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(Reuters)   Book of Psalms (dated 800 AD) found this week in a bog was first said to discuss the "wiping out Israel" ..well it actually doesn't. Sorry ironic tag   (msnbc.msn.com) divider line 164
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14468 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jul 2006 at 3:08 PM (8 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2006-07-28 12:03:08 PM  
minus 'the'...
 
2006-07-28 01:03:30 PM  
or "of"

the "wiping out of Israel"

/Not submitter.
 
2006-07-28 01:13:40 PM  
on a side note, I was just talking a few days ago to my "born again" sister in law about "Misquoting Jesus". And she just couldn't believe that someone would change the bible. Just yesterday she was telling me about this book and how it was open to a page talking about Israel, and that it was a miracle, since Israel didn't exist yet when the book was written.

And I said "remember that book I was telling you about?"

Man, Im tired of being right.
 
2006-07-28 01:52:01 PM  
The book does, however, have some really great pickup lines.

Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!
 
2006-07-28 02:39:43 PM  
And lo, the mass media will be punk'd...
 
2006-07-28 03:13:15 PM  
well the pic from the last article had the book closed and covered under some dirt... and the article actually said it would take months before they could figure out the best way to pry pages apart and actually read the text....
so if you read the article originally you knew finding it open to a page aboot israel(especially after lionfish's post) was complete bs...
 
2006-07-28 03:13:26 PM  
Seems like " Shenanigans " took a while to get back.
 
2006-07-28 03:13:50 PM  
Apparently, what it actually says is:

Thank you, Lord, for cancer, flu,
For athlete's foot and typhus too.
Your wondrous world with birth defects,
And ticks and strokes is so complex.

I marvel at your pedophiles,
And mumps sure does elicit smiles.
Your greatest feat -- the tornadoes
Are right up there with lava flows.

I simply love my varicose veins,
And thank you for the hurricanes.
The miracle of gum disease
Goes hand-in-hand with cavities.

My urinary incontinence
Compliments my flatulence.
Chickenpox is a grand thing,
As is, I f-feel, my st-stuttering.

You designed miscarriages,
And cute, malformed appendages.
We thank you for psoriasis
And myriad darling viruses.

For gout and migraines, ulcers too,
Warts and croup are due to you.
TB and multiple sclerosis
Are greater gifts than scoliosis.

Salmonella, SARS, and asthma,
Rickets, SIDS, anemia,
Cerebral palsy and ear wax,
Scurvy, shingles and anthrax.

Hodgkin's, Legionnaires' diseases,
Parkinson's and diabetes,
Botulism isn't nice,
Jock itch and those tiny lice.

Bubonic plague and grand earthquakes,
Shin splints, blisters, and toothaches,
Spina bifida, malaria,
Ovarian cysts and diptheria.

Diarrhea, and those phobias -- Oh!
Spider bites and polio,
PMS and Down's Syndrome,
Tourette's and a little kidney stone.

Sickle cell anemia
Diaper rash and eczema,
Lukemia, androgyny,
Hives and infertility.

The "sicknesses" you've offered me --
Morning, Sleeping, one a'Sea --
Do pale before your leprosy,
Melanomas and epilepsy.

Hiccups, lupus, and flatfoot,
Upon this Earth our Lord has put.
Narcolepsy, tonsilitis,
Schizophrenia and arthritis.

The eye (I say, designed by you
Since evolution is untrue),
With sties and presbyopia,
Cataracts, and glaucoma.

A touch of acne and dwarfism
Do pale before my priapism.
Hemorrhoids and yeast infections,
Trench mouth and the chronic depressions.

Tidal waves and cholera,
Scabies, flies, and opera,
Goiters and those cute tapeworms,
Munchausen's Syndrome and ringworms.

For those with mitral valve prolapse,
You are the one God of the gaps.
Alzheimer's is a wondrous thing,
As are disorders of eating.

We're thankful for the fevers -- Lo!
Rheumatic, scarlet, and yellow,
For dengue we give thanks to you --
And Rocky Mountain Spotted -- ooh!.

Your staph infection, Lyme disease,
Are certainly designed to please.
Dementia -- now there's a mess.
As is male pattern darn baldness.

There's acne, dandruff, whooping cough,
At heart disease we must not scoff.
Smallpox and pneumonia,
Sunburn, hemophilia.

Autism, elephantiasis,
Dysentery, prostatitis.
In your grand benevolence
I have lactose intolerance.

Fibroid tumors, laryngitis,
Hernias and hepatitis,
Cocaine and encephalitis,
Mood disorders, meningitis.

Toxic shock syndrome for us,
Ear infections and tetanus,
Sciatica, erectile dysfunction,
Rapists and good ol' hypertension.

Motion sickness, dermatitis,
Cystic fibrosis, and chronic bronchitis,
Strep throat, mosquitoes, sinus infections,
Sleep disorders, postpartum depressions

The flesh-eater, necrotizing fascitis,
Mono, halitosis, and phlebitis.
We all look forward to osteoporosis,
But certainly dread pulmonary fibrosis.

Dear God, we sure thank you for all these great things.
Your miracles make you the one King of Kings.
Of all of your wonders that we do behold,
Most of all, "Thanks!" for the old common cold.



/Thanks, RockyABQ
 
2006-07-28 03:13:54 PM  
Bible literacy seems to be a little on the low side for people that like to criticize it.

Try reading books before you hurt yourself trying to form an opinion on them.
 
2006-07-28 03:16:01 PM  
The wrath in the psalm
and the psalm in the book
and the book in the bog
and the bog down in the valley-o!

Hey ho the Rapture Bog, the bog down in the valley-o!
Hey ho the Rapture Bog, the bog down in the valley-o!
 
2006-07-28 03:16:31 PM  
Just yesterday she was telling me about this book and how it was open to a page talking about Israel, and that it was a miracle, since Israel didn't exist yet when the book was written


/hahaha...I LOL'd
 
2006-07-28 03:17:18 PM  
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.

Amen.

/Praise be unto the Pythons
//And the lord did grin...
 
2006-07-28 03:17:25 PM  
I've read the Bible. Reading led me to conclude that it's a work of fiction.
 
2006-07-28 03:17:57 PM  
*yawn* didn't care in the first place.
Anyway....
BOOBIES
http://hosted.femjoy.com/galleries/megan_romantique_110724_tbc745/?affid=86872 4
 
2006-07-28 03:18:24 PM  
Wait... it's possible to misread or mistranslate the Bible?

/wtf?
 
2006-07-28 03:19:05 PM  
I think that the original quote is quite uplifting for us jews than the original one

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!

2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young-
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

9 Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.
 
2006-07-28 03:20:08 PM  
i70.photobucket.com
 
2006-07-28 03:20:38 PM  
The Iripsh would like to psay that they are Psorry for any confupsion
 
2006-07-28 03:20:39 PM  
Koalaesq: Wait... it's possible to misread or mistranslate the Bible?

Did you RTFA? Big bold letters for you:

The confusion arose because the manuscript uses an old Latin translation of the Bible known at the Vulgate, which numbers the psalms differently from the later King James version, the 1611 English translation from which many modern texts derive.
 
2006-07-28 03:21:40 PM  
Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow the Muslim-land squatting State Of Israel to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

I don't see anywhere that this calls for the "wiping out" of Israel. It's simply a metaphor for harvesting dates.

www.mwscomp.com
 
2006-07-28 03:21:54 PM  
What's 800 AD got to do with it? Submitter acts like no one bothered to copy it down over the years.

Don't know what the thing said...just pointing out that because the COPY is from 800 doesn't mean the words themselves weren't from earlier.
 
2006-07-28 03:22:20 PM  
Tatsuma

Darling... check your sarcasm meter :-)
 
2006-07-28 03:22:41 PM  
kavoelker

minus 'the'...

...bear? I love that band.
 
2006-07-28 03:22:51 PM  
kavoelker: minus 'the'...

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
 
2006-07-28 03:24:06 PM  
Koalaesq: Darling... check your sarcasm meter :-)

Actually, hmmm, I need to concentrate because I realize that you didn't write at all what I read.

I read something along the lines of "How could they misread or mistranslate the bible?" as in, how could they fark up two different verses

sorry for that
 
2006-07-28 03:24:35 PM  
My wife is currently studying biblical Greek in school. After hearing her talk about the difficulties of transliteration I find it really frightening that anyone takes the Bible literally.
 
2006-07-28 03:25:19 PM  
Torc: ...bear? I love that band.

I have to say that I agree with this statement

Kudos!
 
2006-07-28 03:25:31 PM  
Tatsuma, it's uplifting, period. Some of the psalms are simply beautiful as literature.
 
2006-07-28 03:25:56 PM  
pizen: My wife is currently studying biblical Greek in school. After hearing her talk about the difficulties of transliteration I find it really frightening that anyone takes the Bible literally.

especially since they take the hebrew part literally yet they don't bother to learn hebrew or study the commentators or learn about the Oral Law that explains the Written Law.
 
2006-07-28 03:26:00 PM  
Just a typo -- the book actually refers to "wiping out Azrael." It's the Smurf Bible.
 
2006-07-28 03:26:08 PM  
Koalaesq: Darling... check your sarcasm meter :-)

Thou shalt not use sarcasm.

/hail Jesu5
 
2006-07-28 03:26:58 PM  
towatchoverme: Tatsuma, it's uplifting, period. Some of the psalms are simply beautiful as literature.

Oh, I know, I know, but a quote being unhearted about the destruction of Israel vis-a-vis a psalm about yearning and loving HaShem is a bit better, in the current situation..
 
2006-07-28 03:27:11 PM  
Does it still contain "The Lowest Pair?"

First thing is to say this...

Much further out than inevitable
Hallowe'en is thy game.
Sky King is come, and Wilma's done;
Uncertain, as it is uneven.

Give us today, hors-d'oeuvres in bed
As we forgive those who have dressed up against us.

And need us not enter inflation,
But our liver, onions, and potatoes.
For wide is a shingle, and a mower,
And a story for your father.

All right?
 
2006-07-28 03:27:18 PM  
pizen: My wife is currently studying biblical Greek in school. After hearing her talk about the difficulties of transliteration I find it really frightening that anyone takes the Bible literally.


I find that terrifying even when the people who read it are able to do so in its original language(s).
 
2006-07-28 03:27:24 PM  
So the book was found in a bog, how appropriate.

/it is nothing but foma!
 
2006-07-28 03:27:25 PM  
pizen: My wife is currently studying biblical Greek in school. After hearing her talk about the difficulties of transliteration I find it really frightening that anyone takes the Bible literally.

But...but...the bible was written in the King's English, which is why it is called the King James version! How could it be mistranslated?


/...and Jesus did so look like a 16th-century Italian Renaissance male!
 
2006-07-28 03:27:25 PM  
So that story was about as real as all those so-called "Nostradamus prophecies" about Bush, 9/11, etc.

As P.T. Barnum said, there's one born every minute.
 
2006-07-28 03:27:40 PM  
Anagrammer

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?

It would be clearer of you just wrote, "I want to put hyphens between the words Fish, And, and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign."

Or "I want to put hyphens between each word in my Fish-and-Chips sign."

Or if you just sold farking burgers instead.
 
2006-07-28 03:27:52 PM  
Tats

No worries. The good news is, this translation means everything's fine and Israel will be at peace forever!

/oh wait.
 
2006-07-28 03:28:39 PM  
towatchoverme: Tatsuma, it's uplifting, period. Some of the psalms are simply beautiful as literature.


Especially the dirty ones.
 
2006-07-28 03:28:50 PM  
Bible literacy seems to be a little on the low side for people that like to praise it.

Try reading books before you hurt yourself trying to form an opinion on them.
 
2006-07-28 03:28:53 PM  
clevershark: So that story was about as real as all those so-called "Nostradamus prophecies" about Bush, 9/11, etc.

As P.T. Barnum said, there's one born every minute.


On 9/11, someone asked me, "How come no one predicted this?"

I replied, "Don't worry. They will."
 
2006-07-28 03:30:16 PM  
No apocalypse for you....

*Picture of nuclear bomb assploding*

Not yours...
 
2006-07-28 03:30:21 PM  
Lionfish

Some food for thought. Might be an eye-opener for your sister, too. This link revolves around possible mis-interpretations, and origins of, the gospels:

Split a Piece of Wood: The Gospel of St. Thomas
 
2006-07-28 03:30:42 PM  
Torc: ...Or if you just sold farking burgers instead.

I'll take that option.
 
2006-07-28 03:31:04 PM  
Pizen, that is where faith comes in. If you put your faith in something (God in this case) you trust that what is written is correct.
 
2006-07-28 03:31:11 PM  
Anagrammer: Apparently, what it actually says is:

Man farked up and ignored the Almighty, and now he is paying the price. Which is just a small reminder of what will happen if individual people continue to reject the Almighty: you get all of this and more, the bonus package, baby!

[insert flaming lake of brimstone, wailing, and gnashing of teeth here.]

/Not my call; freedom of choice makes it yours.
 
2006-07-28 03:34:34 PM  
Bubbler86

I disagree. You can believe in G-d (as I do) and yet also believe that the Bible was written and REwritten by men who mistranslated and put thier own slant on things. I don't believe in the Bible (as accurate); I DO believe in G-d.
 
2006-07-28 03:35:06 PM  
Anagrammer: /...and Jesus did so look like a 16th-century Italian Renaissance male!

news.bbc.co.uk


And King David wasn't even circumcised.
 
2006-07-28 03:35:14 PM  
Tatsuma: especially since they take the hebrew part literally yet they don't bother to learn hebrew or study the commentators or learn about the Oral Law that explains the Written Law.

She's learning Greek now so she can study the New Testament in its original language. Next Fall she'll learn Hewbrew so she can study the Old Testament in its original language. I'm sure at that point I'll gain a new level of frustration with the fundamentalists.
 
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