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(CFAV)   Why you should forgive the Republican Party   ( cfav.blogspot.com) divider line
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2136 clicks; posted to Politics » on 07 Oct 2006 at 7:44 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2006-10-07 04:47:48 PM  
Inexperienced sinners???? Wow... just... wow...

For those of you who believe that, I got a bridge I want to sell you... but I can't... because you've already been sold it by these slimeballs...
 
2006-10-07 05:02:21 PM  
Can't be real.... just can't be...

Oh good, I found this:

Note: Everything posted on this blog is satire and should be read as such.
 
2006-10-07 05:09:33 PM  
Its not real. In fact, it is so tongue-in-cheek that I find it hard to believe anyone took it seriously.
 
2006-10-07 05:09:43 PM  
It's scary how it's getting harder and harder to tell satire from the real thing.
 
2006-10-07 05:11:10 PM  
I like the authors responses in the comments section.
 
2006-10-07 05:15:11 PM  
Confabulat: It's scary how it's getting harder and harder to tell satire from the real thing.

I'm surprised Drudge or Coulter didn't attempt such a defense.

"I mean just look at the Hastert's sweet and innocent face..."

How can find his face through all those blubbery wrinkles?
 
2006-10-07 05:16:15 PM  
Turing_Machine: Its not real. In fact, it is so tongue-in-cheek that I find it hard to believe anyone took it seriously.

You haven't been paying attention. People really are saying stuff this crazy.
 
2006-10-07 05:20:47 PM  
Meh. I forgave Clinton, why not?
 
2006-10-07 05:27:34 PM  
NO.
 
2006-10-07 05:32:06 PM  
"There's something you have to remember about Hastert and Republicans in general, they're inexperienced sinners. Would you really expect Hastert, a poor naïve representative from Illinois to understand any of this child molestation business?"

Awesome.
 
2006-10-07 05:32:45 PM  
This is satire, right?

Right?

...right?...
 
2006-10-07 05:40:22 PM  
Orwellpet: Note: Everything posted on this blog is satire and should be read as such.

*whew*
 
2006-10-07 05:58:01 PM  
I knew it was satire the second I saw the title banner.


Fundamentalist conservative christians with decent webdesign? Talk about an obvious giveaway.
 
2006-10-07 07:00:09 PM  
Turing_Machine: Its not real. In fact, it is so tongue-in-cheek that I find it hard to believe anyone took it seriously.

the sad thing is, i wonder if there's someone out there who is lookng for some reason, any reason, to still vote republican, might latch onto this and say "well there!"
 
2006-10-07 08:06:45 PM  
Confabulat: It's scary how it's getting harder and harder to tell satire from the real thing.

No kidding. Check out this Onion article from early 2001
 
2006-10-07 08:08:25 PM  
"take a deep breathe"...could be real...Republicans can't spell..

/calm down...I kid.
 
2006-10-07 08:08:31 PM  
Comments from TFA:

Republican executive Randall Casseday of the conservative Washington
Times newspaper was arrested for soliciting sex from a 13-year old girl
on the internet.

Republican chairman of the Oregon Christian Coalition Lou Beres
confessed to molesting a 13-year old girl.

Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd was arrested on suspicion
of soliciting sex with an 8-year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won
elections for Denton County, Texas, constable.

Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a
10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.

Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a
5-year old boy.

Republican petition drive manager Tom Randall pleaded guilty to
molesting two girls under the age of 14, one of them the daughter of an
associate in the petition business.

Republican County Chairman Armando Tebano was arrested for sexually
molesting a 14-year-old girl.

Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pleaded
guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14 year old girls.

Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker is a convicted child
molester.

Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in
federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.

Republican Mayor Tom Adams was arrested for distributing child
pornography over the internet.

Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex
from two 15-year old girls.

Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting
two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.

Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years
in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.

Republican Committeeman John R. Curtain was charged with molesting a
teenage boy and unlawful sexual contact with a minor.

Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted
child rapist in Florida.

Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church
president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an
11-year old girl he murdered.

Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to
possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to
anybody who murders an abortion doctor.

Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three
years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.

Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond
had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.

Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the
2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a
sexual affair with a female juvenile.

Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an
inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.

Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was sentenced to six
years in prison for molesting two 8-year old girls, one of whom
appeared in an anti-Gore television commercial.

Republican activist Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties
at the White House during the 1980s.

Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the
White House during the 1980s.

Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having
sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.

Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child
porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.

Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex
crimes involving children.

Republican campaign chairman Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to
attempted sexual assault on a child and was arrested again five years
later on the same charge.

Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as
a congressional page.

Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell
admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.

Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline was placed under house arrest for
child molestation and possession of child pornography.

Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged
with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.

Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for
distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.

Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was
taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual
activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.

Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting
a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.

Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex
with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the
allegations were reported in the media.

Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional
values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy
for permission to perform oral sex on him.

Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his
genitals to an 11 year old girl.

Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to
40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted
to stop a gay couple from adopting her.

Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of
raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.

Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two
years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old
girl.

Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first
degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.

Republican legislator Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony
counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16
(i.e. exposing himself to children).

Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of
molesting a 15-year old girl.

Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a
male child.

Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual
assault on a teenage girl.

Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two
daughters.

Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted
of molesting a 13-year old girl.

Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to
unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.

Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to
raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.

Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of
child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in
federal prison and fined $18,000.

Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state
representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in
his possession.

Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin
Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from
boys and girls over the internet.

Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a "good
military man" and "church goer," was convicted of repeatedly having sex
with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.

Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for
Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude
with four underage girls, including his daughter.

Republican campaign worker, police officer and self-proclaimed reverend
Steve Aiken was convicted of having sex with two underage girls.

Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas
Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in
prison.

Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corp.
Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his
computer.

Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A.
Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is
married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly
told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to
have sex with a large number of young women.

Republican Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the rape of
children in Iraqi prisons in order to humiliate their parents into
providing information about the anti-American insurgency. See excerpt of one
prisoner's report here and his full report here.
 
2006-10-07 08:13:05 PM  
How can you blame anyone for not knowing this was a satire after seeing the thread about Free Republic blaming Clinton for the Foley scandal? You know, that one with the really bizarre photoshop?
 
2006-10-07 08:14:20 PM  
[SATIRE]
 
2006-10-07 08:20:27 PM  
The Dem's like to fark too I'll bet their list is just as big!
Sorry decadent human behavior transcends party affiliation.
Now if there was a shred of evidence of that last one then calls for the resignation of everyone connected or even knowledgeable of such an event would be in order.
Do you drink kool aid straight or on the rocks!
 
2006-10-07 08:23:56 PM  
The author of this piece can't possibly be serious.

First, there is no doubt GOP leaders knew about the distrurbing behavior some time ago.

Second, there is no doubt that GOP leaders chose to conceal such behavior from both the public and from the Democrats.

Third, there is no doubt that many self-described Christians are, in reality, just Republican partisans. If these people were in any way serious about Christian values, they'd dump the GOP with all deliberate speed.

In a recent national journalistic piece, I read about one GOP voter that claimed that her values on most issues were split between the parties -- so she tended to base her votes on "Biblical" issues. That is, gay marriage, stem-cell research, etc.

I just shook my head.

There is NOTHING in the Bible about gay marriage or stem-cell research or the war in Iraq. There is, on the other hand, a considerable amount about feeding the hungry and visiting the sick and sheltering the homeless and clothing the unclad*.

So why are these issues of human dignity, THAT ARE ACTUALLY DIRECTLY ADDRESSED BY THE BIBLE, not considered by these people to be Biblical issues? The only explanation I can come up with that fits the evidence is BRAINWASHING.

Republican spinmeisters have developed an electoral strategy that at once distorts the message and exploits the energy of the faithful. The result is that the people claiming Biblical authority in favor of the GOP are, in fact, abusing the trust of faithful people.

* On the last day, Jesus will say to those at his right hand, "Come, enter the Kingdom. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was sick and you visited me." Then Jesus will turn to those on his left hand and say, "Depart from me because I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was thirsty and you did not give me drink, I was sick and you did not visit me."

These will ask him "When did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or sick, and did not come to your help?"

And Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you neglected to do unto the least of these you neglected to do unto me!
"
 
2006-10-07 08:30:32 PM  
eraser8

The author of this piece can't possibly be serious.

You might be onto something there.
 
2006-10-07 08:37:34 PM  
Legal Notice: Everything written on this blog is satire/parody and should be understood as such.
 
2006-10-07 08:37:51 PM  
Doubting the satire?

Click the "Salvation Store" link in the top right corner of the page....

Any questions?


/*snicker*
 
2006-10-07 08:38:14 PM  
Lieutenant Scheisskopf writes: You might be onto something there.

I've learned not to underestimate the devotion of partisan fanatics.

That which the rest of us might reasonably view as satire might, to a Freeper, seem absolutely serious and meritorious.
 
2006-10-07 08:39:11 PM  
"So let's not tar and feather the poor man just because he was far too innocent to understand the seriousness of all of this."

Hahahahaha1! I didn't read the note about it being satire.
Above is one of the best lines in it though.

That Onion article is gold, biffman: gold!

/slashy
 
2006-10-07 08:46:49 PM  
It's empiric it's satiric.
 
2006-10-07 08:56:50 PM  
That's supposed to be funny ?
If I posted that article on Democratic Underground using a D instead of R there would be such an uproar my laptop would burn up and ambulances would be rolling all over America.
Very Tasteless, and divisive to say the least!
 
2006-10-07 09:32:41 PM  
Confabulat

It's scary how it's getting harder and harder to tell satire from the real thing.

That's partly because people who write "satire" aren't very good at. Half the "satire" websites think satire is the same as simply lying.
 
2006-10-07 09:46:42 PM  
rush22: Half the "satire" websites think satire is the same as simply lying.

But then again if you want to saterize the Republican response to the Foly mess which consists mainly of lying, what else can you do?
 
2006-10-07 09:47:39 PM  
rush22: Half the "satire" websites think satire is the same as simply lying.

That's OK; half of DC think running for office is the same as simply lying.
 
2006-10-07 09:49:18 PM  
larry00: If I posted that article on Democratic Underground using a D instead of R there would be such an uproar my laptop would burn up and ambulances would be rolling all over America.

Go post it on DU, then. It sounds a hell of a lot more entertaining than your current gig: craven right-wing popsicle-licking apologist on Fark.
 
2006-10-07 09:53:26 PM  
Seriously, someone needs to rehost this without the disclaimer and post it to FreeRepublic without telling them it's satire
 
2006-10-07 09:57:02 PM  
Why you should should you forgive the Republican Party?

Fixed.
 
2006-10-07 09:58:30 PM  
Never
 
2006-10-07 10:02:05 PM  
Tabatha Static [SATIRE]

I keep tellin' Drew that we need a [SATIRE] tag, but does anyone listen? Nooooooooooo........
 
2006-10-07 10:08:52 PM  
Descartes Legal Notice: Everything written on this blog is satire/parody and should be understood as such.

But enough about Fark.
 
2006-10-07 10:10:28 PM  
Everyone should go leave a message for the author to read at his leisure. It will absolutely give a warm giddy feeling inside.
 
2006-10-07 10:26:03 PM  
I should send this to every fundie I know.. and, after they read it, THEN tell them that it's satire... and watch their heads assplode.

/hopefully
 
2006-10-07 10:31:11 PM  
Can anyone tell me if the Vogon's in HGTTG (the latest movie) were modeled after Hastert because they both have the same walk, and posture. I don't know about the poetry though but I don't really need to know about that.

Front:
[image from img146.imagevenue.com too old to be available][image from img43.imagevenue.com too old to be available]

Side:
[image from img37.imagevenue.com too old to be available][image from img219.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2006-10-07 11:23:42 PM  
Since someone mentioned that Hastert's real name is probably Hastur, I can't help but hear it every time he(it?) is mentioned.

I also noticed a striking resemblance:

[image from img83.imageshack.us too old to be available][image from img220.imageshack.us too old to be available]

Eerie.
 
2006-10-07 11:26:25 PM  
Jeez I'm really sorry I misspoke ! However I do have to correct an inaccuracy I am partial to jolly rancher suckers as the treat of choice.
Also I am far too liberal socially to rate my efforts anywhere close to a good conservative.
I supported the presidents prescription bill which the true conservatives are against .
Oh BTW news just in today two polls say seniors now are satisfied and favor that same prescription bill, one was 70 % and the other 80 %.
Bad news for those in both parties who crtasized it as a big boondoggle.
Sales of Alpo down 30 percent and one senior heard shouting hail King Viagra!
 
2006-10-07 11:33:34 PM  
From another post on that site:
The issues are simple: Republicans will keep you safe and healthy. Democrats will essentially come to your house, then rape and kill your family while sodomizing your pets and doing crack on your couch. Then they will tax you for their time.

Pretty hard to tell if that's satirical.
 
2006-10-07 11:34:02 PM  
FTA:...former Representative and current homosexual"

Priceless.
 
2006-10-08 12:38:44 AM  
Confabulat: It's scary how it's getting harder and harder to tell satire from the real thing.

I wouldn't have even thought twice if this was real. I've heard every kind of excuse from Republicans the past 6 years.

Bacontastesgood: Pretty hard to tell if that's satirical.

Even harder to tell if what you wrote is satirical.
 
2006-10-08 01:31:42 AM  
Hey guys - I think the linked site might be a satire!
 
2006-10-08 02:20:07 AM  
Landover Baptist is still the best right wing evangelical satire site yet. If you never heard of it check it out. I lol'd
 
2006-10-08 08:17:36 AM  
Hilarious. Great to see a new age of quality American satire that has, for some time now, been replaced by a glut of 2nd rate stand-up comedians.

/no relation to Michael Gregory Steele
 
2006-10-08 10:16:06 AM  
larry00: I supported the presidents prescription bill which the true conservatives are against .
Oh BTW news just in today two polls say seniors now are satisfied and favor that same prescription bill, one was 70 % and the other 80 %.


You know the main problem with the prescription bill was letting private insurers handle all the plans, right? Since Medicare was not handling it, smaller pools of members=less negotiating power. You know who pays for that lower negotiating power? You and I, since Medicare (CMS) subsidizes all those private companies. If you're going to institute a financially unwise plan, at least try to make it the least ruinous one possible, not one of the most ruinous ones possible.
 
2006-10-08 11:59:38 AM  
Doug I believe the boondoggle part was sketchy info given out late and then the same people who can't punch a ballot properly or their relatives or friends trying to figure it out . My daughter worked a phone bank answering Questions but did not really understand the different plans according to what Med's you take.
I'm not trying to be sarcastic but as we age we are on the average not as sharp as we once were.
I can say that because at 59 I've forgotten more than my kids know. LOL
The government was not totally at fault as negotiations with those same companies went on a lot longer than expected and all the negativity from the press and both Isles was not helpful as it killed peoples expectations.
That bill if the Dem's had brought it up would have been a great thing but they dissed it and nobody seemed to think about the seniors quality of life nor the costs of hospital care after they fall down due to not taking meds vs pricey hospital care and therapy after the fact.
It's the same with spending on homeland security , intel before an event or cleanup and rebuilding and the suffering after an attack.
These attacks were predicted back in the sixties.
Ronald Reagan made handwritten notes in 68 where he said on the ABC news show View point that we would see it here and it would at some point become necessary to loose some freedom's in order to protect our cities and infrastructure.
Someone on another thread said he would rather have his freedoms than be safe!
That's rather short sighted on his part as you don't need freedom when you have no country or you are dead.
In our case they can with little effort ruin our economy which enables us to afford what protections we have.
 
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