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(   CA woman wins Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Award   ( divider line
    More: Hero  
•       •       •

5457 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2002 at 9:17 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

28 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-07-17 09:20:36 AM  
Wow, a contest I could actually win....
2002-07-17 09:21:08 AM  
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly..."
2002-07-17 09:22:59 AM  
My High School english teacher would reward us by reading the collected stories from this contest. I always looked forward to it.
2002-07-17 09:23:30 AM  
Ass cantaloupes galore there in California.
2002-07-17 09:24:22 AM  
...he mused that she was much like a sweet ripe juicy peach, except for her not being a fuzzy three-inch sphere produced by a tree with pink blossoms and that she had internal organs and could talk.

Hahaha. I love that. I'm a realist.
2002-07-17 09:28:05 AM  
How could the stolen hovercraft guy possibly have been runner-up? That is the best, worst writing I have ever seen!
2002-07-17 09:30:06 AM  
(ree - fuh)
2002-07-17 09:37:37 AM  
The English language surrenders. French takes over.
2002-07-17 09:43:12 AM  
Reading those articles made me wince, not the 'eww something tastes sour wince', but more like the wiping of your arse when you have a bleeding fissure and the toilet paper you're using is manuafactured by Black-And-Decker kind of wince....much like the first blind date with what you thought was a beautiful woman and it turns out to be your dad in drag kind of wince....yeah, that kind....

(my submissions....but i digress...much like...oh, nevermind)
2002-07-17 09:44:58 AM  
Ummm...HorndogPR3 uh, well....damn dude!
2002-07-17 09:45:16 AM  
I wonder what cliched it for her - the ridiculous metaphors or the run-ons?
2002-07-17 09:47:17 AM  
I think she might have issues.
2002-07-17 09:47:55 AM  
Now that is funny!! I am still laughing about the hovercraft story!
2002-07-17 09:48:14 AM  
I'm gonna have the phrase "bumpity bumpity" in my head all day now.
2002-07-17 09:54:04 AM  
CA? California? Computer Associates? Cornholed Arse?
2002-07-17 09:58:48 AM  
Gotta love the peach simile by the runner up.
2002-07-17 10:06:46 AM  
I guess George Lucas's line from Attack of the Clones, "I am haunted by the momory of the kiss that you never shoudl have given me," was declared just too bad to be eligible.
2002-07-17 10:38:43 AM  
sif that is worth the hero tag. ffs.
2002-07-17 10:44:17 AM  
I'm with you guys on the runner-up from St. Paul. That guy's was more worse than the winner's.

The professor looked down at his new young lover, who rested fitfully, lashed as she was with duct tape to the side of his stolen hovercraft....
2002-07-17 10:51:16 AM  
That guy stole my life story. Why, just last week, I had a woman lashed to my hovercraft. I didn't get a CENT of that prize money
2002-07-17 10:58:30 AM  
reading this article left me agape and shocked. Not the type of shocked you get from a wall outlet, mind you, rather the type of shock you get when you order a cobb salad for the first time ever and you take a bite that happens to have real bleu cheese and you think "What the fark did I just put in my mouth? Spiderwebs?" kind of shock.
2002-07-17 11:02:57 AM  
I prefer the Lyttle Lytton contest. 25 words or less.

The sentence "Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating." got me hooked.
2002-07-17 11:11:55 AM  
07-17-02 10:51:16 AM Damian
That guy stole my life story. Why, just last week, I had a woman lashed to my hovercraft. I didn't get a CENT of that prize money

He changed it just enough that he doesn't have to...See, his story has a stolen hovercraft.
2002-07-17 11:22:28 AM  
Ohhhhhh, so that's why Snoopy always wrote "It was a dark and stormy night."
2002-07-17 01:54:31 PM  
those entries were funny. Not funny ha ha, but funny strange. Not the funny strange like Ripley's Beleive It or Not, but the funny strange like when your at a bar getting drunk with your old high school buddies, just shooting the shiat, and all of sudden you realize that at one point or another you banged at least one of each of your buddies girlfriends whilst they were still going out with them, and your pretty sure that Joe's kid is yours and you know exactly where Fred got that nasty case of crabs in University.
2002-07-17 01:57:12 PM  
Want more badness?

Just look at what you're missing!

Detective Driscoll had fallen off the wagon like a frozen turkey from a Goodwill helicopter and, like a talking elephant reunited with his old circus buddies after 50 years, he reminisced about the most memorable collars of his career -- and he guffawed so hard that he fell off the barstool like another turkey from another helicopter as he recollected the time he arrested a mime for shoplifting and had to say "You have a right to remain silent . . ."

(If this was /. I would SO be karma-whoring...)
2002-07-17 06:41:40 PM  

Damn, I never got organized enough to submit my entry:

As she stood alone on the open tundra watching him trudge into the blizzardy distance, a single tear creeping down her frost-bitten cheek like a tiny clear slug leaving a trail of glistening saline, each near-freezing molecule curiously nestled into familiar hydrogen-bonds with its neighbors producing the highest possible density in these frigid antarctic temperatures, Dr. Westlake knew that the research station would never know another technician who could tweak her instruments like Dillon Ventura.
2002-07-18 07:20:50 AM  
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