Sell-by dates are simply suggestions

/A message from the Norwegian National Association of Morans

These are the guys that used to bury fish, dig it up, and eat it.

Heh, I remember the small-town grocer where I grew up had a product outdated by 17 years. If only I'd had a digital camera in the '90s.

This also reminds me of Allen Wrench, from the Simpsons.

/Tungsten!

davidphogan: /Tungsten!

Damn tabs. Wrong thread.

2006-08-11 12:36:26 AM Handsome Jack Manitoba

These are the guys that used to bury fish, dig it up, and eat it.

We have that here also. They're called stinkyheads.

Also, fermented seal, walrus, and whale flippers and parts. Takes a bit of getting used to, and it has to be done right, otherwise botulism will result.

I'm sure some pervert will make a quip about ten-year-old meat.

So where's the shop? I want to go pick up one of those "U Can't Touch This" t-shirts that has the handprints all over it, a leather jacket with an 8-ball on the back, and a pair of acid-washed Levi's shorts. Oh, and a Malcolm X baseball cap.

Well... I guess Michael Jackson will now be a resident of Norway...

He loves 10 year old meat...

/I'm doomed...

Food Spoilage Table

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is probably spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.

CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

WINE
It should not taste like salad dressing.

POTATOES
resh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it off the floor, it has gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

Well, Farkers beat me to the comment.

But nobody beat me to the image:



/My hell will be with pictures, yours will be in ASCII

Handsome Jack Manitoba: These are the guys that used to bury fish, dig it up, and eat it.

totalsecurity: We have that here also. They're called stinkyheads.

I think they still do this in Iceland as well, though I could be wrong.

moltov

You are funny! I think you should work for them!

2006-08-11 02:23:23 AM moltov



EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

What's that delicacy the have in the Phillipines? Balut, I think?

I can't believe this hasnt been mentioned (explicitly) yet.

Lutefisk

"It's not food, it's a weapon of mass destruction".

It might just be me, but anyone else think the oven in the banner ad looks like a giant asshole?

/not that I'm a giant asshole, mind

mr-flibble
I see your lutefisk and raise you Balut

lutefisk and balut are weapons of ass destruction.

"In the grocery business, you have to throw out stuff sometimes, but Ralph is Norwegian and it goes against his principles."

/familiar?

What does that girl have to do with anything? Tungsten?

excuse me, is this a cheese shop?

What is the "freezer section" exactly? If there was old food in the back then it probably means they're just too lazy to throw it out or they have better things to do. Besides, they're probably storing it around absolute zero so the meat can't spoil.

Maybe she's ten years old and made of meat?
/thinking meat?
//obscure?
///Naah, nothing is obscure on Fark.

those darn Norwegians! they're always... um. they're known for their...um. i wish they'd quit doing all that....

uh.

where's Norway?

2 quick stories:

my Grandpop drinks milk up to 2 weeks post use-by date.

2 years ago, I was visiting my parents. My mom asked me to help her clean out their pantry...something that literally hadn't been done for YEARS. the closet is deep, house is old, and stuff was shoved back.

I found Progresso soup that was so old, it pre-dated the Nutrition Facts label.

Mmmmmm...meat

I was in Save-A-Lot once (if you don't know it, think super cheap supermarket rejects where you MAY find something useful) and found a package of meat on the shelf that was three years past it's expiration date. The sick thing was, you could tell it had been rewrapped because the side of the meat that was against the styrofoam was that sickly icky grey color meat gets when it's exposed to light and air, etc. and the other side that we looked at was red and fresh-looking.

I felt really violated, and have never purchased a single meat product from that store.

goobernutz

those darn Norwegians! they're always... um. they're known for their...um. i wish they'd quit doing all that....


"Do you have anything light?"

"How about this pamphlet, 'Famous Jewish Sports Legends'?"

The Kwik-E-Mart... For Meat... And Milk... From 1984!

Mutton?!?!

I could have detected life within 20 feet and regained my endurance!!

/obscure?

i work at a grocery store, all our meat and produce is always kept fresh, we've thrown out entire pallets of strawberries because the sell-by date was that day.

but a fw months ago i went up above the receiving clerks office to take a look at the generator we have for emergency use. the back room reeked of gasoline like an arabs armpits for a few days, and i ponted out the genny to my boss. i found a can on its side up top, it looks like it was thrown up there a decade before. it expired in 93. how long does condensed milk last anyway?

I WAS 5 WHEN THE CANNED GOOD EXPIRED!!! as a joke i showed it to my boss and asked him if i shuld put it in the go-backs cart. (he said no)

it must have been from one of the first shipments the store got, its only been open about 12 years (store #1257)

I have a bottle of grape juice that expired 21 years ago.

That list was one of hundreds I culled out of an old email account that I had in operation from 1990-2002. I went thru it and pulled out all the humourous forwards that people were sending tons of back in the day, and tossed everything else.

another good story. will top any of yours.

If you live in or know NYC well, you'd probably know the Schwartz Chemical Plant in Queens, on the East River, facing the UN. My dad used to own that building...he was Schwartz.

It was built by George Westinghouse in 1901. On the 5th floor was the storage facility where tons of crap was just thrown and stored. One day, my brother and I were milling around and we found a vending machine.....that vended juice.....that was made circa 1900....and still had juice in it.

We CAREFULLY opened up an apple juice container (with masks & gloves) and poured it on the roof....where nobody goes. It came out as a jet black sludge and was about as thick as peanut butter.

Later we asked a guy who's name I won't reveal, who had been there as long as my dad and he said that they found it when they bought the building in the 70s and decided to keep it because it was just cool.

Catholic priests worldwide seen signing up for fark accounts at the mention of 10 year old meat

/oh yeah..I went there

Haha. When I was 20 I was really poor and a friend gave me a case of hamburger patties that were 1.5 years past expiration and had "NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION" stamped in red on each package of 6 patties. WE lived off them for about 2 months. No ill effects so far.

Still have no idea WTF they were for if not for human consumption. They did have little bits of bone in them, we just cooked them "well-done".

Big Brother --
What grocery store do you work at? I'd love to stalk your dumpsters for pallets of strawberries

Dwedit: The Kwik-E-Mart... For Meat... And Milk... From 1984!

that's what i came here to see.

Reminds me of the "bargain bin" at a store I used to shop in the 80s. They had some nasty stuff in there, sometimes. One time I bought some sausage that turned out to be about 80% fat. Another time I bought some lunch meat that smelled like somebody had farted inside the package. I pretty much avoided the "bargain bin" after I started making a little more money.

remember on the simpsons at the 33 cent store....

"uuuh dad, according to the Mexican Counsel of Food, this expired 3 months ago"

"i think I have red tide poisoning"

Eat More Possum: Probably safe. I wouldn't go out of my way to eat them, but I wouldn't turn away either.

If the freezer maintained its temperature over that year, you're probably right. Problem is, if they then sold those ribs to someone who then put them in his freezer for a year? no good.

/say it wit me now bo-de-ga