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(Yukon News)   Once or twice in your life, you�ll face life-threatening situations. Here�s a little practice   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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13528 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2002 at 9:37 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

47 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-06-23 09:40:04 AM  
Those stories were lame.
2002-06-23 09:43:57 AM  
Kittens lives are threatened daily by that magazine!!
Won't someone think of the kittens?


2002-06-23 09:55:06 AM  
This could get fun...
2002-06-23 09:56:09 AM  
Once or Twice in my life..

I hope so!

SpermSwallower Watch your mouth.
2002-06-23 09:56:28 AM  
You click on a [image from too old to be available] link and are presented with several pictures of a Brasilian women's soccer team. Do you:

a. Get a great idea for a Photoshop contest?

b. Think of the kittens and close the window?

c. Decide that there are lots of kittens anyway and...
2002-06-23 09:58:46 AM  
Have to agree w/ JOHNDX link. And, SpermSwallower has both potty screen name and potty mouth
2002-06-23 10:02:21 AM  
C. Definitely C.
2002-06-23 10:03:25 AM  
You'd better get your act together quick if you want to survive here. I mean quick.
2002-06-23 10:04:37 AM  
Letter C works in most situations!
2002-06-23 10:07:53 AM  
did anyone else get a gigantic army ad for picking the right answer in the vietnam story? Makes me wonder if teh whole thing wasn't just an ad for the army...
2002-06-23 10:10:39 AM  
I'm dead? do they know?
2002-06-23 10:11:29 AM  
sweater girl you are a stupid moron.


Didn't realize my flippant remark was so bad.

hey, nice rebuttal though!
2002-06-23 10:15:35 AM  
Yes, the US army wants our nutz.. whats new, i get tons of junk from them all the time.
2002-06-23 10:29:16 AM  
Not that I consider gaming a reliable test of one's ability to survive a life threatening situation, but wouldn't Rainbow Six or Counter Strike be slightly better to determine if you can react quickly and decisively, rather than a magazine article that you can take your time to read and ponder the appropriate response?

/ridiculously long convoluted sentence
2002-06-23 10:33:56 AM  
Life threatening situation.....

A. Kylie
B. Simone
C. Sara
D. Amanda
E. All of the above

2002-06-23 10:34:42 AM  
Its a small thing, but an AR-15 will NOT go into full-auto. Maybe an M-16, but an AR-15 is the civilian version, semi-auto copy. Makes me wonder about the rest of the details though.
2002-06-23 10:35:15 AM  
Oooops, meant to put Kitten life threatening situations....
2002-06-23 10:39:56 AM  
My wife gets me a "perscription" to Maxim mag every year for our anniversery.

That's right, I DO have the coolest wife around.

*sits back smuggly, smoking his pipe*
2002-06-23 10:43:57 AM  
gotta luv the Maxim,but my husband doesn't get to read it until after i've finished it.Hell,he can go get his own subscription.
2002-06-23 10:47:06 AM  
He jumps up, and never sees the bastard who plugs him in the groin.

Luckily, the assault is working. The VC are lickety-splitting into the jungle. The medic checks out Morris' wounds. He still has a dick, but his left testicle is swollen up like an eggplant

2002-06-23 10:54:30 AM  
SpermSwallower seems to have a serious penis obsession
2002-06-23 10:58:19 AM  
Woo hoo! I chose correctly both times! I am now qualified to become a fire fighter in a Vietcong-infested jungle.
2002-06-23 11:11:25 AM  

I love you.

2002-06-23 11:14:30 AM  
I chose the correct answer both times. Take THAT VC bastards ;)
2002-06-23 11:14:35 AM  
2002-06-23 11:15:14 AM  
[image from too old to be available] I'm Dead.
2002-06-23 11:17:45 AM  
Jws755 the M16 designation did not come into use until the rifle had been selected as the main battle rifle for the US Army (which was after Colt signed a licensing agreement with Armalite, the rifles original designer). Prior to that the spec warfare community were using them and knew them as AR15s. Although I don't know the exact time line for these events, given that the story takes place in '64, I do not believe that this is an error to discredit the events as described.

Also, Jim Morris and John Plaster (Maxim's expert), are both well respected in the spec warfare community. I for one wouldn't have the brass to tell either of them that the rifle was misidentified.
2002-06-23 11:57:15 AM  
I agree that jvs755 is mistaken. Not because I think Maxim's experts are unmistakable, but because I had a misfortune to use AR-15 in a combat situation.

I'll take AK-47 over that anytime
2002-06-23 12:16:09 PM  
The style of writing in Maxim reminds me of Esquire, without thr once in a while journalism.

Its a punk style that must be big with 20 and 30 something East coast writers. Use the F word a lot and maybe someone will think you are Hunter S. Thompson or Hemingway.

And Hooray for the cowboy in the jungle. Very few guys have/had that kind of bravado in combat. Its mostly heard of in movies and soft porn.

US special forces are heroic, but I think they normally use sound tactics instead of running hell bent for leather at enemy positions and saying "I love this shiat."

That writers dramatization of a true story was probably mostly a description of a pine cone fight the guy had in his back yard as a kid.
2002-06-23 12:20:37 PM  
"06-23-02 09:46:59 AM SpermSwallower
sweater girl you are a stupid moron."

You already heard from JOHN DX, Hytes Xian, Rhiannon so I will just leave it at that.
3 prominent FARKers letting you know to watch and learn before you speak.
I am glad I didn't see a stupid response to their setting you straight. I take it you realized you made a mistake and will never insult a FARKette Goddess like SweaterGirl again.
2002-06-23 12:50:03 PM  
I'm *this* close away from getting my user posted on SLAYERSWINE's bio list. Sundays are good.
2002-06-23 12:54:23 PM  
Hey SLAYERSWINE, I've been meaning to ask, ever met Jimmy Page?
2002-06-23 01:08:27 PM  
Wait a minute! I'm DEAD!!!!????!!

oh man my wife is gonna be pissed.
2002-06-23 01:11:13 PM  
Well the roof's got a leak, the rain's dripping on to my head...
(drip drop, drippity drop)
2002-06-23 01:14:08 PM  
I would kill Don Rickels
2002-06-23 02:05:13 PM  

Well, the VC fear me, but I got hypothermia in the forest fire.

PegLeg: Hey now, dont forget TFC. I'd rather take on 3 soljas with an AC than fall back for a med.

2002-06-23 02:35:21 PM  
I lived, both times, first try. You just have to keep in mind that it's Maxim, and in order to please their target audience they have to reward dramatic bravado.
2002-06-23 02:50:33 PM  
I apologize for my mistake, and the corrections of subsequent posters about the AR-15/M-16 designation. Im not familiar with the author or his experience.
2002-06-23 06:11:50 PM  
Great, these people made the _dumb_ choice in each case and survived. That is really helpful. "Gee, let's decrease our chances and hope for a miracle like these people had"...
2002-06-23 08:17:30 PM  
I think it would also be a bit smarter for them to say WHY 'you're dead' than just that you made the wrong choice... why is falling back a bad idea?
2002-06-23 08:22:24 PM  
Arg! Smarter was the wrong word to use... I meant "more helpful"
2002-06-23 08:35:12 PM  
That Nam cross-fire story read like something from some Rambo movie.

If it's true, wow.

And the other firefighter nearly dying of hypothermia during a forest fire? How's that for rich irony?
2002-06-23 09:29:38 PM  
geez, what kind of idiot charges the vc machinegun nests with an unknown number of enemy soldiers and expects to live?

/died in both stories :\
2002-06-23 09:41:58 PM  
Hah, the guy lost a testicle. Serves him right
2002-06-23 10:31:39 PM  
I died twice.
Well, once (Dived in the lake the second time, but that doesn't count now, does it?)

Apparently, the best way to survive in life or death situations is to suddenly develop suicidal tendencies.
2002-06-24 12:16:49 AM  
Can you tell us about it?

I agree that jvs755 is mistaken. Not because I think Maxim's experts are unmistakable, but because I had a misfortune to use AR-15 in a combat situation.
2002-06-24 07:50:50 AM  
It was not in the Nam if you were hoping to hear some story from there. I used it in much more recent war against serbs. In the beginning we fought with any weapons we could find, including AR-15 and even some ancient WW1 machine guns. Out of a dozen or more different rifles I used, only AR-15 jammed in a crucial moment.

And from the experience I can tell you that the guy from this story made a stupid choice and survived only because VCs were even stupider. Whenever I participated in an ambush I was just waiting for such an idiot that would lose nerves and charge towards me. It was just too easy.
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