If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(JSOnline)   Pastor who baptized Jeffrey Dahmer says serial killer is "in heaven." Apparently anyone can get in nowadays   (jsonline.com) divider line 421
    More: Unlikely  
•       •       •

4965 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Oct 2006 at 12:58 PM (7 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



421 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all
 
2006-10-20 12:39:03 PM
That's sort of the idea. Is subby Catholic?

/ducks
 
2006-10-20 12:44:18 PM
On one hand, there's the concept of infinite grace.

On the other hand, there's the little notion that you have to ask for grace--it's given freely, but you kinda have to make a little bit of an effort.

....which it appears he made, as he asked to be baptized, though it rather begs the question about why a prison has a whirlpool bath.

NikolaiFarkoff: That's sort of the idea. Is subby Catholic?

Hey, Catholics recognize 'one baptism for the forgiveness of sins'--so he's covered by Catholic canon law (As Catholics recognize all other christian baptisms).

So yes, according to christian doctrine, Dahmer would be in heaven--he made the decision to repent his sins for whatever reason, and ask for G-d's grace. I don't see any branches that would dispute that, off the top of my head.

Folks on earth would likely have a harder time of forgiving him [ 'cept the Amish; they seem to have some pretty good practise in that ] but that's the way life goes.

Note to all of you who believe he ought to be in hell: if you believe in Christian hell, you're going to have to believe in Christian heaven, too, and everything that goes with it.

This may be a bit smug and self-serving-sounding, but the intent is to be one of those 'chicken soup for the soul' inspiration stories.
 
2006-10-20 12:44:36 PM
According to the doctrine, that's pretty much the case.
 
2006-10-20 12:45:50 PM
Heaven is full of assholes.
 
2006-10-20 12:46:17 PM
Do you think he's feasting on Jesus up there?
 
2006-10-20 12:47:28 PM
He'll be in good company. If that's the only criteria.
 
2006-10-20 12:48:50 PM
Wow. So there is a zombie Jesus!
 
2006-10-20 12:51:18 PM
mediaho: Heaven is full of assholes.

One of the little hypotheses that I heard when I was younger and more Catholic was that G-d's grace would purify 'em.

So in other words, they wouldn't be assholes anymore.

One can only hope that that notion has some weight theologically.
 
2006-10-20 12:54:45 PM
Apparently anyone can get in nowadays

Ever heard of indulgences, subby?
 
2006-10-20 01:00:02 PM
whidbey: Apparently anyone can get in nowadays

Ever heard of indulgences, subby?


Pff, those went out of style ages ago.

Nowadays, all it takes is a bath.
 
2006-10-20 01:01:52 PM
mediaho: Heaven is full of assholes.

Bet they have no lawyers
 
2006-10-20 01:02:07 PM
Prolly the same pastor who raped him as a kid.

/ did I just say prolly?
 
2006-10-20 01:02:39 PM
There's no way a gay man can get into Heaven.


/That's why all the Popes are rotting in hell.
 
2006-10-20 01:02:39 PM
sykottik: Bet they have no lawyers

You've heard the one about the engaged couple who went to heaven and wanted to be married?
 
2006-10-20 01:02:51 PM
I hope they don't let him run the cafeteria.
 
2006-10-20 01:02:57 PM
muninsfire: Nowadays, all it takes is a bath.

Shiat. I'm screwed.
 
2006-10-20 01:03:39 PM
Is being an asshole a sin?

I hope they still get to be assholes.
 
2006-10-20 01:04:18 PM
That' the beauty of being Catholic. You can do anything you want for your entire life, as long as you ask for forgivness on your deathbed. The priest will absolve you of your sins and you will go directly to heaven and collect $200 as you pass "Go".
 
2006-10-20 01:04:47 PM
lhclubs: There's no way a gay man can get into Heaven.

Why not?

There's this gent I knew back in the day who most assuredly was completely flaming. Nobody ever *said* anything about it, he displayed no outward 'signs', didn't go dating or have a boyfriend or anything--and this was in a small town, so everyone would have known within a week if he ever did--yet it was fairly obvious he was not the type to settle down with a woman.

He was in good standing with the church, and generally nobody asked--or really cared.

Was baptized, whole schmeer.

So what would stop him from achieving heaven?
 
2006-10-20 01:05:30 PM
Hell is only for non-Christians.

I am looking forward to playing backgammon with Ghandi and Bhudda
 
2006-10-20 01:05:33 PM
debug: That' the beauty of being Catholic. You can do anything you want for your entire life, as long as you ask for forgivness on your deathbed. The priest will absolve you of your sins and you will go directly to heaven and collect $200 as you pass "Go".

They'll even deliver one up to your hospital bed for you, free of charge.
 
2006-10-20 01:05:38 PM
mrwombat: Is being an asshole a sin?

I hope they still get to be assholes.



If so, heaven is a very boring place.
 
2006-10-20 01:05:44 PM
debug:

That' the beauty of being Catholic. You can do anything you want for your entire life, as long as you ask for forgivness on your deathbed. The priest will absolve you of your sins and you will go directly to heaven and collect $200 as you pass "Go".


Says who?
 
2006-10-20 01:05:56 PM
TFA: Ratcliff's point is this: If you believe in God and you believe that this God forgives sins of the truly contrite, then don't be so surprised that Dahmer was saved from damnation


that's gonna make some fundie's head asplode
 
2006-10-20 01:06:05 PM
untrustworthy: Shiat. I'm screwed.

Well, in the Catholic church, they just wash your face. Think you can deal with that?

debug: hat' the beauty of being Catholic. You can do anything you want for your entire life, as long as you ask for forgivness on your deathbed. The priest will absolve you of your sins and you will go directly to heaven and collect $200 as you pass "Go".

Or you could be a Baptist, and as long as you believe in Jesus, you don't even have to bother asking forgiveness--thus insuring you in the case of sudden death.

/That is, of course, not the *intent* of the respective doctrines....
 
2006-10-20 01:06:20 PM
muninsfire: So what would stop him from achieving heaven?

A destination has to exist in order for you to get there.
 
2006-10-20 01:06:33 PM
Heh. He should've converted to Islam to pick up his 72 virgins.

That's good eatin'.
 
2006-10-20 01:06:35 PM
See that's why I subscribe more to the philosophy of karma.
 
2006-10-20 01:06:50 PM
Pastors say all kinds of ludicrous stuff. It is pretty much the entire job description.
 
2006-10-20 01:06:53 PM
"Heaven must be easier to get into than Arizona State."

\Hidely-ho
 
2006-10-20 01:07:19 PM
muninsfire: Well, in the Catholic church, they just wash your face. Think you can deal with that?

I don't think so. Holy water burns.
 
2006-10-20 01:07:31 PM
Of course. Everyone knows that the blood of christ saves and by accepting him is the only way to heaven. No man shall come to the father except through me was not a guideline it was a rule.

This is why we must work hard to spread the loving word of god across this planet and save every unfortunate soul we can.
 
2006-10-20 01:07:48 PM
Wild Bluebonnet: Says who?

Says canon law. If a priest [ acting in his official capacity as a representative of the church ] gives you the appropriate sacrament of forgiveness [ reconciliation if you've got the time, extreme unction if you don't ] you're good to go.

PC LOAD LETTER: I am looking forward to playing backgammon with Ghandi and Bhudda

I've got a blackjack game scheduled for 'em.....did you want Tuesdays or Fridays? I forget...
 
2006-10-20 01:08:04 PM
Maybe, just maybe, there is a chance for Farkers, then.
 
2006-10-20 01:08:09 PM
Of course he is in heaven. Gawd always forgives.

90% of our prison population identifies themselves as christian. Have fun up there.
 
2006-10-20 01:08:34 PM
That's the beauty of being Catholic.

Same with Chick tracts, and he certainly isn't Catholic. Howver, there is the whole "gotta actually be sorry" for sins and not just have your fingers crossed behind your back.
 
2006-10-20 01:08:34 PM
If you can't forgive, you are carrying the past.
Forgive, and that weight will be lifted from you.
 
2006-10-20 01:08:48 PM
from WIKI:
"Mortal sins are sins of grave (serious) matter, where the sinner is aware that the act (or omission) is both a sin and a grave matter, and performs the act (or omission) with deliberate consent. The act of committing a mortal sin cuts off the sinner from God's grace; it is in itself a rejection of God as well as His Church"

So does that mean taking a bath gets youi back on the good side, or is it forever?
 
2006-10-20 01:08:52 PM
muninsfire: mediaho: Heaven is full of assholes.

One of the little hypotheses that I heard when I was younger and more Catholic was that G-d's grace would purify 'em.

So in other words, they wouldn't be assholes anymore.


Wrong conclusion, muninsfire. They'd just be pure assholes. :)

/just sayin'
 
F42
2006-10-20 01:08:58 PM
Rape, murder and cannibalise all you want, as long as you say the magic words to the great sky beard before you die, it's all a-ok!

Hurrah for morality through religion!
 
2006-10-20 01:09:12 PM
unlikely that it was said? or unlikely that Dahmner is in heaven? poor yuse of the tag, dag.
 
2006-10-20 01:09:34 PM
the funny thing is great men like Gandhi, who never accepted Jesus as thier savior, still went to hell
 
2006-10-20 01:09:36 PM
untrustworthy: A destination has to exist in order for you to get there.

Heh. The person to whom I was responding appeared to be a fundamentalist, who would believe in said destination.

/Who freakin' cares about the destination? Everyone always wants to get to the destination....why not enjoy the trip?

I don't think so. Holy water burns.

*sigh* It was just that one time that I spiked it with sulphuric acid; I promise I'll wash the font out.

IdBeCrazyIf: No man shall come to the father except through me was not a guideline it was a rule.

Now, which interpretation of that are we going to be using today?
 
2006-10-20 01:10:27 PM
Maybe, just maybe, there is a chance for Farkers, then.

Heaven may forgive serial killers, but way too many kittens have died here.
 
2006-10-20 01:10:28 PM
sykottik
mediaho: Heaven is full of assholes.

Bet they have no lawyers


winnah! i lol'd
 
2006-10-20 01:10:39 PM
So a person could live their whole life, never committed a crime, gave to charity, saved baby seals, always rewound but if he was an atheist, he's going to hell. But Hannibal Lecter can say he's sorry and he goes to heaven? I think the system has some kinks to work out.
 
2006-10-20 01:10:40 PM
He turned to God because there was no one else to turn to

That's probably because Dahmer ate anyone who was around him for any significant amount of time.

Dahmer's parents offered a donation. Ratcliff and his wife used the money to buy a wall clock...We call it the Jeff clock

WTF?
 
2006-10-20 01:11:03 PM
foonly: Wrong conclusion, muninsfire. They'd just be pure assholes. :)

/just sayin'


Well played.....

F42: Rape, murder and cannibalise all you want, as long as you say the magic words to the great sky beard before you die, it's all a-ok!

Hurrah for morality through religion!


If you take the simplistic, 3rd grade view of religion, then that's how it comes across.

Once you realize that gravity doesn't always pull 'down', though....
 
2006-10-20 01:11:14 PM
muninsfire: I've got a blackjack game scheduled for 'em.....did you want Tuesdays or Fridays? I forget.


Fridays are when I get busy with Mohammed's 72 virgins, so i'll take Tuesdays.

Ghandi counts cards, btw.
 
2006-10-20 01:11:35 PM
The real question is: can you triple stamp a double stamp?
 
Displayed 50 of 421 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report