I wouldn't go near the smelly germ slathered vault they call the office fridge let alone eat anything that's been sitting in it.

/IT
//bathes daily

Eating lunch in the breakroom or your desk is for loooooosers. Douglas Adams had some wise words to say on the subject of lunches and how they should be properly done.

I would never steal anyone's lunch on the grounds that I don't know where it's been.

I leave you with this: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

/IT guy
/Showers twice daily

I cook my lunch for the week and put it in the fridge, none of these fat asses want any part of my chicken and veggies....they're perfectly content with whatever passes for hamburger from any grease pit within easy driving distance of campus.

/IT monkey
//Showers x2 per day
///Accounting are some shady farkers though

WolfinPHX: I leave you with this: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

damageddude: /stopped going out for lunch when the office moved to Newark, NJ


fark lunch i'd stop leaving my house altogether.

damageddude: Someone without children who has disposable income.

Yeah, that was kind of a dick statement on my part. My department makes it a point to eat out at a sit-down place whenever possible, but that's a luxury not available to everyone.

I shower with your salami

/IT guy
//salami as in the food product, perv
///showers with your melons though
////not the food product
//not really, i'm an IT guy remember

How many cube-dwellers here are allowed to have their own mini-fridge? That's how our department does it.

WolfinPHX: I would never steal anyone's lunch on the grounds that I don't know where it's been.

I leave you with this: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

/IT guy
/Showers twice daily

Nice, I won't even get out of my chair until they have rebooted.

// IT
/// ... Isn't everybody???
// I shower in l33ts4uc3

Coolhaus: Eating lunch in the breakroom or your desk is for loooooosers. Douglas Adams had some wise words to say on the subject of lunches and how they should be properly done.

I can do lunch "properly" on the weekends... but shoveling down 450 (nutritious) calories in 10 minutes gets me that much closer to being back home with my family doing a proper dinner.

Or I guess I could waste 90 minutes/$15 on 1100 calories eating with people I just happen to work with and get that much closer to an early grave.

If you touch any of my stuff, I'll farking kill you

Someone I know dealt with a lunch thief by going to the local barbershop and scooping cut hair off the floor. Said hair was the main ingredient in the next day's sandwich, which also got swiped. Lunch thefts stopped immediately.

/Researcher
//doesn't steal lunches, just data

mini-fridges are for newbs, I drinks my sodas warm

One side of a tech conversation
"Okay ma'am, I'm gonna need you to restart your machine"
"Ma'am, just hold the power button in until the screen goes black"
"Really that fast? Well, power your machine back-up"
"No ma'am, try the power button on the black box, not on the TV"
**tech repeatedly bangs head on desk**

Actually, based on the video evidence we collected in our department, it is the cleaning crew that steals your lunch.

At least, until you send the video of them doing it to the boss.

People who take what belongs to other people are creeps, losers, and probably also sociopaths. I've worked in my current office for 15 years, and can't recall anyone's lunch being stolen. However, it probably helps that in our office fridge there is little there that appears edible, let alone worth stealing due to the fact that there are so many strange and faddish diets represented.

skillit: If you touch any of my stuff, I'll farking kill you

Relax Francis.

They can pry my bathe from my cold, dead fingers

\what?

"as well as "hero" departments like information technology, which come to your aid when you're down."

Then why do they treat me like I'm interfering with their work? Why do they pile more work on me than is possible and then complain that technical resources are half-assed?

/Not a bride, never will bea bride, never showers.

i've never stolen anyone's lunch, but i've had my lunch stolen twice. it was in an office. cocksmokers.

Or I guess I could waste 90 minutes/$15 on 1100 calories eating with people I just happen to work with and get that much closer to an early grave.

Last time I checked, you can still bring lunch and not eat at your desk at most places.

I would expect from my experiences, that it was the sales depertment that is most likely to steal lunches... but then, maybe not all companies investigated had sales departments.

I had this problem at a previous job. One day I brought in a nice slab of lasagna laced with a flavorless, odorless liquid baby laxative. Thief exposed and problem solved.

Coolhaus: Eating lunch in the breakroom or your desk is for loooooosers.

$5 to eat out x 5 work days in a week x 52 weeks = 1,300 in eating out. I can take that money and buy hookers and blow with it, which is way better than eating out.

mildmildwest: try this one on for size.

Caller: "The internet is broken!"
IT (after deducing the modem needs resetting): "Ok, hold on."
IT: "Wait for it...Waaaait for it..."
IT: "There! I fixed the internet."
Caller: "Damn....you're good."

lmao.

I must work at a cool office, no one ever steals lunches here.

// Oh yeah, and adenosine wins the thread.

TRUE.

but don't get in the way of IT when FREE food is around.



/tax accountant

Attention Boortz producers,

Please change your show's format away from "What I read on Fark today". Your show seems to revolve around it now.

We had a co-worker who left some all-juice fruit pops in the office freezer during her pregnancy.

They were still there when she returned...

...when the kid entered kindergarten.

I will not TOUCH the main office fridge.

/showers daily, often twice a day.

I guess I'm a lucky farker, I live a 5 minute bike ride from work, so I just roll home for lunch everyday. It's much better when the girlfriend is unemployed, then I can call ahead and have her cook me stuff! Often times she also sends me back to work with areal smile on my face. I don't mind payin' the bills when I get perks like that.

I don't understand how coworkers eat together (let alone WHY). They sit together at overcrowded tables in an overcrowded lunchroom and discuss what..WORK? That's fun.

You can't discuss anything normal b/c you're surrounded by other worker-drones. God knows what they'd do with information they overhear. This is why females and secretaries love lunchrooms, they get to snipe conversations and cut/paste overheard nouns and verbs at their discretion. Next thing you know, it's another huge rumor started by the single pigs at table 6.

Going out to eat isn't so bad, but it's costly and I'm tired of telling people I'm not on a diet, I ALWAYS eat this way, and that's why I'm not fat.

Headline reminds me what I forgot to do this week.

/IT guy.

this is why i have my own mini fridge under the desk in my cube

I leave you with this: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

That question earned our former IT guy the nickname "Reboot Bob". I called a buddy at his new place of employment, and now they're calling him that there, too. :-D

Way to go MisterRPG

Coworker of mine used to manage a food manufacturing plant before his corporate overlords closed it. While it was still makin' stuff, he noticed that the cooking wine was disappearing, every single night. He suspected the 3rd shift cleanup crew.

One day he dosed a container of the stuff with capsaicin concentrate -- the purest, most concentrated hot pepper extract available. Next day, the 3rd shift crew member that called in sick was fired...

Do you think she ex-laxed the dog at the end too?

One co-worker of mine in the past was having this problem, so she slipped a clear container of moldy past-its-prime something or other into her lunch bag and labeled it "Danny's Science Project" Danny was her 9 year old son. The problem stopped. We never did catch the loser that stole that bag, but we had a lot of laughs.

I would tell my users to reboot their computers but most of them don't know the difference between a restart and logging off.

Its the sales department. Those slimey no-soul sociopaths will steal anything just for the freaking thrill.

I got more things stolen from the high brow places I have worked than I ever had anywhere else put together.

I don't bring my lunch, but I do bring cream for my coffee because I'm a nancy boy.

But every week the sandwich would disappear by lunchtime. Hoard suspected the foreman, a big guy who liked home cooking. So Hoard poured a laxative oil on his tasty sandwich one day.

"I thought I'd teach him a lesson," said Hoard, who is now a retired contractor in Willis. "He spent the rest of the day in one of the port-a-cans."

The foreman had some harsh words when he emerged from the toilet.

he should have known there was going to be a problem when the oil hit the anus.

I don't like to smell the fat people in my office heating up their leftover hamburger helper or whatever in the microwave.

Sometimes smelling other people's home cooking is worse than smelling other people's shiat.