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(Yahoo)   Getting sneezed on, peed on, having your glasses and beard yanked on -- just another day as a mall Santa   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 38
    More: Scary  
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4578 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2006 at 12:50 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2006-12-05 10:34:50 AM
Not i83.imagethrust.com, but i84.imagethrust.com
 
2006-12-05 10:50:01 AM
img149.imageshack.us
 
2006-12-05 10:50:49 AM
Or another day as an Italian prostitute.
 
2006-12-05 11:05:42 AM
img237.imageshack.us
 
2006-12-05 12:54:07 PM
When I first read the headline, I thought that this was gonna be a alt porn thread.
 
2006-12-05 12:55:33 PM
You know, you couldn't pay me enough to be a mall Santa.

On top of all the various dangers involved in being around little kids, and on top of all the health hazards, if you put your hand in the wrong place by accident, you're getting your ass on the sex offender's list.

Just not worth it.
 
2006-12-05 12:56:57 PM
Hey, some people pay good money for shiat like that.

/not looking at toddp10
//really, not looking at all
 
2006-12-05 12:57:01 PM
Santa wants a golden shower!
 
2006-12-05 12:59:53 PM
Oh I hate the smell of tapioca.
 
2006-12-05 01:00:58 PM
What!?! ANOTHER R. Kelley thread?
 
2006-12-05 01:01:11 PM
www.fac.cc

Because it's the only job I can get!
Now hop up on to Santa's lap little girl....
 
2006-12-05 01:01:26 PM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tLUBbWZk15k
 
2006-12-05 01:01:44 PM
A guy I knew in high school did a gig as the easter bunny.

After the first day, he showed up to go fishing straight from the job absolutely *stinking* of urine. Bad enough I made him ride in the back of the truck even though there were no other passengers.

Seems the guy that hired him had just handed him the suit in a bag, with no mention of the thin PVC rain suit stuffed in the bottom. And of course he had no clue what the hell talc powder is, nor why there was a bottle of it in the bag.

The next two days he only stunk of sweat, and he got to ride in the cab.
 
2006-12-05 01:02:17 PM
muninsfire
if you put your hand in the wrong place by accident

If your hand is down there, there is no way that it was an accident.

"Oops, sorry Timmy, my breath was bad and I thought that was a half-eaten roll of Mentos! Next time I'll be more careful."
 
2006-12-05 01:02:38 PM
www.justinwinokur.com

/ok bobby, now if you really want that xbox360, Santa's gunna need to feel the warth...
 
2006-12-05 01:02:56 PM
Sounds like my last night on the deck at The Eagle.
 
2006-12-05 01:03:26 PM
ack

warmth

damn

crap
 
2006-12-05 01:03:37 PM
I was a mall Santa for two years in a row.. I never was peed on, or sneezed on even once.
The worst was a head butt from an infant square in the nose..

www.sonician.com

This is me, from Christmas 2004.
 
2006-12-05 01:04:18 PM
mtman900: If your hand is down there, there is no way that it was an accident.

Note: I have large hands and most small children are quite small.

Note also I was thinking about the lawsuit vs. Disney when...I think it was Tigger "fondled" a little girl when putting a hand on her shoulder for a picture-taking opportunity.
 
2006-12-05 01:05:26 PM
The survey was conducted ... of 339 members of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas.

see, that's messed up right there. These are card-carrying real-bearded-santas -- hardly representative of the average store santa.

Which means it's probably much worse for those guys.
 
2006-12-05 01:05:42 PM
www.tribute.ca
 
2006-12-05 01:10:39 PM
muninsfire

You're right, that tigger story is pretty creepy. I had not known about that.

Damn people who want money so bad they're willing to destroy lives over it.
 
2006-12-05 01:23:01 PM
Doesn't being a mall santa pay REALLY well? Something like Grad students will do it as their only job and such?
 
2006-12-05 01:23:24 PM
sonician

Nice touch on the eyebrows. My daughter caught it every time we used to go to the mall Santa.

"Daddy, why does Santa have a white beard, white hair, but black eyebrows?"

Kids amaze me at times.
 
2006-12-05 01:36:28 PM
Santas can suffer back strain from lifting children, exposure to contagious illnesses and overheating in their heavy Santa suits, said Timothy Connaghan, head of the Santa association.
The Santa association?
 
2006-12-05 01:40:22 PM
kbotc
Doesn't being a mall santa pay REALLY well? Something like Grad students will do it as their only job and such?

We just had a converstion about this at work, and apparently some do. Why, one guy said he chatted up a mall Santa one day and apparently he made $75K for just November and December, and over $120K for the entire year including random appearances. This Santa, however, had a real beard, real hair, real fat, and had the act down perfectly. I have no idea what the fake beard guys would get paid.

/Sounds like a good retirement plan
//goodbye 401K
///hello Vegas!
 
2006-12-05 01:41:52 PM
I'd never want to be a mall Santa, but I would like to be in one of those random Santa flash-mobs someday.
 
2006-12-05 01:47:47 PM
A story from when I was toddler my parents like to share every christmas.. is the time I not just peed on a department store santa.. but arched the stream to hit him in the mouth! It was funny as hell as my parents tell it.
 
2006-12-05 02:06:18 PM
Something like Grad students will do it as their only job and such?

It would be awesome if someone doing their thesis on Sartre as Exemplar of the Futility of the Human Condition had to dress up like Santa and be cheery to a bunch of whiny brats for a month.

"Have you been a good little boy? Nevermind, don't answer that, to the vast uncaring universe, human ethics is ipso facto meaningless. Go knock that kid down and steal his DS."
 
2006-12-05 02:13:05 PM
Little girl to mall Santa,
"If you don't promise to get me what I want for Christmas, I'm gonna tell Mommy you have your thumb up my ass"
 
2006-12-05 02:17:21 PM
Xerxes99: A story from when I was toddler my parents like to share every christmas.. is the time I not just peed on a department store santa.. but arched the stream to hit him in the mouth! It was funny as hell as my parents tell it.

Wait a minute....were you naked!? Your parents were just carrying you around without a diaper? Or was your stream so powerful you shot it through the diaper and at the Santa's mouth. If so, that's impressive.
 
2006-12-05 02:33:00 PM
smokescreen: Heh.. thanks.. Yeah, it was important.. I always made sure that there wasn't anything that would give it away.. even ensuring the beard straps were covered with tufts of hair... kids often looked real close to see if it was really Santa, so it's all in the eyes.

The best was having friends bring their kids, and having some fore knowledge to use with the kid.. I convinced a 8-year old that I (Santa) was real after telling him that the presentation he did in class on geology was really well done.

He still talks about that two years later.. even commenting one night that I sounded an awful lot like Santa.. hehe
 
2006-12-05 02:41:28 PM
mtman900: You're right, that tigger story is pretty creepy. I had not known about that.

Damn people who want money so bad they're willing to destroy lives over it.


Generally, being a [6'4", 240+ lb] male in today's society, one has to be careful of these kinds of situations.

Like I've said in other threads--I don't go anywhere near small children in public places, if I can help it.

/What makes matters worse is that small children seem to like me, and I've ended up with them attached to my leg on more than one occasion.
//Thankfully, so far, only with the parents--whom I knew--nearby, so I didn't get people calling the cops on me or something.
///Paranoid? Perhaps.
 
2006-12-05 02:47:05 PM
My buddy and I were shopping at the Willowbrook Mall in Wayne NJ several years ago and went to the actual restaurant in the food court since there was no wait, unlike the fast-food stands packed with shoppers.

While we were sitting there, a small entourage came in with the mall Santa and were seated at the booth across from ours.

This guy was perfect. Big, jolly, real hair, beard, glasses, the whole shebang.

Apparently Santa deals with the kids by having a 3 Martini lunch with extra olives. They bought them right out to him on a tray and he knocked back each one in quick succession.
 
2006-12-05 03:12:09 PM
I can't believe this hasn't been posted already, but for a hysterical take on mall Santas (and elves) read David Sedaris's Santaland Diaries
 
2006-12-05 04:07:13 PM
Couldn't pay me enough to do that job.
 
2006-12-06 01:07:07 AM
The richest 2% of adults in the world own more than half of all household wealth, according to a new study by a United Nations research institute.
 
2006-12-06 10:26:26 AM
I was a mall Santa for a season. It was fun. You get to experience the "magic" of chirstmas again vicariously, through the children.

I never got peed on or anything like that. I was a good experience.
 
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