mr finger

Torvalded... Ha! I'll vote for that...

Wait, am I allowed to vote?

There's a big difference between a professional and a beer biatch.

Plead_da_FIF: Try doing something that actually requires intelligence like writing C/C++, Perl, Java, or (depending on your age) Lisp or Fortran.

Sorry, my friend, but it takes intelligence to avoid C/C++, Perl, and Java. They're called code monkeys for a reason.

2006-08-17 11:21:08 AM Nerdlinger

Torvalded!!!

Nerdlinger [TotalFark]

Plead_da_FIF: Try doing something that actually requires intelligence like writing C/C++, Perl, Java, or (depending on your age) Lisp or Fortran.

Sorry, my friend, but it takes intelligence to avoid C/C++, Perl, and Java. They're called code monkeys for a reason.


takes more intelligence to post on the proper thread...

Nerdlinger

Wow. What a whiny biatch.

Just reading that makes me want to go to whatever bar this guy works at, whistle at him, hesitate before giving my order, then tossing the farker a seven cent tip. Then I'll offer him 100 dollars if he can explain explain what the Pollard rho method is. That should be easy money, since all bartenders are smarter than I am...

You'd better hope I'm not your bartender.

Ditto
There's a big difference between a professional and a beer biatch.

How true. The professional bartender, capable of making real margaritas (hint: they in no way resemble alcoholic slurpies) is a rare and (I fear) dying breed. In my opinion, these are the only ones that deserve a tip (and they deserve a big tip, to boot!). Being able to pour beer in a glass is unremarkable... no tip for you!

/once ordered a martini in a college bar... it was *RED*!!!

Worst bartender ever. She ranks up there with the Mccdonalds chick a few weeks ago who wrote a bunch of rules for ordering at MickyDee's. The two of em could open a burger-tavern with a theme, call it "Nagging biatches".

takes more intelligence to post on the proper thread...

Newbs who can't keep up are always such fun.

2006-08-17 11:19:38 AM Ditto


There's a big little-to-no difference between a professional beer biatch and a regular beer biatch.

Repair bill in the mail.

/once ordered a martini in a college bar... it was *RED*!!!

sounds like they made you a cosmo or "kiddie martini"

Uh, bonesdilligaf, he did.

The Envoy [TotalFark]

Uh, bonesdilligaf, he did.

/hides in corner
//sometimes misses shiat

NOW I'm off to the pub!
'Night all.

Myth # 11

You will not end up as that aging hipster with a receding hairline and ponytail or that leather skinned, over-processed hair blonde behind the bar because with your superior intellect and stellar personal skills, you will go directly to a seven figure income job curing cancer and solving world hunger.

$1 tip per drink!?!?!

sorry mate, not from around here. i pay for the beer, your boss pays your wages.

cheers! enjoy your freedom.

chuggernaught - best handle ever

dan131m: You'd better hope I'm not your bartender.

Are you the dick that wrote the article? If not, you have nothing to worry about.

bonesdilligaf

/once ordered a martini in a college bar... it was *RED*!!!

sounds like they made you a cosmo or "kiddie martini"

Nope... The problem was that there are two kinds of vermouth, red and white. the "bartender" obviously had no idea what a martini was, so used the red stuff instead of the white.

What sort of bartender (or person, for that matter) doesn't even know what a martini is supposed to look like???

mr finger

Right. And there's no difference between USDA prime, 48 day aged, ribeye and a McRib sandwhich either.

I'll be forwarding a copy of your repair bill to the BBB after I don't pay it.

bonesdilligaf: takes more intelligence to post on the proper thread...

That was a reply to a post earlier in this thread, so yeah. It was placed correctly.
And it's even on topic too (sort of). You see, Plead_da_FIF was trying to put a sysadmin down for lack of intelligence after said sysadmin tried to put down bartenders for lack of intelligence. This was the next step in the chain.

You following me, binky? If not I can provide diagrams.

How to properly pour a Guinness.


If you draught it from a tap, and you don't clover the foam it's bad luck to be downing it then.

/Only served Guinness in a bottle where I worked.

B.J. McKay: Nope... The problem was that there are two kinds of vermouth, red and white. the "bartender" obviously had no idea what a martini was, so used the red stuff instead of the white.

Damn. That's worse than the time I ordered a rusty nail and and got something with a cherry and lime wedge in it...

Yet another hot chick that thinks she's a god...

The annoying thing is that this type of job is only available to "the beautiful people". That's part of the ego associated with it I'd imagine.

Here's the thing, I have the utmost respect (bordering on awe) for true bartenders (they're like 5-star chefs for alcoholic beverages). On the other hand, I'm unimpressed with the "bartenders" who only know how to poor beer, or make (ugh) "vodka slimes".

Therefore, when I go to a bar, my first drink is usually a test for the bartender. How well he or she performs determines how well I tip for the remainder of the evening (or morning!).

The test is usually something very simple (but gets screwed up more times than you would imagine):
- if I'm with a few people, I'll order a dry martini. The better the martini, the better the tip!
- if I'm with a group, I'll order a *pitcher* of Guinness. If the bartender refuses to pour a pitcher, big tip! (And don't get me started about the leaf!)

Unfortunately, I don't leave a lot of tips; I wish I did...

Nerdlinger

yeah i know, i spent my time in the corner and sorry bout that...

Nasti Asti

How to properly pour a Guinness.


If you draught it from a tap, and you don't clover the foam it's bad luck to be downing it then.


ehhh...mostly clovers are for tourists..
and truthfully
most guys fark up the pint when making a clover..but a good clover is nice decoration..
as for the bottle, would be my choice after the can..

can 14oz
bottle 12oz

price at bar usually the same

2006-08-17 11:34:47 AM Ditto

Every time you pull a poorly-constructed analogy out of your ass, a kitten dies. An accountant is a "professional". A lawyer, a "professional". Even a sysadmin, a "professional", albeit usually a sad one. Someone who knows how to do something that monkey could literally learn to do, not so much.

2006-08-17 11:35:48 AM trappedspirit

bonesdilligaf: yeah i know, i spent my time in the corner and sorry bout that...

'SCool. C'mon let's get a drink and tip the bartender with nickels.

B.J. McKay
- if I'm with a group, I'll order a *pitcher* of Guinness. If the bartender refuses to pour a pitcher, big tip! (And don't get me started about the leaf!)

i like this guy...
pitcher of Guinness !! now thats classic

oh god i got the douche chills thinking of that..

/a pitcher? sure sir let me just ask the manager what to charge you... walk out of bar when she goes to check

Mr Finger

You would make a great beer biatch.

Therefore, when I go to a bar, my first drink is usually a test for the bartender. How well he or she performs determines how well I tip for the remainder of the evening (or morning!).

Bet you're glad your own salary isn't set this way.

Not tipping US$1 is a great way to either never get served, or else never get a heavy pour. But as usual, the boys on fark know better, don't they?

It's been said already, but I think it bears repeating...

Author is a whiny twit.

So what did she get her masters in? The use of campy game shows as the modern IQ test? Cause everybody knows jeopardy trivia is the real measure of true intelligence....

Steven Hawking rolls into a bar, asks the bartender for the Grand Unified Theory. Bartender scratches it onto a napkin, pours him a Guiness, and takes his money, which includes a generous tip. Steven gets drunk, looses napkin.

/there's a joke there somewhere.

How about some other myths bartenders believe.

The default liquor for a gimlet or martini is vodka (huh?)

You don't need to know classic drinks, nobody will order them (whaddaya mean you don't know how to make a manhattan or old fashioned?)

Beer comes in 3 styles: light, medium, and dark.

If I order your best quality bourbon neat, it means I want it in a shot glass (lets see YOU try to sip out of a shot glass!).

Good bartenders get exceptionally good tips for me. They deserve all the money they can get for making proper drinks.

mr finger

if you are reffering to handing you a bottle i must agree, if however you are reffering to a perfectly chilled and poured extra dry martini very dirty, or a margarita rocks(and not with that mix crap) id say there is a difference

On an aside, there are many professional bartenders who make more money than some lawyers, many accountants, and most sysadmins.

Unamerican

Not tipping US$1 is a great way to either never get served, or else never get a heavy pour. But as usual, the boys on fark know better, don't they?

Silly me, I thought tips were for exemplary service, not a divine right. You've got no business calling yourself a bartender if you don't even know how to make a martini.

2006-08-17 11:49:46 AM Ditto

Mr Finger

You would make a great beer biatch.

How do you know I'm not?

Actually in the bar scene I occupy a position considerably lower on the scale in terms of respect. So my disdain for bartenders is mostly out of jealousy. Luckily I do it mostly for fun and not for a living.

/musician

Free Radical

Myth # 11

You will not end up as that aging hipster with a receding hairline and ponytail or that leather skinned, over-processed hair blonde behind the bar because with your superior intellect and stellar personal skills, you will go directly to a seven figure income job curing cancer and solving world hunger.

Actually Myth #11 should be that the bar business is not a multibillion dollar industry.

Bartenders that do not treat it as such should not be part of it. People who go out to drink should remeber that the bartender is doing his / her job just like you do yours during the day. If this guy was in customer service he would be the dick at AOL.

As for your stereotype, I would rather chase the dream of opening the place that makes me an aging hipster with a couple of million in the bank at 35 and then donate that money to someone who likes to work in a lab. Hey, the world takes different folks. If we were all cancer researchers who would get us drunk?

i swear this was cribbed from drunkard.com

adenosine

How about some other myths bartenders believe...

Thank you, good sir!

/I'll have a martini
// Vodka or gin?
/// I *said* martini!!!

B.J. McKay: Silly me, I thought tips were for exemplary service, not a divine right. You've got no business calling yourself a bartender if you don't even know how to make a martini.

Nothing worse than a bartender that can't make the classics. This isn't WWII; you better do more than nod towards France when thinking about the vermouth content of my martini.

adenosine

default liquor for a martini is vodka...lol

you are right..many tools think that, so these days you must certainly specify you want gin, and if you are smart you will specify the brand as well...

the well gins (stuff you get if you dont specify) are serious garbage...

oh..a little tip for those who didnt know...

many bars use god quality brands in their speed racks or for their well drinks. good example is white bacardi rum, or absolut vodka. If you order vodka or rum from these places you will get those served, but if you order bacardi or absolute you will pay a premium...

vodka and club $3.75
absolute and club $4.50

rum and coke $3.75
bacardi and coke $4.50

just an fyi
happens in many chain bars and restaurants...

wow, that was a swell trip down memory lane. thanks for the memories and for the reminders as to why i stopped bartending. got me through college though.

and did someone say old fashioned? by far one of my favoritist drinks to make. had a regular who drank those. the secret ingredient is....another cherry.

She thinks she has it bad? Try being the bouncer. I did it for ten years and have the scars to prove it. And I didn't get any shiatty tips.

mr finger /musician

Let me put this in a way you will understand. The same guy that doesn't tip for good service and whistles to get the bartender's attention is usually the same guy that thinks it is still funny to yell, "Play Freebird!"

bonesdilligaf: the well gins (stuff you get if you dont specify) are serious garbage...

I drink a lot of gimlets. Let me tell you, they are the king of well drinks because they taste EXACTLY the same with bottom shelf or top shelf gin. The bottom shelf actually tastes a bit more complex because they tend to have a stronger juniper flavor that cuts through the Rose's lime.