That headline contains two somewhat conflicting jokes.

damn dirty apes.

Therefore all monkeys are aggressive.

I'm surprised the monkey didn't kill any kittens...

...or maybe that's why he attacked humans...they were killing kittens...

The last monkey I knew named Presley was a little wild also.

BAD monkey! spank spank

*groan*

Will you touch my monkey?

I thought I was supposed to shock the monkey

I bent my wookie!

Oh and an excellent headline it was.

Or was that punch the monkey?

Anybody else think of "Outbreak"? Or is everybody monkeying around...

the pet store down the street here has like 4 monkeys in stock. and owls. quite interesting, although after "outbreak" i'm not going to pet the little suckers.

A sad example of a bad environment
To be pitied more than scorned
If he'd had been raised with love and kindness
Instead of with a razor strop
He wouldn't have bit two children and a pregnant lady
And a motorcycle cop

Here's how they sing
The Abyssinian Desert Monkey Rag
Oh Lord, he bit a woman
Here's how they sing
The Abyssinian Desert Monkey Rag
Yes yes, a pregnant woman
It's all about a monkey on a bitin' jag
It's The Abyssinian Desert Monkey Rag

AHAHA!
A monkey... went "Ape!"

I get it! Oh, jeez! Somebody call the Laugh-bulance!

I got nothing

Ouroborus, that is a silly monkey

Damn them! Damn them all to Hell!

That would have been a funny title if the last sentence was cut off, poor title

would you like to touch klaus, my monkey? touch him! love him! liber mien apsch minkey!!!...or however that's spelled...

We got posted! We got posted on Fark!

Maybe they should consider getting a safer pet sometime.
Like a Hyena, Wolverine, or a Badger.


Pitbull owners are probably dancing in the street right now.
Hey look everyone, an animal made the news by attacking a kid, AND THIS TIME IT WASN'T A PITBULL!

You can do anything, but don't step on my blue assed baboon.

Help, the human is trying to escape.

Get your paws off me you, dirty apes.

he can talk he can talk, he can talk, he can talk

I can SINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

"Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!"

i love the headline :)

Best. Headline. Ever.

Sometimes headlines should be treated like lectures - the shorter, the better:

"Man Spanks Monkey, Three Injured"

Let your imagination do the rest...

I used to drink at this Hawaiin bar years ago.
They had some type of monkee in this glass cage that had air vents/feeding trays at the bottom.
People used to put the fruit for their drinks into the tray and the monkey would eat it.
Needless to say, the monkey developed an alcochol problem due to people's ignorance.
He got REALLY mean as the years went on...