Somehow, I lucked out, I guess...

r4nge		2007-01-14 03:09:07 AM

You gonna get raped

Racquetball Ninja		2007-01-14 03:10:06 AM

DerekSD,

I'm not sure where/if the Vons was there at that time. I only made that trip at night and she used to like it when I "messed" with her as she drove. We need to iron this out though, send me an email and I'm guessing if I say her last name we'll know if its the same girl.

/I love great memories!

canusa		2007-01-14 03:11:08 AM

2 AM date at the local bar. Take her home, things get nasty. Her top comes off.

Her: "I ran with a bad crowd and damn near died from that sucking chest wound".

Me: Gulp.....

mars22		2007-01-14 03:14:09 AM

DELTAPUNCH- seriously,true story. she was a huge pothead ,and so was I. and we were smoking allready and the bowl was cashed so I did what anyone would do.

lissener		2007-01-14 03:15:37 AM

"Well, technically, it was 'child rape.'"

Racquetball Ninja		2007-01-14 03:18:26 AM

One that I forgot:

Same girl as I mentioned above and one night she tells me, "That's my best friend Maria and we're both just waiting until we can find the right guy that we both want to fark and we think you just might be it."

Maria was hot but not nearly as hot as Colleen.

FlippityFlap		2007-01-14 03:24:06 AM

"2007-01-14 02:57:20 AM Shadow Blasko [TotalFark]

polecat_bastard: yours is super-hilarious because your profile reveals how fat you are.

Whats that got to do with anything?

/confused "

polecat_bastard, Thanks for taking us all back to 8th grade.....

Asperger Jones		2007-01-14 03:29:45 AM

After sex:

"I want a goat. They look like cats."

coffeeshopgoth		2007-01-14 03:30:24 AM

Larissa: I can't help I don't know where I am going, I had to take my medication.

Heather: When we get married, the kids have to be my religion. (2nd date)

Gina: When I break up with someone, I pretend they are dead so I don't have to think about them anymore.

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