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(NJ.com)   Panda bites drunken man that jumped into its pen. Drunken man bites panda back. "I just wanted to touch it," idiot recalls later. "I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much"   (nj.com ) divider line 95
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7626 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Sep 2006 at 11:21 AM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2006-09-20 08:19:40 AM  
Same thing happened to me.
Except substitute "panda" for "co-ed".
 
2006-09-20 11:00:31 AM  
and all this time I thought "hold my beer and watch this" was a Southern thing.
 
2006-09-20 11:23:52 AM  
Sheer panda-monium!
 
fj
2006-09-20 11:24:12 AM  
strangeguitar
Hope you bit her back
 
2006-09-20 11:25:56 AM  
the problem with Chinese pandas are that half an hour later you want to bite one again.
 
2006-09-20 11:26:50 AM  
"No one ever said they would bite people..."

I take it there's no Colbert Report in China. God bless your hearts, comrades.
 
2006-09-20 11:26:52 AM  
Hold my beer im gonna try somethin!
 
2006-09-20 11:27:21 AM  
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."

"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."



so... you thought the bear would be nice?


/apparently they don't get the colbert report in china
 
2006-09-20 11:27:22 AM  
What the article fails to mention is his bamboo peg legs.... Quite forseeable really...
 
2006-09-20 11:28:47 AM  
Some people actually believe Pandas are REAL.

HAHAHA!

Please, how obvious can a sham be?
 
2006-09-20 11:28:47 AM  
So much fun, so little time!

img130.imageshack.us
Not Impressed.

/Drunkards, the other, other white meat!

//Oblig Robin Williams:

I woudld never fark her. That is one ugly panda biatch. If you were panda, you would know she one ugly panda biatch. I'd rather lick my own balls then fark that panda biatch. I wouldn't fark her with a koala's dick.

/Fin.
 
2006-09-20 11:28:53 AM  
PUT IT DOWN! PUT IT DOWN!
 
2006-09-20 11:29:11 AM  
SSPinkerton: I may be wrong but i thought panda's were bears in name only, that they're actually not related in any way to true bears... Or maybe im thinking of koalas.

Still, jumping into a pen with a wild animal of anysort just isn't a good idear.
 
2006-09-20 11:29:28 AM  
(Also, a panda isn't a bear, but PUT IT DOWN ANYWAY!)
 
2006-09-20 11:29:37 AM  
i'm sorry, i drink alot. but i've never felt the urge to do something like that. let alone bite it back!
 
2006-09-20 11:30:34 AM  
(Homer gets up and tries to run away, but he trips and lands on a boulder, with his butt sticking up in the air.)
Zookeeper: Ooh, look -- she's presenting! We thought this
would take years to happen.
(Ping-Ping grabs Homer and drags him closer. A curtain descends on the bizarre tableau.)
Zookeeper: Ping-Ping just asked Sim-Sim to marry him, and I
think she just said yes.
Audience: Awwww!
(The sounds of a struggle come from behind the curtain. Homer tries to crawl out, but only gets halfway before Ping-Ping drags him back inside.)
Moe: Ha! You ain't going nowhere, cutie.
(The morning after finds Sim-Sim, er, Homer in Ping-Ping's arms.)
 
2006-09-20 11:31:13 AM  
Drunken Master III - Too Many Goddamned Pandas
 
2006-09-20 11:31:39 AM  
No one mentioned the fact that after the panda bit the man, the man bit back. I think that's the bigger drunken aspect.
 
2006-09-20 11:31:51 AM  
FTA: The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."

Right before they take a chunk out of your leg...
then the other leg....
 
2006-09-20 11:31:51 AM  
So nice to see someone who wanted to bond with nature, instead of drinking beer and wanting to shoot a wild animal.
 
2006-09-20 11:31:55 AM  
matt2891 - Yah, they're like mutant racoons.

They do a damned good bear impression, though.
 
2006-09-20 11:32:51 AM  
drunk guy got "Irwined"
 
2006-09-20 11:33:37 AM  
matt2891: I may be wrong but i thought panda's were bears in name only, that they're actually not related in any way to true bears... Or maybe im thinking of koalas.

nope, they're members of the family Ursidae (bears), however they are members of a different sub-family than brown bears, black bears, and polar bears.
 
2006-09-20 11:34:05 AM  
...Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg.


Bear's repeating.
 
2006-09-20 11:34:27 AM  
The giant panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca "black-and-white cat-foot") is a mammal classified in the bear family, Ursidae, native to central and southern China.[1]
 
2006-09-20 11:34:54 AM  
this one needs the crikey tag
 
2006-09-20 11:35:02 AM  
Sexual Harassment Panda to be brought in for seminars.
 
2006-09-20 11:35:25 AM  
Thanks for the clarification.

I totally thought pandas were a type of reptile.....
 
2006-09-20 11:35:37 AM  
Now we've done it! Now this Panda will cry to another one about the human biting him (and everyone knows how dirty a human bite is) and soon all the Pandas will be pissed at us. That is the way 'bad blood' and fueds get started.
 
2006-09-20 11:36:24 AM  
strangeguitar: reading the sentence with your substitutions- I only wonder why the co-ed was in a pen?
 
2006-09-20 11:36:29 AM  
"No one ever said they would bite people..."

No one ever said people would bite them.
 
2006-09-20 11:36:30 AM  
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."

TV != Reality
I thought this was largely a North American perception problem, but I see we've exported it...
 
2006-09-20 11:36:39 AM  
2006-09-20 11:29:28 AM tonesskin [TotalFark]

(Also, a panda isn't a bear, but PUT IT DOWN ANYWAY!)
 
2006-09-20 11:36:47 AM  
Scrotar: Yah, they're like mutant racoons.

They do a damned good bear impression, though.


no, raccoons are of the family Procyonidae, not related to giant pandas.
 
2006-09-20 11:37:31 AM  
Did anyone catch the line about the zoo not punishing the panda right now?? What the fark? Are they letting the panda think about what he's done? Do they plan on grounding him later, to really send the message home?

/don't believe in panda-punishment
 
2006-09-20 11:38:09 AM  
considering this happened in china, I'm surprised they aren't executing him
not even a life sentence in a work farm

I've read of suicide survivors being sentenced to death in china...
 
2006-09-20 11:39:26 AM  
Aren't they marsupials?
 
2006-09-20 11:39:34 AM  
www.picfury.com

I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
 
2006-09-20 11:41:56 AM  
I think the red panda is the one related to raccoons.

/Crikey!
 
2006-09-20 11:42:12 AM  
Brent Sienna wanted for questioning.
 
2006-09-20 11:42:37 AM  
SSPinkerton - ORLY? Man, I was really confident about that raccoon business, too.

I must have been thinking about the red panda. Which apparently might also be a bear.
 
2006-09-20 11:42:48 AM  
Reminds me of that movie Armed and Dangerous with John Candy. The part where the guard dogs attack him, but he bites one back and they run away.

/was on TnT yesterday
 
2006-09-20 11:44:04 AM  
Hmmmm, now I'm really confused:

While we generally refer to pandas as "bears" there is much discussion around whether they are bears, raccoons or their own species. They share some features of bears and some of raccoons. Let's let the zoologists continue their debate and we can focus on admiring these adorable creatures.

and

While the Giant Panda is more like a bear, the Red Panda is more like the Raccoon family. In physical appearance, it bears an unquestionable resemblance to the raccoon. The Red Panda is reddish brown in color. It grows to about two feet and weighs six to twelve pounds.

I've decided that pandas are really aliens! PUT IT DOWN! PUT IT DOWN!
 
2006-09-20 11:44:32 AM  
elpanda.martes13.net

Panda attack!
 
2006-09-20 11:44:41 AM  
Trik
considering this happened in china, I'm surprised they aren't executing him
not even a life sentence in a work farm

I've read of suicide survivors being sentenced to death in china...


Are you referring to the drunk or the panda?
 
2006-09-20 11:44:56 AM  
"Touch it". Yeah, right. We call that "sexual interference" in these parts.

Anyhoo, I'd rather have an armful of testical-licking herbivore germs that be that poor panada after being bitten by a drunken human.
 
2006-09-20 11:46:07 AM  
Giant Pandas (what we generally think of when we hear the word "panda") are classified as bears.

blogs.reuters.com

Red Pandas are related to skunks and raccoons.

www.pbs.org
 
2006-09-20 11:46:55 AM  
Panda jerk!
 
2006-09-20 11:48:15 AM  
Once did the same thing behind the counter at Panda Express.

/They don't serve real Panda meat there
 
2006-09-20 11:48:55 AM  
Not news: Panda bites man
News: Man bites panda
 
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