Stimulating article.

Weeners?

wood the link already be farked?

This article is hilarious.

Her man lasts TWO MINUTES with her sucky-sucky skeelz? Can we bottle that up, and sell THAT?

Oh for the love of god, fix your DNS!

/farked

ughhh
another chick who fancys herself
to be as smart as a man...


TAKE HER TYPEWRITER AWAY!

If he farked her as hard as this webserver was farked then that's quite a farking.

Fasted farked evar?

Speaking as a man without "erectile dysfunction," Viagra is one of the finest recreational drugs ever created.

Wow that lasted all of what, 2 minutes? Coincidence?

Coincidentally, two minutes is apparently about how long the server lasted before achieving farkgasm.

-Dickie Montaine

I keep askin the wife if I can get some to make things "more interesting" and she keeps telling me not to even dare try. I mean hell if other forms of "drug entertainment" arent a big deal why not this?

Mildly entertaining!

I forgot how much I like that site....

Semenax definitely worked, the pain, it seems, was not worth the party trick.

priceless

Wait, females have perspectives now?

organizized: Wait, females have perspectives now?

Sure they do. It's just that no one cares about them.

2 minutes? How so long?

/12 seconds

No man has ever suffered from Premature Ejaculation.

I know a few women who have though.

And yes, women have a perspective: ME ME ME I I I WANT WANT WANT NEED NEED NEED

tricycleracer
2 minutes? How so long?

/12 seconds

No kidding. All this "performance" stuff does is cut into my sleep time. I'm all about the efficiency.

/3 pump chump

Who let the womenfolk use the interwebs?

Less talk, more BJs.

/get to it

(cough)(cough)whore(cough)(cough)

farkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkfarkedfarkeded

Derek Force

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

farked - can someone please post the text from the Viagara experiement?

orclover
I keep askin the wife if I can get some to make things "more interesting" and she keeps telling me not to even dare try. I mean hell if other forms of "drug entertainment" arent a big deal why not this?

She is farkin' someone else maybe? She is repulsed by the very thought of *more* sex with you?

Stop asking questions you don't want to know the answers to...

Wow, Asmodeus...you suck

Experiment 3: Viagra
I hadn't played doctor since touching a little girl's boobies in my neighbor's bedroom in third grade, but I was enjoying it. I had prescribed my boyfriend VigRX, which left us both sticky and greasy, and not in the good way. Next we tried Semenax, which made his load bigger, but also set his manhole on fire. Now we were through messing around with our messing around. We were moving on to the real deal: VIAGRA.

I'd always imagined a Viagra erection would appear plump and juicy, like a Ball Park Frank. I dreamed we'd go at it for hours, or at least until one of us felt so weak that we must ... have ... food. Sure, I had heard the nightmares: always seeing blue, unhappily never-ending erections, and a lot of pain. While I hate the thought of my boyfriend suffering for my pleasure -- no pain, no gain, right?

Eleven minutes after he took the Viagra, he noticed a tingling down in the pubic forest. Some sort of half-man, half-beast was starting to stir. I expected it to happen Incredible Hulk-style: he'd tense up all over, growl and groan, when suddenly his penis would rip through his tighty whities, all green and muscley. "UNGGGHHH!" it would yell with its tiny mouth. "PENIS STIR! UNNNGGGHHHH! PENIS HUNGRY!" We both watched in silent wonder, waiting for a sign of Viagra's miraculous synthetic might.

Nothing happened.

We wanted the drug to work on its own, so we did the most unsexy things we could think of -- we listened to NPR, cleaned the living room, and fed the cat. Then I called my mother. After thirty minutes, my boyfriend started running around the house, his limp unit swinging side to side, singing, "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, and the blue pill that you gave me won't do anything at all."

An hour later, he went to pee. When he returned from the bathroom, he dropped trou. That's when things got strange. He pulled down his pants, and there, not quite hard, and not quite soft, his manhood stuck out, leaning awkwardly, like a drunken hobo propped up against a barstool. "It's weird, because it doesn't feel like it belongs to me," my boyfriend said.

I squeezed the tip and noticed a small drop of liquid emerging from his hole. Thinking it was high-protein man-shake, I eagerly placed it in my mouth. Uh, no, it wasn't. Instead I licked up his leftover drippings from the bathroom. We both laughed, even though it wasn't very funny to me.

Still: THE VIAGRA WORKED! The countdown was over and we finally had liftoff! His prick rapidly became so stiff that I had to poke it with a pencil to test its rigidity. It was supernaturally firm. He entered me and I wondered -- could his penis actually burst inside of me? How would I explain this to my parents?

When it was time for the grand finale, I asked to see his big finish. His come was not only thicker than ever, there was more of it than before. Like fundamentalists, I was hoping for a second coming, but after our first go-round, his penis was too sensitive. He had a hard time walking, he had a massive headache, and he was dehydrated. Poor guy had shot out half his body weight in baby gravy over the past few days.

We decided we needed to get out of the house. We took a ride on the subway, which was a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and ups and downs. He shifted to make himself comfortable, but I kept cruelly grinding my leg into his crotch at every turn. When we reached our destination, he had to mosey like John Wayne to make it up the stairs. It is, after all, hard to keep a good man down.

We were going to a place where he would be surrounded by pussy, both of the human and feline kind: the annual Adopt-A-Cat Show at Madison Square Garden. Since we would be rubbing up against strangers, we needed a system to stay in touch with his uncontrollable erections. Thumbs up meant he was on the rise, thumbs down meant it was a soft landing, and a thumb sideways meant we had potential.

Trolling for a pussy is one thing when you're desperate for a lay; it's something else when you're looking for a lasting relationship. And you don't go to a cat show if you're looking for a one-night stand. These pussies were looking for homes. We found cute cats, ugly cats, hairy cats, shaved cats, large and small cats. He was giving me thumbs up and thumbs down signals when one of the volunteers, the kind that you'd expect to have over 100 cats at her house, scolded us.

"Please don't judge the cats," she said. "Even if you don't think it hurts their feelings, it hurts ours."

I didn't know what to say. "Sorry lady, my boyfriend took Viagra this morning, and well, it's been touch and go for a while," I responded. "I'm kind of monitoring his erection. It looks like an up, right now. What do you think?"

My boyfriend, smiling, flashed her a big thumbs up.

She glanced down for a moment, saw the bulge, and asked us to leave.

We made it home, a touch disappointed. There was no fresh pussy for the house, and our little blue pill was all gone. But at least he had gotten hard without ketchup syrup, and he had come without burning his pee hole. And for no other reason than the Viagra did no harm to either his penis or our sex life, it was, in the end, the obvious winner.

Dickie Montaine

Speaking as a man without "erectile dysfunction," Viagra is one of the finest recreational drugs ever created.

Speaking as another man without "erectile dysfunction", what is Viagra going to do for me? If I don't have a problem getting it up then why take it? Is it somehow recreational beyond the normal sex that I'm having? Am I missing something?

thank you sofarked!

I ninja'd yous1!!11!!

/unavailable for comment

Homegrown

Wow, Asmodeus...you suck

Wait...for whatnow?

mkultra4013 can you post that again? I missed it the first time.

You can KEEP at it. You can perform all the circus stunts that you might not have been able to on an "off" day. It doubles as a weapon.

/ummm... wouldn't know anything about it
//that's what i HEAR

Viagra, when your old or teh ghey, or both?

wow... just wow.

does it make the member last longer without ED? I don't understand.
/maybe would try

experiment 2 has a nice pic of the author, with the naughty bits cropped out. honestly, I think they would have gotten the same results without the suppliment, considering she made him "abstain" from everything for a week.

Her man lasts TWO MINUTES with her sucky-sucky skeelz? Can we bottle that up, and sell THAT?

You read it wrong. It took two minutes for him to get hard from the sucking...not achieve orgasm. Something is obviously wrong in that relationship.

cattychassy: farkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkedfarkfarkedfarkeded

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
here you go:

What's Viagra like for women?
I love sex. With my female libido, I can go at it for hours without any help. Female Viagra? I don't need it. I'm as easily aroused as a nipple placed under an ice cube.

But prescribing Viagra for my boyfriend, on the other hand, seemed like fun. We actually chose three products to test -- VigRX Oil, Semenax, and Viagra -- with the goal of finding out which sexual enhancer is the best from a female perspective. After all, why shouldn't modern sex medicine benefit us women?


Experiment 1: VigRX Oil

We started with a "topical Viagra" called VigRX Oil. VigRX made so many claims that I was surprised it didn't guarantee membership into the Justice League, perhaps as a superhero named Cockman.


vigrx pills
Would you trust these guys with your penis?


The first red flag was my call to customer service. I couldn't find anything on the website about what it would do to me (the woman).

Don: "My name's Don, what product would you like to order?"

Me: "Hey Don. I already ordered your product. It's the VigRX Oil. Look, it's a Saturday night and I'm about to get laid, and I just wanted to check in. Is it safe for this oil to go inside of me, or should we wash it off before we shove his hot dog into my bun?"

Don: "You don't need to wash it off."

Me: "But should I?"



Experiment 2: Semenax
semenaxAsk any woman what she likes best about sex with a man, and odds are she won't mention the size of his load. We might care about his taste or consistency, but when it comes to amount, less is more. So why would anyone blow $59.95 for a bottle of Semenax, an herbal concoction that promises "bigger loads = bigger orgasms?"

Only reason I can think of: you're writing a Semenax review for an online comedy site.


semenax review
Always trust doctors who make claims like this.


Starting off our rigidly-controlled scientific experiment, my boyfriend begins taking Semenax several days before we have sex. The label says he'll see results in two or three days, but we want the mother of all loads, so we give it a solid week. I want to see Mount Vespoogeius.


semenax
Unfortunately, Subject C impregnated a goat.


I forbid him from masturbating during this time, because I want the most massive climax my money can buy. I have test tubes and beakers ready, not to mention a 16-ounce Pyrex measuring cup, just in case. My boyfriend protests and complains, arguing that he's never gone seven straight days, not since welcoming his first Vanilla Bean Frappucino back in the sixth grade.

semenaxStill, he sticks to the regimen, ingesting the recommended dosage of three Semenax pills a day. He becomes frustratingly, irritatingly horny. He begs me to let him have a few private moments in the bathroom. His balls get so blue that they resemble Smurfs. (Incidentally, I had Smurf Balls at a party once, and they were delicious.) The situation exacerbates when he has a prolonged sex dream about masturbation. In the dream, he's watching porn with his entire sixth grade class, but I'm there making sure none of their little palms wander into hairier terrain.


semenax


Seven days and 21 pills later, it's time for our first Semenax sex. My lust-crazed boyfriend has scribbled an extra "E" on the label -- ready to lay down the mighty power of "The Semen-axe." We start having sex, and my boyfriend is smiling, happy to be back in vaginal heaven. When he's about to come, he pulls out to demonstrate his new, improved "superior shooting power." He holds up his shaft and it shoots up, making a nice rounded arch over my stomach and onto the bed: the fountains at the Bellagio. It's a leaper, a neat party trick, but not an Olympic record to call the girlfriends about. To my boyfriend's dismay, this means we have to do more testing.


semenax


I impose another strict masturbation ordinance on him. Desperate for this to be over, he doubles his daily dosage. Almost immediately, he starts to complain of headaches and liver damage. I insist he lower his intake, but he quadruples it instead. "This puppy's going to work!" he says. "I promise you that!"


semenax


We wait another three days before seeing if his volume is up by the promised 200%. My boyfriend and I go at it again. My stomach is his canvas and he is my Jackson Pollack, and when he's ready to aim and fire, I position myself on the bed. Like working a Remington 870, he cocks and unloads three, four, six, ten, fourteen, fifteen, eighteen, nineteen -- holy shiat! -- twenty times before he's finally out of ammo. "This is my largest amount of pumps ever," he proudly proclaims, his smoking gun still leaking.


semenax


As I go to clean up, I pass the cat and can't help think about the hair gel scene in "There's Something about Mary." I approach the cat with goo-covered hands, but the cat senses something is up and runs away. That would have to count as animal cruelty in some states.

By now, my boyfriend really has to pee, but he's having major penis pains. He's just shot the biggest load of his life and that poor tiny hole wasn't prepared to take the whole thing. "Feels like something you catch at a Tijuana brothel," he whimpers over his hunk, a hunk of burning love. Although Semenax definitely worked, the pain, it seems, was not worth the party trick.

Fortunately, there was still one more experiment to go: that little blue pill that started it all.


Next: Viagra! >>



Experiment 3: Viagra
viagra for womenI hadn't played doctor since touching a little girl's boobies in my neighbor's bedroom in third grade, but I was enjoying it. I had prescribed my boyfriend VigRX, which left us both sticky and greasy, and not in the good way. Next we tried Semenax, which made his load bigger, but also set his manhole on fire. Now we were through messing around with our messing around. We were moving on to the real deal: VIAGRA.

I'd always imagined a Viagra erection would appear plump and juicy, like a Ball Park Frank. I dreamed we'd go at it for hours, or at least until one of us felt so weak that we must ... have ... food. Sure, I had heard the nightmares: always seeing blue, unhappily never-ending erections, and a lot of pain. While I hate the thought of my boyfriend suffering for my pleasure -- no pain, no gain, right?


female viagra


Eleven minutes after he took the Viagra, he noticed a tingling down in the pubic forest. Some sort of half-man, half-beast was starting to stir. I expected it to happen Incredible Hulk-style: he'd tense up all over, growl and groan, when suddenly his penis would rip through his tighty whities, all green and muscley. "UNGGGHHH!" it would yell with its tiny mouth. "PENIS STIR! UNNNGGGHHHH! PENIS HUNGRY!" We both watched in silent wonder, waiting for a sign of Viagra's miraculous synthetic might.

Nothing happened.

We wanted the drug to work on its own, so we did the most unsexy things we could think of -- we listened to NPR, cleaned the living room, and fed the cat. Then I called my mother. After thirty minutes, my boyfriend started running around the house, his limp unit swinging side to side, singing, "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, and the blue pill that you gave me won't do anything at all."

An hour later, he went to pee. When he returned from the bathroom, he dropped trou. That's when things got strange. He pulled down his pants, and there, not quite hard, and not quite soft, his manhood stuck out, leaning awkwardly, like a drunken hobo propped up against a barstool. "It's weird, because it doesn't feel like it belongs to me," my boyfriend said.

I squeezed the tip and noticed a small drop of liquid emerging from his hole. Thinking it was high-protein man-shake, I eagerly placed it in my mouth. Uh, no, it wasn't. Instead I licked up his leftover drippings from the bathroom. We both laughed, even though it wasn't very funny to me.

Still: THE VIAGRA WORKED! The countdown was over and we finally had liftoff! His prick rapidly became so stiff that I had to poke it with a pencil to test its rigidity. It was supernaturally firm. He entered me and I wondered -- could his penis actually burst inside of me? How would I explain this to my parents?

When it was time for the grand finale, I asked to see his big finish. His come was not only thicker than ever, there was more of it than before. Like fundamentalists, I was hoping for a second coming, but after our first go-round, his penis was too sensitive. He had a hard time walking, he had a massive headache, and he was dehydrated. Poor guy had shot out half his body weight in baby gravy over the past few days.

We decided we needed to get out of the house. We took a ride on the subway, which was a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and ups and downs. He shifted to make himself comfortable, but I kept cruelly grinding my leg into his crotch at every turn. When we reached our destination, he had to mosey like John Wayne to make it up the stairs. It is, after all, hard to keep a good man down.


viagra women


We were going to a place where he would be surrounded by pussy, both of the human and feline kind: the annual Adopt-A-Cat Show at Madison Square Garden. Since we would be rubbing up against strangers, we needed a system to stay in touch with his uncontrollable erections. Thumbs up meant he was on the rise, thumbs down meant it was a soft landing, and a thumb sideways meant we had potential.


order viagra online


Trolling for a pussy is one thing when you're desperate for a lay; it's something else when you're looking for a lasting relationship. And you don't go to a cat show if you're looking for a one-night stand. These pussies were looking for homes. We found cute cats, ugly cats, hairy cats, shaved cats, large and small cats. He was giving me thumbs up and thumbs down signals when one of the volunteers, the kind that you'd expect to have over 100 cats at her house, scolded us.

"Please don't judge the cats," she said. "Even if you don't think it hurts their feelings, it hurts ours."

I didn't know what to say. "Sorry lady, my boyfriend took Viagra this morning, and well, it's been touch and go for a while," I responded. "I'm kind of monitoring his erection. It looks like an up, right now. What do you think?"

My boyfriend, smiling, flashed her a big thumbs up.

She glanced down for a moment, saw the bulge, and asked us to leave.

We made it home, a touch disappointed. There was no fresh pussy for the house, and our little blue pill was all gone. But at least he had gotten hard without ketchup syrup, and he had come without burning his pee hole. And for no other reason than the Viagra did no harm to either his penis or our sex life, it was, in the end, the obvious winner.

Thinking it was high-protein man-shake, I eagerly placed it in my mouth.

I think a guy wrote this. Really. "High-protein man-shake"?

FARKGASM!

La palabra de dia es "mound vespoogious"

i did this.

took the blue pill. had the girl take the blue pill also. she swelled up big time. not quite "one night in chyna"-like, but still noticable.

lots of fun. but soreness ensued.

what was weird was that i felt the effects for a few days afterwards. not totally, but things were not normal.


good times, i suppose.

you know, I enjoy my erection and its ability to dominate without any performance enhancing drugs.