We need that guy for our man vs. robot gladiator matches (scroll down a bit).

Somebody send this to The Colbert Report.

When you're done reading about the Innocent man, click on the link that looks like this ...




for your pick-a-nick basket.

what makes him so innocent submitter?

there was a submission .,, I thinkn greenlit ,, that was someone single handedly killing a huge animal, maybe a bear in Alaska ,,,, a month ago? ( 3 weeks?? )

Anyone remember that??

Cant remember the headline.

Well, I guess that bear will pay with cash next time.

/what?

Damnit.. That bear was just trying to order some Mickey Ds after attending a baseball game.

/Jokes on the guy, though... The bear only had $2..

After all, doesn't your second ammendment give you the right to harm bears?

I've scared away bears with a yell, and once by banging two water pails together.

An old timer told me to put a few pebbles in a can and shake it as I was walking through the woods. I don't know if it worked, but I nearly wore that can out.

And I never got bit.

jay_vee

*Cringe*

Good try though! XD

1.4 metres? That's not a bear, that's a big dog!

/You want Karate?

hahahaha

colbert hates bears lolz!!1

Punched it in the face? What a shiatty bear.
/damned pu*sy...

ARTICLE: Bears usually stand on their hind legs when they attack people, but the animal could not do so apparently because it was on steep ground when it rushed at the man, police said.

These cops are in no danger of being courted by fish and game any time soon.

2006-07-31 12:38:03 AM Incetardis
*Cringe*
Good try though! XD

I know. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Link to the Salmon commerical video in 3...2....

He should have actively searched for a beehive after that.

/fark bees!

"My friend scubadives and he said to me once, 'if you ever encounter a shark, you punch it in the face, and it gets paralized long enough for you to flee'.....yeah....right.....punch a shark....and after that doesn't work, you can poke him in the eye with your stump"-commedian Robert Schimmel

/seems relevant

"No, no, no, I meant to say "bear" not "wife."

Juggs?

How could you NOT get pussy with a story like that?
/Dane Cook shark story

I thought he punched it "dead" in the face, not "dead in the face.

I mean that would be some powerful Karate.

Without a bear head to mount on your wall... eh

And the scoring is as follows:

Euell Gibbons: 1
Bear: 0
People know who Euell Gibbons is: -1
People know who think this is funny: -8

Wait, lets recap here. This guy is walkin along, mindin his own business, and this bear comes along, "Heeyyyy". The bear, goes up the the guy, the guy punches the bear in the face and the bear goes ''ALRIGHHHTTTT''.

Better than my turn at that play...

The family and I were staying at my in-law's place, and I was awakened by the sound of snarling dog and screaming females. I jumped out of bed, literally - my feet were moving before they hit the floor - and didn't even bother grabbing my glasses. In about four steps I was in the room my wife and 4 year old daughter were in. The wife was screaming "Get off her!", there was a blonde blur of her dad's dog at the foot of the bed, and what looked like my little girl on the floor in a ball.

The dog was a full grown golden lab something or other, 75 pounds or so. He was standing over my girl and growling, and she was screaming and crying.

This dog had made previous aggressive moves towards her in the past, including snapping at her once and pulling her glasses off with his teeth.

I didn't order the dog away. I had no time for it. I reached down, grabbed it by the throat, and hoisted it in the air. I growled at it, totally animal snarl escaping from me. The dog snapped at me. I punched it in the head with all the strength I could put into a right hook. Sadly, I'm left handed, and my left hand was already around the thing's neck, so it wasn't as powerful as I wanted. It bit at my right arm. I hoisted it higher, front paws totally off the ground, reared back and hammered it again. That time, it lowered it's stance a little.

I realized that my wife was screaming at me to get our daughter out, so I throw the dog back, scoop her up with one arm, and run out of the room. She had bite marks on her cheek, and claw marks on her back. I had tooth marks on my arm as well.


After all is said and done, her dad insists that it was my girl's fault that he attacked her - she must have done something to provoke him, he'd never attack anyone on his own. The previous instances of him snarling and snapping at her have escaped his memory. I state quite clearly in front of my family, my father-in-law, and his new wife that if the dog tries anything like that again, I will kill it with my bare hands, and inform him that my family is leaving the house NOW.

We visit infrequently over the next few months. I make a point of picking up my daughter and placing myself between her and the dog whenever it's around her, one hand carrying her, the other in a fist. He takes great offense at this. I don't care. I point out that I take great offense at being called a liar when I state that he attacked her with no provocation. My daughters scratches heal over with no visible scars.

A few months later, the dog attacks one of his new wife's grandchildren, and it is promptly sent off and destroyed. He eventually figures out why he was able to pick up a full-grown, house-trained dog from the kennel - it's attacked other people before.

/preview says... I type too much sometimes
//hopefully I haven't told this one before

/Bring it on biatch!
//Shouryuken is an easy move, plus I already used the cheat code to put it into God Mode

1.4 meters? This guy is not impressed. (this was a 3+ meter bear (1600 lbs))

Wanted for questioning.

Serves the guy right for picking the bears vegetables... How would you feel if you came home and found a bear raiding your kitchen?

Reminds me of Chompy the Bear


http://www.gapingmaw.com/319079/

Odate, Akita? Japan has bears? Learn something new every day...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzkXqrFRxDg&search=Bear%20nut%20kick

Err, sorry. My HTML isnt what it used to be. That is, it used to be bad. Now its just plain non-existant.

Olorin - I thought he punched it "dead" in the face, not "dead in the face. I mean that would be some powerful Karate.

Ever do any reading on Mas Oyama? He fought angry bulls... not pre-weakened bulls with a cape and a sword in hand... he used knife hand strikes to chop their horns off. And killed a few of them instantly.

He then went about accepting fights from all challengers, and took a lot of them out with just one punch.

you want HIS karate?

mtylerjr

Theres a significant difference in sizes of those two bears, but theres an even more noticable difference Gun vs. Fist. RIGHT fist, to be exact.

/that guy probably got all the chicks
//and ones that pick wild vegetables

Chuck Norris gets his vegtables from the woods?

Smokey is way more intense in person.

Mr Sunshine
i'll take that as my cue...
The cool factor is greatly lost here because the bear was only 1.4m. As previously stated, that's hardly a bear.

/would still buy the guy a beer.

Mr. Sunshine FTW

Dude; Mitch Hedburg farking rules.

and how funny is it that you would post next!

and how fitting that i listened to "Strategic Grill Locations" earlier tonight.

Remember folks...

Dwight from the Office has some good advice about bears!

Where's the motherfarkin' "Badass" tag?