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(Local6)   Scratch "send through wood chipper" off your list of ways to kill kittens   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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18573 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jul 2006 at 10:40 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

86 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2006-07-06 08:28:05 AM  
I'm not sure I agree 100% with you headline work there, submitter...
2006-07-06 08:47:43 AM  
Back to the reliable method...
img.fark.netView Full Size
2006-07-06 10:44:17 AM  
So this is a sport now?
2006-07-06 10:44:24 AM  
So did the kitten fly out the other side when they turned it on or did they hear the kitten "scream" and stop it?

/just wonderin'
2006-07-06 10:44:51 AM  
I usually just wait till my SO falls asleep, kill them furiously, then cry myself to sleep.

/Tried and true, my friends.
2006-07-06 10:45:06 AM  
poor kitty!
2006-07-06 10:45:14 AM  
How to make a dead cat "Meow":

Toss him in the freezer overnight.
Run him through the bandsaw in the morning.

/Wonders if the chipper would work as well
2006-07-06 10:45:58 AM  
If that cat had nine lives it sure used 'em all.
2006-07-06 10:46:20 AM  
an anonymous caller said it fell asleep inside the wood chipper before workers turned it on

I hate it when that happens
2006-07-06 10:47:06 AM  
So, I suppose thats your Kitty in the Chippa Shredda there?
2006-07-06 10:47:10 AM  

Stephen Lynch didn't mention wood chipper, so I knew it wouldn't work.

when the game of life makes you feel like quiting it helps a lot if you,
kill a kitten
mark my words cause from were im sitting you cant go wrong if you,
kill a kitten
theres no crime that you'll be commiting, i know the law you can,
kill a kitten
and if you need yarn for that scarf you're knitting you'll get pleanty if you,
kill a kitten

feed it turpin-tine
or break its spine,
crush it with your shoe
as long as you
kill a kitten

if the one you love isn't quite as sh-mitting, she'll like you more if you
kill a kitten
and i quote the bible cause that's where it's written "if ye loveth jesus ye must
kill a kitten"

flush him down the can,
hit him with your van,
throw him at a train,
make him snort cocaine,
drown him in a lake,
bake a kitty cake,
sick some TNT,
up his cat booty,
do what you must do,
as long as you
kill a kitten

killing kittens isnt easy
if the thought makes you feel quzzy
grab a pitch fork from the shed
and kill a puppy dog instead

kill a kitten
kill a kitten
kill a kitten
fluffy kitten
you gotta kill a kitten
kill a kitten
2006-07-06 10:47:17 AM  
...the stray kitten, now named Chipper....


/was frightened when I first read that headline
2006-07-06 10:48:44 AM  
NikolaiFarkoff = Winner

/Where is Pancakes house?
2006-07-06 10:49:15 AM  
Whatever happened to just tying 'em in a sack and throwing it in the river?
2006-07-06 10:49:19 AM  
Video: Kitten Survives Trip Through Wood Chipper
Lousy misleading description.
2006-07-06 10:50:07 AM  
I used to really despise cats until I moved in with my gf who has 2 of them. Now they're pretty cool and fun, but I doubt it'd faze me in the least if they died.

Cats are like pop. It's nice to have pop in the fridge, but if you run out, it's really not a big deal.
2006-07-06 10:50:25 AM  
What a pussy-woodchipper!
2006-07-06 10:52:44 AM  
awwww..poor kitty :(
2006-07-06 10:53:00 AM  
florida tag?
2006-07-06 10:53:15 AM  
NOOOOOOOO! Good god, I am pregnant and my hormones are raging. This article just made me CRYYYYY!
2006-07-06 10:53:36 AM  
Goes by the name "Lucky"
2006-07-06 10:57:14 AM  

NOOOOOOOO! Good god, I am pregnant and my hormones are raging. This article just made me CRYYYYY!

OMG a woman they can tell when her hormones are making her acting strangily? Can you PLEASE teach my wife?????
2006-07-06 10:57:56 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

//unavailable for comment
2006-07-06 10:58:58 AM  
NOOOOOOOO! Good god, I am pregnant and my hormones are raging. This article just made me CRYYYYY!

Fear not, the creature lived, according to the article.
2006-07-06 11:00:04 AM  

Did you just say 'pop'?!

2006-07-06 11:01:00 AM  
I know, I know...that does make me feel a LITTLE better. Better than an article I read a few weeks ago about some kids who killed a puppy :(
2006-07-06 11:01:16 AM  
that kitten deserves a little R+R, and one of these:
[image from too old to be available]
2006-07-06 11:01:35 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

(not amused)
2006-07-06 11:01:42 AM  
pebblespetal: NOOOOOOOO! Good god, I am pregnant and my hormones are raging. This article just made me CRYYYYY!

I'm not pregnant, so I simply nearly cried

Now I want to adopt that kitten and hug it
2006-07-06 11:04:25 AM  
Right after I got my tractor, my kitten went to sleep under the bushhog. We implemented new procedures after that. Poor thing.
2006-07-06 11:04:40 AM  
They named the kitten "Chipper" after the thing that almost killed it?


Just call me "Asshatoncellphone" or "Soccermom" then.
2006-07-06 11:07:32 AM  
This really needs the Sick tag instead.
2006-07-06 11:08:14 AM  
Cat's name used to be Charles Norris
2006-07-06 11:08:15 AM  
Tatsuma: I'm not pregnant, so I simply nearly cried
Now I want to adopt that kitten and hug it

DAVE?? Is that you??
2006-07-06 11:08:17 AM  
URL of the article:

I have a new favorite sport!
2006-07-06 11:10:02 AM  
what they should call that cat is Mister Badass,

a wood chipper tried to kick his ass and failed? that's the baddest cat on the planet, even that cat that chased that bear up a tree is'nt as badass as this cat.
2006-07-06 11:10:36 AM How to make a dead cat "Meow":

Toss him in the freezer overnight.
Run him through the bandsaw in the morning.

You stole my joke! Anyway, it is supposed to be: "How do you make a DOG meow?"

Parrallel joke: How do you make a Kitten go "Woof"? Douse it in gasoline, then toss a lit match....

/I keed! I keed!
2006-07-06 11:14:09 AM  
I'm certain this has already been posted, but as long as Fark exists (and to a lesser extent, the boobies tag), kittens will die, en mass.

So no worres mate, the furry little farkers will not overrun the planet.
2006-07-06 11:14:13 AM  
Thought at first that someone was using the woodchipper to pleasure (?) himself...

/ ouch
// would have to have lots of calluses
/// ok, it was me..
2006-07-06 11:15:14 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

poor little guy. he's gonna find a great home after all that publicity.
2006-07-06 11:15:28 AM  
If you did that I would think that calluses would be the very least of your problems....
2006-07-06 11:16:10 AM  
i wouldn't want that cat. After going through something like that - think PET CEMTARY!!!!!

Honey, the cat has the gun again, and he is shooting it at the kids! [image from too old to be available]
2006-07-06 11:17:21 AM  
fap fap fap...
kitty's dead, chrissakes...

everytime you save a kitten duke wins.........
2006-07-06 11:17:38 AM  
Reason #1397 that

Cats > Dogs

Kittens are chipper proof.
2006-07-06 11:21:57 AM  
Yes, the original way I heard it was dogs.
But, that way involves the suggestion of hurting a dog and in no way makes reference to dead cats. So, I like my improved joke much better.
2006-07-06 11:22:46 AM  
Look subby I'm not marking it off my list without extensive testing. One live kitten is just anecdotal.
(Jesus I spelled anecdotal first try. off to get teh lotto.)
2006-07-06 11:23:23 AM  
My family used to have a cat that would disappear for weeks at a time. He was my brother's cat. Anyway, he came back from one of his two week vacations all torn up: He had a gash on his side, a gash on his back, a gash on his head, and about two inches less tail than he had when he left. He wasn't a happy camper. We think he slept under the hood of someone's car.

He healed up well, and didn't require a skin graft like this poor kitten does. He was back to his old self within a month.

I'll bet that someone adopts this kitten. He'll do fine.
2006-07-06 11:35:29 AM  
2006-07-06 11:36:29 AM  
I once saw a wood chipper take a pitchfork from a man who got it too close to the maw. It was gone in a flash, the wooden handle AND the metal tines were chopped into three-inch pieces.

There's no way that cat went through the chipper. He must have been sleeping on the back side of the cutter head or somplace like that.
2006-07-06 11:49:27 AM  
Looks like somebody's mom went into the bathroom at the wrong time.
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