Last time I checked, Phillip-Morris wasn't sending out smoking squads with packs of cigarettes and forcing people to smoke them.

No, but wouldn't be great if the Mexican drug cartel did that with weed?

/First in line for the bong squad

Sylver Dragon: Ok, so cigarette smoke sucks, but this whole anti-smoking things seems to be getting way out of hand. I love the commercials on TV now which are complaining about how many people tobacco companies "kill" each year. How about we quit blaming the company and just accept that it's the person putting the cigarette in their own mouth that is causing the problem? Last time I checked, Phillip-Morris wasn't sending out smoking squads with packs of cigarettes and forcing people to smoke them.

Stop making sense! They'll hear you!

Actually, ChiefHugeNutz, one of the all-time best moments to really go to town with the ol' tuba solo is when you're alone in an office on a conference call with fifty other people.

Wait for the VP to ask, "Are there any questions?"

/then hit the mute button quickly, lest your laughter give your identity away

I smoke and fart.

I try to be polite about the smoking but I'm really not with the farting. I sometimes delight in dropping one by someone's desk on my way past at the office...

I was on the bus the other day, sitting down, and some guy getting off the bus farted right in my face. It was the wet, gurgly, eggy kind, too. It was about 3240925390 times worse than sitting next to one of those reeky chain-smokers. Sorry folks.

Cranky Bastard

You sir, are a genius.

/has had gas for many, many months.
//has gotten used to it
//boyfriend got used to it too
///help anyone?

emobus: I was on the bus the other day, sitting down, and some guy getting off the bus farted right in my face. It was the wet, gurgly, eggy kind, too. It was about 3240925390 times worse than sitting next to one of those reeky chain-smokers. Sorry folks.

True. And methane is a greenhouse gas. Farting is bad for the environment.

Dude, we've had this PSA on our stations for like the past two years. Talk about old news.

Hey, go for it!

I, for one, love a good fart joke!

Ditto

Don't take your kids to a farking bar. I don't care if the bar allows smoking or not.

If you take your kids to a bar you are three times the asshole compared to the biggest chain smoking dipshiat in there.

Drives me crazy too. Not really a smoking issue since it's been outlawed here in Nazi German....I mean California but I hate it when I see kids in a bar. Most recently happened last weekened when I went to a restaurant that has a sports bar in a seperate area. Sitting there watching some college football when this family of four (parents plus two kids) comes in. Now this is a big college game day (Cal vs Stanford, UCLA vs. USC etc.) and I'm wondering what the parents and manager could be thinking? They know people are gonna be drinking and they know people can get very excited when watching sports and yet they still do it. First thing that came to my mind was the parents were gonna get all biatchy as soon as someone started cursing at the tv. Stupid for the manager for allowing it and for the parents for bringing their kids into such an environment.

Not if I lock the doors and windows boomaze which is what I do. Bonus if the heater is on also. I smell like sick...ass in a dead carcass!

/especially great if the wifey is sleeping, waking up to that mess

Sylver Dragon


Ok, so cigarette smoke sucks, but this whole anti-smoking things seems to be getting way out of hand. I love the commercials on TV now which are complaining about how many people tobacco companies "kill" each year. How about we quit blaming the company and just accept that it's the person putting the cigarette in their own mouth that is causing the problem? Last time I checked, Phillip-Morris wasn't sending out smoking squads with packs of cigarettes and forcing people to smoke them.


Yeah, but the difference is that there is no safe way to use this company's product. Even when "used as directed" the product is higly likely to give the user any number of hamful or fatal health problems. Imagine if hotwheels cars randomly exploded and maimed anyone holding them. And imagine if the Hotwheels company new this and went on for years selling them as is. They would be shut down and the executives would face criminal procecution. The only reason cigarettes get a pass is because they have been around so long that they are kind of grandfathered-in, and becuase there are so many users who are devoted to continuing to use the product, despite knowledge of what it will do to them.

Pink4Flower

/has had gas for many, many months.
//has gotten used to it
//boyfriend got used to it too
///help anyone?

You might suggest to your boyfriend that he stop using the hershey highway so much and switch over to the tuna express.

AntiNorm: *puts on asbestos suit*

But that might give you lung cancer!

I can't wait until I'm a dad with a car full of kids where I control all the windows. I'm going to let fly the most unholy ass symphonies and pull all in the kids in close, telling them to savour the moment, using words like "majestic" to describe the aromas.

Nutcase: Having a "no smoking" section in a restaurant is like having a "no peeing" section in a pool.

Yes, and you're not required to participate in either.

I love smoking threads, they are handy for filling farky up with asshats.

Meh.
The Mythbusters have proved that farting is NOT lethal. To produce a lethal amount of fart, you'll have to stay in an air-tight room for about 4 months, doing nothing but farting at a regular pace. Which is more or less impossible for the average human. I'm pretty sure smoking in an air-tight room would kill you much much faster!

/not advocating smoking.
//trying to quit smoking myself!
///not easy, but not hard either. the trick is just to *not smoke*.
////smoking = paying money to get sick. uhm, hooray?

carridin1: The only reason cigarettes get a pass is because they have been around so long that they are kind of grandfathered-in, and becuase there are so many users who are devoted to continuing to use the product, despite knowledge of what it will do to them.

Don't forget the people who WILLINGLY pick it up knowing what it will do.

And your hotwheels analogy doesn't work:

1) You have to be over 18 to buy smokes.
2) Cigarettes are bad for EVERYONE who smokes them. It isn't random.

I mean really, it's labeled on the package. How dumb do you have to be to think this is a big issue. The same can be said for fatty foods. And behold: it is. Next up: sharp things and hard surfaces.

Finally:

Factory workers:With a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night
Young Worker:I like to have a cigarehette every now and then
It makes me fee-l calmer when the day is at an end.
Older Worker:And if it gives me cancer when I'm eighty I don't care
Who the hell wants to be ninety anyway?
Factory workers:So with a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night

Smoke or fart... someone's gonna light a match.

Pink4Flower
/has had gas for many, many months.
///help anyone?

Uh, eat different?
Ask your doc or pharmacist for stuff that helps withthe digestion? Maybe something with fennel.

Has anyone ever gotten cancer from secondhand farts?

Oznog: Has anyone ever gotten cancer from secondhand farts?

No, but do cockpunches count?

A flame war about farting?
I have just the thing:

well, I smoke and my husband farts.

I smoke outside.
He farts everywhere.

I enjoy those where he puts the phone down to his arse and rips a long one into the receiver when I call him from work. The good ones are preceeded or followed by a loud burping session.

by the end of it, he has to be vacuum packed, I'm sure of it.

I'm just going to say "then go away," in these threads from now on. The majority doesn't listen to smokers anyway.

Pink4Flower:
"\has had gas for many, many months."

That's so hot!

\maybe stop eating mexican?
\\not referring to your boyfriend, btw.

You choose to smoke, you don't choose to fart.

Pink4Flower...Try keeping a food diary so you can figure out what's making you gassy. Once you narrow down to problem foods, you have several options. One being to elimanate those foods from your diet. Substances like Bean-O are very effective too. If you opt to use the Bean-O, the liquid version works best. You put a couple of drops on your food before eating & that helps. Gassiness can be caused by a variety of substances. Everything from lactose or gluten intolerance to eating naturally gas-producing foods like beans & cabbage.

boomaze:Not meaning to offend anyone, it's your right to smoke, but being next to someone who smokes is every bit as bad as being next to someone who farts. In fact, worse. If I'm in the car with you and you fart, i can leave the car and I still won't smell like ass all day.

You don't smell like ass if you're with a smoker either. However, if you're in a car with a farter, you WILL smell like ass for at least a little while after leaving the car.

/technicalities

Pink4Flower
/has had gas for many, many months.
///help anyone?

Maybe you are lactose intolerant and don't know it? I've had friends figure that out before because their farting increased drastically if they drank milk everyday.

Second hand smoke makes me wheeze.
What is a far more horrible problem for society is the scourge of people who bathe in cheap perfume. You can taste it in your mouth after they have left the room.

Sylver Dragon: Last time I checked, Phillip-Morris wasn't sending out smoking squads with packs of cigarettes and forcing people to smoke them.

My father who died from smoking (heart attack, lung cancer and finally spinal cancer over a period of three years) was prescribed cigarettes by his physician long ago. Purportedly to calm his nerves.

/non-smoker
//but smoked for awhile, even after he died
///but hate it now

Judging by the last couple of smoking threads I've read through, anybody dropping in here from another planet would have to conclude that smokers are in the majority. Well they're not. Perhpaps one in four people still smoke in N. America today.

And why anybody still does, baffles me.

Just about everything that can be said, has been said, and none of it's good.

It's a useless product with no redeeming qualities.

Cigarette smoke fouls everything it comes in contact with.


That said, I do feel that there's a good number of smokers who would drop the habit in a heartbeat if only they had some way of knowing just how bad smoking makes them, and everything they own, smell.

And smokers, it ain't very pretty.

So, for those of you who can be swayed, go ahead, give it a go! Try to find out, firsthand, just what the crap makes you smell like:)

But hey, none of this is very new.

Here's what one guy had to say all the way back in 1601:

"A custome lothsome to the eye, hatefull to the Nose, harmefull to the braine, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the blacke stinking fume thereof, neerest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomelesse".

I'm a little more pissed off about the ad that compares smoking pot to putting leaches on one's-self.

They (the government) don't really want everybody to quit smoking.

Just like they don't really want everybody to give up illegal drugs.

If the amount of taxes that smoking generates and the amount of money private prisons pay states to build prisons (and the jobs that they provide to local citizens) vanished overnight most states would be bankrupt by Friday.

What would they tax next?

The feds already want to start taxing online gaming "money" transactions.

Think about it.

Just like the "Save the Children" foundation and their ilk.

Their not really in the "Child Saving" business, they're in the "selling bad ties and calendars" business.

If all the children were "saved" they'd go out of business too.

Don't always assume that motives are what you think they are.

biglot
Wasn't James I of England into teenage boys?

I was on a flight out of Las Vegas two nights ago and the guy in the seat ahead of me was letting one rip about once every seven to ten minutes.

I learned through experimentation that the little air blower things over your head only blow down or back, neither of which did a thing to lessen the impact of the nose-destroying, plastic-melting, eyeglass-etching, emergengy-landings-have-been-made-over-less assgass.

My seatmate and I had no recourse but to cry out loudly each time a round came over the seatbacks. Soon, it wasn't just us, but people in other rows as well.

The flight finally ended and we made it to clean air. The dude skedaddled pretty fast up the ramp. I would have. Thanks buddy, from about five rows of coach.

Dick.

To all you planefarters out there: In developed nations, it is expected you retain *all* your bodily output while inside a confined space with total strangers. This goes for body oder, belches, farts, urine, feces and stomach contents. Just hold all that stuff in until you get off the god damn plane. Go empty yourself out in private.

biglot - you're right. My wife's friend quit and was miffed we didn't tell her how bad it smells. She didn't believe it for the 20 years she smoked. But now, "It really does smell bad!"

The only thing that made her quit was unemployment and living on $5 per day for 3 months.

This is a good tack to take. Humiliation is the best way to get people to stop. Even criminals respond better to humiliation.

So, if you do both, double bad, or does one cancel out the other?

/flatulant, smoking and confused

If I'm ever lost in the wilderness, I'm going to fart.

I know of no better way to make someone suddenly appear out of nowhere when you thought you were alone.

/That co-worker that's been out with the broken back for three weeks will come walking in to get something right after you've just deployed a WMD in what you *thought* was your own airspace.

It's been said before, but I'll say it again:

Passive smoking is to smoking what inhaling a fart is to sucking someone's arsehole.

I once let loose such a fart on a CTA bus full of high-school kids (was in HS myself) that it actually caused the driver to stop the bus and let everybody off for a while.

Everybody was screaming and crying for mercy so loudly that it was too much of a distraction to continue to drive so driver pulled over and let everybody off until the air had cleared so they'd STFU before continuing to drive.

What is it though, psychologically, that allows us to tolerate if not even enjoy our own farts but get nauseated by the farts of others?

If two strangers in, say, an elevator both farted at the exact same time would they both enjoy the blended fart or would they both get nauseated?

Discuss . . .

Double your pleasure, double your fun: Stick a cig in both holes (or three if you got'em).

AssPuffers!